Death and Social Media, (and this week’s salon details)

My heart goes out to you and I know just what you mean. In 2020 my mom’s best friend passed away—this was someone who had held me as a baby, was at my college graduation, and was one of the first people to hold my own son after he was born. She was an incredible person and so important to both me and my mom in different ways, and they did this whole memorial thing on Facebook and I didn’t know what to feel about it. Social media feels so incredibly wrong as a way to share genuine feelings. A context geared around watching other people and talking hoping to be overheard makes sharing memories feel so cheap and performative. I agonized over it for a long time and finally decided on a private message of love and some old photos to her grieving husband—it was my best idea but still didn’t feel great. Love and support to you as well—it’s a difficult thing.

I don't think bottling up negative feelings is good for anyone in the long term, but of course take things at your own pace. I only met Paul a couple of times, but through the posts since Friday night, I've had what I knew about him confirmed many times over, and I'm very grateful for that. I had some big family losses over the last year or so, which I didn't share publicly, but I did talk about to those who knew those who we lost. But I guess it's different when it's close family, to someone who was part of large (generally) lovely community. Whatever you feel comfortable with is the bottom line, and of course, everything changes over time. Hugs to you, if you want one! 🫂

Dave Nattriss

I agree with you wholeheartedly Matthew. Whenever I wish to share condolences my words feel pithy and inadequate. I lost a friend at the end of last year and found myself turning inwards. I couldn’t bring myself to post anything because everything rang hollow and rather than receiving comfort through messages all I really wanted was a hug. I was at home in iso because I had covid so I reached out to friends privately to share memories. I felt less self conscious that way. I was grateful for the zoom funeral. Prior to the pandemic I would not have been able to attend because it was interstate. Of course it would have been better to be there but So much better than missing out entirely. I’m sorry for your loss Alice

Grief is a part of life. Grieving over the loss of a loved one can help to finalize things. I've found that sharing my grief in a limited way helps a lot. Even the loss of a pet who was a soulmate can be devastating. Social media is such a big part of life now it seems natural to share ones feelings with others that way. Time is the best healer. Please take care

Ian Stark

Thankyou

This resonates with me a lot. I see posts like that and want to commiserate with the people I know who've lost someone and don't feel I can find words that won't feel like box ticking, but then I think that's just my own awkwardness or overthinking of it. I'm the same with more small scale, less public things like online condolence books (like the Irish website rip.ie ) and even less grief related things like leaving cards in a work setting. But that's my issue. I'd lean towards privacy myself, but I can see the appeal of togetherness from afar at the same time. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for your loss Alice, and for everyone whose lives he touched.