Off the Road and Into the Woods – Ch. 03 (Tier 2+)

"Open up. Come on, taste it for me! It's good, I promise…"

Hannah's voice may have been excited and persuasive, but in Will's distracted ears it sounded like  nothing more than nails on a chalkboard. "I'm- I'm busy, babe," he managed, eyes never leaving the colorful, swirling chaos on the flat screen to which he had hooked his gaming console. Another buff, good. And a shield – gonna need that. Now switch to the main DPS-

"Just open, dammit!" Hannah's shrilly insistent tone drew a sigh from him, and he begrudgingly half-opened his mouth without even a sidelong glance in her direction. "It's an amazing new smoothie I whipped up! So tasty, and so good for you, too…"

Her loaded spoon entered – and two seconds later, Will was spluttering as the thick green goo's strong herbal flavor registered in his brain. "Ugh, what the- what is this? What even is that?!" He recoiled, his eyes finally leaving the screen and staring up in disgust at his girlfriend. "You really think that's good?!"

Hannah drew back, clearly hurt. "Aww, you don't like it? But it's so good! It's got kale, and quinoa, and then I added some carrots and squash too-" "It's fricking baby food, that's what," Will snapped, irritated not only by the grassy taste filling his mouth, but by the words Level Failed now flashing across the screen. "And look: now you made me lose this challenge! Now I have to start all over-"

"Oh, screw you and your game!" Hannah shot back, hands now planted firmly on her aproned hips. "You're the one being the baby here – whining about eating your veggies, and sitting there playing video games all day!" She tossed her long, messy hair and flounced back toward the little kitchen. "Honestly, I don't even know why I bother trying to please you…"

"Wait, you were trying?" Will muttered to himself, watching her retreating back in irritation before turning back to his game. True, he felt a tiny stab of remorse now, seeing how hurt she was. But that smoothie shit really had been awful. And it wasn't just that, either. It was that sourdough bread she'd forgotten to put salt in, and the yogurt she'd made that had looked and smelled more like over-ripe cottage cheese, and…

And so he went back to his game, trying to rid himself of not only the unpleasant taste of Hannah's latest experiment, but of the bitter taste of pixelated defeat.

***

"Hey, girl! How you holding up? Yeah, I know – it's pretty crazy…"

Three hours later, and Hannah was on her own once more, headed back from the little town nearby with another load of groceries and supplies for her latest endeavors. "Oh, don't worry – there aren't any cases here," she assured her friend Amber, clutching her cell closer as she maneuvered their little car down the bumpy road. "It's all pretty quiet, really…"

Another big bump. "Oh, Will? Yeah, he's… he's fine." A pause, a pursing of her lips, and then it came out. "Okay, actually, can I be real with you right now? He's being fucking annoying. See, he's only working a few hours a day…" And on she rattled, relating to her sympathetic friend everything that had developed over the last week.

It was all very exasperating, really. Her own work had given her a couple of weeks of paid leave due to the frightening rate at which the pandemic was escalating. But with Will choosing to spend the rest of his waking hours with his games, and with all of her former activities – shopping with friends, jogging in the park, or walking the neighbor's dog – now gone, she had all the time in the world to herself.

The first days had been busy enough, of course. She'd absolutely loved the process of settling in, and arranging their belongings, and watching excitedly out the window at the birds that frequented the pretty meadow around their little cabin. But after the novelty had worn off, she'd begun to look for other ways to keep herself occupied – just like Amber, and just like the tens of thousands of other people in the same boat.

People all around the world were cooped up at home. Some were setting up home gyms. Others were stockpiling supplies in expectation of things going from bad to worse. Still others – the smartest ones, as she was inclined to believe – were taking the opportunity for self-improvement in all its varied forms. Yoga… Baking… Handcrafts… Learning to play an instrument… Gardening…

"And you know, I figured what the heck. I'm out here in the country in a freaking beautiful log cabin, right? So why not embrace the country life?" So she'd plunged into the extraordinary world of traditional homemaking. Cottage-core aesthetic. Pioneer living. A back-to-basics, do-it-yourself lifestyle.

"There's some super great websites about it, too," she enthused as the cabin hove into view. "You wouldn't believe all the toxic crap that's in processed foods, girl! That's why I've decided to go all-natural. I mean, I don't think it will help with this freaky virus or whatever. But it can't really hurt, either, right?"

Hannah was back now, and as the little car eased to a grateful stop before their little home, she shut off the ignition and leaned back in her seat with a sigh. "Look, I've gotta go, Amber. Gotta take care of the groceries, and, you know. Make sure my Will's all right…" She paused, then snorted in laughter at Amber's sarcastic response. "I mean, you're not wrong. He kinda is like my man-baby right now, isn't he? My sweet little baby boy, playing with his games while his mommy's away!"

Struck by the memory of a few short hours ago, she plunged on, interrupting her friend's audible gale of laughter. "Oh my god, girl, you actually won't believe it. He genuinely freaked out when I gave him a taste of my veggie smoothie this morning! Honestly, you're right – he's like a great big baby whining about his veggies…"

And then a pause – and a look of self-conscious uncertainty flickered across her face. "Oh, you mean- You mean, like an actual baby? Like, getting pregnant?" She sighed with sudden gravitas. "I mean… I dunno. It's not exactly very safe out there. I'd hate to end up in the hospital with everything going on… But yeah, I guess you're right. Like, literally zero cases in this entire county… Oh, I dunno. Maybe you're right…"

***

Perhaps Amber was right about it being a good time to have a kid – or perhaps not. But right or wrong, Hannah simply couldn't get the idea out of her mind. At any other time she might have brought it up over dinner. But with Will being such a derp these days, there was only one way to time things so he'd actually pay attention.

Sex. Sex would get his attention.

"Hey, honey," she purred that night, pulling her top off and giving her exposed, generous breasts a sensuous jiggle as she settled back into the pillows. "I've been feeling lonely tonight. Why don't you come on over here and play with me instead?"

Will paused, glancing up from his phone, his expression of sleepy neutrality slipping into one of mild interest. "Oh… really? You're feeling frisky tonight?" "More than frisky, baby," she smiled, and now she was reaching behind her back, deftly loosening her bra and letting it tumble down to reveal her naked breasts and visibly erect nipples. "Come on. Why don't you snuggle on in here? I know you love playing with the boobies…"

"I do," he admitted – and as he leaned over to give her a kiss, her hands slipped around his unshaven face and pulled him in. "Mmm," she murmured, opening and thrusting her tongue provocatively between his lips. "Mmmm-hmmmm…"

And then, as he scooted closer, she broke away, guiding his head lower down. "Go on, baby. I know you love them. Why don't you give the girls a bit of love?" He did – just as he always had in the past. Her Will was a boob man, she knew full well. He always seemed to love kissing them… nestling his face down into her warm cleavage… shyly brushing his lips over her rosy nipples…

Just like a baby, she realized now with a wry smile. Damn, the parallels were getting stronger by the hour, weren't they?

"Mmm-hmm," she encouraged, and now that he was pressing close, she could feel his erection pressing insistently against her thigh. "Listen, babe, I was thinking. How about… how about you leave the condom off tonight?" He paused – head raised – blue eyes suddenly unsure. "Umm… huh?"

Time to take the plunge. "I mean, we're not getting any younger," she smiled. Maybe that was the key – to keep it lighthearted. "Now's not the worst time to have a kid, is it? I mean, we've got all the time in the world, you know…"

"You're not serious?" Will's gaze became troubled… unsure… incredulous. "Hannah, that's just- no, no way-" The erection against her leg was fading now as rapidly as it had arisen, and she felt her heart sink. "Aww, but Will, it's- it's it can't be that bad!" But he was backing away, shaking his head emphatically. "No, Hannah. I know you're horny and all, but having a kid- at a time like this? It's irresponsible- stupid-"

"Fine, I get it," she snapped, and as he pulled away, she turned and fumbled for her nightgown in disappointment and sudden anger. Maybe she could save face by pretending she hadn't been dead-serious. "Honestly if you can't take a joke-" "Some joke," he muttered peevishly, and she could only heave a sigh and settle into bed in a silent fit of frustration.

Yeah. Some joke indeed. Stupid Will. Why couldn't he see how serious she had been? And why the hell did he have to be such a- a dork? Such a selfish, irresponsible man-baby?

Honestly, who needed a baby when she already had him?

(To be continued!)