A Dreamer in a Dream (chapter 19)

We were back in the barn again, staring at the stars that weren’t stars. Or she was, at least. I couldn’t stop looking at the ring on her finger.

It felt real in a way nothing had so far. Maybe because it was something from the place I still thought of as the real world.

“I can almost feel your eyes on it,” Skadi teased, lifting her hand to show it off. “Does it mean that much to you?”

The ruby and sapphire looked like they were floating in space with how black the ebony was. “Yeah. It does.”

I knew she didn’t put the same importance on it, but she was still smiling because she knew I did. “Then I suppose it can’t be helped.”

I poked her belly for her cheek. Her dress was lying a ways away. “You know, it’s customary for you to do the same.”

For a moment she looked like a deer in headlights, though it wasn’t long until she was sending me a glare instead. I might have told her not to worry earlier.

“Not until the wedding, so don’t sweat it.” That got me a pout. “I know you’ll want to make it yourself.”

Her eyes went back to the stars, her brows scrunching as if she was thinking furiously. I caressed her belly while she was distracted.

It wasn’t like I was surprised to hear that she didn’t want kids anytime soon, but the idea had been on my mind since… well, it wasn’t rocket science since when. If the worst should happen, I wanted there to be something left of me. Maybe it was selfish.

Skadi was already snoring softly, and I wasn’t that far behind myself. Except I heard a… moo? And not a moo like a cow made, I’d heard plenty of those since coming to Ivarstead, but a moo that went on and on and on until I opened my eyes to find a thick mist having smothered the barn.

Unable to help my curiosity, I stumbled out with some pants on. The Throat of the World that towered over me immediately drew my eyes, a technicolor aurora hanging over it in the night sky.

There it was again, closer now, though I couldn’t see shit through the thick mist. At least until a hulking beast of a man soon wandered out of it, his bulging eyes like a bull’s watching me.

“My, my,” Mephala husked in my ear. “It’s taken those half-dead things the mortals call Divines long enough.”

The not-quite-man’s eyes went to the dagger on my belt with a bullish snort. “I would share a few words with you, Stranger.”

There was a weight to it not unlike Abomination, though I think I liked this name more.

I took another look at him. “Morihaus.” The name was already on my mind after Skadi had mentioned him yesterday, which now seemed prophetic.

He inclined his head, and for a moment I saw the shadow of horns and wings. “Though your heart is unknown to me, I will not doubt your love for this time’s Ysmir, for many there were that had mocked and ridiculed the love Alessia and I shared.”

I scratched the tip of my nose awkwardly. “Thanks?” I mean what else was I supposed to say?

He snorted again in a way I thought was faintly amused. “But I should also give you the same warning I was given and ignored. While our love was beautiful, the fruits of it marred the world with monsters and worse.”

That’s what he was angling at. I could kind of see his point with my Lovecraftian body, but…

“What, are you going to smite me if I don’t swear off children?”

I looked up at the sky again to see what looked like a gas giant swallowing the stars. Peering past what I knew was an illusion, I caught a glimpse of something or someone watching me.

“Or maybe your mother might.” I kept my voice level. Serene. It was the same as with Daedric Princes. “Hello, Kyne. Or do you prefer Kynareth these days?”

She kept mum, sadly.

“It is not conflict we seek, but an understanding,” Morihaus rumbled conversationally, drawing my eyes back to the absolute unit. “The powers of Oblivion revel in your presence, for you have brought with you ideas and concepts that should not be. That uncertainty allows them more freedom to act, and they will do with it what they always have.”

“As it does for them,” Mephala smarmed after a haughty sniff. “You would not be speaking with a husk and a shadow were it otherwise.”

Maybe the other me knew what they were on about, but I still had no clue how I even put myself here, and the only way I had of finding out was… yeah, no.

“I know how troublesome they can be.” I gave the Ebony Blade a pat. “But I won’t lie to you, I didn’t come all this way just to leave.”

The bull of a man wasn’t particularly surprised by my words. There was maybe even something like respect in his uncanny eyes. “Then you are as stubborn as I am, Stranger. I can only hope then that you do not come to regret as I do.”

He turned and was about to disappear into the mist again when I decided to take a leap of faith.

“Morihaus.” The only friend I really had here was Sanguine, so maybe I wanted to change that. “There are upsides to things being uncertain, yeah? Your however many times removed grandkids don’t have to be seen as monsters for the rest of time.”

His eyes fell on me again, something sad in them. “Even had I the strength to force a peace, the resentment of ages would threaten it the moment I dared to look away.”

I mustered my balls and walked over to him, giving him a friendly smack to one of his obscenely muscled arms. “Nothing unites a people like a common enemy. You just need a nudge or three when the time is right.”

“Why?” He wasn’t suspicious as much as genuinely curious.

“Because we’re kindred spirits. You said so yourself.”

Morihaus stared a moment before he laughed. The good kind of laugh. “As you say, Stranger. Kindred spirits.”

There was an actual bull where the man had stood now, twice as tall as Skadi and with wings to match. He inclined his head with an echoing moo, and this time I just watched as he disappeared back into the mist.

I looked up to see the gas giant slash goddess that had dominated the night sky gone as well, leaving an eerie quiet.

A yawn took me back into the barn, where I found Skadi still happily snoring away as if nothing happened. She was also perfectly happy to use me as a teddy bear as soon as I got within teddy bear distance.

I was going to miss this, miss her. Even if it wasn’t for forever.

At least devouring the library at the College of Winterhold should keep me plenty occupied, with headaches if nothing else. Also making Ancano regret being Ancano, but that was a given. I sure as shit wasn’t going to let him take my Eye of Magnus, even if I had no clue what I was going to do with it yet.

Something suitably awesome, no doubt.

My tower soon loomed over me, my not-quite-eyes taking in Aetherius above it. Maybe I should try taking a peek inside one of these days. But not now.

The last thing I wanted was getting lost in what passed for the afterlife here and coming back to find my tower stolen or destroyed…

I relaxed in my hot springs instead, casually materializing a body. I had finally got it just right after figuring out how to divert a ‘river’ of chaotic creatia into my turf. It all kind of worked itself out after that.

The same couldn’t be said for what I wanted to do next. ‘Convincing’ chaotic creatia to mimic some hot springs was one thing, but Daedra? Yeah, I’d made fuck-all progress.

The Daedric Princes had countless Daedra in their service, but it was just me, myself and I here. Which had led me to a simple epiphany. I needed a deterrent that wasn’t just hoping none of them called my bluff. I needed a stick, and that meant minions that were invested in my tower remaining unknocked and unmolested.

I’d tried poking Sanguine for advice, but the Daedric Prince was easily distracted unless it involved hookers and blow.

Maybe I could make friends with Mehrunes Dagon?

Big Red had already made the first move, and if I succeeded, maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about the literal Daedric Prince of Destruction knocking my tower down. But then I remembered that Big Red also destroyed parts of his own realm for shits and giggles all the time, so maybe it was best I didn’t get too chummy.

Azura came to mind as one of the more… stable Daedric Princes, but then she wouldn’t even look at me.

Mephala… yeah, I’d already played enough mind games with Mephala to last a lifetime, and Hermaeus Mora would be more of the same.

Hircine was not unreasonable, but the Daedric Prince of the Hunt was definitely the type to mistake it for a challenge. Malacath was in the same boat, except he was also an engine of bitterness.

Then it hit me. Namira. I was an abomination, ugly and empty, so why not approach the Daedric Prince that might actually appreciate me for it?

Because Namira creeped me the fuck out, I wanted to say, but beggars can’t be choosers. And how much worse can she be than Vaermina?

Fuck it. You can’t make an egg without breaking a few omelettes or something like that.

I left my tower behind in search of her, and like always, it felt like all of Oblivion was watching me. I already had some experience in ignoring it, just like I was already ignoring that I technically wasn’t doing anything right now, because there wasn’t a right now.

There was still intent in nonlinear time, but there wasn’t doing. It was like permanent flashback time where everything you intend to do has already happened, but hasn’t. And sometimes you remembered things you never intended, at least not yet…

It’s all kinda helped me empathize with why the Daedric Princes were so obsessed with Mundus. The stakes felt so much more real there. Things felt like they mattered without you having to make a conscious effort to convince yourself they do. It was exhausting.

Anyway, Namira, right. It was impossible to miss her, seeing as she was practically omnipresent in Oblivion, while also interplaying with the rainbow of Aetherius and what lay beyond (that wasn’t as far as that lonely place) in a way I didn’t really understand.

I didn’t want to take a peek into the Void right now any more than I wanted to take a peek into Aetherius, so I approached the biggest concentration of Namira.

My first impression was that it was dark and slimy and dark. Did I say dark? I couldn’t see a fucking thing.

All I knew was that she was watching me, so I should probably say something. “Hello there.” Nailed it.

The darkness and filth retreated somewhat, and a woman walked out of it, her loose robes not leaving much to the imagination. Also a very creepy smile. “I hoped I would see you here, Abomination.”

Right. Poker face. And a smile back.

“That’s a first. Meridia was none too happy when I barged in.”

“I don’t mind a mess,” she said as she neared closer, where I made the mistake of looking into her eyes. I could feel something trying to devour everything I was or will ever be, even if there wasn’t anything for her to devour. “You are just as hideous and wrong as those gossips have said.”

“And something tells me you don’t mind.”

Her smile widened as she got close enough for me to smell the rot and dust. “I have been watching you, Abomination. You had won my heart since you tore that mortal apart and feasted on his dying thoughts.”

Was there a Daedric Prince that wasn’t a voyeur?

“Happy to please.”

I tried not to squirm as she draped herself all over me from behind. Talk about friendly…

“Then you should invite Namira next time. I am not so hard to call upon, and you will not find me ungrateful. Shall I show you how?”

Her pale fingers turned my chin to meet her black eyes again. My smile might as well be bolted on to my lips now.

“By all means.” It wouldn’t hurt to have a nuclear option, I told myself.

The darkness suddenly swept in again, slimy and smothering, and when it receded we were amidst what looked like an orgy of unreasonably dusty scrolls. A few floated to the top as she separated from me. “Feast, Abomination. I know it is not only sweet marrow that fills your belly.”

The smile she was giving me now was still creepy, but also motherly. I knew you weren’t supposed to take candy from strangers, and that went double for Daedric Princes, but coming here had already been a gamble.

I accepted her heartfelt gift, feasting just as she suggested. I learned more about Oblivion in that moment than a thousand fumblings, and also something of Mundus and the dragon curled around it.

I felt her hand touch my cheek gently as I weathered another inexplicable migraine, the stink of death overpowering. “Has it filled your belly?”

Being mothered by a Daedric Prince was also surreal. “As much as anything can. Thank you.”

“There are other delights in my realm to taste,” she suggested, a black tongue crawling across her lips. “They would much enjoy filling your belly also.”

“I am more hungry for conversation.” I commented, and she seated herself on the mossy ground, waiting for me to join her.

And so we talked and talked and talked. I knew there was so much more to my memories with her, but I had my fill for now.

She even seemed genuinely sad to see me go when I skipped ahead, which I wasn’t sure how to feel about. I knew she would happily devour Tamriel if she could, but she had only become more motherly in the time we talked. Maybe I missed it?

That was two Daedric Princes now that I was reasonably confident wouldn’t try and throw me out. Only fifteen more to go…

Back in Skyrim, the crisp mountain air was even more welcome as I stirred to find Skadi already awake, staring at me with her very blue eyes. “You were mumbling in your sleep again,” she teased.

“I was having a chat with Namira.” Though maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

“Namira?” The way she scrunched up her nose was cute.

“She’s not as bad as people say.”

With how she suddenly laughed, she probably thought I was joking. Maybe that was for the best. There was being honest and then there was telling your wife-to-be that you were mothered by a Daedric Prince for an indeterminate period of time. A Daedric Prince with a serious fetish for cannibalism at that.

I focused on watching her as she stood and stretched instead, her dumptruck of an ass staring me in the face. It was practically demanding that I asserted my dominance.

And seeing as this was our last morning together for some time, how could I resist? She only sent a smoldering glance back when I pushed her back on the hay and reenacted our first time in Riverwood.

I never complained when she rode my hips to dust, but sometimes a guy just wanted to take what was his, you know?

By the time noon rolled around, she and I had already said our goodbyes to her parents. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was so worried about. They were good people through and through, even if her giant of a father could be intense sometimes.

Her sister… well, at least she had mellowed out somewhat. I’ll take what I can get.

The two of them were whispering about something as they said their goodbyes under the shadow of the Throat of the World, and then it was my turn. I kissed the girl, obviously, easily ignoring the looks her sister and housecarl were sending me.

“Try not to fall off the mountain,” I teased after. “You might be a dragon, but only at heart.”

“You should be more worried about not setting yourself on fire, Russ. That’s how most of the mages I’ve heard about end up in Sovngarde.”

“Yanadaz’jo agrees with the Dragonborn.”

I sent the cat lounging on Tolfi’s head a glare until Skadi pulled me back in for another kiss, her nails digging into my sides possessively.

“I’ll come find you once I have learned all the Greybeards have to teach me,” she husked into my ear.

Not even having phones to keep in touch sucked, but maybe I could figure something out. There were too many things bouncing around my head right now that I still needed to digest.

I didn’t want to get her hopes up either. It would just have to be a surprise.

We shared one last kiss before she began her ascent to High Hrothgar, Alfr following after her more awkwardly. It was a long way up the mountain.

It was an even longer way to Winterhold, seeing as it was all the way on the northern coast of Skyrim.

“Thane, I have another… request.”

I turned to look at Orryn, the guy’s freckled face nervous as all fuck. “Hmm?”

He let out a breath as he caught Tolfi’s eyes. “Riften is not far from here. While I can’t undo the years, I can at least try and make amends.”

Maybe Mephala’s whole story had a crumb of truth to it then, or more than a crumb. “I vouched for you, you know. I’ll look like a right moron if you returned to old habits.”

“I would make a solemn vow, Thane.”

Lydia snorted doubtfully. We still hadn’t talked, but at least she wasn’t avoiding me anymore.

Anyway, I was tempted to agree just to spare myself more sass. “Just try not to let the cat fall into the canal. You’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Yanadz’jo has a—” Tolfi gagged her with her ginger curls again.

Orryn was about to sing my praises when I clapped him on the shoulder. “I’ll be watching anyway.” I gave him a wink.

Not like he would know I was lying through my teeth. They knew I was an alien now as much as Skadi and Lydia.

I let them take the horse they had been sharing as well. Riften was still some ways to the southeast and it seemed to like them.

Skadi’s monster of a stallion would be staying with her parents.

That left just the three of us, Lydia trying to scold Bright-Like-Dawn about bothering the horses again. At least she hadn’t tried to eat any of them yet. There would have been one more if Amur hadn’t vanished last night, Big Red apparently having given her a fetch quest.

Though she did say she would find me after. Did I have a flashing neon sign glued to me or something?

I’ll just have to ask her when she does.

I took one last glance back at the Throat of the World as we left Ivarstead behind. I missed her already…

AN: Moo.