Journal: Ceremony
Added 2016-06-22 03:43:39 +0000 UTCAfter breaking $2,000 a month I feel a bit awkward that I didn't have some major event planned. I'm always feeling guilty about missing these milestones, especially because I'm overwhelmed to even have this support from kindhearted and supportive viewers.
Rationally I know that all of you are aware that without funding, the show just cannot be. So you all throw in a little piece of your own hard work, converted to convenient currency, so that we can entertain not just yourselves but many others. In this way, you all voluntarily subsidize a much larger audience.
Whenever I stop and consider it for even a moment, I worry. Because your small donations are not only borderline selfless, they're flattering and I've always been a somewhat insecure person about anything resembling admiration or even recognition. I can haggle, I can break up a fight, I can shake hands and make new friends easily. But honest compliments have always been something I'm puzzled by.
Back to the main point, I skipped nearly every award assembly or graduation in my life. My parents were supremely supportive and would have gone through just about any droning BS if it made their son feel proud. But I always opted out. I skipped both high school and college graduation. From my point of view I'd be one of over a thousand shaking hands with someone who might barely know me, paying money for a gown or tux, standing awkwardly for hours, dealing with traffic, etc... OR I could just ask them to mail it.
I'm terrible at ceremony and worse at self recognition. So every announcement, every extra, and every special anything C&Rsenal puts out is not for some internal motive. I do them because I appreciate you all and the love you've shown our team.
