Visa destroys far more lives than my CNC kink

Sexuality is born in the least evolved part of our brains, so it isn’t the most rational kid at the party. Consensual nonconsent is an inherent part of my sexual darkness. If I hadn’t read about it from you… and you… and you, I would never have figured out where to draw my boundaries. I would never have learned how to protect my safety. Most importantly, I would never have burned away my shame.

I had the luxury to access as much CNC content as I wanted when I joined this site. I came of age in the era before credit card companies began censoring our voices. In those days, Fetlife used to teach us our fantasies didn’t deserve shame as long as we always kept within the constraints of consent.

These days, credit card companies and FOSTA have removed many of our freedoms. An entire swathe of kinks has been removed from the Fetosphere, and it’s easy to assume they’re “offensive”. There can be no Fetlife without credit cards, so this is the way it must be. The day we use that as permission to throw our YKINMK trope away like so much trash is the day our actions really become taboo.

It’s a cold world out there, and we need to figure out the twists and cracks in our sexual makeup. Many of us have been mortified by our own kinks. Fetlife was the only place where we could share taboos with a decent chance of not being judged.

For writing to change lives, you have to dig into the viscera of your rawest self where the blood lives. When acceptance was replaced by judgement, something sacred was taken away.

Writing can cut away loneliness and help us to see ourselves more clearly. Sometimes it lights a fire that burns away shame. It all starts the same way though: You write a piece of truth so visceral the thought of sharing it makes you want to die. Then you share it anyway.

We haven’t had that option for years now. Many of our photographs must be hidden behind a friends-only wall, and many of our groups have been taken down. We are still underground. We got out into the open air for a while, but we’re back in our bunkers editing everything we share.

This matters.

It matters because sexuality needs sunlight, not censorship. The deeper you push us down, the more ashamed we become. You think you’re unaffected by this, but you probably are. Some small part of yourself is screaming, “Don’t speak. Don’t share. Don’t let go of shame.”

Credit card companies are bastions of greed. They engage in predatory lending, exploit low-income consumers, and double dip fees. That behaviour is taboo. That behaviour should be “censored.” Visa destroys far more lives than my CNC kink, so damned right I resent it.

In the Sixties, one woman sat down to write about her insanity in more depth than anyone had before. At the time, people called Plath sensationalist and unethical for writing about her psyche, but today, we still share our secrets because she opened the door. She was one of the godmothers of confessionalism—a movement that changed lives.

Confessionalism was supposed to bring us acceptance, but AMEX thinks we should be silent instead. AMEX is proud of its anti-kink rhetoric. Its morality is as plastic as its credit cards. It misses the point.

AMEX, the point is shame. The point is connection. The point is having the freedom to speak about our lives. Fix your own morality. It’s far more broken than mine.