More Things BDSM Noobs Should Know

• Poly is not a higher kink qualification. I know it looks as though we’re all poly here, but monogamists are everywhere, walking around like regular people. They don’t see each other. They only shag who they want to shag. <shiver> You can be monogamous, too. Or monogamish. Or whatever floats your butt plug.
• There’s a difference between being a brat and being an asshole. Don’t be a monster unless your top is into monsters.
• If you’re a bottom, you will get injured. You think you won’t, but you will. Make sure you include medical bills in your negotiation, especially if you’re taking risks on your top’s behalf.
• The first commandment of The Kink Toy Bible is “Thou shalt not buy an expensive cane when you don’t know how to use it.” The second commandment is, “Thou shalt rag thine top when he breaks his expensive cane on the first strike.”
• The first commandment of Cape Town parties is “Thou shalt not eat all of SpanishRed’s cupcakes before she even gets a chance to say hello to everybody, for verily, I say unto you, he that eateth the cupcakes hath everlasting whining that never, ever, ever, EVERRRR ceases, not even three years from now.”
• If a top you’ve never met says he doesn’t need a safe word because he can magically tell when you need to stop, take it as a sign that he sees your need to stop as too inconvenient to bother with.
• Predatory subs are things that exist. Just because you’re a dom/me doesn’t mean you’re immune to consent violations.
• Doing something risky merely because your play partner wants it could become a greater sacrifice than you signed up for. I’ve heard enough horror stories about this than I care to recall. I know you want to do wonderful things for your person, but remember to do wonderful things for yourself as well.
• Choose your consent model before you get involved in a relationship or you will push your boundaries further than you should. You’re only as objective as your relationship status allows you to be. Develop kink boundaries while you’re single.
• 30% of subs have had their consent violated at least once. The odds of becoming a target are far higher in the scene, and the odds of getting a rape conviction are much lower. Please put your safety first and negotiate your limits in writing, including your safe word.
• Yes, kink breakups are harder for subs. Yes, it’s tough to rebuild after you’ve lived under a dominant’s structure for years. You’re not crazy. The floor has dropped out beneath you, so get support.
• Never read my posts when you’re in a good mood. I will blow my dark cloud all over that shit.