⛤ November Q&A

busy season hit me hard this week! I've been stocking my freezer with delicious ready to bake cookies for my bakery and then I fulfilled two big orders that were due before thanksgiving. the only mfer busier than me right now is my dishwasher! I'm so ready to take a few days off from baking. Jack has also completed a week of work in two days in anticipation of the long weekend. we've never been so happy to do absolutely fucking nothing for thanksgiving. well, we are making tacos, and by we I mean me. but at least I don't have to cook 7 different dishes that all have to be done at the same time. no, sir. I haven't been the same since my last meltdown two weeks ago and I am not prepared for another. I'm gonna give thanks for living in a big house with the heat on and making my own schedule. by the way, when you hear me say "big house with the heat on", it's a reference to the house I bought our neighborhood cats this year
this gem of a photoshop job is what sold it to me. the insulation isn't that great, but I put a heating pad inside and it does keep the air inside above freezing. thanks for sponsoring a warm place to stay for my babies! I would hate to see them tremble and cold, all cats should be warm and health!

now that we have delighted in peak marketing, let's get to the stuff you actually wanted to know.

What's been your favourite thing that you've baked so far? (Also, sending you hugs and positive energy <3) wow. you may aswell have asked me who my favorite child is! it's chocolate chip brioche buns. (thank you so much!)

Ok, I'll try to explain as well as possible what I'm trying to ask here lol. But how do you comfort people without making things worse? You see, I am very bad at comforting people, even the ones I care about. I don't do that very often and when I try to, I always fuck it up by saying or doing something wrong and making it worse, even though the intentions are pure. Goes down, that people who are in need of comfort because they are sad, angry or scared, actually want to be comforted, but not by me. Anybody but me is welcome to do so and that is frustrating because it puts me in an awkward situation, where I try to show compassion and sympathy but I end up looking like an idiot trying to think of the right words and of course I have to keep my hands to myself. I must admit that I am not always the most compassionate guy and I guess it shows. Not saying that I am an insensitive asshole, but I think I have my own way of being compassionate and "caring" and it's always misunderstood, like I'm trying to troll instead of comfort. I guess the question should rather be: How to be more compassionate without coming off as fake and making the situation awkward? Any ideas? this question reminds me of some quality snake river conspiracy lyrics "I find it hard to be a very caring person, I knew you'd understand" - and I do understand. there's two sides to this problem. how you express yourself and how you are perceived. you only have control over one of these things. from what you say, it doesn't sound like you don't actually care, but that you suck at reading the room and building rapport with people. I don't recommend trying to force words and gestures that don't come naturally to you as that will always come off as disingenuous. instead, try receiving the person venting to you by listening and echoing back what they're telling you. try "I'm sorry you're going through this, it must suck to [say something validating and relevant to their situation]." example 1: your coworker tells you they had a fight with their partner and are feeling fragile. you say "I'm sorry you're going through that, it must suck to hit a rough patch with the person who is supposed to love and understand you". if this lands well and they seem like they need to vent, you can offer a listening ear or ask if there's anything that could brighten their mood a little, followed by an offer of something you know they usually respond positively to, like offering to get them a coffee from the break room or a lil' snack. but that's just what I would do and if you wouldn't be comfortable doing this, skip this step. example 2: your friend tells you about a scary medical diagnosis they got. you say "I'm sorry to hear that, I know it's scary to be hit out of left field with such bad news." if it seems appropriate, you can add "did they offer you any possible treatments or next steps?" as an inquiry to show that you care about what they're going through. it is usually perceived as caring if you take in what the other person has to say rather than try to make them feel better. "cheering up" is an interaction you unlock when you are close enough with somebody to intuit what they might need. it's ok to be a little passive and play it safe. but just as importantly, you have to understand the other person. emotional intelligence is a skill you can practice, and I'm with you on the low EQ side of life haha. the way people perceive you determines what they expect from the version of you that they see, and if your actions don't align with their expectations, people may become upset. if you are more or less close with someone, acts of service can make them feel cared for and comforted. if they tell you that they are overwhelmed, go the extra mile, within reason, to take some workload off of them. when my brain is spinning from having to coordinate too many tasks, Jack will offer to do some of them for me. listen to what they say and tentatively seize an opportunity to try to brighten their day. "I remember you said once that you liked [insert object of interest here while handing it to them], so I thought it might make you feel better/distract you from your woes" but showing affection in that way is reserved for already established relationships, definitely not strangers you talk to in passing sometimes. if you're really brave you can ask what you can do that would make them feel better. if they say "nothing", you have to accept that, but it's important that you asked anyway as it shows you're there for them, whether they are willing to receive you or not. and you can still attempt some acts of service to show that you care even when you're being pushed away. if nothing works, at least you did all you could. ball's in their court now.

How is your November going? Better than last November? I don't even remember last November. this November has been stressful and busy and wildly unstable, but we're pushing through. we will not let 2024 end without partying like it's the end of the world!

Have you ever had past life memories? If so, do you feel comfortable sharing them? it's hard to say if they are past life memories or parallel life memories, as they are often fragmented, somatic or hard to comprehend. but I indeed often experience what I refer to as "memories of lives I haven't lived". unfortunately I can't give you a definitive example i.e. "I remember dying on the Titanic" or "I used to be an Egyptian priestess". just random, benign memories that wouldn't make sense for me to have. I also have reason to believe I get deja-vu so much more frequently than the average person. it'll be random moments of sitting with my friends and a certain friend says a certain thing and then a certain person happens to walk by in my periphery and I'll be like "yep, been here before". or I could be listening to a video while thinking about what I'm gonna do next and it'll hit me like "I've done that before" ... it would be eerie if it wasn't so commonplace for me.

When you start a channel like you have done, you reach out and make a difference to people's lives and you become important to at least some of them, and it's not like the balance app which is just an app made by unknown people, there is a much more direct relationship between you and your audience. And it's an asymmetric relationship - I hear your voice almost everyday of my life but I'm just some random bloke on Patreon to you. So my question is, do you realise that you play an important part in some people's lives, did you anticipate that before you started and how do you feel about it several years in? I have ASD and unless I remember to actively filter, I can be a bit direct, apologies. If I'm being too direct do feel free to just ignore this. please never apologize for being too direct. I like direct. I wish more people would say what they really think. so much drama in my life could have been avoided if people had just told me what they really think instead of telling me what they thought I wanted to hear and then turning around and telling everyone else the opposite. I like to know where I stand and what I'm dealing with and I appreciate raw and unfiltered thoughts. that being said, you guys never really let me forget how much I have impacted your life, do you? I get a strange sense of fulfillment every time one of you tells me that I've gotten you through tough times or told you things you needed to hear without ever speaking with you personally. my aquarius moon delights in bringing water to the people - giving people exactly what they didn't know they needed. therefore, I find satisfaction in doing what I do on a much deeper level than indulging my sense of aesthetics. I never anticipated anything like it and I am thankful for my sense of boundaries. to cope with the exceedingly demanding nature of parasocial relationships, I have to keep a certain distance to keep my sanity and focus and avoid becoming drained, so I don't perceive these relationships the way you do and I certainly don't wish to exploit them by lying through my teeth about how much I love all of you whom I've never met. it's as you've said, you are strangers to me. beautiful strangers with amazing minds (I see your instagram profiles), but strangers nonetheless. at the end of the day, what it comes down to is that I am here to provide calm, comfort and wisdom for those who are willing to receive it, and if this can be a mutually beneficial thing that makes the world more bearable for all those who wish to partake, then that's worth pursuing in my opinion.

If you could be a goddess, what would you be the goddess of and what would you do with your aspect of what you'd be really good at or ability as a goddess of something? I would be the goddess of lost souls and I would use my powers to point people to the path that is right for them. I would be present and reassuring, giving little nudges in times of uncertainty, waiting patiently for my devotees to take a step towards creating a life of their choosing. when the world is at its darkest, my presence would be felt most strongly. when you would feel most lost, I'd be the wind in your back letting you know that you will arrive somewhere eventually. when you would lose faith in yourself, I'd remind you of you who you are. when you would lose sight of your future, I'd coax you to focus on the present. when you would be most afraid, I'd be your courage and I would show you that you can become more than what you were. I wouldn't insist you believe in me, but I'd teach you to believe in yourself, for I am one who builds up, raises up and lights up, those who feel dejected by this world. my darlings, you are most important.

I have to go put my cranberry sauce in the fridge now, aswell as exercise and sleep. I hope your holiday season is kind to you and that seasonal depression has mercy on you in these dark months. we will be back with more questions and answers next month! drink some water and put on sunscreen 🍸