um... hi...

hi... um... this is kind of humiliating, haha.

i know i burned a lot of bridges, and had a lot of big epic crashouts, and probably the biggest drama:art ratio of any furry artist. and yet, here i am, crawling back, haha...

i took a lot of shit for granted, and people for granted, and basically let myself just do drugs and let myself become an embittered, hateful bitch with a superficially sugary nice and polite veneer, because i have whatever sexual abuse cards, etc etc

maybe some of you remember i was dating someone for a lot of years, and then we were best friends for enough years after to be... over a decade.

you might have seen this coming a mile away, but he's finally had enough of my shit (like everyone around me, haha) and... is just ghosting me, forever, now.

embarrassingly—because excessive drugs had a partial hand in my being a piece of shit!—i've been needing to get stoned or crossfaded every day, and to get any sleep at all (usually passing out for 1-2 hours at a time once i'm exhausted enough)

the fact that anyone here still supports me at all has been increasingly humiliatingly hard to deal with, mentally. i've thought for ages that if i posted here again, i'd just lose patrons. i'm sure it'll happen anyway, but... i dunno, i feel pretty out of options.

anyway, i'm not even sure what to charge for commissions, or... how sophisticated of a commission i'd be able to do in such an emotional state, but you don't have to buy one or anything. a couple bucks on paypal would help, or even an email, haha... ( oriole@asswolf.com, for both ).

i could maybe do a low minimum $ thing where it'll probably just be a pen doodle, or similar... maybe let me know what feels appropriate and i'll let you know if i'm able to draw it or whatever. i've historically been really bad at accepting and finishing commissions without refunding or anything, too, but, well... i'm desperate, haha. those sammy tf2 engie drawings were done for a friend, so i can push myself to make something if i really, really feel like i should.

anyway, i thought i'd post here first, since your support means the most—and to maybe try to atone to people who have held on this long, haha... and... i value your subscription here a lot, even if i've been really bad at not being a total bitch.

and... even if you don't buy a commission or whatever, or send a dollar, i still really appreciate you. even if you get reminded you're still subscribed to someone you don't like anymore and unsubscribe—i still genuinely really appreciate you, and i don't want you to feel pressured to stay or anything.

even if you wanna just like, idk, talk about my stuff, or hang out and talk about stuff in general, i'd really appreciate it. i'd been working myself up for a long time for the idea that it was just... fine to be totally isolated and embittered and jaded by the whole world, and now that i'm actually completely alone on a deep level, with no real like support network or anything, it's way more brutal and inhospitable than i thought, haha... i'm not sure how many more days of this i can take, let alone sober, haha >___<

anyway, my main characters are a little different, and human anime girls now (see if you can spot candy and sammy lol) but i don't mind any drawing any of them (or similar looking enough characters) as animal people again for pay. again, desperate, haha. it would be amazing to somehow make like 50 bucks today to get like, gas money and weed, but again, no pressure. and again, thanks, even if all you did was read this and cancel your patreon subscription.