We like to think there’s a dearth of heroes in the kink scene, but I’ve lost count of the number of women who have spoken out this week

I spent the week writing the story of a man who survived the Kyiv invasion and coordinated the evacuation of 80 families into Europe via seven humanitarian corridors. Then he went straight back to Ukraine to help the country survive and recover from the war.

You won’t know his name. Nobody speaks about him much.

I spend much of my professional life writing about such people—people you’ve never heard of. Many of them are heroes. One is helping undocumented people in India. Another risked his own life in order to save millions of lives. Another won the Nobel Peace Prize, and yet you probably don’t know any of their names. We like to say the world has a dearth of heroes, but the truth is they are there.

This world is infinitely more beautiful than you think it is.

We just don’t care. We’re more interested in the Barbie movie… and serial killers… and Oscar winners, so we remember those names. The heroes don’t make it into the media much. Good news doesn’t sell advertising space.

This week, Fetlife had its own #MeToo moment. Women from all over the world collectively broke their silence to expose predators across Canada, the USA, and beyond. Within mere days, two predatory profiles have gone dark, and one has been removed from leadership in his local community. I’m almost positive a second will go in the same direction.

As for the women who brought that change… You probably don’t know their names, but they are there. The effects of their courage and work will be felt for years. We like to think there’s a dearth of heroes in the kink scene, but I’ve lost count of the number of women who have spoken out this week. 20? 50? It’s become impossible to count, but I do know how many predators will be disempowered.

The Man Vs. Bear debate made me patently aware of my powerlessness to change rape culture on a macro level. This week’s heroes have reminded me that we can create change by breaking our silence.

I see a lot of suffering as a volunteer, but I’ve noticed that living beings are surprisingly resilient when they have the right tools to recover. The mere fact of their existence makes all survivors heroes in their own way.

South Africa is the nation of ubuntu. I am because you are. We are a village. Some people knit squares for old age homes. Some walk dogs. Some do service in the kink scene. Some break their silence as rape survivors. There’s a role for each of us. It will change lives for the better. It will teach you things you can’t learn in any other way.

This week, women’s voices became a humanitarian corridor out of the warzone of rape culture. We need to remember this, even if we don’t remember the names.