Things You Should Know if You're New to the Kink Scene (TW Rape)

• There is no shame in calling red. There is no shame in calling yellow. There is no shame in choosing new hard limits or saying no. In other words, there’s no shame in engaging in kink your own way by honouring your needs.
• New to kink? You know more than you think you do about BDSM. Your vanilla life has taught you many things that are relevant to your kink life, so if something flies in the face of your values, don’t excuse it on the basis of your purported inexperience. Listen to your intuition.
• We all came for the kink and stayed for the friendships. This is why I keep nagging you to do events. Now do one already. Why are you still standing here? You can’t have my cupcake. Go to a munch. Order a cupcake there.
• The kink scene is full of people who are capable of incredible acts of generosity and compassion. If you haven’t found them, keep looking.
• Being a sub does NOT mean putting your needs in a locked closet for as long as you have a dominant. If your play partner doesn’t care about your needs, that’s not dominance, but abuse. There are a great many assholes disguised as doms in the scene. BDSM is an excellent camouflage for predatory people.
• Shush. This is a perfectly happy list. There are even birds tweeting in the background.
• Edge players aren’t better than moderate players. There is no special award for being bloody. You’re allowed to be 10% vanilla. You’re even allowed to be 90% vanilla. If a complete stranger finds that offensive, tell them gatekeeping is vanilla.
• One man’s brat is another man’s poison. First get consent.
• Every kink community has a particular kind of banned predator. That predator searches for victims according to their location on Fetlife. Antarctica is prime real estate, so maybe consider moving in with a penguin.
• As I said, perfectly happy list. Fairies and rose petals everywhere. <sprinkles glitter>
• Every kink community has a second species of predator: The consent activist and expert ethicist who violates consent when nobody’s looking. If you meet such a person and you feel a stone bearing down on your stomach, stay away. Don’t trust people on the basis of their stated values. My rapist owns a women’s abuse NGO. It’s a great way to pick up victims.
• I don’t know why you keep accusing me of being terrifying, honestly. My aura is literally pink.