Harping On Fraser Tribute Special

Hello there

(Disclaimer - below is referencing something from the olden days of podcasts where we used to write fictional complaint letters to companies to try to get free stuff...it's not just sudden madness - I do appreciate it may not make sense but the podcast is still accessible and explanatory )

Today I am essentially doing some charity work to show what a great guy I am, as I received a letter from a lady telling me about her poorly son.  That is why we have a Harping On podcast today, so if you are cross about it then you are cross about charity and caring.  If you don't listen to it then you are also turning your back on love and have given in to hate.

But that's on you.

I've taken the liberty of transcribing the letter for you here...including grammatical errors which are rampant:

Dear Ian Boldsworth’s Patreon

OH hello saucy pants.  My name is Mrs Fraser and I am a woman from a family which is nice.  Well, except for the cramps you know what I mean, but other than that it is alright I suppose.

I am writing you a letter (which I know you know because otherwise how would you know what I was thinking unless I had written it down?) because I have got a very sad request for you to do something because of a very sad situation.

And there’s another sad situation just happened as I am writing this down to you because I have just bit inside my mouth on the cheek bit, but the back of it, when I was eating an olive.  It really crunched (the cheek not the olive, they are pitted) and now I can even taste a bit of blood.

But that’s not the thing I was writing to you about.  I didn’t even know that was going to happen.  I am not Doris Stokes or her off the lottery in the olden days.

No, the thing that is the sad request is that my young little son Fraser, who is now probably in his mid-thirties thinking about it, has got a disease.  I don’t know what the name of the disease is because I was in the toilet when the doctor said what it was, and then I went to WH Smiths in the hospital and got a Calippo because it was boiling in there, and then I couldn’t find my way back to the ward because the signs were confusing and by the time I had worked it all out the doctor had gone home.

So had Fraser’s Dad actually.  He had left a note saying he couldn’t be bothered looking after Fraser as it sounded like it would drag on a bit. He was bloody right as well!  This was SO long ago, so he was very much on the ball that old wife of mine I mean husband.  It was fine that he left really, I don’t even blame him.  He is a seargeant Major in the army and had only just got back from a war when Fraser got whatever is wrong with him, so he was already tired from fighting Gerry.

Anyway, my son doesn’t have many nice things in his life.  He hasn’t even got any toys because I sold them (I am on smack).  However, the other day he looked at me and said “Poppa?” and I said “No, he left” and then Fraser said “Momma?” and I said “Yes, fine, go on then” and then he said “Will you play autoharp for me?” and I said “No.  I haven’t got an autoharp. What are you on about you idiot?” and he sort of cried a bit and said he had heard you playing it through the wall because her next door must be on your patreon and that he liked it and it was the only thing that would make him – a poorly child – happy.

So, it’s up to you mate.  Will you risk the wrath of disgruntled patrons and stick to your guns and play the music for a nearly-dead Fraser? Or are you just chicken McFly?

Here is the set list he wants playing;

Theme from Banana Splits

The Young Ones by Cliff Richard

Summer Holiday by Cliff Richard

Bachelor Boy by Cliff Richard

Hole In My Shoe by whoever that was

Oh and I’ll have “Something In the Water” by Pokey Lafage or anything from the Trainspotting soundtrack (because of the smack).

Here any time you want it no questions asked and I do everything yes even that

Mrs Fraser

Obviously I had to do it, even though they aren't songs I would personally have chosen.  Which is obvious by the fact that I don't really manage to do any of them with any level of completion.

However, if you have ever wondered what it is like just hanging about in my house in the middle of the night, then this is pretty much exactly how it is.  Great fun, and - hence - why another Bachelor Boy is typing this right now.

Hope you are having a brilliant week - I'm dropping into emergency mode for the rest of the week (proper, actually unwell), so am gonna pull in a favour to keep you supplied with lovely content.  Can somebody remind me to do this in normal hours please? It's presently 6.15am this morning so I can't ask them right now. I suppose I could do an email.  

Much love to you 

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