The Long Downward Spiral of Jennifer Ways Chapter 2

There’s an element to this story that is slightly different than in a typical diaper story. The main character, Jennifer, will talk to the reader from time to time. That is happens when you see italic text*

Chapter 2

“Ahaha! Oh come on, you know I’m just messing with you!” Amanda said, playfully punching her friends arm across the table. Jennifer’s distant look washed away as she came back to Earth. She shot her friend a weak smile in response.

“Oh- uh yeah! … Duh! Haha” She awkwardly said, immediately drinking from her cup to try and hide her embarrassment. “Jesus.. was it that obvious on my face that I was thinking about myself in a fucking diaper?!?…” Jennifer thought to herself, looking back toward the friend. “So um anyways, how’s work been for you?...” Jennifer said quickly, trying her best to steer the conversation.

“Oh so funny you mention that….” Amanda droned on. The two continued their nice little get together for another hour. It was getting late for the both of them, and two cups of coffee each at that time of the day was already way too much.

“I’ll text you about those yoga positions you should try!” Amanda said, as the two split from walking side by side to get to their cars. Jennifer laced her fingers around the door handle, and swung it open. 

“Yes! Please do! See ya Amanda” Jennifer said, plopping herself into the driver seat. Turning the key, the car sprung to life. With a heavy sigh, Jenifer put it in drive, and slowly left the parking lot.

***

The streetlights passed over Jennifer’s windshield, as she coasted down main street. She wasn’t really paying attention to her driving, she was more on autopilot. Her thoughts were swirling around inside her, contemplating every aspect of her life. Where she was going, what she had to do when she got home, what she’d be like 7 years from now, all of it. 

“Christ…” She muttered, as she pulled up to a red light. There was no one else at the intersection, but she could never bring herself to just drive through them anyways. As the red light scattered across her windshield, she looked at the building to the right of the intersection. “WALGREENS” was lit up in red swoopy letters across the building. Jennifer looked at it for a brief moment, looked away… and then immediately turned her gaze back and couldn’t stop staring at the building. She knew why in the back of her head, but she wouldn’t let it herself think about it.

“HONK” one of the cars behind her laid on one of their horn from behind Jennifer.

“Oh shit!” She said to herself, the light was clearly green in front of her. She let off the break. The red Walgreens lights came closer into view. She didn’t even think, she just threw on her right blinker, got closer a little closer, and turned right into the parking lot.

“You’re fucking crazy, Jennifer” She said to herself, pulling into one of the parking spots that was right outside the door. She turned the car off, and just sat there. Her mind was at war with itself. “You’re not even sort of serious about buying diapers are you? You do realize who fucking crazy that is right?” Her mind reasoned with her. 

I’m not crazy, I promise. I just.. I’ve had so much stress lately. The idea of just doing nothing all day like Lucy does… not even having to worry about getting up…. God, listen to me. Maybe I am actually losing it*

She sat there for a few more minutes, debating to go in. She finally just shook her head, “Fuck it” she mused to herself, and opened the car door. She lifted herself out and immediately could smell the warm humid air of summer. It truly was a beautiful night.

“Oh hey Jennifer!” A voice echoed from the entrance, catching Jennifer completely off guard. It was Miranda, her coworker. Jennifer instantly felt ice in her veins, she did her best to put on a weak smile.

“Oh.. uh hey Miranda! How’s the school been?” She said, trying to sound like she wasn’t about to buy diapers. 

“It’s been tough without you there! Everyone knows you’re the best 3rd grade teacher in the district. How’s little Lucy though! Isn’t she just a bundle of joy?” Miranda said.

“Ah- well thank you! I just do my job you know? And she’s just so precious, it’s been such a blessing to have her in my life!” Jennifer said kinda fast, doing her best to move the conversation along. Miranda smiled in response and threw her arms open for a hug that Jennifer was not ready for.

“I’m just so happy for you! Congratulations! You really should be so proud!” Miranda said, as she squeezed the life out of Jennifer. 

“Th-Thanks!” Jennifer eeked out. Miranda loosened her intense grip around her.

“So what brings you out so late? Diapers?” Miranda said. Jennifer’s face lit up in shock.

FUCK was it really that obvious?!*

“Um, excuse me?” Jennifer said, slightly standoffish. Miranda shot a slight quizzical look, but quickly responded.

“Lucy? Making an emergency run to get some diapers for her tonight?” Miranda said.

Oh thank god*

“Oh yes! Of course! Haha, no I’m…” Jennifer’s mind was just screaming “GET THE CONVERSATION OFF DIAPERS!” she came up with: “….returning some videos.” Jennifer said plainly. Miranda seemed a little weirded out by Jennifer’s tone, but quickly dismissed it.

“Well alright then! I’ll let you get to it, hope to see you in the classroom soon!” Miranda said, before making her way toward her own car. Jennifer waved goodbye at her and walked into the store. 

“What the fuck is wrong with me” She thought, as she just walked up and down a few aisles. She was really on edge now after that encounter. She felt as if she had the words, “I might buy diapers for myself right now” taped across her shirt in big bold letter. She rounded the corner of a random aisle and stopped dead in her tracks.

“Incontinence” read the sign attached to one of the shelves.  The ice came back into her veins, she could feel adrenaline pumping through her. 

“Nope. Nope nope nopety nope nope.” She thought to herself, turning right back around, and out of the store. She opened her car door, and plopped herself right in. “No way in hell.” She said, as she put it in drive. The rest of the way she didn’t think a single word. It was one of the most silent car rides she’d ever had with herself.

*** 

“You okay Honey? You seem distant tonight.” Henry said, as he turned off the lights in the room.

“I’m fine.” She said, turning over on her side.

“Would you like to talk about it Love?” He said, slipping into bed himself.

“No really, it’s okay” Jennifer said, trying her best not to seem conflicted. Henry just nodded his head.

“I know when you need some space, sleep well Hun.” He said, turning over to face the opposite side of Jennifer.

It’s just the fact that I almost bought a pack of diapers today for myself. Not totally ridiculous or anything right? Don’t you agree? Ah why am I even asking you? You’re not biased at all…

“Just try and sleep Jen.” She thought to herself. But one part of tonight just couldn’t get out of her mind. It wasn’t the fact she even turned into that parking lot, it was the way she felt when she looked down that aisle. When she saw the rows of diapers, it made her feel a way she hadn’t in a while. It was hard to label it in her head, “Strange? Happy?” She thought, but they didn’t sound right. She wracked her mind for a few more seconds, “Alive.” She whispered to herself, “Yeah, that’s it.” She turned over again, content about putting her mind at ease for the first time tonight.