Awakening (251)

The wave undulating across the Black Sea, could, in no way, be a positive omen. In no possible variant of events could the change in behavior from the infinite black oily sea that had swallowed the entire world symbolize approaching luck for any human being in this Singularity.

After all, in her current state, Tiamat, diminished as she was, frankly speaking, no one could say there was even a battle with Tiamat happening in this Singularity. Having become Beast I, Tiamat had lost all her rationality and wisdom – qualities that, usually, could allow even a weaker enemy to triumph over a stronger one. Additionally, Tiamat was reduced to a state of half-slumber by Merlin's magecraft, deprived of the ability to interact meaningfully with the world. Finally, Tiamat's very body was sealed in the Abyss, where physical laws don't exist, leaving her only able to send her Black Sea to harass the people of the Singularity.

The forces opposing Tiamat had gathered gods and Servants equal to the likes of King Gilgamesh and the immortal magus Merlin, along with a military polished to becoming a machine to oppose the Beast. The whole of Uruk, and the capability of both Gilgamesh, and all the Servants under his command, mobilized to defeat the Black Sea. Even with all that, knowing Tiamat’s entire plans, each attack from the Black Sea accounted for, planned for, even put down to a schedule, suffering monstrous losses and demonstrating heroism at every step under the most outstanding commanders. 

Gilgamesh and Merlin could only develop a plan describing victory over Tiamat within a thousand years, if even then.

It was a situation that hung on a knife’s edge, where every simple mistake could turn the situation teetering towards the edge of the Abyss.

Therefore, even just the unexpected wave, spreading across the eternally turbulent Black Sea of Tiamat could, and by all expectation, should have become a cause for panic. It could mean the end of the world after all. 

But it didn't. 

Not because the permanent observer over the state of the Black Sea failed to notice what happened or is refusing to face reality, but rather the opposite. Because the observer understood these facts and all their unspoken implications better than anyone else. 

After all, he wasn't called the Wise King for nothing.

"So it begins," Gilgamesh's voice echoed through his office before the King allowed himself an unprecedented audacity. Rising from his seat, setting aside his bureaucratic work, one that he had never allowed himself to do, approached the arch leading to a magnificent sunlit balcony. With eyes that see more than almost all, he observed the distant Black Sea lazily shimmering with some captivating repulsiveness under the sun's rays.

Siduri, the only other figure in the office besides Gilgamesh, was as usual ignored in his thoughts, as he had seen her more as a function of his workspace than a separate thinking being beside him. However, Siduri had long accepted this as normal. After all, she was the First Advisor and assistant to King Gilgamesh – only by accepting the fact that she was merely ‘one of the background characters’ helping the ‘true hero’ could she find her place beside Gilgamesh.

"Siduri, announce a full mobilization – Tiamat will awaken approximately a day from now. Inform the soldiers, they must sacrifice themselves to ensure as much time as possible for the strike force."

It was a cold order, full of pragmatism and solemn calculation, a cruel order.

"Yes, Your Majesty," Siduri merely nodded briefly before moving to accomplish it. One could be outraged at Gilgamesh's words and his tyrannical decision to sacrifice his soldiers, with phrasing that didn't hide behind pretty words about heroism or self-sacrifice – but Siduri had no plans to do so.

Gilgamesh was the greatest king, ruler, a leader worthy of all the honors and rewards, but his reign wasn't built on supreme ideals or lofty morality. On the contrary, defying the gods, Gilgamesh created a kingdom of humans for humans – a kingdom built on the bestial, cruel, emotional, and ultimately free nature of humanity. 

The sacrifice of the soldiers under his command in this case wasn't glorified, and Gilgamesh himself didn't hide behind the greater good as justification for all his sins. Rather, the opposite, Gilgamesh initially believed that there was no sin in the world, except to put chains on oneself, constraining one's human nature – be it because of god, morality, or law.

At least that was what Gilgamesh the tyrant, the great hero and main villain of his own epic, believed. The Wise King that he became after his epic, after failing to achieve his immortality, was different. He was wise, in some sense even noble – and therefore to hear from him words that fit much more into the nature of the Tyrant than the sage…

It was a contradiction.

However, Siduri could only shake her head at this. After all, contradicting oneself was also an integral part of human nature.

***

Mash thrust her shield, although calling it a ‘thrust’ would be a misnomer, for the equipment designed exclusively for defense and devoid of even a point. Still, she had struck her shield into the ground and shifted her gaze to the Black Sea before her eyes.

If she were an ‘ordinary’ Servant, as far as that word was applicable to the three dozen Servants, unique precisely because they weren't unique in some other sense she had met in the past – She might have missed it. But now, after spending so much time on top of the walls looking at the Black Sea, Mash was ready to swear that she felt some change in it, in Tiamat. Barely noticeable by all possible means of observation, but she could swear that there was something there.

‘It is because I am a Counter Guardian.’ Galahad's voice, in the back of Mash's mind, suddenly made her exhale in shock.

In the now distant Singularity of Okeanos, when Galahad first spoke to her, he had briefly told her about what the Counter Guardians were. Servants who had been contracted with the Counter Force – for a wish granted in exchange for eternal service. A metaphorical deal with the Devil, signed in blood with the price of one's soul – all for one miracle. 

Not much was known about exactly how such contracts were concluded or created in the first place, the kind of people that made deals with the Spirit of Humanity, are rarely also the kind of people that would discuss it. It was also not a detail that the Throne of Heroes would distribute. Those at the Throne couldn’t be contracted after all, so Galahad wasn't sure whether his example of the proposed contract conclusion was unique or, on the contrary, completely ordinary. Just as he refused to voice the terms of the agreement, the miracle granted for his service… 

However, he did reveal to Mash information about what had happened and how he himself was bound to Alaya.

Fortunately for Mash, the contract applied only to Galahad himself – that is, Mash was subject to it only as long as she used Galahad's powers, and she was already fighting for Humanity’s survival, there was really no conflict there. Once Humanity was saved, and Mash was no longer using Galahad’s power, she would no longer be subject to the eternal struggle for humanity's survival. 

Otherwise, such a contract would have been too unfair to Mash. 

Though fitting its comparison as making a deal with the devil, the eternal service only starts after the Contracted’s death, that is, after they enter the Throne of Heroes, to be deployed by the Counter Force at will. And Mash, thanks to Ainz's intervention, was immortal or at least, unaging, and in case of his further patronage even possible protection from the Counter Force itself – she really didn't even need to worry too much about it.

However, what is important right now, was that she possessed the powers of a Counter Guardian and their perception, so she felt the change in Tiamat's Black Sea. After all, Tiamat was a Beast – a creature created to destroy humanity, the absolute antithesis of the Counter Guardians created to maintain humanity's existence. 

A Counter Guardian thus couldn't ignore the changes in Tiamat's nature.

"Hmm, it seems that it has begun." Though, even if Mash could ignore her instincts, the white-haired eternal irritation to all in Arthuria’s Kingdom, would not allow her to ignore it. The white-haired magus, who always showed up at the wrong time and answered in ways that spawned at least three new questions, had chosen to appear.

"Merlin…" Mash turned to him, speaking simultaneously with Galahad in her head, before stopping. What could she say next? 

Merlin, what are you doing here now? Or should she ask the cause of the current situation with Tiamat. Or how he knew about Tiamat's condition?

Merlin, as if reading these thoughts in Mash's head, just smiled his disgustingly familiar smile, making Mash's palms itch with desire to smash his face in with her shield. And then once more, just to make sure the noble heraldry of Camelot was properly imprinted on his far less noble face.

It was something that both Galahad and Mash agree with.

However, Mash restrained her impulse, despite Galahad's loud and excited encouragement, turning away lest the Mage’s irritating smirk snap her restraint, exhaling sharply before asking what seemed like an appropriate question. "How much time do we have?"

"Given your immortality and especially Ainz's help? Roughly forever." Merlin smiled at Mash with his usual irritating smile, making her regret that she couldn't just throw him into Tiamat's churning Black Sea below. Her mortality was not the question she was asking about, and Merlin knew this full well. That is why he decided to actually answer Mash's question before the violence would start.

"Kehem, regarding Tiamat… I'd say about a day. His Majesty has already ordered the Servants to begin retreating… That's exactly why I came to you – you've also been ordered to retreat to Uruk."

Mash couldn’t understand what Merlin was speaking about, surely the Magus was joking, right? Without Mash, without the Servants manning the wall, the amount of dead soldiers would raise untold magnitudes! 

But she didn’t receive such a clarification, the order to retreat, for the Servants at least, had been given – and Mash could not refuse such an order… No matter how much she regretted the fates of all the soldiers she had recently saved with her power.

"No need to fret overmuch," Merlin's calm voice felt more mocking than reassuring right now, 

"It was simply the price of victory."

Such a conclusion coming from the man that had pushed a naive girl to become a King, knowing full well how the Kingdom that the King would sacrifice her everything, would fall in the end. And worst of all, choosing to let it fall by retreating to his tower, without ever trying to prevent the Kingdom’s destruction. It was both Galahad's will and Mash’s that made her grip her shield painfully tight. 

The look on Merlin's face, seemingly saying ‘don't worry, I'll accept even this completely unfair sacrifice just to show you the truth’ made her teeth grind against each other.

"Why?" Mash finally asked, managing to unclench her teeth for a moment and look away as she asked the question. She doesn’t want to chance looking accidentally at the men that would soon die.

"Why what?" Merlin smiled as he asked, shrugging his shoulders as if he hadn’t understood the question that Mash was asking him… Though indeed, Mash wasn't asking him for an explanation of Gilgamesh's orders – those were clear enough, even if it made bile rise to her throat. Nor about Tiamat's nature, which she understood well enough.

"Why do you act this way? Every action, every word, every smirk – it's all done to provoke hatred. Are you really seeing everything as some massive joke?" Mash looked at Merlin, trying to find even one non-irritating feature in his appearance… And finding none.

"What do you mean?" Merlin continued smiling, before suddenly stopping as he raised a finger to his chin, tapping it slightly – an expression that Merlin apparently used when in serious thought, before lowering it. He was actually somewhat serious for once.

Probably because he saw that Mash was about a second away from bashing his face with her shield. If nothing else, the Magus of Flowers knows full well till what line he could push before he would get into actual trouble.

"Hmm, I suppose that that’s not the most complex thing to answer, and given our current circumstances with the Singularity's end quickly approaching, I can allow myself to answer that."

Waiting impatiently for the Magus to start speaking, it was not just Mash that was interested in the answer. To be fair, Galahad had spent, unfortunately, more time with the Magus of Flowers, a curse to be sure.

"Of course, I know how I get on people's nerves – how could the greatest magus of the human era not know something that obvious?" Merlin shrugged, showing that that very thought amused him, before looking at Mash with an uncharacteristic seriousness. 

"But what you, or even Galahad – or almost anyone else who interacts with me forgets… Is that I'm not human."

Reading the look on Mash’s face as ‘Well? Get on with it!’, the Shielder, more than eager to get to the bottom of what Merlin was talking about.

"I'm a half-incubus, born from a miracle – in the sense that it was indeed a miracle, a union between a human and an incubus. A creature of dreams, emotions, human desires – and ultimately, in the end, I don't truly understand human emotions," Merlin shrugged slightly, as if he was just saying that the sky is blue and not admitting that he was actually part Phantasmal. An information that is almost literally world-shaking. 

Mash simply took it as it came, herself becoming somewhat inured to such ‘world-shaking’ information. Seeing that he hadn’t elicited the expected reaction from Mash, with a huff, Merlin continued speaking.

"I understand their underlying causes and the reasons why actions could elicit emotional responses, but I can't experience human emotions – that's simply the nature of Incubi. However, Incubi need the emotions they're incapable of experiencing to survive – you could consider it a necessity, like food… And how long ago did humans develop a sense of taste? I consider myself somewhat of a genius for this finding." Merlin's smile widened as he stepped toward Mash, making her unexpectedly back away. She could see the hungry gleam in Merlin’s eyes – it was almost like she was being seen as a tasty steak. And, from a certain point of view, she is.

"Every provocation, every jape I play, heck, even me just being near humans generates emotions – irritation being my favorite 'taste' among them… But what if I suddenly desire something more?"

Merlin's mocking smile and playful gaze suddenly vanished, the predatory prowl that he had taken disappearing as he stood up to his full height, appearing larger than Mash had ever seen him before. "All it takes is a slight change in expression – and the sudden realization of how the familiar, annoying, mocking Merlin suddenly became serious and even dangerous creates new emotions. Fear, inspiration, apprehension, hope… Everything an incubus's soul could ever desire, as it delights in watching Humanity generate new and varied emotions."

A smile appeared on Merlin’s face, as if he was tasting Ambrosia.

"A paradise for my soul…" After a moment, Merlin seemed to hunch slightly again, letting his irritatingly familiar smile cut across his face as he stepped back, allowing Mash, who had just seen a completely different side of Merlin up close for the first time. After a moment, she released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

"And that's the terrible secret of big brother Merlin!" As if the previous seriousness was nothing more than a mirage, the magus’ expression immediately slipped into his usual smile, as he raised a finger to his chin and dramatically rolled his eyes skyward. 

"As to why I always try my best to irritate and annoy everyone?"

"Simply put – because I enjoy it!" And in an instant, as Merlin snapped his fingers, a cloud of white petals rose into the air, blocking Mash's view of the Magus, the only thing she could see was his annoying smile. When they dispersed, the Magus was gone, leaving only the echoes of Gilgamesh’s order, and the underlying sense of unease that Merlin’s admission had left. 

After waiting a second, to calm herself – and to make sure that Merlin wouldn’t just pop up again, Mash finally turned to her constant companion. 

"Did you know about this?"

‘About his nature? Yes, it was basically a public secret to the Knights of the Round Table… But I could never trace the logical connection between Merlin's nature and his horrid behavior. On purpose, I suspect’ Galahad replied thoughtfully to Mash before sighing, as if trying to dispel excessive contemplation from the minds of the two Servants. 

‘Let's go, we have received our orders.’

And although just moments ago Mash had considered the order sickening, a literal weight in her gut. Somehow, at this moment, carrying it out seemed like the distraction she needed from having to think about how one of Humanity's greatest protectors and mage behaved so provocatively for the same reason he helped all of Humanity.

Because he found it interesting to do so.

Mash didn't allow thoughts about how this might make her reconsider Ainz, and his motivations for helping Humanity, to enter her mind at all.

***

The order for the Servants to retreat and regroup, being the only worthy and viable combat force against Tiamat's, was unexpected for Alturia. To be precise, it wasn't so much unexpected, the order itself was ordinary, meant to be executed without discussion like any other command. What had disquieted Alturia however, is what it would mean for the other soldiers on the wall.

It meant certain death. A disquieting fate for the people whose life she had just protected.

But Alturia wasn't about to break into mournful wailing – after all, she was a Servant, one that would follow orders and as a King besides. The concept of necessary sacrifice was not something alien to Alturia.

Besides, she had only known these men for days, ‘hellos’ and ‘thank yous’ would not be enough to make her disobey orders. Especially when it was the entirety of Humanity that was being put on the scales…

But it does make her somewhat sad when it means that her efforts to protect their lives would be made meaningless. They would be dying all the same. 

It seemed strange to her – protecting people only to sacrifice them later…

"Orders are not up for discussion…" Ushiwakamaru, who had appeared behind her, caught her looking at the battlements forlornly. The Servant was a figure so small with such a young voice that she seemed amusing even saying such words – looked at Alturia with complete seriousness. 

"We need to go."

Alturia herself knew she had no choice but to head back to Uruk, so after looking at the abandoned battlements one last time, she turned and slightly nodded to the girl. Ushiwakamaru, for some reason delighted by Alturia's reaction, instantly leaped down from the wall to the ground below, uncaring that she might get hurt from the leap… Yes, it was quite difficult for Servants with their enhanced bodies, but not impossible – such unneeded behavior could be considered risky… Or even childish.

"My Lord acts as usual, without questioning her actions," Benkei's voice, sounding slightly tired but full of familiar warmth towards the figure Ushiwakamaru that had immediately bounded forward in great leaps after landing safely. 

"This old monk must admit it's sometimes hard to keep up with her youthful exuberance."

"Hmm," Was Alturia's placid reaction to these words before she turned her gaze to Benkei. 

"Does it pain you to leave these people to certain death?" Benkei hummed thoughtfully at the unexpected question for a moment, before he could come up with an answer.

"I… I would be lying if I said that I'm not saddened by the decision. But, I would also be lying if I said that I'll mourn their deaths for the remaining days of this Singularity." There was a note of sadness in Benkei's voice, but it remained even. There was indeed concern and sadness, but little of it. 

"And you?" With a curious tilt, Benkei then regarded Alturia.

"I don't care," Alturia answered honestly, then after waiting several seconds during which Benkei didn't rush her, turned her gaze to him, "But I find it strange. Why did we save their lives only to kill them now?"

This time, Benkei couldn’t hide his surprise at the unexpected question.

"I find it strange that I… that a wandering monk like me would be teaching Kings about when to save lives and when to sacrifice them," Benkei responded, trying to put on the serene smile of a wise elder… Before stopping suddenly, wiping it from his face and sighing. 

"But if you want to hear the opinion of an old fool, I'll say that's just how life is. Some fight so others may live… And some retreat so their death won't be in vain."

Alturia raised an eyebrow at these words, "That sounds more like justification made up after the fact rather than a true reason."

At Alturia’s response, Benkei could only widen his eyes in surprise before suddenly laughing – a joyless, bitter laugh, "It's amazing that Lord Ushiwakamaru never solved this riddle, yet a lost Servant without a history understood it from just one phrase from this monk."

Benkei’s laugh dies soon after.

"Then again, perhaps my Lord simply never thought about it… Or didn't want to think about it," Benkei looked defeated as he addressed Alturia again. 

"You're right – that is exactly what it is, justification. Created hastily, to justify the sacrifice, to justify everything that had happened. The truth in life is that some die… And some don't. By Gilgamesh's decision, these people will die here today, and tomorrow we'll die fighting Tiamat. If you need a reason deeper than that… I don't have any wise koans on this subject."

It was a bleak answer, one that hadn’t satisfied Alturia.

"Doesn't your religion speak of accepting death?" Alturia looked with pure curiosity at Benkei, making him hunch slightly under the weight of her gaze.

"One could indeed preach Buddhism in that way… But how can someone speak of it who doesn't follow their own principles?" Benkei, after waiting several seconds, raised his eyes to Alturia before sighing, raising a hand to his face, as if he’s trying to fix a mask. 

"How long have you known?"

"Benkei was a wandering monk serving Ushiwakamaru, but he was a warrior, not a preacher. About the fact that you might not be who you pretend to be…" Alturia paused for a moment before nodding, coming to a conclusion. She had known, from the start, that the Servant in front of her was not Benkei.

"Why?"

Though the reason for the deception still escapes her.

"Because Benkei deserves to be remembered – and I deserve to be forgotten," Benkei, or the one pretending to be the wandering monk Benkei, glanced at the now distant figure of Ushiwakamaru. 

"Benkei was a warrior, a loyal servant of Lord Ushiwakamaru, but who knows about his legend? Perhaps a few thousand people… It's simply not fair. A noble monk who accepted death for his mistress's honor, fighting alongside her remains forgotten. While I…"

Benkei paused for a moment, staring into the distance, before letting out a deep sigh. "I, too, should have accepted death alongside her, fighting in that last battle, dying, protecting the clan's honor. But I had refused, running away, succumbing to cowardly panic – after all, what can a wandering artist do in a pitched battle?” 

Shrugging his shoulders, as if saying ‘what can you do about it?’, despite the lackadaisical attitude, Alturia could not miss the heavy sadness behind it.

“With that flimsy reasoning, I then betrayed my brothers and left them to die. I betrayed Benkei in that fight… And decided to become Benkei to atone for this craven act. Or, if that's impossible – to spend my life telling the story of the old warrior-monk who had fought for honor and died for his brothers."

"That's why I don't have a wise parable about sacrifice and death in battle from my old acting repertoire," The one who took Benkei's name turned to Alturia and nodded slightly. "Only an understanding that some die today, so that others could fight tomorrow. There's no deep meaning or meaninglessness in this… It's just life."

Alturia, looking at Benkei, raised her gaze upward and slowly let out a sigh. "I thought you said that you didn't have any wise koans on this subject."

Smiling wryly, not-Benkei scoffed.

"It isn't a koan – these are just the thoughts of an old scoundrel who had portrayed himself as a sage so well that even the Throne of Heroes believed it." Benkei smiled slightly before composing himself again. Looking at the dot in the distance that is Ushiwakamaru, not-Benkei returned to his previous act as a ‘dignified sage’. 

"We should move out – or Lord Ushiwakamaru might try to run back here."

Alturia nodded in response before jumping off the wall, copying something that she thought unendingly reckless just minutes ago.

Perhaps it was…

But if her existence was meaningless – what sense was there in preventing herself from doing something because it was meaningless?

***

Jacques had abandoned her own part of the wall that she was responsible for as soon as she had received the order from Gilgamesh. Taking a slow walk down the battlements, contrary to the other Servants who had chosen to jump down instead.

After all, she had participated in Humanity's defense and resolved the current Singularity purely due to Jacques de Molay's rudimentary personality, one that she had subsumed, and her own interests. The death of one, ten, or a hundred million humans meant nothing to her in the grand scheme of things. 

The soldiers left behind by her simply became another entry in her internal chronicle of Humanity that she personally observed. Nothing more, nothing less.

"I assume asking about you having any doubts regarding His Majesty's orders would be pointless?" Tomoe's voice unexpectedly reached Jacques, making her pause for a moment in her steps for a moment, giving the other Servant just a nod in response.

"An order is an order," Jacques slightly tilted her head before looking at Tomoe herself, as if asking why Tomoe was asking her about this. After all, she also didn't seem troubled by said order of retreat. 

"I see that this doesn't bother you either."

Contrary to her expectation however, Tomoe shook her head side to side, expressing her disagreement.

"It actually does – just to a far less extent than the prospect of disobeying orders." Tomoe replied to Jacques, glancing back at the battlements, where people who had to accept their death stood to give others, for the Servants, a chance for victory. 

"I would have preferred to sacrifice myself."

"Why?" Jacques couldn’t help but ask as she herself took another look at the dead men walking, the soldiers preparing themselves for their approaching death. 

"Isn't the meaning of human life to survive?"

"For most yes," Tomoe didn't deny Jacques’ words, as she followed besides her. 

"But some prefer sacrificing themselves for a higher purpose, saving others, winning the war… Is this such a complex concept that it requires additional contemplation?"

"No," Jacques didn't countermand Tomoe’s words, she had seen many of Humanity who did, and wanted to do the same after all. 

"I just didn't think you are one of such types. In your legend, you did sacrifice your husband to survive."

Jacques couldn’t pick better words if she wanted to hurt Tomoe, the words striking Tomoe like arrows. The Servant stopped in her step, surprised by the sudden cruel words from Jacques. 

"I… I didn't sacrifice him, He chose to sacrifice himself to preserve our child's life."

Seeing that Tomoe had suddenly stopped, Jacques stopped as well. Not because she was worried or apologetic, but simply curious. What Tomoe had said was counter to how Jacques sees her, after all.

"And after the child's birth, you didn't throw your life on the altar of vengeance for his death, but lived the rest of your life as a priestess, dying in your own bed from old age." Her words would have sounded accusing, if she hadn’t delivered them without any change in her tone of voice, as she then continued walking. 

"That's why I'm surprised that you're talking about sacrificing yourself."

Jacques didn't stop, seemingly not even giving significance to what she had said, considering it just one of the phrases thrown to the wind, but Tomoe didn't move from her spot. Watching the avatar of Shub-Niggurath walk away before closing her eyes, squeezing them with all her might, as if trying to cover a bleeding wound that couldn't heal no matter how much strength and time was spent on it.

"That's right…" Tomoe sighed, speaking the words to herself as she stared at the scores of men that are about to sacrifice their lives to buy time, even for just a second. A flash of pain and unbearable guilt flashed in Tomoe’s eyes, but still, with one last forlorn look at the battlements, she chose to continue walking.

"Is it so strange for a repenting sinner to seek redemption in death?"

And slowly the rays of the dawning sun behind her slid across Tiamat's impassive Black Sea.