My Sexuality Lives in the Mud
Added 2024-06-14 04:39:54 +0000 UTCI love mud in my kink. You can have all the rainbows if you like. I don’t want them. I prefer filth and grit and authenticity. CNC is muddy. Every moment carries a thousand possibilities, and the anticipation of it drives me all the way into the dirt. I love it.
I don’t much care if it’s a dangerous way to play. I’m not a fan of sanity in BDSM. I want the high cliff, the steep drop, the long fall.
I can’t tell you if this makes me pathological, but when I first found CNC, I had conquered my rape, but hadn’t become powerful enough to tell it to go to hell. Over the years, CNC has allowed me to become familiar with that trauma. I’ve reframed it and moulded it into a thousand things. I threw it against the wall, painted it pink, and swept its shattered remains out the front door. The more I played, the smaller rape became.
These days, I can win a staring contest with my rape in the brightest sunlight. I’ve made it my bitch, and that feels good.
CNC is more than just an adrenaline-fuelled lesson for me though. I love the trust it creates and the intimacy that follows. I want to tell you that’s my high-minded reason, but the truth is I just like the mud more. My sexuality isn’t a grown up. It’s an adolescent sensation seeker that longs for extreme things.
Don’t try it at home, though. The cliff is too extreme and the fall is too long. Deliciously, sublimely long.
