SpanishRed

Why 2024 Will Be the Year I Learn to Top

Added 2023-11-12 06:55:16 +0000 UTC

I’ve never done a BDSM class. I was once forced to attend a demonstration on yoni mattresses (or something), but that’s the only kink training I’ve ever done. I just raced into Kinkville on a unicorn and tried out all of the things. I didn’t do an intensive before my first rope experience, and I didn’t do one before my first kink scene. Bottoms don’t have to do classes, you know. We’re mainly just here to sit around being naked, and I’m quite good at that.

That’s why I’ve spent more time requiring tops to do classes than I’ve spent doing classes myself. Yesterday, in the middle of a Fetlife conversation, I realised I’d know how to vet negligent tops if I was better educated.

As a writer, I can often tell how much someone has published based on the many varied ways they use a comma. I don’t need much; just a few examples and some edge cases. With that, I can tell you if they’ve worked with style guides and have the skill to break the rules well.

The same principle applies to my kink life. While I have some pretty good vetting methods, none would serve me quite as well as becoming educated myself, even if I do have a pink steed and know a few things about yoni mattresses.

I once spent a week with rope enthusiasts in Montana. These were the most committed subs I’d ever met. They knew which kinds of nerve damage to look out for and how to adjust for concerning symptoms. They used daily yoga practice to make sure their bodies could sustain themselves in their ties. Hell, bottoms who had no interest in topping even had passable tying skills. It’s a lot easier to identify a problem from the bottom if you understand it from the top.

A close friend and sub spent over a year tying a dummy when she was first discovering rope. While she was doing that, I was playing The Witcher. Rope is complicated. Not all bottoming is as complicated, but the better educated you are, the safer you'll be. That’s why 2024 will be my year for learning to top.

I’ll also be teaching a class on yoni mattresses as my Dunning-Kruger effect demands.