Wolf Moon 1/?

Idk if anyone is interested but here is a brainworm I had for an SI in avatar, of all the things.

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The girl was born in a fabulous palace at the center of a wealthy city, with glittering walls that hid the yellow dance of sunlight on the waves. It was pale inside, and cold. Too cold. She was in fact born in the depths of winter, days before the wolf moon.

She was a very normal child, aside from the fact that she was born dying. Her parents prayed for days until out of desperation her mother took her to the heart of their religion when the moon was full and begged the spirits there to save her.

They did. The moon gave her some of her own life. But she also let something else in.

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Yué was plagued by headaches, from a very young age. She was flighty and prone to distress about inane things and brought to tears by things that should have caused her wonder. Her parents worried she was too delicate for even the pampered life of a princess.

“I don’t like it,” Yué said, at the dinner in honor of her 5th birthday. The water bending master whose students were performing was too disciplined to scold her. But Master Pakku’s lips thinned even further.

She sunk down into her seat, feeling unhappy. Her head was bothering her despite Healer Yugoda’s ministrations.

It just seemed wrong. The whole world seemed wrong. She had the distinct feeling that this couldn’t be what life was. She wanted to run so far that she never felt that way again.

She settled for looking at the table instead of the display of water bending mastery in front of her. Three boys who were twice her age were doing acrobatic motions, weaving patterns around each other and waving long flags of icy water.

“...Will I learn to do that?” Yué asked quietly, a little intimidated.

Pakku laughed under his breath. “No, princess. You’ll heal, if you have the gift.”

She considered that. “Oh.”

Healing was very useful. If she was like Yugoda, she could make her own headaches go away.

She drifted off into thought, barely hearing her father say something about blessings. Yué jolted to awareness at the roar of approval that let out around the room. She stared with eyes as big as coins. Her mother was blushing, with a hand on her big stomach.

In retrospect, that was where things went wrong in her life. Her parents became even busier and distracted and she spent long hours alone in her pretty room, practicing stitching and writing and reciting the sprawling web of nobles and notables in the city. She might have slipped into the routine and pushed down all the whispers that told her “this isn’t normal” if things had gone to plan.

“Yué, my love, Mommy is going to be very busy.” Her mother’s face was red and she was breathing heavily, but she still had a smile for Yué. “Be a good girl until I come back, okay? I’ll have a brother for you.”

Yué nodded, face scrunched up with tears she was a little too mature to cry. She wound her fingers around her mother’s long braids and tucked her face into mama’s neck. She felt the warm, familiar hand stroking the back of her head. “My brave little girl,” Mama breathed. “Be good for Nanny. She untangled Yué’s fingers from her hair and stood. “I’ll call for you when I’m finished. Be patient, my love.”

Nanny took her away and she went about her normal day. She played in the morning after breakfast, and then she practiced her letters. They worked on making a pretty picture out of thread, and then they walked around the city and Yué named the residences of the important people. She got to help serve lunch, which was a recent big girl privilege that she was still excited about.

She felt the difference after lunch. She usually spent the afternoon with her mother. Nanny stayed a very long time, until it was time to get her son from the school he went to during the day. Yué was only alone for a little while. A guard knocked gently on her door frame and ushered in an older girl with a pink face and short dark hair. “Princess, Aunna is here to play.”

Yué nodded and smiled. She held out her colored inks in invitation. “I’m drawing the city. Do you remember how the fountain looks? I kind of forgot.”

Aunna did remember. Aunna knew a lot! She was 8 years old so she was already in school. Sometimes she came with her grandmother to see Yué when the headaches were particularly bad.

Yugoda didn’t come to collect Aunna, so the girls were served dinner in Yué’s room.

She even got to spend the night! Yué and Aunna stayed up very late talking.

Yué wanted to tell her mama about everything she and Aunna had done, but she remembered that she was supposed to be patient. She was patient, all day. No one came to tell her Mama wanted to see her. Father didn’t send for her either, which was unusual. She saw him almost every day, in the evening when she was called to his and Mama’s room.

Someone collected Aunna in the evening. Another girl was brought to be her companion. She hadn’t played with Kama before, and Yué was tired of hostessing. But she was a good girl. They played in the snow and then made their own hot tea, with the Cook’s supervision.

The next day was tense. No friend came over.

Once again, dinner was cancelled. But this time it felt different. The guards still smiled at Yué, but there was a heaviness to the atmosphere.

After a very long time, Yugoda came to Yué. She looked exhausted, years older than she had the last time that she’d seen the healer.

“Grandmother Yugoda?” Yué asked tentatively.

The older woman dropped to her knees creakily for a hug. Yué rushed into the outstretched arms.

“Oh, brave little girl.” Yugoda’s voice was different. Thick, choked with sadness. “I have some bad news. Your mother can’t come back. She’s with your brother. Have you seen your Father?”

“Where is Mama?” Yué pulled away, eyes wide. “Where’d she go?”

Yugoda let out a trembling breath. “She… her health failed her.” The old woman looked the saddest Yué had ever seen. Impulsively, she hugged Yugoda again to try to make it better. “Oh, princess.” She stroked the back of Yue’s coat. “We have to say goodbye tonight. I’ll help you get ready.”

It didn’t make sense to Yué. Of course Mama would come back eventually. She had said so. So Yué sniffled and let her hair be braided in a new way, and changed into her formal clothes. Yugoda took her to see her Father. He was already dressed up, with dark under eyes and a trembling smile for Yué. She climbed onto his lap and waited while the room filled up.

Then they went outside. Yué gasped when she saw the boat. “Mama!” She tried to wiggle out of Father’s grip, but he held firm.

There was a strange reaction from the crowd. Yué stilled, not certain why everyone was shuffling and whispering, but she knew that she had caused it. She went still.

“Yué, hold your aunt’s hand,” father said quietly. Auntie Brinna gave Yué a smile and took her hand. Yué stood still, confused but determined to be a good girl.

Her mother was sleeping, in her best clothes, even though everyone was watching. She was in a little boat, with her arms wrapped around a blanket on her chest. The waterbenders stepped up. Master Pakku began singing something in the old tongue that she didn’t understand yet. Yué watched, blinking slowly.

The water rose under the boat. It gently lifted and then began to move away, away from the palace. Into the ocean.

Yué fidgeted. The ocean was dangerous if you weren’t a bender. Everyone said so. Why was this happening?

A lot of people joined in with Master Pakku’s singing. Mama’s boat spun around. And then the water under it began to sink. It hit the level of the water and then it kept going down, down, down, in a gentle spiral. Then the water pulled over on top of her, like a blanket being tucked up at bedtime.

And… then she didn’t see Mama again. Yué looked around at the adult faces, confused and upset and wanting an answer. She jolted in surprise when she looked at the crowd. A lot of them were crying. It was silent, but they were crying.

Then she understood. It washed over her and slapped her like an angry wave.

Grandmother Yugoda had really meant that Mama was never coming back. Something horrible had happened and that thing was death.

It was like her whole brain stuttered. She had an instant of horrible clarity once she had the concept of death. She understood why everything had been eerie and upsetting when they should have been natural to her.

Somehow, she saw herself from the outside. She understood her life. She was the only heir to leadership in patrilineal society, and she was going to die the day she turned 15. She would never leave the city. She would never get to have a relationship, to be respected, or even have the freedom to learn things she found interesting.

She went limp. It was too much of a shock for her to cope with. Her bright blue eyes were still focusing on midair and she barely heard her aunt whispering. She was hefted up against Auntie Brinna’s body. She didn’t move, still wrapping her mind around what she somehow knew.

It was stretching out in front of her, grim and somehow true. She knew it, she knew this story, this pathetic little life. When her mother was removed from the equation the similarity was complete.

Her breath was coming too fast. Yué couldn’t calm herself and she heard the adults around her getting loud and worried. She was bundled up and taken to her room. Her father was there soon after, anxiously stroking her hair.

She didn’t tell him what she’d seen. She only clung to him and cried, helpless with anger.

Somehow, she managed to get angrier every year. Asking for anything was like rattling the bars of the cage she lived in. No one would rap her fingers for it, but the disapproval choked her.

“A good girl,” Father said sternly, “doesn't make demands of her teacher.”

She shrunk back, but tried to protest. “I just want to know why making those poems is bad. I think it’s fun.”

Chief Arnook let out a long, bemused sigh. “Yué, why don’t you make another pair of boots?” He suggested. “The ones you made for Aunna are so pretty.”

“She only has two feet,” Yué explained, wrinkling her nose. “She doesn’t need more boots.”

She suspected she knew why the short poems were something she was taught about but not meant to linger on. They were Fire Nation in origin. A princess needed to be cultured, but she shouldn’t be too interested in foreign cultures. Some of them, at least.

She didn’t turn out to be a water bender. Yué managed to look in on some of the lessons, citing interest and her future responsibilities to the women of her tribe. They weren’t her friends, exactly, but Ama, Kina, and the other healers and trainees were the only people she talked to outside of the few noblewomen around. She went to the sacred spring for quiet time, meditating on the eternal circling of the great spirits. She didn’t blame them. She knew she was only alive because of the moon spirit’s gift. If it came to what she’d seen, she would give the life back.

‘But I don’t want to die.’ She breathed easily, by now accustomed to pushing down that internal scream. ‘I don’t want to have to do that.’

Life meandered on like that, gray and hopeless in her glittering palace. Yué was the only person unsurprised when a strange animal flew overhead into her city.

It was the most interesting thing to happen within her lifetime, and it was the prelude to her death.