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How to Cure Sub Drop

A warm bath will improve your dopamine levels.

Music speaks to the soul, so make a playlist that suits your mood. Everybody Hurts, say. Or Back to Black. Or I Wanna Rip Out Your Eyes With My Teeth.

Interpretive dance always helps. Find a partner whose eyes look relatively easy to rip out with your teeth.

Try yoga. There’s no better cure for frustration than attempting to wrap your ankles around your neck while balancing on one hand.

If you can’t quite rip those eyes out, try tearing up your yoga mat instead (after coating it with ceremonial Nutella, obviously. The god of sammich spreads has been known to bestow his blessings upon those who hate yoga. I mean love yoga.)

Positive affirmations are always effective. Try, “I breathe in peace. I breathe out any desire I once had to resist putting hair removal cream in the domly shampoo bottle.”

Inviting Tom Hardy and his dogs for a visit has been proven to reduce sub drop in 99.4% of straight women.

If it’s past 17:00, there’s no reason not to take in the sunset over a little red wine or 76 cups of espresso

Yes, espresso is definitely the r-r-r-right d-d-drink for cuh-c-c-c-curing sub drop.


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