Regression Chapter 5: Use

Madison slid the box cutter open. It clicked into place with an inch of blade. She looked down at the metal. Sunlight glinted off the blade’s edge. She twisted it around to make it shimmer.

Her mind was silent.

A memory quietly resurfaced. She saw herself standing outside the family bathroom. She recalled the severe pain in her bladder. Then the sensation of pee spilling helplessly in between her crossed legs. Her muscles couldn’t hold back anymore. Her legs stood still like tree trunks. She released helplessly just as the family walked out.

“I’m sorry, Ms! We should have been faster!!” The mother’s words didn’t stop Madison’s embarrassed tears.

“I only needed a l-little more time and I-I would have made it.” Madison said shaky to the mother.She had to defend herself in that situation. It only made it look worse. The two walked past her.

“Why isn’t she potty trained yet, Mommy?”

“Shh- do not judge her! Some people have trouble making it even as adults.” She heard the mother say back.

Madison blinked back to her apartment. Her regained focus was accompanied by a subtle pain in her bladder. Thinking about accidents forced her to survey the current state of her bladder. She shifted uncomfortably. It wasn’t painful, but she was close. She had peed in the toilet thirty minutes ago. The new solution stared her in the face.

“Fine.” She said, then plunged the blade into the tape. She ran it the full length of the box, then cut the sides.

“But this doesn’t mean I need diapers.” She thought as she opened the box. Inside were four packs of diapers. Each held ten individual disposables. Two of the packs were plain white Northshore Megamaxs. Madison had reasoned these would help with her night time accidents, and when she was around the house. The third pack was a little thinner and light pink. Still absorbent, but easier to conceal than the thick Megamaxs. She got those for everyday errands out of the apartment.

Madison pulled the last pack out of the box. She looked at the neatly folded diapers pressed together. They were white, with cartoon prints of animals all over the padding. One depicted a monkey swinging on a vine, while another was a happy-go-lucky looking giraffe. Every animal had a diaper on.

“Why did I get these ones, again? They’re so… childish.” She questioned, spinning the pack to see the information. They held even more than the Megamaxs. “Oh yeah” she recalled, “And they were 20% off if I included it in this order.”

*Buzz Buzz*

*Buzz Buzz*

Madison felt her phone vibrate in her jean shorts back pocket. She grabbed it and looked at the screen. She didn’t recognize the number, but it had her state’s area code, and the caller ID said it was her town. She swallowed her anxiety then swiped to answer the call.

“Hello?” She said cautiously.

“Madison?” Dr Elon said on the other end.

“Oh! Hello, Dr. Elon. Sorry I didn’t realize it was you, I thought I had your office’s number saved in my phone already.” Madison said.

“No worries at all, I’m calling from my cell phone. I wanted to deliver the good news, I just got your test results back. Do you have some time to discuss them?” Dr Elon said, she seemed chipper in her tone. It made Madison feel optimistic.

“Maybe she knows what’s wrong. I won’t need these.” She thought. A glimmer of hope flashed.

“Yes I’m free right now! What did you find?” Madison said, she subconsciously leaned on the edge of her couch.

“Well first I wanted to ask how you’ve been doing since we last met. Have you noticed any differences since taking my advice?” Dr Elon asked.

“Um…” Madison said, she looked at the pack of diapers in front of her. She felt her cheeks flush red with embarrassment at the idea of admitting she’d only gotten worse. So worse she bought packs of diapers to put a bandage on the problem. Her mind flashed hazy dream memories of Dr Elon taping her into a diaper on a changing table. She shook those thoughts.

“Fine, um, yeah I’ve been doing fine.” Madison said, pausing for a moment. She didn’t want to lie, but she couldn’t muster the truth either. The silence on the line killed her. In a knee-jerk decision she filled the silence with “Um, actually I’ve been doing better.” Madison said, she winced then mouthed ‘Fuck.’

“You have!?” Dr Elon said ecstatically. Madison couldn’t go back now. She rode the lie.

“Yes I, well I followed your advice and it turns out it really was just a phase.” Madison said, deeply regretting this conversation.

“That’s really great to hear, Madison, because it would have been a different conversation if you hadn’t said that.” Dr Elon said. Madison cocked her head in confusion.

“Yeah?” She asked. The onset was immediate. Madison felt urine barrel down heavy onto her pelvic floor muscles. She moved instinctively. It was mere seconds now until she would start dribbling. She didn’t have time to think about a decision. She just reacted. She muted herself, put her phone on speaker, then dropped it on the coffee table. Her nail dug into the plastic holding the pack together and tore it open.

“Yes, so I looked at your test results, and it looks like my initial diagnosis was correct. Your blood test came back negative for any bacterial infections.” Dr Elon said. Madison was paying attention, but she frantically fumbled with her button in one hand, and pulled out a diaper with the other. She could feel the first dribble squeak out into her underwear. She worked even faster. Cutting a corner, she only pulled her jeans down halfway.

“We also couldn’t find any common illnesses that might have contributed. That strongly suggests to me your problem was either stress and/or anxiety induced.” Dr Elon said, Madison unfolded the diaper. The sweet smell of fresh diapers wafted into her nose. She didn’t have time to respond to Dr Elon. She had quickly reached her physical limit, and was already spilling onto the couch. Frantically, Madison pulled the back of the diaper through her legs. She grabbed the front and back, then hoisted the thick padding deep into her groin.

She sighed, letting herself relax into the open diaper. It wasn’t an accident anymore. It was just going in her diaper. She stopped resisting and let the flow release freely. The warm pee soaked into the padding.

“Phew…” She said, letting her stressed shoulders and neck relax.

“...Are you still there?” Dr Elon said, Madison woke up from her peeing stupor. She pressed the unmute button.

“Um! Sorry, yes. I uh, just got an email I had to read. I heard you.” Madison said.

“Oh no problem. Well frankly, Madison I don’t need to take up much more of your time. I know you’re busy. Your test results clear you of any reason to come back in, and you’re saying that you haven’t experienced any more accidents. Has it been a streak longer than two weeks?” Dr Elon asked. Madison could feel her face burning red. It matched the hot pee soaking into her diaper.

“Mhm.” Madison said with pursed lips and a regretful look. Defeated, she let her body slouch into the couch. How could she tell the truth now that she was wrapped in this web of lies? She felt dejected. Lashing out in frustration, she pushed the pee out harder.

Dr Elon paused for a moment, seeming to mirror Madison’s conversation pattern.

“Again I don’t see a need to set up another appointment at this time. It sounds like you’ve got a handle on the situation.” Dr Elon said, Madison could feel the flow was finally starting to slow. “It’s been a pleasure meeting you, Madison. I wish you well!” Dr Elon finished.

“You too, thank you Dr. Elon.” Madison said, accepting her fate. She looked down at her used diaper. Part of her wanted to pull it off and throw it across the room. A larger part felt that’d be a waste. These were expensive. Instead, she begrudgingly grabbed the tapes on each side. She opened them, then stuck each into place. Her diaper laced perfectly around her waist.

“Bye-Bye now.” Dr Elon said. The phone call ended.

Madison slouched further. She shifted to her back, staring up at the ceiling. Her mind was in her diaper. The feeling of damp bulky padding between her legs felt foreign. She squeezed them together, it felt warm and wet. Her fresh accident wafted into her nose. She looked down at the diaper.

A diapered, happy-looking Giraffe gazed back.

Madison’s head fell back. She felt a depressive blanket smother her emotions. It barely took 10 minutes from the time she grabbed the package outside, to sitting in a wet diaper. She curled up and turned to the side.

She closed her eyes. Everything felt too heavy. She was trying to break the habit, but it always helped.

She stuck a thumb inside her mouth.

***

“Did you check your eggs today?” The cashier asked Madison cheerfully. She hadn’t, but responded with:

“Yes I did, thank you.” The cashier nodded, scanned it, then moved on to the next item on the fully converybelt. Madison crossed her legs to help relieve the growing pain inside her bladder. She noticed the feeling mere minutes before pulling into the checkout line. It didn’t feel urgent at first, but the pee inside her rapidly begged to be released.

“Come on lady, you don’t have the vegetable codes memorized?” She thought, watching as she inspected each one to find the number. Madison shifted her weight side to side. It was getting toward the end of her potty dance. She knew her body was getting close to an accident. Instinctively, her eyes started darting around for the bathroom.

“Where is it?!” She thought, looking for signs on the wall. The scene felt vaguely familiar, to the point of genuine dejavu. She couldn’t immediately find them. Her anxiety spiked, it normally did when she was a minute away from peeing herself with no bathroom in sight.

“Wait.” Madison thought, sensing the soft bulk between her legs. “I have a diaper on.” She thought. For the first time in a long time, she felt her accident fears relax. It was going to be okay. Even if she didn’t make it, that’s what the diaper was for.

“Are these on the vine tomatoes?” The lady asked, she held up the plastic bag of tomatoes.

“Yes, they are.” Madison said back. She looked at the converybelt, her groceries were almost scanned, but there were still a couple of minutes to go before she was free to find the bathroom.

“I can just…” She thought, feeling her body already open up to the idea, “... go a little bit.” Her bladder muscles relaxed gently. Just enough for a gentle stream of pee to start saturating into her diaper. The sensation was still foreign to Madison. Her crotch bloomed with wet warmth. It made her skin flush red. Using her diaper at home was one thing, but she’d never done it on purpose in public before. She clenched to stop the flow after a couple of seconds. She felt the pee pool saturate into the padding.

“Your total today will be $116” The cashier said. Madison had to blink back into reality.

“Hm? Oh yes of course.” Madison said, she slipped her card into the machine. Her bladder muscles ached, pee sat right at the doorstep.

“Hehe.” The cashier giggled subtly. Madison looked up from the machine and shot a furrowed brow. At the same time, the pain in her bladder spiked to unbearable levels.

“Whatever, I’m already wet.” She thought, letting her muscles relax again. This time completely unrestricted. She began dumping an entire bladder’s worth of pee into her damp diaper.

“Oh nothing, my little cousin made the same face whenever he peed himself.” She said jokingly. Madison flashed a meek smile back, as she felt her diaper grow warmer.

“Oh, haha, my bad then. I certainly wasn’t doing that!” Madison said back, dying on the inside.

“I hope not! Haha.” The cashier said, pulling the receipt out of the printer. She handed it to Madison. “Have a wonderful day!”

“You too!” She said back, the moment her face was out of the cashier’s sight she grimaced in embarrassment. “Can you at least try to not make it obvious when you pee yourself??” She thought, berating herself. It reminded her to look up for the bathroom signs. The flow in her bladder was already starting to dissipate. She shrugged. “Whatever, it’s not worth it. I’ll make it next time.” She thought, walking now with a slight waddle. The warm wet padding rubbed against her thighs as the diaper swayed side to side.

“Ms! You’re leaking!” She heard the cashier yell out. Madison’s greatest fears clenched her chest. She gasped, stopping immediately in her tracks. Her hands worked on instinct. One lifted up her shirt, the other dug in between her legs to feel for leaks.

She didn’t feel or see any signs her diaper was overflowing.

The cashier came to Madison’s side. She looked puzzled down at Madison’s waist. With her shirt pulled up, nothing covered the hem of her diaper that rode up past her pants.

“Um… No not that.” The cashier said, pointing instead at the ground. Yellow yolk dripped out of a bag and onto the floor.

“I-uh-um-uhh-” Madison stammered, her fight of flight kicked in. She turned away from the bewildered cashier and started booking it out of the grocery store. Tears started dripping out of her by the time she got to the exit. Similar to the final dribbles into her diaper.

“Clean up at cash register 7” Spoke over the speakers.

***

“No!! I think it’s the best idea ever that we’re going while you’re single!” Sophia exclaimed, her tone dropped to light-hearted seriousness. With her free hand, she playfully punched Madion’s shoulder. She wasn’t expecting the hit, she had to steady herself on the barstool.

“Oof! Hahah I aaalmost lost it there!” Madison giggled, the barstool feet flattened back to normal. She grabbed the seat and scooted it forward by pushing her hips forward. Her groin squished into the wet diaper underneath her skirt. “You know what! If I got Tinder, I could just take my pick.” Madison said, raising an excellent point.

“It’s LA.” Sophia said loud enough to be heard over the music. She took a sip of her Long Island Ice Tea. “This is going to be the best road trip of all time, you know that right?” She said, when her lips left the glass.

“Heheh, hey it was originally your idea. Back when I still worked there. I’m sorry we didn’t get to do it last year because of the pandemic. But now I am so ready for it. These next four months of waiting are gonna be TORTURE.” Madison said back, she could feel the two margaritas from before really hit. Her face was warm, all the lights blinking in time looked so pretty. She found it effortless to lift her drink, then let the cool tang of lime and salt slip down her tongue.

“Okay, okay, that reminds me, can I tell you that story about Lilly?” Sophia said suddenly. A trigger fired in Madison’s mind.

“How long is this story going to take?” Madison thought frantically, she would have to wait for her to be finished. Would she be able to hold it for that long? She glanced over at the bathroom doors across the room. “I could tell her to wait.” She considered, her mind’s eye felt the damp padding between her legs.

“I’ll just use my diaper this time. It feels like I already went anyways.” She thought, her face lit up. It felt good to continue a conversation instead of interrupting to use a bathroom for once. She smiled then nodded at Sophia for her to continue. At the same time, Madison subconsciously spread her legs. She peed forcefully and freely into her diaper. She felt it absorb then soak into growing regions of the diaper.

“Okay, so, you’ll never believe it. She walks in and…blah blah blah” Sophia went on with her story. Madison was half paying attention, half enjoying the feeling of wet warmth growing between her legs.

The drinks didn’t stop for the two. What did stop was Madison’s attention to her diaper. She gushed and dribbled with nearly every sip. Her diaper grew mushy, expanding through the night, until it slightly peaked out of her skirt. She didn’t care or notice.

“Is that a diaper?” Sophia thought, catching a flash of diaper as Madison got out of her seat to walk out. “I didn’t know she actually had a problem? I thought that accident was a one time thing. Huh.” She thought. Sophia scribbled a signature on the receipt. “Maybe that’s why she never needed to use the bathroom tonight.” She thought. She smirked, realizing that was exactly the case.

***

“Mmmm” Madison groaned softly. Sunlight pierced through her eyelids. The birds outside chirped happily to the new morning. Madison turned her head to catch what the time was. With one blurry eye she read 10:17.

“Hrmrmmm.” She mumbled, reaching out toward the nightstand. Her fingers flopped around until they felt a phone. Madison grabbed it, simultaneously pulling herself to sit up against her headrest. Her legs slide up then flopped into a ‘dead frog’ position.

“How wet am I?” Madison thought a split second before she let go into her diaper. She automatically released before checking the state. She grabbed a handful of mushy diaper. The diaper was certainly wet and nearing capacity. “Not that bad actually.” She thought, before flicking her phone open. She stopped paying attention to the flow the moment her eyes saw the facebook feed.

“Oh.” Was all she thought, when her thighs felt liquid pooling underneath. Madison wasn’t phased. She grabbed the blanket and peeled it off just enough to see her leaky full diaper underneath. It didn’t matter. The plastic sheet would certainly protect this minor accident. The sheets were already heavily stained anyways.

“Making my bed smell more like pee pee.” Madison thought, she stopped herself, “Like pee. I don’t have to sound like I’m 3 about it.” She reiterated, then looked back down at her phone.

May 6th

“Shit, the road trip is in a month.” She thought, the puddle of pee sent a chilling reminder. “I thought this was going to end by then.” She thought, shifting around in the wet swampy mess.

“I need to finally stop this. I can’t wear diapers around Sophia all trip long. She’ll find out.” She said it was a painful truth, but she oddly felt optimistic about it. This time, a fire ignited in her. “If I start weaning myself off of them now, I should be fine by then.” She reasoned, that plan was enough at the moment. She didn’t need to refine it any further. It was her continence. She would get this figured out.

***

The right tape ripped away from the diaper. Without the support of one side, the diaper slid down Madison’s leg. Dense mushy diaper plopped onto the ground. The inside was a pale yellow. Madison stepped out of the diaper, then plopped her butt onto the toilet seat. She got goosebumps from the cold feeling.

“Ahhh…” She exhaled, feeling the heavy weight in her bladder drip away into the water below. The stream trickled for three seconds, then completely dissipated. “I made it!” Madison thought, feeling genuine pride bubble up. She didn’t suppress the smile that grew too. “See, I can still make it to the toilet whenever I want to.” She thought.

Madison looked at old used diapers sitting on the ground. They were her nighttime diapers. She’d slipped into the bad habit of leaving them on the floor instead of walking them to a trash can. They had been sitting there for days. Just like the ones on her living room floor, kitchen, bedroom…

“When was the last time I used the toilet?” She thought, her mind chased. First it offered the time she peed just a moment ago. That didn’t count. She recalled going before bed, but she couldn’t remember what day. Most of the time she just changed into her night time diaper then went straight to bed. Sometimes if she wasn’t that wet she’d even stay in the same diaper. It had to be within the last week she reasoned. She could remember bits of other times, but the memory felt fabricated.

“Well I’ll try harder today.” She thought, feeling a little better. She walked across the floor to the bathroom closet. That’s normally where she kept a stash of diapers. When she opened the door, she was shocked to find only three left in a pack.

“Shit, do I need to up the amount I get each week?” She thought, part of her brain felt nervous. She knew she’d burn through a lot of them this past weekend. “Am I…” She stopped herself from finishing that thought. She grabbed a diaper from the pack.

“I’ll try harder today.” She reiterated.

***

“Ouch, that’s hot!” Madison thought from the sharp heat of the bowl. She placed the Mac & Cheese down onto the kitchen table. She had on a red sweater, her hair in a ponytail, and a droopy diaper. She sat down onto the wooden chair.

“Ooo..” She moaned, her eyes widened. The unexpected rush was sudden and intense. Her eyes melted into a dreamy haze. The feeling of her soggy diaper had pressed into the exact right spot. Madison bit her lower lip. She looked down at herself. The diaper bulged between her legs. It had splotchy yellow stains. Her willpower was no match for the creeping temptation.

Madison pressed her hips into the chair.

“Mmmm…” She involuntarily moaned again. She’d never felt friction like this before. It reminded her of doing this in a pad, but even better. The warm mushy padding was a perfect surface. Slowly, she started to rhythmically gyrate her hips back and forth. Rubbing herself up and down along the diaper.

“Awhh, fuck, am I really doing this? Am I about to masturbate in my wet diaper?” She wasn’t stopping. That thought changed something. Usual horny thoughts of men filling her dissipated. New electric ones took place. They were fresh, new, and exciting.

“I have accidents” She said, her body rewarded the insecure dirty thoughts with severe pleasure. Her fingertips started feeling numb. It was so embarrassing, yet so hot at the same time. That dropped some mental barriers holding back even deeper rooted thoughts. She let them freewheel to the surface.

“I had an accident in front of that Mommyy… I should have worn my diaper. Mmmm FUCK!” She exclaimed, she knew these thoughts were dangerous and wrong. This wasn’t her. This wasn’t what she wanted to be. Who thought like this?

She had held them back ever since she woke up from the dream. She could only stave them off for so long. Her willpower melted into greedy desire. She looked at the bowl of Mac & Cheese in front of her.

“I should eat it like a stupid baby.” She thought, imagining herself taking a big hand full and shoving it in her face. Rubbing away as Mac & Cheese caked her face and ruined her shirt. That sent her into overdrive. Eye rolling pleasure started sparking. Her hand lifted, but didn’t plunge into the bowl. Instead, her thumb planted into her mouth.

“Mmm! Mmm!” She squeaked, feeling the edge. She pressed as hard as she could. Her hips ached from fatigue. She didn’t stop, instead pushed through it. Her mind flooded with diaper fantasy. Real and imaginary. Peeing herself on the kindergarten floor. Wetting herself on purpose in the bar.

Pissing herself in front of her boss.

“Guahh!!” She exclaimed, feeling herself achieve the sweetest release in years. She came hard into her diaper. Pee squirted involuntarily into her diaper. It turned into a hot flood. Her body slumped in the chair as she drifted in ecstasy.

Madison floated in pleasure. She trembled from the shockwaves. Her existence swam in her mushy diaper. It all happened so fast. How could she have lost control like that? The reality of what she just did started to settle. The vacuum of emotion started to fill with regret. Regret deepend into remorse. Remorse amplified into depression.

“-II shouldn’t have thought of that…” She said, pushing the sad thoughts down. She tried shoving those ideas back into a mental closet. “I’m not into diapers.” She said, steadying herself, she picked up the fork next to her Mac & Cheese. “I dont… want to be that. I’m not that. I’m not… into diapers.” She thought, trying to ease herself. She forced her mind to go blank.

“It’s fine… I won’t think like that anymore.” She said, trying to convince herself. She had made a lot of broken promises to herself recently.

This one felt hollow.

“I won't!” She said, focusing solely on eating her lunch.

***

Madison didn’t break eye contact with the TV. Her hand drifted to the end table next to her couch. She grabbed her glass.

“Empty!?” Madison thought, swiveling her head to confirm the sad truth. “More.” She thought, leaning to grab the bottle of Pinot Noir. Her diaper squelched from the movement. She poured what was left. It amounted to roughly one glass of wine. She brought it to her lips instantly.

When she brought it down, her other hand felt around for the vape. She found it after a couple attempts. Inside the cartridge was THC. She brought that medicine to her lips and drew in a deep drag. She blew out her inhibitions.

She shifted subconsciously. The movement forced dribbles of pee into her diaper. Madison noticed.

“How wet is this thing?” She thought, grabbing another handful of mushy diaper. “Wet. Wet wet wet. That’s all I ever am now. Wet. All the time. I don’t even remember going in this once.” She thought, “Must’ve been the whole bottle of wine I pissed into this thing.” She finished. Madison focused on the feeling inside her bladder. It was confusing down there now. It used to be clear cut. Like any adult, she used to understand how much was in her bladder. She knew when it was reaching a limit, and when she needed to get up and walk to the bathroom.

That wasn’t the case anymore. Her bladder was always vaguely full or empty. It was hard to tell the difference. It would all take care of itself anyways. This time though, she could tell there was something in there. If she wanted she could get up and use the bathroom. She didn’t have to pee herself.

“Pfff fuck that. Who cares?” She thought, instantly letting go. Like clockwork, her bladder released two shots worth of pee into her diaper. It pooled in the soaked padding, before slowly absorbing into deep crevasses. “I’m going to piss myself anyways” She reasoned. Her sober self didn’t believe that. She was supposed to be weaning herself off, not leaning into it. That resistance was smothered by a sudden urge. Her eyes darted to the hallway. She wanted it.

She pushed herself up off the couch. Her diaper sagged, this one felt heavy. She needed to change or she’d leak soon. It was perfect for what she was about to do. Madison walked past the bathroom door. Zero part of her brain thought of using it. Instead she subconsciously leaked a weak stream.

She stumbled into her room. It was already plugged in. The plastic sheet crinkled as she flopped onto the bed. She grabbed the wand, then clicked it on. The bulb vibrated. She pressed it up against the soggy padding.

“Uhhh fuck yes…” She thought. The chemicals in her bloodstream struck like lightning. She didn’t hold back from the thoughts. In fact, she fed into it. She welcomed them.

“I… can’t stop…. peeing…….. my diapers” She thought, losing herself into a marathon session.

Time melted into eternity.

***

“Phew, pull it together here, Madison.” She thought, leaning up against a wall for support. The light coming in through the windows hurt. The dull pain in her skull flared. She tried smacking her chapped lips to relieve the cotton mouth.

Today was the day. Sophia had just pulled into the driveway. Madison tried rolling through the essentials one last time.

“I have my…. Toothbrush….. Um…….” She tried to keep going, but the pain made it hard. “.... Diapers? No. I’m not bringing diapers… I haven’t drank anything for three days.” She reasoned, it was the only way she could think of naturally stopping her accidents. If there wasn’t anything going in, then nothing would come out.

“Uhh… I have my purse. If I forget anything, I’ll just buy it.” She thought, loud bangs boomed from the door. Madison winced from the pounding that started in her head.

“IT'S TIME!!” Sophia yelled, suddenly bursting through the door. It was show time. Madison felt a burst of energy. She forced a smile.

“Yes it isss!!!” Madison said back cheerfully. The suitcase handle extended. She rolled it across the floor.

“We’re right on schedule, so no rush! Are you even ready for LAS VEGAS!?!? I have three different tops packed just for tonight. I have another five for when we get to LA. I took a look at the traffic….” Sophia kept going on, picking up Madison’s second bag to help.

It was hard to pay attention. The only thing Madison could focus on was walking. She took one last look at her apartment before they closed the door. It didn’t matter. She wouldn’t have changed anything in that state anyways.

“Are you good?” Sophia said, Madison only then realized there’d been silence for thirty seconds. She didn’t want Sophia to know.

“Yeah, yeah I’m totally fine.” Madison said, closing the door behind her. She shifted in the seat to get comfortable. It surprised her how much of the seat she felt with her butt. She was used to puffy padding.

Old feelings resurfaced. Madison felt nervous. Was this really the best idea? She hadn’t worn underwear in four months. She pressed her legs together. Her panties already felt a little wet. Her attention was only gone for a few seconds. Her seatbelt clicked into place.

“Are you sure? You’re not talking much. You’ve only said a couple of words to me in the past fifteen minutes.” Sophia said. Had it really been that long? The car was already moving. Madison didn’t even remember putting the bags into the back. Her vision was getting blurry around the edges. She tried thinking of something important to say back. Something that would prove she wasn’t dying.

“Beautiful day outside, huh?” Madison said, looking at her friend with a forced jolly smile. Sophia looked worried..

“What are you talking about? I just asked you why your lips are so chapped. I thought you were going to wear a new lipstick everyday?” Sophia said, troubled. Madison’s eyes looked dull, the skin underneath was flaking. It didn’t matter, the sensation of a full bladder struck without warning.

“Oh my god I forgot to use the bathroom before leaving.” Madison thought frantically, her bladder cramped in intense pain. The muscles responsible for holding back felt very weak. Like they were trying to lift a 50 lb dumbbell after 10 sets.

“Madison.” Sophia said, trying to shake her friend. She barely registered it. She motionlessly moved with the force.

“Wait, why am I worrying?” She thought, her body relaxed. Ideas were getting swimmy.

“It’s okay, Sophia…” She said, waving it off, “My diaper will take care of it…” She said, letting go. Her bladder released unprotected into her pants.  A dark wet stain grew in between her legs, then started pooling into the seat. It felt routine.

“Madison! MADISON! You’re pissing yourself!!!” Sophia yelled. Madison didn’t say anything. The light of the world was going dark.

“No… no I wear diapers now…. it’s okay…..” She said, trying to quell her friend’s nerves.

“You’re not wearing a diaper. Madison. MADISON! Mad- Alright. I’m taking you to her. She told me if you got worse then I should bring you home.” Sophia said, the moment of the car swung around. Madison didn’t respond. Her eyelids closed.

“Wet…” Was the last thing she thought before passing out.