Shut up and Kiss me chap 6, full

The chapter is ready, but I'm still finishing the illustration that I showed you in the wip, so the post on ao3 will have to wait a few more days... but you won't!

 I served you the most hardcore and angsty chap, with a twist at the end!

Don't hit me, please!

ps. as always thank you, Autumgirl, for your fast and accurate beta!

Crowley was lost, completely enveloped in the warmth of the angel who had saved his soul and condemned his heart. He always had been, but the truth of what was happening between them had only belonged to his fantasies in the past.

His feelings were meant to be hidden; his carnal desires kept as a shame. Even though he was an incurable optimist, he never hoped that one day those dreams would come true.

Yes, dreams… that was the point, the knowledge that was spoiling the happiness of that eternal moment.

Had Aziraphale confessed and given himself freely to him, only because in the bubble he had created no one could discover his dirty secret?

Even though he trusted his words and his sincere tears, even though he had truly forgiven him, Crowley sensed that something was wrong, that if he were to wake up in his bed, shocked after an intense orgasm, Aziraphale would not be beside him.

The thought alone was driving him crazy.

"Ah, Crowley, slow down... you hurt me, wait"

The voice of his angel, less than a breathless whisper, made him jump.

His soft hands were gripping the feathers of his shoulders in an attempt to resist the impetus of Crowley's thrusts, who emerged from his thoughts in a magnificent interlocking of sweaty bodies.

He had been overcome by the heat of seeing him so desirous, he did not want to be brutal.

"I, sorry, I knew I would lose control... I'm an animal"

"No! No, you are fine, just stay with me... it's strange to feel you inside, but distant, where do your thoughts wander, my love?"

They were still deeply connected, but they just looked at each other, breathing heavily into the other's mouth, mixing air and emotions.

Aziraphale had rested his forehead against the demon's with sweetness, now his hands were relaxed, caressing the places he had previously scratched.

Crowley was starting to feel cold, the only source of light and heat coming from the sun below him. The absolute center of his universe.

"I'm scared, angel. That all of this will end if I let go. I'm scared of losing you again"

There, he had said it. Now it would all go to hell.

Aziraphale laughed softly and caressed his cheek.

"Is that why you don't want to have an orgasm? Do you think you'll wake up?"

"It often happens when you feel a fright or a strong emotion during a... ngk. If I... if I couldn't stay connected and all of this suddenly disappeared, would you be there with me when I wake up?"

Silence.

"Tell me it's like this, angel, otherwise I don't understand the point of all this"

The angel's face twisted into a grimace of pain.

Crowley's heart accelerated even more, he had feared that answer more than anything since they had started making love.

Still silence.

The look of pity that crossed the angel's face was enough.

Crowley pulled out and walked away from him like a wounded cat.

"What? I didn't even answer you!"

"No need! I know you too well! Are you kidding me, angel? Did you come in here to get fucked like you were in a brothel?" Crowley held his head in his hands, in disbelief. "What am I, your gigolo? Your whore? You're just going to tip me and go on your way when you're done?"

"No! Crowley, what are you talking about? Are you crazy?" Aziraphale was scared.

"Not at all! You're not next to me! Your corporation is in fucking heaven, admit it!"

"I'm not, I'm in your apartment, I was there because I missed you, I told you!"

"Then why don't we stop this charade and fuck in my bed?!"

“This is a safe place, time doesn’t pass here and we can…”

“Bullshit, angel! I know you’re hiding something from me! Again!”

Aziraphale’s face twisted, there was regret in his gaze, the one he couldn’t hide when he lied, certainly not from the one who had studied every nuance of his expressions and every crease on his face since the dawn of time.

Crowley summoned a downpour of icy water upon himself. He had to recover from the anger and extreme excitement, he had to resist again, be lucid.

If before he had been cold, now he was shaking. He didn’t know how to make sense of everything he was feeling. His desire to be with Aziraphale was so great that it hurt, even the crumbs of that stolen relationship would have been enough to feed him for years, but at the same time he couldn’t bear abandonment again.

The pain he had felt last time had thrown him into a pit deeper than a circle of hell and after what they were sharing… it would be too much.

Aziraphale watched almost amusedly as Crowley tossed his hair back and shook out his wet feathers.

"You stupid, stupid demon."

Before he could react, Crowley found himself in the arms of his angel, who had reached out to give him that much-needed warmth, the very soul of his damned existence.

Crowley let him do it and his heartbeat slowed. As much as he hated that ambiguous situation, he couldn’t deny him anything.

If the angel wanted to use him, he would have let him, he just wanted the truth. He was tired of the secrets between them.

“If I want to be in your head it’s only because I feel safe, because we can have more time… you’re torturing yourself, you don’t need a cold shower or a superpower to resist.”

His cheek was pressed to Crowley’s heart, who tried to remain impassive, while he felt the soft hand of that tempting angel caressing his chest and slowly moving down to achieve his goal: teasing the hard and wet cock of a pissed off demon.

"You can't know, you've never slept, you don't know what it feels like to wake up in the grip of a nightmare or so excited that you feel the urge to touch yourself right away"

"No, not really." Aziraphale looked up to stare at him intensely, while his hand caressed Crowley's shaft with innocent dedication. "Have you often woken up this hard? Have you touched yourself thinking of me?"

Crowley exhaled and closed his eyes savoring the softness of that tempting hand.

"Every fucking time I slept before our fight you filled my head. And they were just fucking illusions, how do you think I can resist when all this is real and I know what we're doing?"

"I'm sure that my miracle can survive a small demonic orgasm... and if it doesn't..." Aziraphale was licking Crowley's chest, slowly moving down, to the iliac crest, where he stopped under the navel. “If it doesn’t… I’ll take care of this… big problem…”

Crowley looked down at him as he knelt before his cock as if in prayer,

“… between your slippery silk sheets…”

He grabbed the base with two fingers…

“where I am… right next to you…”

and slowly parted his lips.

“Oh, fuck.” Crowley let out a low, drawn-out grunt.

His angel’s mouth was as heavenly as he had always imagined it to be. Hungry and curious, like when he licked a cream puff or sucked on a succulent oyster.

Aziraphale sensed that things were getting out of hand and took control like he had earlier in the evening. Of the day, of the week? Seriously, how long had it been since they had dinner?

Crowley didn’t know, all his attention was focused on the obscene sounds the angel was making as he greedily licked his cock.

Crowley threw his head back, felt his knees buckle under Aziraphale’s greed, who was now devouring him. That tempting machine had to be stopped immediately or he would be doomed in a matter of seconds.

“Stop, ah… stop now” he said with little conviction.

The angel looked up with pleading blue eyes, annoyed as if Crowley wanted to take a sweet from him. At the sight the demon hissed in frustration, but told him to stop again.

Then, running a hand through his thick curls, he asked him:

“Would you like to show me your wings?”

He finally pulled away with a suction and stood up to do as he was asked: his immaculate wings spread before the eyes of the demon, who had always wanted to touch them on the rare occasions in which the angel had shown them.

They were part of their immortal essence, a mirror of their deepest nature and those of Aziraphale were bright and magnificent. They lit up the dark cave generated by the twisted mind of the demon and even made it welcoming.

Crowley took a step closer and caressed his cheek, running a thumb over his reddened lips.

"So beautiful, my Guardian of the Eastern gate."

Aziraphale's gaze softened and he kissed the hand that cradled his cheek.

"I've received a big promotion since then, you know..." he said jokingly.

"I prefer you as a principality and a bookseller who doesn't even sell a book."

Aziraphale smiled again going for another hug, but Crowley grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around.

He ran his hands through the soft feathers of his shoulder and caressed the sensitive skin from which they emerged. Then his hands reached out to the angel’s neck, slid down his chest. This time it was Crowley who hugged him with infinite love, the love that had never stopped keeping him alive during 6000 years of damnation.

"On that wall you… you saved me and I never said thank you."

"I only sheltered you from the rain, my dear."

"You did much more, believe me. You filled the void She left. You put the pieces of my broken heart back together. You made me what I am, you prevented me from being devoured by evil."

Aziraphale rested his head on his shoulder and caressed Crowley's arms that were holding him.

"I'm not as special as you make me out to be."

"Oh, you are and now… even those assholes up there noticed, unfortunately»

There was another long silence full of unsaid things. They were completely giving themselves to each other, but the time they were stealing was infinitely little to be able to fill the voids of a past of silences.

Crowley bit Aziraphale's neck, sucking a scarlet flower as he had done on every inch of his butter body. The knowledge that none of those marks would remain on his corporation, that none of them would be a reminder for him of the passion they were sharing… was an arrow to Crowley’ chest.

He had accepted and was enjoying that situation, he was not a hypocrite, but his conscience had never stopped screaming that there was something out of place.

Crowley didn’t want a compromise to be with the love of his life, he wanted it to be tangible and concrete, to leave bruises for days, to make Aziraphale blush when he looked in the mirror and thought back to the moments when those marks had been left.

Despite being the one of the two less attached to physical matter and earthly pleasures, Crowley had never wanted to be made of flesh and blood as much as he did in that moment.

“Love… ah… would you?” Aziraphale was moving very sensually, rubbing himself against his cock, while his hands wandered to caress every part of Crowley that he could reach from that position. Crowley leaned over his shoulder and saw that his angelic effort was erect and dripping again.

“You are insatiable, angel…”

“As if you didn’t know, as if you weren’t the instigator of all my vices”

Crowley grinned proudly.

“You’d devour me like you did that ox in Uz if you could”

“Oh, I could… and I was, but you interrupted me at the best part”

“Ngk, I’m not going to let you have control any longer, I know how to treat a lying and vicious angel like you”

“Really? And what do you intend to do to me?”

“Kneel on the couch and bend over”

“What, from… behind, but then I can’t look at you”

“That’s exactly the point.” Crowley concluded, accompanying the angel to where he wanted him.

Aziraphale, clutching the back of the sofa, tried to peer over his shoulder with obvious embarrassment. Crowley took his time admiring him: the white spread out wings hid nothing, framing that vision of roundness and candor that was only his own… impossible to resist.

The demon squeezed one buttery buttock, grabbed the other and made room to lick.

The angel's meows were immediate, the edge of the rim that had previously been so difficult to pass, was now yielding and ready to receive him.

He stood up and pushed the sword into its sheath up to the hilt without encountering resistance.

Aziraphale arched his back and moaned, while Crowley grabbed his hips and began to move slowly to savor his reactions.

"You're completely open now, you're made for me, see how well you take me?"

Aziraphale emitted low and prolonged noises of pleasure. His wings twitched every time Crowley's cock bottomed out, this happened without a rhythm; Crowley was penetrating him only for the pure pleasure of teasing him and impressing the sensation of being sucked by his heat.

Maybe if he took him back where he wanted, close to the edge of pleasure without giving it to him, maybe then the angel would beg and confess the last secret he was hiding.

Without eye contact, without his breath and his kisses, Crowley could do it… not that he wasn’t fucking hot from behind. His wings and his round ass were absolutely breathtaking. But at least… yeah, at least he could maintain control.

Or so he told himself as he grabbed handfuls, buried himself deeper and deeper, and it felt so good. The angel’s needy moans were growing, he was moving himself in voluptuous undulating movements.

And Crowley would have gladly let him do it, just to admire his mastery and enjoy while he slapped that perfect pink butt, but he couldn't, it was too dangerous. So grabbed his hips and held him still, sliding to half-mast to recover.

“Oh my… Cro… are you trying to make me beg again?”

“You could barely hold me in and now look at you… I only managed to shut you up when I took you so hard, did you like that so much?”

“I… yeah, it was like, ah, like floating, not thinking about anything”

“Do you want me to erase you?”

“I want to feel just you in my head, nothing else”

Crowley put one knee on the sofa and pushed in all the way to his balls, he bent over him, wrapping his arms around the angel’s neck and reaching his ear to whisper: “Didn’t I hurt you?”

“Yes, like that… oooh” the angel swallowed feeling Crowley’s breath in his ear “it’s not pain if you’re the one giving it to me”

“Why do you want to be punished, angel? You deserve only sweetness, every care, only pleasurable love»

«No… I don’t deserve anything, not even to be fucked hard by you, but at least I can take that and think it’s okay… love, don’t ask me any more questions, please… let me float once more»

Crowley could sense how close he was to tears again and decided that he could only indulge him briefly to see if he would collapse, if he would confess when exhausted.

He put his other knee on the couch as well and pushed the angel against the backrest, the white wings submitting to the dark ones. Aziraphale twisted his neck to kiss him, but he only reached his chin.

With his words he wanted a brutal treatment, but with his whole body he wanted love.

Crowley could feel his frustration as he penetrated him roughly; his wings flapping like a captured finch, as he wrapped his elbow around his neck to keep him from turning and held him down with his other hand to get a better angle.

As the blows became faster, Crowley felt a twinge in his forearm where the angel suddenly bit him him instinctively, to stifle a cry. He moaned as he continued to bite, Crowley couldn’t have understood whether it was pleasure or pain, but if he slowed to give him a breath, if he even loosened his grip, the angel protested, demanding more.

Did he really want this treatment from the one who loved him more than anything?

That masochistic desire certainly hid a deep reason, which had to be understood, which had to be treated with love, but the flashes of lucidity and contrition in the demon's mind were becoming rarer and rarer, he was enjoying himself more than he should in a similar situation and his instincts were taking over...

«I held back for so long, if I had known... ah, yes, if I had known that I could do what I wanted to you and that you would even insist on receiving it, aah, I would have possessed you for centuries, molding you under my hands and loving you as you deserve to be loved... you are so exciting and good, you commit yourself so much to me, mh?»

Aziraphale now only responded with nods, he didn't even touch himself, he was determined to give Crowley the pleasure he wanted and he tightened around his cock more and more, he even pushed himself against him with the little strength he had.

If he had chosen to make Crowley’s head a brothel away from the sight of his peers, he had also chosen to make himself the whore. He didn’t want to use Crowley, he wanted to be used.

"Do you like not having to think or decide, do you like freeing yourself from the weight that was put on your shoulders by being fucked by the enemy? The one you betrayed and abandoned? Hmm?"

Crowley was provoking him to get to the truth and when he didn't deny it, he felt a deep pain, masked by the triumph of being right "I know, ah... I know you want to free yourself and repent, ah yes, you are so oh, perverse that... I understand you perfectly... let go of my arm, I want to hear your voice, admit it"

Aziraphale opened the bite and Crowley admired the deep mark that was imprinted on his forearm. A wonderful gift from his angel.

Aziraphale didn't respond to the provocation; when he turned his face back to seat, his eyes were full of tears, but there was a challenge in his smile.

Crowley leaned over to kiss the back of his neck and lift the sweaty hair from his forehead. As he did so he reached out with his other arm to test the state of his neglected cock.

“Hard as marble and wet as a fruit to be picked, how wonderful.” Crowley teased the sensitive slit with his finger, then squeezed his swollen balls that were begging for mercy.

“Aaah… no, you don’t…”

“Have you got your voice back? Don’t you want me to touch you here?”

The angel shook his head.

“Don’t you want to come again? How many is it now? I’ve lost count…”

Aziraphale made a small, indignant noise and hid his face again.

“You underestimate me if you think I need to touch you there to make you come…”

Crowley pushed himself up on the couch with both feet, placed his hands on Aziraphale’ shoulder blades where his wings sprouted, and held him down, then pulled his cock out to the crown and thrust at a new angle.

“Aaah… yes… like this…”

This time Crowley didn’t need to be asked twice and satisfied that naughty angel with quick, punishing thrusts. He was pushing hard on his feet and flapping of wings, Aziraphale was absolutely submissive beneath him, his wings folded helplessly, his nails gripping the blanket on the couch to keep from slipping.

"Look at you, do you think that… aaah if I'm cruel to you and use you like a slut, then you'll be free from guilt?"

"Yes, I'm yours… oh… use me however you want…"

"You want it, not me… I see how you enjoy it, otherwise I would have stopped"

"I'm not, I'm not…"

He was lying, Crowley could clearly feel the shivers that shook the angel, the spasms that sucked his cock even deeper; all this increased when he rubbed the shoulder blades and wings with his thumbs, oh, of course he didn't know that that area was extremely erogenous, but he would jealously guard the information.

Crowley was very close to coming too and a part of him wanted nothing more than to release himself just like this, in that magnificent tight heat made for him, to give the angel what he wanted without asking questions. On the other hand… could he really risk it all ending without knowing the truth?

“You are the master of my life, you wanted me to free you from your thoughts and I did, this is not a fucking penance, now come for me, love”

Crowley took a big risk in latching onto Aziraphale, pulling him towards him and holding him tightly. With one of the demon’s hands on his neck, the other on his chest and his cock pushing him up, the angel came once more, without his cock being touched, just like Crowley had promised.

“Oooh my, aaah… you shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have” He moaned with his head on Crowley’s shoulder as he released onto the couch blanket and his thighs, uncontrolled.

“How do you still have it?” Crowley stroked him slowly while kissing his neck and under his hand he felt every single pounding pulse that gave him hope, that told him how real he was.

He was buried so deep and he was so close to the smell of sweat and sex of his angel’s delicious skin, that he felt an involuntary thrust of his hips and a jolt down his spine that demanded release.

"Ah... no, be quiet, fuck!"

With a flap of his wings he moved away and landed on the carpet before it was too late. He regained control of the beast between his legs, he imagined he was perfectly calm.

He breathed in and out ten times. Yes he was, of course he was.

When he looked up, he saw that Aziraphale was slumped on the sofa as if he were broken, boneless and with not a shred of strength left in his body. That was what he wanted, to make him collapse... but the sight was terribly painful.

"Aziraphale... hey, did I overdo it? I overdid it, didn't I? Why do you ask me to follow my nature when you know I'm a fucking monster and I can't control myself?! "

He had clearly broken his threshold of tolerance. "I... please forgive me, angel," Crowley tried to caress him, but was abruptly pushed away with a wing.

The angel spun around, a complete, gorgeous mess with tears streaming down his face.

"Stop apologizing! This is all my doing, you said so yourself! I came into your head, I provoked you, I deceived you, I asked you to fuck me hard and it's still me... it's still me who hides from you... I deserve nothing, much less your forgiveness after you gave me exactly what I wanted!"

That flash of strength left him all at once and Crowley watched him close his eyelids and collapse as if in slow motion. He ran to grab him and curled up with him at the foot of the couch, where he took advantage of his weakness to holding and rocking him gently.

"Whatever you're hiding from me, I don't care, you don't deserve to be mistreated and I will never do it again, even if you ask me. I love you, I've already told you and I will repeat it until the world ends."

Crowley kissed his sweaty temple, his eyes, his lips, he cleaned his thighs with a thought and held him close to his chest to calm his sobs.

"That's exactly the point... the world is about to end and there will be no time to... you won't love me, you never told me..." Aziraphale spoke shaken by tremors.

"Are you crazy? Of course I will love you, this truth will never change, when will you accept it?"

“Oh… Crowley, you don’t understand…”

The angel’s cry was desperate, it was about to tear Crowley’s heart out of his chest.

“Then explain yourself! Free yourself from this burden, you can tell me everything, I am your companion, we will face this together!”

Aziraphale broke away from the embrace and finally looked at him with eyes overflowing with tears and desperation.

“You will forget! When you wake up you will not remember any of this and I will be alone again!”

Crowley opened his mouth and closed it again like a fish out of water.

“What?”