Why I Need Vanilla Sex
Added 2024-01-18 05:50:00 +0000 UTCI like vanilla sex. You heard it here first. Just don’t tell all the Super Masochists lest they hang me in the village square. In Vanilla Land, you spice up your sex life with a pair of furry handcuffs, but for me, vanilla sex is a perfectly legitimate seasoning. Sadomasochism compels me, but sometimes, I want gentleness.
I also need a regular reminder that D/s is not the only framework for our relationship, and that equality can exist if I need it to. Call it a personal failing if you will, but I call it human. Total power exchange takes years to earn, but I trust too easily. I need to go over my vanilla foundation every so often to make sure it has no new fractures. I must hold back some of my independence until a man has proven he can handle my world as well as I can.
When you paint, you begin with the background, otherwise the subject of the picture looks detached from the rest of the piece like a cutout you pasted onto the canvas. Layers are everything in painting. They add depth and keep your colours from looking muddy. All those principles apply to my brand of D/s. Vanilla sex is the background. I feel detached from the world and my relationship if we never spend egalitarian time together. I’m not just an object and a whore. I’m also an independent person. I need that part of me. I can’t have a healthy life without it.
Sadomasochism without vanilla sex also makes the “colours” of a relationship seem muddy and shallow. Vanilla sex or some other semblance of equality gives my dynamic depth.
Is total subservience tempting? Definitely, but a constant *exchange* of power is hotter. D/s means passing energy back and forth between two people through a complex system of veins and arteries. A body that only removes oxygenated blood can’t survive. Nor can one that only provides it. Fluid must move back and forth, just as power must. A sub doesn't merely hand it over. It must shift constantly, otherwise it's not power exchange, but power bequest.
We are people first, dominants and subs second. D/s is the circulatory system of my dynamic. Vanilla interaction is the heart.
