A New Batch of Headlines For You, Yes You, to Pose.

Hello everyone,

      Thanks for the continued support, we have a new crop of headlines for your viewing pleasure. Also, we are bringing Metal Week back, long time fans will remember Metal Week as the most satanic and extreme week of satire to ever exist. Keep your eyes peeled for that.

Give the headlines below a look, if you see a Hard Drive headline you like email jeremy@thehardtimes.net, if you see a Hard Times headlines email bill@thehardtimes.net. This is first come, first serve, so if you see something you like let us know. 

Hard Drive Headlines, email jeremy@thehardtimes.net to claim.

Olympic Committee to Include 200m Naruto Run at 2020 Games 

DESCRIPTION: Full body image of someone doing Naruto run in front of a blank background. Preferably in running gear.

Sunken-Eyed Community Manager in Dead End Job Totally Hears What You’re Saying, Will Pass It on to Developers 

DESCRIPTION: Tired person at computer

Rogue Valve Developer Works on Game 

DESCRIPTION: Programmer coding

Opinion: This Isn't Actually a Spoiler 

DESCRIPTION: Annoying person in conversation

Elite Gaming Keyboard Used to Book Funeral Arrangements 

DESCRIPTION: Person using mechanical keyboard

Real Life Also Harder on Veteran Mode 

DESCRIPTION: Depressed army veteran

Natural 20 Wasted On Rogue’s Attempt To Do A Cool Flip 

DESCRIPTION: People/person playing D&D

Man Equips Lvl 4 Gear for Lvl 30 Date

DESCRIPTION: Guy dressed down on his way to a date 

Meet Gary, The First Ever Person to Pay For Photoshop

DESCRIPTION: Guy using PhotoShop

Gamer Parent Calls Every Piece of Son’s Sport Equipment a Nike  

DESCRIPTION: Adult mid-argument holding a piece of sporting equipment (football, soccer ball, etc). Kid in the photo would be extra cool.

Report: 20-Member Group Chat Much Worse in Person

DESCRIPTION: A group of 20 people looking bored.

Dave & Busters Now Provides a Small Child to Stare Silently While You Play Shooters

DESCRIPTION: Someone playing a shooter at Dave and Busters while a child stares at them.

GameStop Employee Worried Middle Aged Woman Is Buying M-Rated Game for Tiny Child Next to Her

DESCRIPTION: Woman buying game at GameStop.

Finally: Nintendo Goes Door to Door to Patch Wavedashing Out of Melee

DESCRIPTION: Person outside a door holding a gamecube or copy of Melee

Twitch Sub Cancelled After Mention of Boyfriend

DESCRIPTION: Webcam image of woman playing a video game

Couple Can’t Wait to Have Kids So They Have Someone New They Can Force to Play Ocarina of Time 

DESCRIPTION: A couple 

Tabletop Fallout RPG Somehow Still Full of Glitches

DESCRIPTION: Person playing Fallout board game

New Snapchat Filter Shows What You'd Look Like Without Crippling Student Loan Debt

DESCRIPTION: Over the shoulder pic of someone taking a selfie

Eldest Son Incurs Late Father’s Steam Backlog 

DESCRIPTION: Man looking at Steam library on computer

Anti-Loot Box Senator Wakes Up to Crate With 1/5 Chance of Containing Horse Head

DESCRIPTION: Horrified man in bed (like the Godfather scene) - will photoshop lootbox unless you wanna include a box

Hard Times headlines, email bill@thehardtimes.net to claim

Old High School Friends Excited to Hang Out, Talk Shit On Whoever Couldn't Make It 

Undercover Journalist Just Needs Another Two to Three Years of Research Before Leaving Sex Cult

Kilt Guy at Dropkick Murphy's Show Playing a Dangerous Game by Crowd Surfing 

Serious Hardcore Fan Sleeps With Arms Crossed 

Woman at Poorly-Attended Show Not Even Banging Any of These Dudes

Roadie Traded For New Tire

Small Town's Dark Secret Not Nearly Interesting Enough To Tear Community Apart 

Religious Guy Hits The Fucking Jackpot at Goodwill Vinyl Section 

Disgraced Female Body Inspector Turns in His Gun and T-Shirt 

Mayhem Cover Band Already Killed Each Other

Metal Band Seeking Guitarist That Is Influenced By Same 173 Bands They Are

Anti-Fascist Black Metal Band Only Advocates Unbiased Mass Slaughter of Innocents

Punk WIth Fresh Hand Tattoo Engages in Tense Stand-Off With Stamp-Wielding Bouncer

Smiths Fan Desperately Pushing Conspiracy Theory Real Morrissey Died Decades Ago

Bored Lifeguard Wishes Someone Would Just Drown Already

Punk Talking Way Out of Ticket and Into Assault Charge 

Modern Day Goldilocks Settles on Cleanest Bathroom Stall 

Friend Finally Checks Out Band You Suggested 13 Years Ago and Fucking Hate Now 

Concussed Punk Has Heard Band But Hasn’t Heard of Them 

Punk Totally Doesn’t Give a Fuck But Prefers Guests Use Coasters, Also Fuck Cops 

Man Pretends to Thoughtfully Peruse Beer List Before Picking Based on Alcohol Content 

$8,000 Sound Board Won’t Fit in $700 Car 

Bong Embarks On Six Person Tour Starting In Back of Van 

Autographed Morrissey Album Valued Less Than Unsigned Copy 

Punk Cooking Site Starts Recipe With 1,000 Word Drunken Fight Story 

First Date Red Flags Disregarded Because of Mutual Favorite Band, Desperation 

Guy Who Bought Vinyl Before Show Moshing Carefully 

Friend Will Be Live on College Radio Station From 1am to 4am If You Want to Tune In

Band Apologizes for Long Silence on Social Media that Nobody Noticed 

Google Search Fails to Determine If Band Racist or Not 

Phantom of the Venue Terrorizes Concertgoers After Being Rejected By Female Bartender 

'Big Things On The Horizon' Posts Friend About To Ask Everyone For Money 

Punk Band Cannot Refuse Any Favors Asked Of Them On This, The Day Of Their Album Release Party 

Man Blurts Out "I Can't Make It" Before Friend Says When His Band is Playing 

Frontman Takes Bold Stance Against Everything He Will Be Accused Of Next Month 

Local Scene Emerges Around Teen with Biggest Basement, Worst Parents 

Man Substitutes Sleeping Pills With Paragraph of Friends “No Holds Barred” Political Zine 

Girl Wearing NASA T-Shirt Has Never Even Been To Space 

Helicopter Mom Really Enjoying Tour So Far

New California Law Bans "High Capacity" Zines Capable of Reaching More Than Ten People 

Man Asks Record Store Employee If They Validate Opinions

Violent, Rage-Filled Incel Turns 15 

Guy Alone at Show Stoked to See Long Line at Bathroom 

Haircut Noticed

Punk Upset Constant Anti-Capitalism Rants Result in Third Consecutive Birthday with No Gifts