Shut up and Kiss me chap 7

Drum roll: here's the grand finale for you!

It's much longer than the others and maybe the Patreon format isn't optimal for reading, but for those who don't want to wait for the release on ao3, here it is!

ps. Thanks again to the amazing Henrike / Autumngirl for her invaluable help in correcting the English, if this makes any sense it's also thanks to her!

In complete disbelief of what he had just heard, Crowley couldn’t say a word or take his eyes off Aziraphale’s tear-filled ones. He couldn’t even push him away again, or separate himself from his warmth for a single moment. It was too much to process and he couldn’t believe that his angel had actually manipulated him to this extent, he didn’t believe him capable of such deception… but until now he had always been wrong to underestimate him.

He took a long, interminable sigh and asked:

“Seriously, angel? I… I can’t believe it, when you realized I was conscious, why the hell didn’t you tell me? Why the hell did you expose me like this when you knew I wouldn’t remember a thing and that… and that… oh my God, Aziraphale, you’re unbelievable, you took everything you wanted knowing all along that I wouldn’t remember a thing?! It’s fucking easy like that!”

“No, it’s not! I wanted to tell you, but you… said you didn’t see the point of making love if I hadn’t been there for you when you woke up, let alone if you hadn’t even remembered it!”

Aziraphale looked at him with eyes full of regret, but he didn’t hesitate to continue:

“I’m suffering and I’ll suffer even more later, but at least I’ll keep these moments in my heart, I’ll know that you love me and forgive me, am I really so selfish?”

The angel’s hand on his cheek was warm when Crowley took it and squeezed it. He no longer had the strength to get angry, nor to fight.

“Do you really want to bring me back to oblivion and suffering as if none of this ever happened?

Why are you doing this to the person you say you love?”

“I don’t want this, Crowley! Oh, seriously, what kind of sadistic manipulator do you take me for?”

“Didn’t you… plan this? Isn’t this another “insurance” of your miracle?”

“What?! Of course not! I never thought your conscience would emerge, let alone plan a scenario like this! Everything we shared in this dream will be lost, but not through my fault!”

Crowley was shocked, and when the angel withdrew his hand in indignation he was even more so.

“Do you seriously think I would take advantage of you like a coward who doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions? Oh, you’ve said so many mean things to me over the years, but this, seriously, beats them all…”

“But I thought… I connected the dots and…”

Aziraphale was now pissed as well as desperate. He planted his hands on Crowley’s chest to push him away and get up from his knees, but Crowley held him back.

Why had the situation turned upside down?

It always worked that way between them, didn’t it?

“Fuck, angel, you have to calm down now, if it wasn’t you who planted a landmine in my head to erase everything good that would help me survive the next Armageddon… what makes you think I’ll forget everything?!”

“My dear, this bubble I created only allowed me to meet you in your subconscious. This is no different from any other dream, even though we are both aware of it. I may not be an expert, but I read Freud’s “The Interpretation of Dreams” and discussed it with him at the time. Apart from the strong sexual references which, frankly, I disagreed with, but now, perhaps, I could reconsider my opinions… well, he let me sit in on a few sessions and his patients had faded memories at best. Some of them didn’t remember at all. Sigmund subjected a poor woman to hypnosis to bring out nothing more than few pieces without any logical sense! I am a magician, not a mentalist, and I don't know where to begin with…”

As Crowley listened patiently to Aziraphale's rant, a huge relief crept under his skin.

“So you deduced this thing, it was eating you from the inside, you made me… oh Christ, angel, you let yourself be dominated and punished just for hiding a doubt, something that isn't even up to you?!”

Crowley pulled him to his chest and hugged him so tightly that if he had a corporation he would have been breathless. “Stupid, silly, adorable- how I adore you.”

“No, I, Cro… stop it, I'm serious!” And yet Crowley didn't stop kissing his neck, his shoulders, holding him close, smelling and tasting his skin that felt of cherry, books, and honey. How could he ever forget this?!

Finally, Aziraphale stopped struggling in his embrace and let him. He seemed to have calmed down because he began to stroke the demon's feathers and breathe more slowly.

Only then did Crowley decide to release him from his crushing grip.

"I'm not sure, but isn't that what happens? Tell me, Crowley, have you ever clearly remembered a dream after you woke up?" Aziraphale rested his head on his shoulder, the question barely above a whisper.

It was true... Crowley had rarely remembered what he dreamed and mostly faded images of the angel lingered. Dreams that had transformed after an hour at most in fog and melancholy for something he had grazed, a reciprocated feeling that in reality did not belong to him at all. What he remembered most was the emptiness that those dreams left in the following days ... could this one also turn into smoke and sadness?

"Can't you do something, angel? Can't you make me remember?"

"If I had known that you could be conscious with me, perhaps I could have set a rule when I formulated the miracle, but now ... it's too late."

"It's always too late” Crowley hissed.

"My initial intention was to calm your nightmares and with that I succeeded. Perhaps it's better this way, my love, it would be dangerous for you to remember. I must not be greedy, I have already had too much from you."

"Why do you say that? I want to know that you love me. I want to remember every tear and word, how I felt to kiss you, caress you, really be with you after millennia of abstinence and desire, I... I don’t want to go back to square one!”

Crowley held his angel like a lifeline, the only thing that would keep him from drowning in the abyss of his mind again.

“I don’t want this either, it was our first time together and… it could be our last. But at least you will be safe and I will face my destiny with the love you gave me. I have no regrets if I know you are safe.”

Crowley immediately understood the damn point of the matter. He took Aziraphale’s face in hand looking him straight in the eyes, to deliver the message loud and clear:

“If there’s going to be a war, not only will I not be safe, but I’ll also be depressed, angel. I was summoned as Duke and had every intention of answering the call before you saved my heart by entering my head.”

“What? No, you don't have to answer to hell, you have to stay hidden, wait for me, for me to…»

«I shouldn't have, angel. I wanted to go to war just to throw myself under an angelic spear and end it all! Do you understand? Oh fuck, I can't believe I'm telling you this… if I still had that thermos with holy water, I… I would have drunk it as soon as I set foot in my flat.»

Terror oozed from the angel's eyes as he realized that his noble sacrifice would not save the demon from himself.

"I saw the devastation, the dead plants, the empty bottles... so many broken mirrors... but I didn't think your anger was turned against yourself."

Aziraphale's eyes darkened, his face twisted in pain, but Crowley continued to stab with the knife:

“I went to sleep just to give myself a chance to rethink, because, oh Satan, the thought of dying in battle gave me such relief at that moment... at the end of everything, maybe, I’d get to meet you and maybe, I hoped... you’d be the one to finish me.”

"Stop it, Crowley... I could never do this to you! How did you think, oh God, if I knew that by leaving I would not protect you, but push you to... I’ve been so wrong! I could not survive if you! Why are you telling me this now!?"

"So you’ll do something! When I wake up, stay next to me! Explain everything to me, kiss me until I believe it, in reality! Please, I won’t be safe, and I’ll never be happy if you’re not with me.”

Aziraphale shook his head, stroking Crowley's hair, unable to believe, unable to accept that his love wanted to commit suicide because of him.

"I can't, I can't. The call to arms has happened. Right in this moment that we share, I ran away from my duties to come to you, love, my one and only, infinite love. I came to your apartment to apologize and say goodbye, nothing else. I was worried about you, but the fact that you were sleeping, that I couldn't talk to you one last time, drove me crazy. I shouldn't have, I'm selfish."

Aziraphale had no more tears to shed, he was with his head down, unable to process Crowley's terrible confession.

"If you saw me when you woke up, if you didn't remember anything, how do you think your reaction would be? There is no time to start over, the bells are ringing, I can hear them from here too."

It was Crowley's turn to cry. How could he accept such a fate?

"Let's stay here then, please, stay here... angel, don't go, don't leave me again."

"Time is frozen only in your mind... when the bells stop ringing they will come looking for me and find you too. They will kill you in your sleep. There is no way to escape this fate, I'm afraid."

"Well, if I must be killed, I would rather it happen in my sleep while we are making love, than under an angelic spear... am I that selfish?" Crowley replied, repeating the angel's words. He smiled and sobbed; he didn't want to give up... but he saw no escape.

"William argued that never was a story of more woe than that of Juliet and her Romeo, but he was sorely mistaken… if he had known our fate, he would have written a far more tragic work.”

Aziraphale tried to dry Crowley’s tears by caressing his face, without success.

“I never liked Shakespeare’s damned tragedies, that’s why…”

“Because you were always too sensitive to bear other people’s misfortunes.”

“Yes, well, mine… ours, that’s more than enough.”

Aziraphale straddled Crowley’s lap and took his turn embracing him, kissing away the tears on his cheeks, whispering every sappy love line from “Romeo and Juliet” to coax a smile out of him.

“Turn him into stars and form a constellation in his image. His face will make the heavens so beautiful that the world will fall in love with the night and forget about the garish sun.”

“Ew, angel, stop. Please…”

Despite the embarrassment, Crowley felt the urge to kiss him, but he did it slowly, without rushing. What was the rush if this was all that was left? All that really mattered?

“Love, love madly, love more than you can and if they say that it's sin, love your sin and you'll be innocent.” Crowley enunciated between kisses.

“I knew you’d watch it.”

“Just to tell you the reasons why it was so ridiculous.”

“And isn’t this true love? Thank you, thank you for everything you’ve always done for me. Thank you for your friendship, your complicity, your optimism even in the worst situations. Even when the world was ending you knew how to give me hope again… and even now, if this is our destiny, I just want to be next to you, holding your hand and waiting together for the end to come to us …”

Aziraphale’s words sounded like a terrible goodbye.

“Shut up, don’t say it! Shut up and kiss me while we can.”

When Crowley kissed his angel again it was with desperation. For all the opportunities they had missed in the past to be happy and for all the future ones they would never have. He needed to burn the taste of him, the touch of his tongue, his full lips between his teeth. The only reason that would keep him alive was in his arms, how could he forget about that?

Lost in passion, Crowley jumped when suddenly Aziraphale deprived him of his contact and asked out of nowhere, with a certain innocence: “Darling, wait, you… you said that if you had an orgasm you could wake up, is that right?” he was suddenly deprived of Aziraphale’s contact

“I’m almost certain, it’s happened to me… often.” Unable to take his mouth off him for a second, the demon bit down on a hard nipple that was right there to entice him. “If you… remember what happened then… do you also remember who was in the dream?” The question came out in a suspended tone that Crowley didn’t like. He raised his head, indignant.

“You, of course! The ones in the Garden of Eden are the most common, but also at the bath in Rome, on the seat of my car or on the car’s hood, yes we often do it in the Bentley” he added to answer the angel's surprised look  “And… around the 80s Freddie Mercury was often with us… oh, and once David Bowie too, it must have been after that evening at the bar we spent flirt-I mean chatting. Now that I think about it, we also had Cleopatra as a guest, or rather she had us as guests, she knew how to handle a snake!”

“Crowley!!! I’m going to get jealous!”

“Hey, sorry they were always threesomes and, I mean, just fantasies”

“But I see you remember them quite well! You’ve always had a thing for that Freddie Mars, or what’s his name?!”

Crowley was strangely pleased by his angel's jealousy and thought how many opportunities he had wasted to see him so flustered.

“Yes… Freddie was a magician with his mouth, in every sense of the word, while Cleo…”

“Enough, I don’t want to know!”

Crowley laughed with happiness because he realized he clearly remembered every fucking wet dream in which I had laid his hands on Aziraphale, with or without guests.

He had tried to forget to avoid suffering in the days that followed. He had really tried hard, especially when those same images tormented and pleased him in the solitude of his car or his apartment. In fact, every time he had met the angel after such a dream, he had to chase away the thoughts that jumped into his head so as not to have an embarrassing erection in front of him.

“Angel, you are a genius! My sexual muse!”

“You mean that if you wake up… because of a dream coitus, you will most likely remember everything?”

“What was my fear before, could be the key to everything!”

“Oh… my, I never thought my lust would save you more than my sacrifice”

“You should have asked me, I would have said there was no doubt about it!”

“Well then, we will make it absolutely memorable…”

This time it was Aziraphale who kissed him passionately and greedily, he wrapped him in his arms, his wings and his thighs. Crowley concentrated to memorize every wonderful sensation that his angel’s soft body was transmitting to him. So soft… except for one particular area.

“Angel, you are so hard again… ngk”

“Really? I would never have guessed”

“I would never have guessed that you were capable of holding a sex marathon without missing a beat”

“Do you underestimate me, foul fiend?”

“Never, you always twist my expectations”

Finally Crowley felt a weight falling from his shoulders. Even if that wonderful dream would soon end, he would make it come true, he would find his angel. They would solve things together, as they had always done. There were no more secrets that divided them and soon they would be free to be together for real.

There was no longer any need to concentrate, to resist. He could surrender to pleasure, he was free to let go.

Aziraphale pressed with his entire body, making their cocks rub together in the embrace.

From that position Crowley could easily reach every part of him, let his hands wander over his buttocks, his back, his wings, go back down and start that path full of curves again. Aziraphale rocked in pleasure and moaned as their tongues intertwined.

This was exactly how Crowley liked him, confident, ready to give and surrender, without guilt, without excuses. Everything the demon had ever wanted was right there in his arms and he would be damned a hundred times over if he forgot it, if he let it go again.

Crowley slipped a hand between them and took their cocks together. They were already so wet from sweat and precum, that there was no need for lube, he just slid from the heads and slowly worked his way down.

Aziraphale gasped in pleasant surprise, broke away from the kiss and sat up more comfortably to watch. Crowley bent his thighs slightly to give him support, while Aziraphale arched his back and enjoyed his fist.

“I like this very much, yes…” The angel joined his hand with Crowley’s, simply following his movements and using his thumb to subtly smooth the red heads at the end.

“Yeah, do you like it? What we have done till now and will do every day of our lives together?”

“We will do it in our cottage? Promise me… oh yes”

“Every day, every day, until you are full”

“Then it will take you forever to satisfy all my pent-up desires, my dear”

“Oh, it will be a wonderful eternity”

Aziraphale stopped Crowley’s fist and took a breath, looking him straight in the eyes before saying:

“If you are going to come… if you wake up after this, I want you to do it inside me.”

“Angel, I just pounded you like a toy, you came like a garden hose and then you passed out. Are you… sure you can handle another full round?”

The angel hugged him and whispered in his ear:

“I want us to be connected, I want to feel you go crazy with pleasure as you pour yourself into me. You have never come before despite all the joy you have given me and I want it to be perfect.”

Crowley’s cock had throbbed with every whispered word.

“Angel, if you don’t stop whispering these obscenities like they were Shakespearean lines, I will come right now.”

Aziraphale smiled and rose to his knees, giving Crowley a better angle to penetrate him.

“Just… take it easy, I’m still sore from your alpha-male performance.”

“Oh, I also feel very comfortable in the opposite position; if the master of my life asked for it…”

Aziraphale slowly descended onto Crowley’s curved cock, who held him still and coated him in shiny, sticky oil to make the task easier.

“Ouch… I didn’t think that after all the times that I took it… okay now it’s better”

“Can you do it, angel? I can change for you if you want, I’m comfortable with a pussy, you know”

“I noticed… aaah, yes… over the centuries, when you were- oh my-is this big snake of yours never ending?”

Crowley snickered. “It’s easier when I do it, isn’t it? ”

Aziraphale squinted and went down further, trying to speak at the same time “Yes, back in the days when you were Warlock’s nanny and… I watched you in that miniskirt and garters, you were gorgeous”

Crowley gave a little push upwards to help him with the final part and Aziraphale ended up with his arms around his neck.

“I only wore them to tease a certain voyeur gardener”

Aziraphale caught his breath and without moving tried again to adapt to the generous size of Crowley’s cock inside him.

"I've always loved watching you change. You're beautiful in every shape. I want you for who you are, not just for what you look like”

"You make me cry even when I try to make fun of you" Crowley's snake eyes stung as he listened to the words he had ever hoped to hear one day.

Wrapping his arms around his love, he savored the feeling of being inside him again, so deeply that he felt himself being sucked into a tight, hot vice.

"Oh yes, oh yes, ah..." Aziraphale was enjoying it in the same way. His face seemed relaxed this time, as if he had regained possession of something that was missing and was satisfied with it.

"I could get used to having you inside me, you fill me up so well..." The angel moved with small circles of his hips, holding onto Crowley's neck and driving him crazy with moans of pleasure.

"Angel... ah- if you don't stop provoking me you might have to watch out for my assaults even in public"

"I don't have to, I... ah, I authorize you, mmh..."

"You authorize me? To fuck you as and when I want?"

"I have to make up for millennia of stupid refusals... oh, if I had known it felt like this... oh"

The angel's words were trembling and dragged by the gasps he couldn't stop.

"You wouldn't leave me hanging in Rome? And in '41? And after we… angel, slow down, ah, yes, like this…»

Aziraphale followed the movements of Crowley's hands on his buttocks that now guided him, opening and helping him to make his way on the long lane of his cock.

«After the first Armageddon, you mean?»

«Yes, yes, I needed it so much that night, I thought that… you wanted it too, you were so sad and close, you hugged me, we slept together, and yet…»

Aziraphale was higher than Crowley, he looked at him with hypnotic languid eyes while he caressed his wet neck and concentrated his efforts to be able to respond despite the large intrusion that impaled him.

“Only -aaaah- only you were sleeping, I-I counted every, every lash that touched your cheeks, every freckle, every beautiful hair that I stroked while I prayed to save you from the holy water… so, I, so I found… mmh… the solution”

“Oh angel, you make me feel guilty”

“Why would you… wait stay, stay still, I need a moment”

Despite his boldness, Crowley could tell that he had put him to the test, that he was trying really hard to get to the end in the way he had chosen.

“Because I was excited to have you in my bed and you only thought about saving me”

The angel’s tense expression eased as he said in a low, firm voice:

“You don’t have to feel guilty for your desire… well, I confess that I took a peek when I was in your shoes”

“Naughty angel… just a peek?”

Aziraphale smiled slyly, then kissed him to close the matter, which could only mean that there was much more to tell. And Crowley was more than happy to leave the subject hanging, to explore it thoroughly in their future, where they would be free to love each other and confess everything.

At the moment the angel was fully enjoying another freedom, that of moving alone, a freedom that had been denied to him before. He had resumed the dance on Crowley's effort, going up and down faster and faster, with prolonged moans. Crowley felt so good with the weight of his angel on top of him, his hands on his curves, while Aziraphale's thick cock marked him, leaving white precum on his contracted abdomen every time it went up and down…

"Aziraphale, do you want me to, do you want me to… oh, fuck"

The angel had sat up taking him whole, Crowley's legs had given way, completely stretched out under the force of the last thrust, his balls were squeezed between the angelic buttocks, the tip of his cock touched the bottom, sucked in by a hot grip of pleasure.

"I just want you to relax and concentrate on remembering all this"

When Aziraphale finally pushed him down to impose his will, the demon could do nothing but lie down on the soft carpet and let him do it.

The contours of the room, previously dark and faded, had become a warm, shimmering gold, making Crowley feel wonderfully welcomed. The cold he had felt before had turned into a vortex of heat that started from his chest and flared up in his lower parts, where his angel was riding him.

The otherworldly vision of the one he had loved since the beginning of time, enjoying himself, sweating, with his thighs and wings spread above him, moving sensually as if it were in his nature, was something that would have branded the demon's memory.

Up until now he had done his best - and his worst - to satisfy the angel, to make sure he would not go away, to make him dependent on it and that he would ask for it again.

It was a consolidated mechanism making Aziraphale give in to a pleasure he would never do without again. And it was so anchored in Crowley’s subconscious, that he hadn't realized, he had fucked without thinking about himself, blocking his orgasm to prolong the game, he hadn't even come close to the core of true passion.

He finally understood, it had to be mutual for it to really work. For mere carnal desire to turn into unconditional love. And this, oh, this was something else entirely.

His angel was caressing every part of him, calling his name like an ode, while he enjoyed with his eyes closed. Crowley grabbed with both hands the turgid thighs locked to his sides, and began to move in return.

He gave little thrusts every time Aziraphale rose, accompanying him, never leaving him for more than a few inches.

The angel had pleasantly welcomed the change of pace leaning with his hands on Crowley's chest, while his cock twitched and dripped on Crowley's belly.

"Angel, look at me, I need your eyes"

Aziraphale opened his eyes, they were clouded with pleasure, swollen from the many tears shed, but unmistakably, through those foggy irises, Crowley saw the hidden sparks of his angel, made to be loved by the Starmaker.

Crowley moved under him, captured by that wonderful gaze, which widened with pleasure as the pace increased. Aziraphale’s mouth also fell open in silent delight, his knees buckled forward, unable to resist the forceful thrusts of the demon’s hips.

After holding back so much, he needed it desperately, he gave in to his needs and bent his knees, causing the angel to give in completely, ending up on his chest.

“There you are, the most beautiful angel in creation, who has chosen me.”

“Only you, forever.”

Aziraphale kissed Crowley again, as he held him, hugged his body and hammered his ass. The demon was wonderfully pressed, only his hips moving freely.

They were both panting into each other’s mouths, each kiss dragged and blunted by the sounds of otherworldly pleasure they were feeling.

Why did this have to end?

Why couldn’t Crowley hold him in his arms forever?

“I love you, I love you so much,” the demon said on a sigh.

Aziraphale stroked his hair softly and kissed his cheek, his chin, his neck, happy and so sad at the same time.

“Crowley, love of my existence, the kindest, aah and funny, and smart and handsome aaah yes, wonderful, oh and good at this too, ooh”

“Your compliments will kill me one day”

“Get used to hearing them when we make love, because I can’t, I can’t help myself when you’re so perfect for me”

“Ngk”

Without separating an inch, Crowley rolled to be on top.

The angel smiled and looked at him with so much love and devotion, a look that would set his soul ablaze forever.

“Oh, angel… my love, I don’t want to forget.”

“You won’t forget… you won’t, you can’t.”

Despite his words, Aziraphale’s voice cracked.

“How… how will I know it was real? Even if I remember what happened but you’re not there, how will I convince myself it wasn’t just my imagination?”

“You will know, I promise.”

Aziraphale caressed his cheek and smiled. Crowley knew with absolute certainty that this time he was telling the truth, that he would find a way.

“But you have to promise me that you’ll stay safe, I don’t want you to come looking for me, please.”

“Aziraphale… you can’t ask this of me, I want to be by your side.”

“Love of my existence, you will be there, no matter what.”

It was Crowley’s turn to end up lying on his angel’s soft chest to hug him and hide his face while he crossed his thighs to draw him deeper.

“I can’t stay hidden while you try to stop the destruction of our world.”

“I know it’s going to be hard, but my heart will be light knowing that you’re waiting for me, that you love me, that you’re alive.”

Crowley bit his lip and said what he had to say to reassure him:

“Okay, I promise.”

“Thank you, thank you. Ooh yes, I like it, more, dear, more”

Aziraphale squeezed his hair and shoulders, feeling Crowley moving again.

Now every thrust was bringing him closer, so close.

“Angel, I…”

“I know, go ahead, ah, I’m following you.”

Crowley’s thrusts became less prolonged, faster and more urgent, he grabbed Aziraphale’s cock under him because he wanted them to come together this time, at least once. He bent over the angel’s body completely, while he lifted his legs and gasped with pleasure.

Crowley's wet fist worked at the same pace as his thrusts, but his angel had been trained too well to come as easily as before.

"Crowley I love you, I love you... I'm sorry for being such a fool and a coward, I'm sorry for the wasted years, I'm sorry because you deserved so much more"

"Angel oh, it's not- it's not goodbye- stop it"

"I won't stop saying it until- oh yes, until it's burned into your... memory"

"Tell me, then, tell me"

Crowley felt his whole body go up in flames, his concentration slipping, the room tightening and fading around them.

"I love you, I love you, do you understand? You don't, ah- don't hurt yourself, because I'm coming to you, promise me"

"Yes, yes, I promise, I love you too... so much"

"It was you who gave me a dream, it was you who saved me”

“Aziraphale-oh… Aziraphale”

“Stay safe… stay safe, everything will be okay”

His love’s words were little more than a distant whisper, overwhelmed by the growing rush of pleasure Crowley was receiving, something he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to, at this point.

He felt Aziraphale tighten around his cock as he poured himself into his fist, his buttocks and back contracting, sucking him in again, tighter, deeper.

His spasms gave Crowley a final rush that sent his brain blank. And finally, finally, he came with a violent jolt, breaking free, feeling a pleasure he had never felt before.

Aziraphale moaned softly as Crowley pulsed inside him… as the bubble’s edges continued to fade, nothing else mattered. Only his angel’s voice growing fainter, his hands caressing, his eyes crying, his mouth kissing him.

Then there were blinding sparks and Crowley opened his eyes to the darkness of his bedroom screaming.

“Aziraphale!”

“I love you”

“I love you”

“Stay safe”

“Everything will be okay”

Words that sounded like a distant echo filled Crowley’s head, words so beautiful they seemed impossible. He sat up, panting as if he had run a marathon.

His heart was pounding in his chest and every inch of his body was sweaty.

How long had he been asleep? He touched his face, a stubble cut flush with his chin, his hair obscuring his vision, he pushed it away from his sweat-beaded forehead.

He felt uncomfortable, disoriented, as if he had emerged from another reality, but at the same time he was satisfied, happy.

His name was still on Crowley’s lips, he had shouted it emerging into the world as if reborn, reaching out to grab it, something perfect that had escaped him, that was slipping through his fingers.

He began to cry, crushed by an inner turmoil that he did not understand. Hot tears poured down his cheeks, falling into his open hands that he continued to stare at.

Everything fell upon him. That dream that had woken him up, in which there was him, him, his one and only love that gave him everything he had always wanted… salvation and absolution.

He cried liberating tears, memories like a river in flood crowded his mind. Confused, overlapping, but so terribly concrete. The words they had said while making love were branded like the scarlet letter of their forbidden passion. Could all this be just a figment of his imagination?

“It can’t be, it can’t be, angel, where are you? Don’t leave me, please”

He felt a heat radiate in his chest, he raised his head from his knees and turned around.

Next to him the sheets were crumpled, on the gray smoke of the silk, a bright white feather stood out. He took it, caressed it, felt the unmistakable warmth that had kept him alive for 6000 years and he knew it was all true.

“I will find you, Airaphale, wait for me… I’m coming.”