If you make a vanilla social circle, vanilla is what you’re going to get.
Added 2023-11-18 14:40:06 +0000 UTCJack says there aren’t any kinky people on Fetlife. Everyone is just here to look at smutty pictures. It’s Fifty Shades’ fault. It’s COVID’s fault. It’s Only Fans’ fault. Whatever the cause, this site just isn’t kinky enough for our uber-kinky guy. Everyone’s just here for the porn.
That complaint tells me one rather important thing about Jack:
He doesn’t do events. If he did, he would be surrounded by kinky people who are interested in BDSM. He doesn’t take his kink offline. If he did, he’d know about the thousands of people who are playing and socialising offline.
Fetlife doesn’t look vanilla to Jack because there’s no BDSM on the site. It’s vanilla because Jack has limited his relationships to the internet.
A kinky lifestyle is a recipe you’ve got to make yourself. If it tastes too vanilla, it’s because you put too much vanilla into your recipe. You threw pods into the milk, and you created your social circle. Fill your feed with the content you want to see. Get offline. Stop focusing on the porn. Go and find kinky brethren.
For many of us, this site is just a tool for arranging off-site experiences. If you haven’t used it as such, your life is going to be awfully vanilla. If you don’t have a lifestyle off-site, you haven’t made one.
And sure, it’s scary. It was scary for most of us. If your social phobia is too debilitating for events, that’s okay. I’m not insisting you get into the scene. I’m just telling you that Fetlife's people are not to blame if you haven’t gone out to meet any kinky people.
Very few real-world kinksters in my city are active online every day. The rest use the site to RSVP for events. Then they hop offline because there’s a lot of BDSM to get through in meat space.
Fet is a terrible tool for finding active kinksters unless you do events.
Your kink life is only going to be what you make it. If you make a vanilla circle, vanilla is what you’re going to get.
