I Will Never Give a Good Handjob
Added 2024-08-25 06:39:13 +0000 UTC
I trust my math abilities more than my handjob talents, and I can barely do long division. My first boyfriend gave me a little technical knowledge, but I’m still terrible at them.
Will I edge you through a 40-minute blowjob? Hells yes. Blowjobs are hot. I love them and that's why I can pull them off. With your cock in my mouth, I'm right there with you. Nothing exists to except those hot noises you keep making.
Handjobs just make me feel as though I’m doing a job, and I'm an emotional person. I hate doing jobs, even ones involving man-parts. My hands are not an erogenous zone so if you don't mind I'd prefer them to play the supporting role to the oral act. I will never be one of those people who has sex to get off and then climb off. Sex is meant to feel like drowning.
My oral compulsions have never made room for hands anyway. If I touch a cock I must immediately put it in my mouth. That's just how I work. I think my forefathers wrote it into my genetic code. My forefathers probably also hated handjobs because, well, why wouldn't they?
The worst sex I ever had was planned for a scheduled night in a specially-booked hotel. Once we got inside, my guy dimmed the lights, began to undress from the other side of the room, then looked at me expectantly for not doing the same. My kind of sex starts more like a piranha movie, with limbs and clothing flying everywhere. Neat and practical undressing bears no resemblance to that.
The second worst sex I had was with a man who treated my vagina like a work project, as though he was crunching numbers to arrive at a predetermined outcome. It was so cold that my outcome shriveled up and ran away. Such is passionless passion. Such is the sexual favour. Such is the chilly and all-business-no-passion handjob, closest relative to the type of sex that has two people undressing on opposite sides of the room before they fuck - I mean engage in intercourse. Yes. That's it. Those are the right words. Engage in intercourse.
