On the Couch #5: Poison Ivy

Why hello there! Howdy all who venture here. It’s another Monday and the start of another week, so we’re back to send some cheer and some chatter your way. Time to start off your week the beWilderway!

We’re reaching into the midmonth now, which means it’s almost about time to get teasy, isn’t it? Well, we did say almost! We’re still getting Nat fit into her attitude for Bad Nat’s party time with Kate, our last pass on the neighbourhood ho(e)-down, so for today we’re bringing back a cheeky chestnut to get us in the moods for the nudes around Natasha’s way.

It’s our “On the Couch” series again, and we’re getting villainous with the one lady we never mind getting climbed all over by. It’s the one and only Miss Poison Ivy!

(Heads Up! There are some mild spoilers for Agents of Heels past versions in this interview. You’re forewarned!)

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Ivy

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Hello and welcome, Miss Ivy. May we call you Ivy? Yes? Sweet. So let’s get this started. We’re starting to reach the big crescendo in the first game, of the first branch, of our beWilderverse. Just what do you have in store for us all? What is your big plan? C’mon, you can tell us.

Ivy: I could, but I would have to kill you my lovelies. You didn’t call me all the way down her just to buy yourself a killer kiss, did you?

Oh well, we tried. Sorry beWildernauts, you’ll just have to play the game when it comes! Oh the horrible punishment that is. Seriously though, we’re hyped to have you here. More often then not we find ourselves surrounded by horny teens, women on a mission, and crazy side ladies… not that we’re complaining… so it’s nice that we’ve got a more mature woman of the world to talk to.

What’s new in your world? How does your garden grow these days?

Ivy: Very well, thank you. Since you asked so nicely, and flatter me so, I can say that things are coming together well. They say “Revenge is a dish best served cold”, but things are heating up all over, it’s going to be hard to see my machinations come to pass without spilling some warm fluids along the way. Is that what you wanted you hear, my darlings?

Well, it’s something we certainly didn’t mind hearing, regardless! How about clearing up a little something-something for us then? Give us the lowdown… Why is Nat so important to you? What have you got in mind for her then?

Ivy: I’m beginning to think you really do want that kiss now. It’s a rather unusual question I find, now that I think about it. Why wouldn’t I have my eye on one of my missing lambs? Why yes, it was poor luck that she sprung the trap set for her superiors, but then again, if Frank Miller were so easy to kill I’d have done so decades ago, now wouldn’t I…?

Ivy: But Natasha… She was the one that got away. It’s infuriating to see her as part of Heels after all they’ve done, though I am proud to see that she uses her talents to the fullest, like all my children. I am happy to have a second chance with her, now that the infection has at last taken effect on her. What B.R.A.S.S. failed to do so long ago, I’ve done myself it seems.

Well, we’d like to think we had a hand in the kinky stuff she’s been up to lately, but sure, let’s not make an enemy out of you here today. Credit all around! It’s going to be a bittersweet feeling to see her game come to a close not too far down the line, but for sure what we’ve all made of her shouldn’t go to waste… just… put on the back burner, shall we say? It sounds as if you’ve got some plans for her future yourself though, that’s if you can really keep your vines wrapped around her. Do you…?

Ivy: Of course. I welcomed her to the fold with open arms. I’ll do right by her, if she’ll only accept my influences… and if she won’t, well, I have no qualms about pruning the vines of our unusual and unasked for family tree. For the good of my Ivyspawn, I will, but I suppose that will be seen to yet as well, no?

Yes. Yes it will.

Alright, another question for you. You’re a tough lady to find, you know that? As one of women with the highest name recognition on our entire roster, it’s rare we see so much of you. Why is that?

Ivy: Well boys, I dare say that’s down to you two… Isn’t it? Though it’s true that Ivy grows best in the shade.

Ah… Yeah… Well. Ok, score 1 for Ivy, the evil genius. Well, we say evil. We’ll be upfront and admit it, yes, we’ve perhaps under used you when it’s come to Misadventure of Agent Romanov (MoAR). We’ll put it up on the board of things we’ve learned along the way with our first game.

Ivy: Don’t beat yourself up about it my darlings, you’ll make it up to me next time.

Oh… Right… Yeah… Next time. Sure. Well, maybe not “next” next time, but… sometime, maybe? What we mean is, sure, there is plenty more to see, do and play with given all the Heels/B.R.A.S.S./Ivyspawn and Cy Corp lore we’ve thrown down, so much so that MoAR is almost like an appetizer, but… Well, let’s just see how Nat’s big Mission #3 turns out before we go making any big plans. Sound good?

… And besides, we’re looking to move away from parody characters for a while, in the bigger pieces of work anyway, at least until we’ve got the beWilderverse better rooted in support… Standing on our own merits, and all that… You understand. Did… Did you like the rooted pun just now? We put it that way for you.

Ivy: I did, honey, very droll. “You do you” as they say nowadays, I’ll find my way to some seed and I’ll sprout, with or without you. I’d prefer with, of course, but we’ll see.

Ok. Ominous, and yet disturbingly arousing. Classic Ivy. Speaking of sprouting things though, that does bring something to mind. Let’s talk more about the greater beWilderverse, and of course, The Ivyspawn. As we stand now, one of the biggest contributions to the beWilderverse in terms of breadth, scope and diversity, it’s got the be the ladies (and gents too) that come from you.

Ivy: My adopted children.

Your children, y-… Yeah, those. The Ivyspawn reach far and wide, and we’ve only scratched the surface of what that group of girls and (monster) guys can bring to the beWilderverse. Hell, we don’t even know all the ones you’ve managed to regroup on your side let alone the full list! Now that’s fertile ground for some sexy stories!

Ivy: I dare say it is, loves. Quiet is still occupied helping return one of her damaged siblings back into our fold, and my dear Mystique is never very far from me even now, the sweat loyal thing. My keen senses tell me their young sister Jo is also in the city, but alas, I’ve yet to find her amongst the urban sprawl and concrete… It pains me, but she must survive on her own for now… I fear she’s not even aware of where her killer instincts come from…

Oh yeah, we know exactly who you mean. Like we said, the Ivyspawn could easily find themselves in anything we do, both parody and OC, and we intend to a lot over the years given the chance.

Alright, let’s make a left turn at this point and get into some of the other fun stuff that comes with having a world of sexy, yeah? Since we’ve got you here at last, let’s put some stuff to you, starting with DeviantArt.

A few of your concept pieces have made their way over there over the years, and even with your limited appearances, you’re still in the top 5 girls we’ve got on that platform. Have you anything you want to say about that?

Ivy: Well, I do have my ways of luring in the eyes, don’t I? Other than that, I don’t have much to add, beyond a thank you to all the lovely boys and girls out there who come out to see me. I may have changed a lot about myself since the Dr. Isely days, and very little of it was my own doing, but this body has certainly become a perk. It’s very perky, as a matter of fact. Just think of what I could do with a few more appearances under my mossy belt?

We’ve no doubt. We’ve no doubt. That’s a question to put to the fans over on our Discord perhaps, let them be the judge of if there’s more appetite for going green, over some of the other ladies in our stables.

So, next question. Do you ever see yourself going back to the Pamela Isely days? We mean, if you could, would you give up the poison and be a sweet flower again?

Ivy: No, sweethearts, those days are done, unless you plan on doing more prequel stories that is. I am what I am, and I feel no need to let the bloom of my new rose wilt away. What’s not to love about the Ivy? I’d even say I’m to die for, would you?

Is there anything you miss about your life before the serum? You can’t say there’s not a thing you’d go back for if you could?

Ivy: That’s not what I said. *Tsk-Tsk*. I do miss a few things, off the top of my head I can think of a good one. I can’t exactly attend the old science conference circuit like I used to, now can I? Ms. Isely has been a missing woman for many a year now, hasn’t she? Oh, now that I do miss… The science, the discovery, the sex parties that go on after dark… Oh my. Stimulation of body and mind! Horny nerds make for the kinkiest partners, and they always think up surprising new toy ideas too.

Ivy: So yes, if I could have one thing back, it would be that. Well, perhaps I’d settle for snatching up a few choice colleagues to share my garden with, starting with the one and only Dr. Larson Krieger. What a bear of a man, with a brutal mind to match.

Uh-huh. We weren’t even aware you’d met, let alone, “made each others acquaintance” so much. Poor Frankie. Let’s try some rapid fires then. Jumping right in, don’t think, just say. Cool?

How many people have you kissed over the years?

Ivy: As many as I cared to taste but didn’t care enough not to lose.

Are there any loopholes with your killer skills? Would a “kiss from your rose” do the same?

Ivy: Why don’t you try me right now and find out?

Does size matter?

Ivy: Oh, honeysuckle, I can make anything grow, one way or another.

Peaches or Eggplants?

Ivy: Either, both, or none, as the mood strikes. Just as long as they are firm and ripe, they both make a nice treat. The juicier the better.

Do you own any clothes anymore, besides those clear PVC heels?

Ivy: I’ve no need, since my ghillie body suit keeps me warm, but I’m game to try anything you might wish for me, just as long as you don’t forget who you’re playing fashionista with. Is it a deal, my tender blossoms?

Alright, then one last question before we go wrapping this up for today. Are you ready?

Ivy: Was that the question, my sweet peas?

No… This is… Who’s your favourite of the Ivyspawn?

Ivy: I have a sniper who doesn’t make a sound and a woman who can take the place of anybody else. Now why would you ask me such a silly question when you know I could have you disappeared, and nobody will ever suspect a thing…?

Damn… Then who’s your favourite of the Ivyspawn we haven’t met yet? C’mon, they’ll never know what you said!

Ivy: May I ask you a question first? Would you prefer lipstick with your final kiss, or would you like it more “Au Naturale”?

Answer received!

Alright, that’s about all the time we have today, this couch is double booked for a casting interview later… which we are also conducting… but that’s just us having fun. It’s been great to hear more through the grapevine herself for a change, and even more joy to enjoy some one-on-one time with our girls On the Couch again. We’ll have to have another go, let’s not wait a year for the next one huh?

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And that’s that! We’ve had some fun, got in some laughs, hand a chance to see another beWilder lady splay out on the sofa for us on top of it all. We’ve made some serious points along the way too, which is all we could ask for. We’ve warmed up the house now, so it’s time to get the Heels on for serious and take it a step closer to seeing Ivy return for real, in our games, not just on our screens! We’ll be back later this week with some teasy tasty, but until then…

Be ploughing your own favourite gardens and beWilder!