On the Couch #4: Quiet and Asanaaaa… Kelsey?

Hey-hey! Welcome back to the beWilder block! We’ve got some good news to lead off our beautiful post for today, iffin’ we do say so ourselves. The latest version of Agents of Heels is coming along well, we’re into the Post-Pro stages now, so our release this weekend is looking good! But… But… We’re not one to count our hot chicks before they release around here, so instead of kicking off our Handover post just yet, we’re bringing back a favourite format and getting cosy with our girls on the couch!

Let’s kick it and see what this 3-seater can take! Down below we’re putting our heart targeting sniper under our crosshairs, but before that we’ve got some hot sofa yoga with our Assanova Asana!

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 ̶A̶s̶a̶n̶a̶  Kelsey!

Alright, let’s get this party started! Aloha, Mahalo and Namaste, how’s it hanging As…an…ahh… You’re not Asana.

Kelsey: Nope, dummy. I’m Kelsey. But you already knew that, I’m like all you ever talk about! Hi-hi!

Yeah, but… This is supposed to be Asana’s spotlight… All our questions were prepared for her…

Kelsey: Asana’s busy. Somebody, don’t have a single inkling who, called in a yoga emergency across town. Apparently, there is such a thing, I was surprised too. She’s gonna to be a looonng time…

*Sigh*… So, we’re really doing this? You’re going to steal her interview appearance? Just like that?

Kelsey: *Cheeky grin and nod*

Ok then… I guess we should have expected this to be honest. You’ve already made yourself comfortable too… Alright, let’s wing it. So, Kelsey, you’re the first girl to join us on the couch twice, if by less than scrupulous means. How does that feel?

Kelsey: ‘Bout time I started settin’ records around here! Took longer than I thought. You guys gave me a lot of good competition in the trim department. I guess I should thank you for that. The better the fight, the bigger the win after all, and I’m not doing so bad for myself around here these days, am I? First of many records I’mma smash… along with hearts and naughty parts!

Well, you’ve certainly not lost your special brand of excited charm. We’ve got to ask though… That outfit… This interview spot isn’t the only thing you lifted from Asana, is it? Seems like you’ve had yourself a Merry Christmas too, have you?

Kelsey: Yup-yup. Unlike her, I even showed this sexy get up a good time. Like, real good, you get me? By the way, who do I send the dry clean bill to, you boys or Little Toscana? I kinda want to see the look on Noe’s face when she sees how much it cost to get this silk back to red. Anyways, yeah, I had me a fun vacation while you two worked those sweet cheeks to the bone. I’m surprised you didn’t call me back sooner actually, I’m raring to go over here!

Don’t worry, don’t worry! You’ll get your chance to do whatever you’re scheming this month. We hear you’ve got some upcoming “advice” for Noe in the next version, but we’ll leave that to our posts and teasers of the next few weeks. We want to hear more about this Christmas party you mentioned. Care to tell all the boys and girls about it?

Kelsey: Nope! Since Asana stole my regular Christmas place this year and left me out of the party, I had to make my own fun, and so I did. I’m not telling y’all word one of what I got up to since some fans saw fit to vote against me this year… I’m vindictive like that. A’int I a lil’ scamp?

“Scamp” is not the 1-syllabyl S-word we had in mind for you… And if you won’t tell us yourself, maybe a Kelsey beWilderverse story is in order? Hrrm?

Kelsey: Go ahead, more fans for me!

Shit… we walked right into that one. You really are a tricky little trick. Alright, we’ll let the fans tell us if they want that one or not. Tell us Kelsey, are you here just because Asana got selected over you for the seasonal post pic this year? C’mon, you can be honest with us.

Kelsey: You don’t know me at all, do’ya? Any chance to be on camera, I’ll be there. But since you brought it up, yeah, I am miffed about that. I’ve been in all of them before, even the one that came out before NTR was even announced, I’m that good! Whatever though, I’m here now, and I’ve got my own lil’ Santy hat on, so this still counts. My streak is still alive, alright? You know how much fun it is to streak, right?

Well, there was that one time… No, wait, we’re not telling secrets here if you’re not! Let’s move this along before you make us say anything we regret. How was 2019 for you Kelsey?

Kelsey: Sweet like me! I made my first in game appearance, finally! Rocked it, by the way. Also had my Origin Story told at last too… I noticed you saved the best girl for last there, huh? My dance career is still poppin’ too, got a few more minor tourney podiums and gold medals for my collection. Still butting heads with that Grace Meyers on the circuit, it’s nice to have a rival to rub stuff in the face of, though she’s a real hippo-foot, if you know what I mean? *Clomp-clomp!* Ha ha! 

Dancing is still my focus these days, but I’m surprised how much fun the restaurant is… I might just hang around a while longer. Oh, I got in trouble a few times in the last few months, the spanky kind, that was fun! All in all, it was a pretty rad year I’ve gotta say, but it’ll have nothing on 2020, just watch!

So, what’s on your list for 2020 then?

Kelsey: A bunch o’ goodness, sunshine! I’mma keep whispering one-liners in Spook’s ear for one. I’m takin’ that one down from the inside! Unshi gets the outside treatment. This body takes maintainin’ you know! Keepin’ me in shape’s gonna drive him mad. Just the way I like.

What else, what else…? Oh, yeah, I really want to get Noe-sizzle in some more trouble now that I’ve got a front row seat. She’s a good woman, she deserves some liveliness to her life, y’know? Might even get in on the show with her myself! Also on my list is to make Frankie curse and swear at least a dozen times. She’s a precious one, she is. It’s fun to shake up her super-neat world. 

I’mma find this “Natasha” girl too if things go to plan, look that poor-whore in the face and tell her to leave my Kate alone. She’s got her all turned around and looking the wrong way these days… But my top “To-Do” is def to get Kriem to wear a dress. Like a real dress. All tight and pink and girly. That’ll be a-mazing. Snap a few pics of her like that and there’s nothing she won’t do for me to see they never hit my media feed. Free bodyguard for life!

So… You’re plans are all to fuck with the minds of your closest friends and workmates?

Kelsey: Mostly… Yeah… Oh, but I do have one goal y’all will like too. This year, I want to inspire one piece of fan art. At least one. I don’t care what kind or style, if it’s art or writing or whatever. I just want to get on the board there and to get to know my beWildernaut fans some more, ya’know? I got nearly 16,000 media fanboys and fangirls, but the ones around here are the best kind to have. I wanna connect with’um some more while the gettin’s good. 

16,000? We thought it was only 15,000?

Kelsey: *Pfft*! That was like a year ago! I’m still a growing girl! Bendin’ to be Trendin’ and all that jazz! Besides, ever since I started postin’ in that pink uniform of mine… Let’s just say the interwebz likes them some Classy-Kelsey! And I like to please!

How’s Kate?

Kelsey: Seriously…? You gonna ask me that? For reals? We were havin’ such fun too, jerks. You’re the bozos that took her away from me. I swear, I’ll go to NYC to get her back if I have to! How’s a gal supposed to get by without her girlfrie… I mean… Best friend, who is also a girl!

Know what? Interview’s over. I’ve got to go warm up for NTR anyways, you two chat with that girl who never talks now, that’s gonna go well I can tell… I’m outtie-500! Bye-byes!

And bye-byes to you too Kelsey. Thanks for stopping by, even if we didn’t actually invite you this time. Sorry if we hit a nerve with the whole “Kel and Kate” thing. Don’t worry though, you two have a whole lifetime to enjoy each other’s special friendship… Just keep putting in the work girl, just keep putting in the work!

Alright then! From that sound outside it seems Kelsey’s already sliding down the banister (we hope that’s what she’s sliding down…) and on her way off to her next adventure. That means it’s time for the second half of the main event. Let’s get Quiet in the chair! (Knowing our luck it’ll be Cat who turns up or something.)

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Quiet

Quiet! Hello! Good to see you came! At last, an interview that’ll stay on the rails! Let’s break the ice a little before we get stuck in on all we want to talk about. So then, how are you?

Quiet: …

Ah… Alright. Maybe that was a little silly, what with you always being out in the field, living a dangerous life and all. Why don’t we start somewhere else? Oh, we’ve got a good one for you! What’s your real name? Why do they call you Quiet?

Quiet: …

Uh-Huh… Too personal? Ok… Ok… Well, one of the reasons we wanted to have you on is that we’ve been on Deviant Art for over a year now and you’re our biggest pulling girl over there… Especially that rifle thing you do… Wow… So, err, how do you do it? How does that feel?

Quiet: …

Right. Well, if you’re not going to respond to direct questions, maybe we’ll just see if we can’t make you speak up? We bet there’s a chatty slapper deep down beneath that… revealing outfit… and little else…

Quiet: …

You got a few shoutouts in Misadventures of Agent Romanov of late. Congratulations…? That’s pretty cool, right?

Quiet: …

Ok then, we’re just going to take this chance to say something we’ve always thought should be said. Your tits are stupid good. Like, Grade-A use of girl parts. (Oh great, now we’re even talking like Kelsey, she’s rubbing off on us). You could probably knock a person out with a smack from one of those thick things. How do you feel about that? Are they real? Can we check?

Quiet: …

You know, if we did another tits poll like we did before, you could even beat Lara with those 50-calibre body stoppers. Would you like that? To beat Lara, we mean? You two have a bit of a rivalry brewing, and we love to see you two rumble. Do you like it as much as us?

Quiet: …

So compliments don’t seem to work. How about this. You’re a hard character to write for! You don’t say anything, it makes exposition and motivations difficult to convey. You’d make a great in-game threat for future games, especially in a city like NYC, but you’re not leading hero or villain material! Finally, we said it! Care to prove us wrong before we make you the next sub-boss or sidekick? Huh? Huh?!

Quiet: …

How about jokes? You like jokes? We know you like 70’s and 80’s music, so what about that Hall and Oats parody we did for you? You like that one? Want another oldies music tribute, or are you “too shy-shy”? Ha ha! Laugh damn it, laugh!

Quiet: …

Are… Are you mad at us for something? It’s the Last Raider, right? You’re upset because it’s less than frequently updated? We swear, we have a great time making it, we’d show off more of you if we could, but the games take so much time to make and its lower priority… It’s nothing personal… We mean it… We do work on pages on our own time though, we spend our days off with you! That’s something… right?

Quiet: …

Nothing gets a rise out of you, does it? Maybe some quick-fire questions will do the trick? Just blurt out the first thing you think of, alright? What’s your rifle’s name? Go!

Quiet: …

How many confirmed kills do you have? Your B.R.A.S.S. file says over 100, is that right?

Quiet: …

How many confirmed cocks? Or are you a virgin?

Quiet: …

What’s your favourite fetish?

Quiet: …

Is it feet? No, wait, is it butt stuff?

Quiet: …

Have you ever had sex with Poison Ivy like we’ve imagined you have?

Quiet: …

Are... Are you going to kill us?

Quiet: *Hum*, *Hum-hum-hum*

Oh shit! Interview’s over, interview’s over! You’ve been great, but we think we hear your Mistress calling you! You’d better go get that target she sent you after or Ivy will be mad at us all. We’ll see you later Quiet, you really… well, you showed up and we like that part!

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Well now, those where our interviews! We don’t know why we waited so long to do them again… and we have no idea why we thought they would go smoothly given who our girls are. 

What do we think folks, more of these for 2020? What about all the things the girls brought up? From beWilderverse stories and fan art to future hero’s and villain’s roles… How did any of those sound to you boy and girls at home? Let us know in the comments below, and on our public Discord too…

… And if you have a beWilder girl you’d like to have a question posed to like this, we want to hear that even more!

Alrighty then, that’s today’s post! We’ll be back in but days to see AoH v0.14 released, our January Goals post, and our NTR handover too! Back to busy-buys for us and back to happy-jolly time for you! Until then…

Be asking your own sexy questions and beWilder!