I'm a Terrible Sub and Proud of It

Meet Belle. She’s a subly princess who always does what she’s told. She can handle the toughest suspensions for hours, all while fluttering her eyelashes and squirting. It’s true. She lives in a cage and knows how to look elegant while being water-boarded.  Belle has one hard limit: Anything her guy doesn’t want her to do.

She knows all the slave positions by rote and spends most of her time doing yoga. All the best rope bunnies do, you know.

I’m not like Belle. My first dominant thought I might have the potential to be that kind of sub, so his first request was that I remember those godawful slave positions. They just made me feel silly. Besides, if I could remember 12 poses, I wouldn’t have shopping lists with three items on them.

I’ve never had a full suspension, and I’m terrible at keeping the toy shelf organised. I’m also terrible at being submissive. I guess that small detail is rather important, but god, I wanted to be Belle seven years back. It gave my lust all the deliciousness I was seeking, but I gradually learned that the D/s dynamic you want isn’t always the D/s dynamic you can handle.

I ultimately had to admit that I didn’t want profundity from my kink experiences. I just wanted the fun bits. I felt ashamed of that for a while, but these days I  wear my “bottom” label proudly. Why not? I’m terrible at a lot of things, but I’m rather good at being me. I’m good at finding fun, and that’s a worthwhile achievement.

It’s when we’re trying to be Belle that we make mistakes. It’s when we set Belle’s boundaries instead of our own that we self-destruct. It’s also when we expose ourselves to the worst predation in the scene. Inauthenticity is confusing. You’re not trying to build a dynamic that feels true to yourself and your needs, so it’s easy to miss red flags.

Most of the people in the kink scene are looking for the fun bits, but admitting to that is like admitting you love Rick Astley and Marvel comics. Belle wouldn’t write incendiary things about Marvel, so it’s just as well I’m Red.

The kink scene is divided into tiers, and people like Belle are all the way at the top. AncillaL follows closely behind. If my dominant sewed my lips together, I’d hum a tune. I’m no Ancilla. My masochism isn’t particularly extreme. My submissive nature escaped back in 2003, and I can barely even do a downward-facing dog, let alone a complicated suspension.

What I’m trying to say is ignore the tiers. Ignore the kink scene’s weird values. Find you. Become you, and do it without apology.