Stone Bait Doesn't Catch Fish
Added 2024-02-10 04:46:08 +0000 UTCWhen I confront men about their lazy Fetlife messages, they always tell me they can’t use better pick up strategies. They have too many internet strangers to get through. They’ll only put in the requisite effort if they get a response. It’s like fishing with rocks instead of bait because it takes too long to use minnows. Of course, it’s the fish’s fault for not biting. Those salmon should just understand why you can’t spare good bait, and fuck them for their lofty standards anyway.
I’m not against using Fetlife as a dating site. I think it’s a perfectly adequate Tinder, because where else will we find kinky bachelors? On Facebook? I still won’t respond to your tone bait, though, because I think your first message is likely to be a microcosm of your relationships.
If you sexualise me in your first message, I'm guessing you’ll treat me as a walking fleshlight later.
If you try to manipulate me into giving you wank fodder from the start, you’ll twist my arm at every turn when we’re together.
If you insist that your “how R U” message isn’t a copy-paste, you’ll tell me you’re late to the hospital while I’m giving birth to our lovely quintuplets because the dog ate your homewo – I mean car.
If you TXT Speak Ur way thru our 1st encounter, u’ll treat my body like a kinky practice dummy l8er cuz who has time 4 mentorship & BDSM safety?
If you tell me you’re an evil dom when your profile says “pet,” you’ll probably fake your way through our wedding day, too.
My imagination is as lively as Shark Week, and I’ll be using your first message to figure out if you’re the shark or the seal. I don’t bite shitty bait. I prefer ethical dominants who put as much thought into RACK as they do into date night. If you’re lazy from Day One, you’ll be lazy on Day 683 as well. I *could* hang around a while to make sure, but I’m too busy connecting with the dude who sent me a piece of doggerel about my favourite doggo.
