The Best Laid Plans of Potential Wives and Men Oft Go Awry

When I was 13, I used to dream about confetti and white tulle. Prince Charming would throw away my glass slipper, sweep me up into his arms, and carry me to Marital Bliss Island where all the worthy girls lived. I committed to finding my One True Love before I hit 30, and I did. The trouble is you can’t always keep Mr Right. The best laid plans of potential wives and men oft go awry. My love story was disrupted by years of hospital admissions and medical chaos.

I still thought I’d get my confetti and white tulle in the end, and I almost did. I met a new Prince Charming and got engaged. Within the month, though, I was assaulted in my home. The best laid schemes of potential wives and men went awry all over again. The years that followed were engulfed by trauma, and so I reached the age of 27 with two Prince Charmings in my history and no tulle.

I only began putting my broken self back together 15 years ago, but I was still distrustful and terrified of One True Loves.

My sister found her Prince Charming right out of high school. Today she’s watching her three children embark on their adult lives. I’m alone. There are no adult children to visit, no husbands to snuggle up to at night, and no picket fence.

Most days, I marvel at the glory of my single existence. I’ve built a life I adore in a magical town. I have amazing friends, but sometimes, I feel far too alone in this world. Families are a kind of foundation. It’s easy to stay upright in the storm when the mortar you’re built on doesn’t shift like soil.

When your best laid plans go awry, you sink into the mulch. If you can’t stay upright on your own, there’s no foundation to keep you at sea level. Still, I’d rather have my life than my sister’s. She might be deliriously happy, but if I were in her place, I would be mortified. So many people! So little silence! When would I ever find the time to write?

And while trauma and illness might have got me here, my priorities kept me here. I didn’t want three kids and a husband. I wanted the luxury of solitude.

My city is known for its gale-force South Easters. They’re such a constant the trees along the estuary lean eastward, their top branches almost touching the grass. That’s me. I am those trees. Every time I found true love, I experienced it as a gale to lean away from. I didn’t want kids. I didn’t want picket fences. Not really. I just thought I did. I leaned towards freedom, solitude, and a friend-led life, so that’s precisely what I got.

A few months ago, my sister told me she was lonely. She’s spent the last 18 years serving three children and a husband. She hasn’t had time to nourish her friendships or develop a vocation. She has begun the search for fulfilment at the age of 49. Me? I found fulfilment at 30 by leaning away from the gale. The truth is I only wanted the confetti, not the marriage that came after it. And I’m so glad I chose this life.