news, catch up, updates ......

Hey Guys, today I arrived back to London, I had been in mainland Europe for a while. my family are begging me to stay, I will try. it will be good for me in a lot of ways to stay, as im also working on my self-discipline. and some other things.

Secondly, I hope you received your letters, or at least they should be on the way, im sorry for the messy envelopes, my sister had to scribble and re-write addresses to fit some stamps :D they're not much, but I thought it was nice. 

I had to cancel a lot of cameos, and have been producing much less lately. things are complicated for me behind closes doors, as I'm sure we all have skeletons. although I still feel shame, truthfully I think I can still do these things on time, but I lack the discipline ( or better yet, I have lost all the discipline I used to have )and I can be very self destructive. I do things in the most difficult way! haha. Being in one place for now will hopefully help me with this and I would love to start customs and regular videos/replying again.

I have also been demotivated. I am unbelievably grateful for all I have with regards to YouTube, and I really hope you feel when I say this with a genuine heart. although the internet can be ruthless, and I try to protect myself. best I can. I am sure that there are people that leak my patreon content, as I have already seen on Reddit, and they're ridiculing me simultaneously, even though they are posted by a patron! it makes me have trust issues, perhaps not everyone here is my friend or means well. I'm sure that's not true for 99.9999%, but it frightens me. someone leaked my smoking video, and I lost tons of subscribers and received nasty emails. however, this to me is a spring clean, because I don't necessarily even want people like that subscribed to me, who will hate me for my own personal choice as an adult to smoke. I'm not ashamed. and I don't want to surround myself with people as such.  I find myself interacting less, in an attempt to shield myself. but this makes me sad  too. I hope I can find a balance. 

I'm trying to figure out how to rearrange my tiers, but I don't know how to, without it getting confusing. I will be cancelling 1$ and 3$ tiers soon. maybe now. 

I am excited to start my new channel soon. and the creative freedom that will come with it. it will be about anything and everything :) I'm excited. 

I will film the next names video soon. and more patreon content. thanks for always being patient with me :) you are all very gentle and it makes things really pleasant :) 

Love, miss m