Kindness and the long tail of death
Added 2017-10-13 21:08:25 +0000 UTCYesterday (12 October) was the anniversary of my mum’s death. I’ve written about this before - at length, here on this blog and in my sad poetry blog. I’ve spoken about it, both in my podcast, in my TEDx talk and in my show Savage.
I will put up (again) the podcast that I did with Lucy, my mum, in the last six months of her life, where she talked with me about the process of a degenerative neurological condition, MS, and her feelings about the cancer which was her final illness. I think that’s likely the most articulate tribute I can give.
Death is hard. Life is hard, and after death, the time that stretches out into the future, empty of the person you loved is also hard. There’s a long tail to death that is pragmatic and constant - neither epic nor picturesque.
My way of dealing with hard emotional stuff tends to be to slow down and retreat or to get busy, and that is it’s own mix of useful and stupid. I was apprehensive about passing this anniversary in America, away from family and friends - the kind of people you can be useless around.
I’m very lucky to have two friends here, comedian Dan Ilic and actor Toby Truslove who stepped up hugely yesterday and spent the day with me. They took me out to Universal Studios, and then to an amazing bookshop in Downtown LA, and then to a strange and delightful bar. We had a day that was light and fun, and full of joy.
It was a kind act, and in that kindness, a lovely tribute to my mum.
Comments
Thanks Joe. I appreciate the kind words, and I agree. As I expressed in that poem I wrote up for dean (above), it’s in the shadows they leave.
2017-10-13 22:53:31 +0000 UTCHi Alice. just wanted to send a message that the thoughts of the Smiths' and the Shepherds' are with you and your family. As much as we can emphasize and try to related only the bonds of your loved ones can wrap around you and see you through this time. Memories of the ones we love make them immortal. They are in the very Fibre of our being. The lessons they taught. The character they forged. Who we are is because of them and there is nothing this world can unleash that will ever break that. We carry the touch of our Mother our Father our Brother our Sister. Thier Flame drives us forward.
Joe
2017-10-13 22:34:19 +0000 UTCA little birdie wrote this for me once... I don't believe in life post death, or even in a moment that stays on beyond itself; no inference, in just the sum of things we do, things left undone. No self but in continuum. What I do believe in is momentum - that one thought leads to another; that people leave shapes in other people, and those shapes carry forward. This is a small belief, one thing leading to another, too small perhaps to constitute more than observation, except only for the sense that this is all that's left of us, when every sense declares us gone the shadows that we made in time for other things to grow in. xxx
Dean
2017-10-13 21:32:54 +0000 UTC
