beWilder’s Wildest: Round #2, Match #3 - Post Match! (SFW Version)

Hi, hello and howdy all! The sun, the sea and the sweet air of contest are all calling us, and if you’re here you likely know already it’s going to be a real scorcher of a postgame! Caroline coming at you again… Would I be wrong to presume I’ve got a couple of fans of my own now…? In any case, let’s get to all things beWilder’s Wildest! for this past week! I have here with me the 11th woman to find her way across the sands and to the… well I guess you might call it the sofa of shame… just one step away from the docks back to civilization.

Could you put it any more like I’m on my way to an execution or something? Like I f’ked up or whatever? Maybe try say it like it’s a damned good thing!

I suppose I might be being a little dramatic, but nobody’s going to believe it’s a celebration we’re having… Heck, these things don’t always go well for me and I’m only the hostess, being the subject of discussion must…

Must suck arse? It does.

Ok… Then lets see if I can’t brighten up your time in the spotlight some? Or would you rather we rip this off like a band-aid? In any case, we’re both contractually obliged to give this a go, so… Here. Let me jump right through the hardest part!

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Round 2’s 3rd match game has been set, and as of last night, that’s match! Once again we set Round 1 winners, 1 AoH and 1 NTR by the way the winds blew, and this time it was a pair of OC girls who met over a tug-o-war rope. The battle could be described as fierce for sure, but the term that most descripts it was “one-sided”. Starting out almost exactly the same as match before over the first night’s voting, the NTR side in Frankie took a 3-to-1 lead like Asana did the week before… But were Gwen started to claw back into the contest with votes over the week, it was Frankie who ran up the score in this one, landing hot-headed and now burned bottomed Dyana on the other end of my microphone today. Congrats to the NTR side who’ve just won their second back-to-back match for the first time in this contest. We won’t be seeing a double rematch round for Round 3 as that possibility evaporates with Frankie becoming the first rookie to make the Semi-Finals. Condolences to Dyana who put up a tough fight, but at least now you’ve got a chance at long last to have the fans attentions all to yourself. Let’s do this.

What part of that was supposed to be painless? I’ve been shot in the head and it was softer than that!

I never said it would be painless, just that I’d get through it as fast as I could! Don’t shoot the me-Eehh… Never mind, let’s talk contest turkey, yes?

Like I can say no. Hmph.

First things first then, we’ll dive right into the hottest news first. Dyana vs Frankie, now been and gone. The final score was 15-6, and I’m not 100% sure what counts as an absolute rout, but that’s close to ending 3-to-1 which-

I know how to count, you idiot. I used to be a bomb maker, you think we don’t have to do a lot of careful math with that? Just get to the point before I get hotted up.

- Err. Right… Well, the point is that you lost, so thoughts on that?

Nothing that isn’t obvious or I want to talk about. Next.

Sorry Dyana, but you’re not getting away like that. If you aren’t going to provide analysis, I will. I’m not getting fired to save your blushes, but if you don’t want to use this chance to pique fan interest…

I’ll fire you in a minute… Tsk. Like it matters. I’m already dead. I could say a boat load of shite or I can save my breath and not give you the ammo on me. It’ll be all the same in 5 years’ time when we do all this over again.

I’m sorry you feel that way. Then let me provide the “ammo”… My thoughts on the match is that firstly Round 2 is showing it’s toughness. Now that it’s winners-on-winners, we’ve seen 5 of the 6 girls thus far find it hard to chase their vote totals from the first round. Only Lara managed to match herself to date. The NTR girls have all slipped to the point that it’s been hard to break into the lower end of their 2nd dozen of fans, but the AoH girls… Oof. You’d be the 3rd of 4 to drop to below 10.

What you’re saying is that it’s not my fault? I’m a victim of trends and stats…

No. Not at all. You’ve had some difficult hills to climb based on where the diehard fans seem to be right now, but you had every chance. You were beaten fair and square.

That being the case though, you were the woman coming into this as the lowest scoring winner with 13 votes getting you through Round 1. We’ll touch on that in a minute. Some of the losing ladies put up the same or more than that and went home, so for sure you had to punch up this whole match. With 6 votes as your Round 2 total, and Frankie’s at 15 as well, we can safely say that of all the losers thus far in our second show of bouts, you Dyana did the best at keeping your crew together and causing your opponent to shed the most too. Gwen dropped to under 1/3rd of her high debut and Cat fell to 30% of hers, while you kept just about half of all your support. As said already, Lara didn’t shift anything and Asana slipped a trio of supporters, but Frankie’s down close 1/3rd herself from her initial bout with Kate. All that is something worth noting and something you can take away with you to hang your future hopes on.

Hrrm… I never really gave it much of a thought that way. If I were to say I was “the best of the worst” I wouldn’t be wrong by the numbers, would I? Ha.

I suppose…? I wouldn’t, but… You know what? If it keeps you happy, go for it.

I mentioned Round 1 already but let’s give it a little deeper look now. For fun and something more to sink our teeth into, no need to go getting hot-headed over anything. Ok? In order to get here you had to win your first ever head-to-head (having lost once to Noemi in bWW!18), scoring a victory over the also waitress Kriem. Anything to add on that slice of the contest pie?

I won one at last. That’s about all. I mean, what’s to say? I beat the hazy-eyed, berry-bogarting pothead. Glad to do it too. That being the case though, it might surprise you to hear I wanna wave my right to dunk on the loser for this one. It’s not like she hurt me personally. She shared her joint with me too, death doesn’t come with many pleasures like that FYI. Plus I saw the stupid hype show you did about these latest matches… I can’t deny we’re similar in a lot of ways. I’m not going to put her down for any of that.

That’s fair, and very nice of you. Still, you must have some insight into why that match turned out the way it did? You yourself know most of all you are mostly just a name floated in AoH, a dire consequence that had solidified Ivy’s motives in that story. We’ve seen your burned out handywork above the old B.R.A.S.S. facility but it’s not like we’ve ever really seen you… No offence. We’ve only just seen you shed your clothes for the first time in your match, so why is it you think you beat Kriem? She’s not everyone’s favourite sweetheart but she’s not nobody either. Her best is still to come but even with her face in our games, her body on display and us getting her general vibes by now, you came out on top, if only 14-10 but that’s still a clear win.

Why? Hell, why wouldn’t I? The girl’s got grit but how was she ever supposed to beat me? I’ve got everything going for her too only I’m not some teeny-tramp. I’m not playing in “baby’s first leather pants”, I live only in fire-resistant rubbers and leatherwear in case you didn’t notice. Oh, and did I forget to mention that I’ve got F’KING SUPERPOWERS? She’s lucky she got paired up against me because anyone else and I really would have burned them! Especially either of those bit-ches Nat or Noe. I have unfinished business with that Heels lapdog and the smug chef who thinks she knows what fire is… Hmph.

So you generally chalk it up to being a more matured version of her who also has amazing abilities? Alright… Though I feel obliged to point out that those superpowers didn’t help you against Frankie…

Yeah? Then how about you tell me what it was all about if you’re so damn smart?

I’m afraid I can’t say for certain what it was, though reading into what would be our most vocal fans’ on Discord tastes (Hi guys! Give a shout out to me, Caroline, and how you’re liking my job so far if you’re reading this!) I would have to agree that being older than your 20’s is a big plus in your column… If you push me for more of an answer though… I am almost crossing into conspiracy theory space when I say this but… Your chest. Your chest might have decided it. Almost certainly it did with the score as close as 4 votes… That’s 2 people who otherwise would’ve voted her way and we’d have had a waitress food fight this week.

You want to make it out that I won my way here simply because my tits are rounder that some unlucky squirt? F’k that.

I don’t want to believe it myself, but playing Devil’s Advocate… I’d like to think it’s all a game of popularity and personality is king. Sure, appearance and proportion has a part to play in it all and it can be a large part too, but if it we me it wouldn’t be all. That all being true, it’s also my job to compile the stats for us to talk about, plus I recently got some advice to “get real” that you could say I’ve taken to heart too…

… What I’m getting at is that in 11 matches so far, I would submit that 9 of them had pairings where there was a notable difference in bust size between the women, and of those 9 I count it being a 7-2 record for the heftier sweetheart is how I’ll put it. I’ll have to crunch the numbers on all the other ways to breakdown the games to be sure, but at least going by the obvious ones like AoH-NTR or Parody-OC, the “Sharkey Index” may be the best predictor of success yet… And that’s not even counting any bWW18! game data yet either… you’ll only need look at the podium on that one to figure out how that’d skew things…

Happy to get all that off your “chest”? Heh.

… Um… Well my original point it that might matter to the fans is all. Could be why Dyana the Dead made the Top 8…

… Not to change the topic so abruptly now, but… I’ve already set up a helpful segway there so let’s talk about the Rankings next. As it so happens, your Round 2 performance ends you with 6 votes to add to your total, which puts you smack-dab in the same ballpark seats as Cat and Gwen, your fellow Round 2 bow-outs. However, I’m going to make a solid call here as the hostess and closest thing to a referee and scorekeeper on the island. I’m confident that I’ve got the boys upstairs approval on this. You are going to nab the 7th to 8th Rank right now. No more, no less.

Da f’k? Want to explain that?

Gladly. I have been saying for the last batch of postgames that the Ranks 5-8 will be weighed up at the end based on the total performances of the losing girls and the compared strength of their competition… Well we can say right now you’re going to be beaten by Cat and Gwen on those grounds. Before you start up the embers…! Listen to reason here…

… We held the window open for you to have a chance at a breakout. If you smashed all expectations with a win and say 15, 20 votes, something like that… Well we’d be telling a different story today. With only 6 however, that’s going to leave you still dragging behind the rest of the girls with your 20 to Cat and Gwen’s 26 and 33 respectively. Even giving you the benefits of a tie with Cat, and if they judged the combined competitive strength of Lara+Raven as being the same as Frankie+Kriem (not saying I would), you still fall down on the official tiebreak of Seeding. The facts are the facts, you simply can’t beat out Cat by all the metrics I can see at this point. Gwen too, even more obviously. There’s still a chance, however slim, that Quiet or Noemi could have a record-breaking low performance and bottom out completely, however unlikely it is possible, so we won’t yet close the door on a promotion to 7th, but come this time next week we’ll have our answers on that anyway…

So… 7th at best, 8th at worst… I know you actually came top of the losers last time around and finished 5th so this must really burn you, but those are the breaks. Still not at all bad for a woman who though canonical, is almost entirely a bWW! face to begin with. Right?

You’re not at all helping…!

Unfortunately Dyana, I’m not here to help, just to make it fun for those at home watching and voting. How about we curtail these parts of our chat and get into knowing the woman behind the eyes of fire. That sound better? You’ve made the final 8 in both beWilder’s Wildest! bashes thus far and we barely even seen much of you, let alone know you. I want to fix that.

Deflated sigh. Might as well. It’s not like I’m particularly looking forward to the darkness of eternal slumber again, so whatever you want. Ask.

Thank you. I usually start this off with the “What’s next” question here, but as you’ve already mentioned, I’ll be tactful and say your part in current matters are already canonically resolved. With no talk of any prequel matters in the near future either, I won’t raise any hopes here and instead try something different today. I’ve got your Agency file here, the one Natasha retrieved during AoH, you recall? I want to talk you through some interesting highlight, ok?

Dyana…?

Ok, no objections, so I’ll start. It says here you first came to the attention of Heels precursor B.R.A.S.S. through a local cell tracking happenings in first Afghan Civil war, circa the early 90’s. Is that true?

It was. Is? It’s the truth, either way. I was freedom fighter. Beat that waitress girls.

A “freedom fighter”? Not a mercenary? Does that mean you had a personal stake in the war there? That would make you Afghani, or am I wrong?

What? “Carson” didn’t give it away from the start? Hah ! Yeah. Mom wasn’t a strong woman like me. She fled the Soviets and hid like a kicked dog. Guess where in the world she laid low and met the man I called “Daddy”?

Umm… Ireland?

Almost. Occupied Ireland.

Ah! Ok, let me get in here real quick Dyana! We’re here to get to know sexy ladies better, not fight over politics, alright? I understand that history can’t be separated from the question of winners and losers… Almost like bWW! in a sense actually… But we’re not here to make statements or hurt peoples’ feelings, alright? I’m going to let you continue with the cavate that all opinions expressed are your own personal ones alone, but let’s choose our words carefully. Deal?

Yeah, whatever. Another person without a spine. Fine. I’m used to it. Point is, my father was as ginger as they come, odd to think looking at me, right? He started me out on the path to what I grew up to be. We’ll leave it at that to avoid hurting your gentle sensibilities… Pfft.

It says here that you have no surviving family. Something about a marketplace incident?

Marketrise. It’s a place name, not an actual market. It was a bombing. My bombing. One of the ones that made my name actually. Yeah, I killed them, so what? Want to fight about it?

What?! No! Are you… Are you serious? Did you really? Why would you…?

The f’k are you gasping about? You think when you sat here with Natasha or Mystique you weren’t sitting with a killer? Bit-ches likely got double my numbers and that I did plenty of work in my day.

As for why… They were the worst kind of people, my kin. Dad was all full of rhetoric and knew all about how it should be. He put all the grand visions of freedom and rights and self-rule, all those things Irish-shites are so good at making so pretty with words, but he never had the guts to take action. He would live to be 100 and never in his life do something to change things as they should be, so I made him do it with his death. I made the great thinker into a martyr.

Mom was the only kind worse than that. A coward. She only wanted to keep her head down and do what she was told. She wanted to pretend her homeland wasn’t in crisis, that trouble never existed at all. Mother or not… People like that don’t deserve life let alone freedom. Spit.

Ehh. I’ll have to disagree with you there, though thanks for your answer. So… You went to live and fight in Afghanistan… That’s… Interesting. How was it you came to be working for what would become Heels then? Or would I be happier if I didn’t ask?

It’s a long story overall but the gist is I had a skill and I did the job well. From big bombs to roadside IEDs, I was Queen. You get me even a pile of scrap and the hint of a combustible material, I could wreak havoc for you. Word got out about “Hotstuff”… Likely a name I got both for my skills and I wasn’t one for hiding my body from view… Y’know, on account of freedom? After a few years doing my part for the war effort, I’m pulled from my cot by a bunch of CIA types in the dead of night and that’s that. Thought I was to be killed… Turns out I was about 20 years early on that one.

You had the nickname “Hotstuff” before getting your superpowers? I didn’t know that. Is it just a coincidence that your abilities are fire based then?

Yeah, my devices were some real hot stuff so the name came from there. Plus like I said, I’m a pretty face too so that also helped. I kinda liked it if I’m honest. Kept it as my codename at B.R.A.S.S. and still wear it like a charm.

I can’t really speak about the powers thing. I have a head for engineering and electronics, not for biosciences. Ivy once told us her theory is it comes from something ingrained in our psyches, and with me being a pyro… that’s sort of why I got involved in bombs over guns too… that and I can’t shoot for shite… That’s what I got. Same way Mystique got to change faces. She was a spy in the Cold War in case you didn’t know. She… She very easily forgets who she is sometimes… So yeah, I’ll take fire over psychosis and being buried under all the voices in my head any day.

… Yeah. I got a taste of that first hand when I interviewed her. Just a bit… Anyway. I feel I’ve gotten to know you a lot better than I did when we started.

Just one more burning question before we turn to the outro usuals, ok? Why did you join B.R.A.S.S. in the first place? It’s hard to see the appeal given how it ended for all the women involved, honestly.

Retrospect is real easy, ain’t it? To tell the truth, they played me. I didn’t know then that the 2 wars I was fighting in my heart would pretty much go on all the way into the 2020’s, but even then I could feel the gears grinding and my frustrations at the never changing face of things rising in me. The leaned on my lust for mayhem. Told me I’d be an agent of chaos. That I’d get to choose my missions and help change the world and “bring freedom marching everywhere”. That shit. They also said I’d get the most cutting-edge explosive tech in my hands… That one they actually delivered on…

Then they used us as experiment materials, and the ones of us that survived and weren’t mosterfied either, they took all our freedom. “Too dangerous”… Like that’s not what they wanted when they made us! Lady Ivy was real leader to us. Saved us. But I just couldn’t hold back decades of rage to fit her pacing. I put my flames to good use… And ate hot lead all over for it. That’s the end of my story.

Thank you for sharing… And for what it’s worth… I’m sorry…

… Here’s hoping that one day we’ll have a chance to sit and speak again, the both of us, but for now I’ve got to start closing this out. Just a few last things first… As we already discussed you have yourself half a dozen loyal fans to your name, and in these games that can change the face of the contest let alone the matches… So who do you want to throw that manic support behind?

Who would I chose, gun to my head? Tsk. Who have we got left?

I hate Noemi, so f’k her. Happy to see her lose after last contest. Hate Lara. She wants to pretend she’s “freelance” but she’s Heels. Raider just means she couldn’t cut it as an Agent. Hate Frankie too now… Let’s see her lose and end up here for this…

… Not so keen on Quiet either. She’s my spawn sister and all but there’s bad blood between a lot of us. Did you even know that? A lot of thrown fists and worse between our unhappy little family, even with Miss Ivy doing her best… If Heels didn’t shoot me full of holes I reckon she probably would have put one between my eyes from 100 yards… If she wasn’t such a Mommy’s girl suck up to Ivy.

What’s that, 4 of the 5 tossed out? Who’s ever left, give it to them. Maybe…

That would be Asana.

Meh. F’k it. The one girl who couldn’t ever throw a punch let alone find the spine to fight… She and my Mom would have loved each other. Bleck …

… Then again… If Ireland, Afghanistan and India all know 1 thing too well it’s the unwelcome hands of certain folk. Out of that solidarity alone I’ll hold my damn nose and let her have it.

Last question then. Dyana Carson, while you’re in front of the fans for one last moment, do you have any final words for them?

Can I get some info out of you first?

…Yes…?

I get to ride home with little Gwennie right? I’ll show her “who gives a shit about Dyana” all the way back to land! See how much her web-spinning ass likes getting Crispy Fried! Maybe we can grant her wish for more concepts by little me light a few fires in her and we’ll see what faces she makes. Ha!

The only other thing I have to say to the rest of you is one day you’ll all burn in Hell just like me, so I’ll see you there. Goodbye.

… And best we leave it at that, right folks! I’ll have to rush off and check on our security measures and fire alarms for the losing ladies’ coral space… and make sure they keep those 2 on opposite sides of the boat home later! That’s the end of another illuminating postgame, you’ve got to admit! I’ll leave you in the unwelcome hands of certain folk as I go take care of that red flag. See you at the end! Sal, you’re up!

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I dare say Gwen can handle herself against a little licking of fire, but any excuse to rush off and be out of my gaze, eh Caroline? You fight it so hard be we all know you are succumbing to my charms… Now, who it is we have today? Ah yes, the fiery freaky woman who’s come back from the depths of death! Hello my dear Ms. Dyana.

F’k off, pervert.

My oh my. Perhaps you are still too hard up from losing to be much fun today? Whatever happened to “I liked being called ‘Hotstuff’” you were spouting before? Yes, I was listening. Watching intently as well.

I like the nickname on account of it highlighting my skills in blowing stuff up, not as an invite for a scumbag like you to eye bang the tan off my arse.

6 of 1 my dear. It can be both at once. If at any time you wish to highlight your skills in blowing stuff in front of the fans, I’ll be glad to afford you the opportunity. And yes, the “up” I have purposely left off.

You sure you want that? A guy like you must know the burning feeling of an STI. Just think how much of a scorcher it’ll be when I literally spit fire down your dck.

Ah. Yes. Fair point… Not that I am admitting to anything in regard to medical history mind you.

… Sure…

Getting to the point then. Before you at last return into that dark night, however gently, I am here to offer you the chance for one last big swipe at the beWilderverse, Ms Fire. Often I use Caroline as our lovely assistant, but I can’t help but feel compelled hearing your story to perhaps allow you some leeway… And also we have a pool of losers already out of the running but Caroline’s face and soft parts must remain unscalded for the remainer of the contest…

… So tell me, my darling trailblazer, if I were to arrange for you to have your last wish, what would it be? Remember that the lewder you make it to suit my tastes, the more delicious a sendoff I can make it for you on your way back to the other side.

If I’ve got to toss up an idea… Hell, I’m actually having fun creating my own little hotboxed saunas, so why don’t you let me make one up for Caroline and let me try out these delicate bomb making hands at massage?

I see… Hardly the extravagant fireworks I was hoping for. Very tame going by your nature. Where exactly does the air of lewdness I requested come into it?

Idiot. I want to f’k her, don’t I? Ain’t that enough?! I’d prefer a man, honestly, but there’s none of them around here worth it, so she’ll do. I can put some real heat into her muscles, like I did for Kriem-face back in Round 1, get her all loose and at ease, then all full of a rampant heat… Then with any luck, full of everything I can give her. If I can get her that far, she can’t stop me demanding a return of the favour or breaking out the real fire!

Now you’re speaking more of my language!

Good for you. What do I care if you get off. Just as long as I get to. I’m dead. Going back to Hell. Can’t I get at least 1 ‘gasm in front of camera!

That is a final wish I can throw my weight behind. I can’t however say Caroline will fall for your advances, but I’m willing to let you try. We have a deal!

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Ok, I’m back! Caroline, back at you again. We’re all safe in the greenroom, so no need to worry fans! Now what did I miss…? Anything I should break a sweat over…? Please, no, for once? Wait, what? And actual spa day… for me? My prayers and complaints have been answered for once?! No… I don’t believe it…  Giddy squeak !

I guess I’ll find out soon enough, won’t I? Not before we close out our Round 2 by picking our final Semi-finalist of the bunch. Match 4 and the finale of Round 2 is coming up in a matter of days, less than 50 hours if you’re that on edge to count them! I’m not far behind you, truthfully. Once again we’ve got a protagonist in play to close us out, and one of the strongest parody likenesses with her rifle sights set on her opponent. What a take down that could be! Come on back this Sunday 28th, as Quiet takes on Noemi “Noe” Bellocchio, for the last spot up for grabs. Will Noemi finish the sweep for her namesake game’s branch and take all 3 NTR girls to the Top 4, or will Quiet rack up another upset for AoH and put down a protagonist to end the round for the second time running?

It's your votes that will decide it, and only your votes! I for one really can’t wait to see where they go. So until I can ring that last elimination match’s opening bell for us…

Be staying on the island and beWilder!