Why I Didn’t Use My Safe Word
Added 2024-02-17 08:26:36 +0000 UTCMasochist’s Pride.
My pain threshold was low that day, and I felt I owed you more.
I didn’t want the scene to end.
I didn’t want to disappoint you.
My words got stuck in my throat.
I was ashamed that I needed to stop.
Everyone was watching, and they wouldn’t have needed a safe word.
It had been so long since we played hard, and I wanted to give you what you needed. I thought that I owed it to you to push through.
I thought that I wasn’t drowning.
I *was* drowning, but I didn’t want you to know.
I thought you’d think less of me. I don’t want you to think less of me.
I wasn’t sure if it was the pain of the scene or the pain of the day that was intolerable.
I hated myself right then. I don’t know why.
I needed to cry.
I forgot how to cry.
I wanted to disappear.
I had already disappeared.
