RegressCo - Breaking News

Breaking News

As the splash screen of the newsreel came across televisions around Hazelbrook, the presenters settled into their seats. Thomas Dangelis and Penny Carver, well known to all in the city as the faces of their morning news, smiled at each other with tired eyes. Tommy was a wolf, now regressed to the age of five while Penny was a raccoon of forty. Tommy had at one point trained her for the role, but the last six months had definitely made the situation more interesting.

“5...4…3...2...1… LIVE!”

“Welcome to the eight am news, coming to you live from the studio of Hazelbrook Newsroom! I’m Thomas Dangelis..”

“And I’m Penny Carver”

“Today's big headlines…” the loud musical jingles blasted past them as Tommy began to read the auto cue.

“Hazelbrook Monorail service announces upgrades to the carriages on the A and B lines following a completed consultation with the public. The plan for the lines include improved accessibility for strollers as well as the addition of changing tables at the end of each seating row.”

“Definitely ought to make life easier for your wife huh Tommy?” The wolf gave his co-presenter a little smirk and looked back to her.

“Well Penny, she and other members of the public have spoken!” He looked back at the auto cue “The Regressee Support Network welcomed the expansion of stroller space but questioned the need for the additional changing tables. We have their head of public relations, Max Harker, on the line with us now” he tapped the small button on his desk that allowed phone audio to come through to the studio “Max, can you tell you us how regressees in Hazelbrook are feeling about these changes?”

There was a small delay while the voice reached the other end but soon a childish voice, clearly younger than even Tommy, starting coming through the speakers

“Well Tommy, we were consulted as part of this and feel as though we’ve achieved some of our aims. The additional stroller space allows many regressees who may struggle to walk at the age they’ve reached with additional security.”

“But didn’t you say the changing tables were an area of concern?” Tommy asked. While he wore pull-ups for a bit of personal security, the idea of being changed on those things did not appeal “After all a little guy like you probably doesn’t want to have his diaper changed in front of a carriage of passengers!”

“Tommy, I’m not a little guy!”

There was a short period of silence as the clearly now beet red child on the other end of the line composed himself after the outburst. Tommy looked left to Penny who just adjusted her posture and smiled at the camera.

“Ahem” the voice returned “Anyway you’re correct Tommy, as a regressee yourself you also know how it feels to be put in awkward situations in public I’m sure. We try to avoid these where possible and we are disappointed that partners and parents didn’t recognise this.”

“But surely the benefits are quite extensive?” Penny asked, taking her own opportunity to get a view in “Access to changing facilities in the carriages is currently at a premium with one table for every two cars. This gives parents and partners more options, as well as ensuring high levels of hygiene.”

“Penny, the vast majority of regressees do not require a change on a typical commute. We’re concerned that a small minority of stinky babies have ruined it for us big kids!”

More silence for a second. Tommy sighed, whoever had given this kid the job of public relations must currently have his head in his hands.

“I mean, that some more difficult charges have created an environment where this is necessary”

“Well Max, I’m sure you’re not one of them! Thank you for coming on, and we look forward to seeing you on one of carriage tables in the future” Penny barely contained a little laugh as she pushed the button to end the call

“I…” the phone line cut Max off as Tommy gave Penny a glare. Composing himself he looked back at the auto cue, the camera staff behind them looking more than a little uncomfortable.

“Our next headline tonight concerns the recent renovations to the research and development offices of RegressCo, the ubiquitous company that has become a staple of daily lives for regressees. During adjustments to the foundations of the Spire, upon which the department is built, builders discovered some artefacts from the city's history under the old flooring. Archaeologists were quickly onto the scene, eager to look at the finds”

His crew indicated the images had switched to views of the underneath of the Spire. The offices had been built years ago, with conflicting reports as to when the Spires foundations had actually been completed. There were some people who claimed to have been there to see the first bricks laid, having gone through multiple regressions, but these were largely treated as hearsay. Thomas didn’t really care that much, his life was reliant on some of RegressCo’s tech but the company was largely a background thought in his mind.

“Of course, these artefacts were quickly transported to Hazelbrooks Museum of History” Penny continued “We can go live now to our reporter, Gary Norman who has been talking to the lead researcher”

The camera they were looking at switched to a view of an office. The room, however, was completely empty.

“I’m sorry folks it looks like we have some tech…”

“Penny? Oh poopy we went live…”

Tommy felt his mouth open a little. That was not the voice of the reporter he had expected to hear.

“Gary? Is that you?” Tommy asked, more than a little concern coming through in his voice.

“Yeah! We’ve… we’ve regressed!” the voice came through but the camera was still locked onto the back wall

“We can’t see you Gary, is everyone alright?”

He heard a shuffling come through “Yeah, yeah we’re fine. Just a lot shorter and… feeling a bit… weird.” there was a brief pause before his voice came through again “Oh! A crew member is gonna lower the tripod, hang on…”

A few seconds later there was a loud bang as the camera slammed into the bottom of the tripod stand. It was now only a few inches off the floor… and pointed straight at Gary.

The reporter could only have been a few years old at most. He was crawling up to the camera lens, his large ears, typical of a bat, taking up most of the view. His shirt was basically completely covering his entire body. Thankfully, Tommy thought to himself.

“Oh my… you’re so cute!” Penny positively beamed. Tommy felt himself hold back a small growl. Penny was a mother to a toddler, and as with many mothers the difference between a regressee of forty years turned two and a waddling toddler of the same age was often lost.

“Penny! I’m not cute!” the bats face went visibly beat red, contrasting visibly with the bright white shirt that now hung from his shoulders.

“Gary, we’ll get a regression event team down your way. Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll get you sorted pretty fast”

The bat noticeably calmed down “OK Tommy. We’ll be OK but… Oh jeez Molly couldn’t you hold…”

The camera feed cut and the view returned to the studio and the dumbfounded presenters. Tommy had never seen a regression event happen live on air before.

“Well that was quite the event! I’m sure our intrepid reporters will be back to us in no time! We’ll get a car to pick them up with a fully stocked diaper bag and I’m sure they'll be raring to get going on the next story!” Penny grinned and looked back towards Tommy, expecting him to start reading the final part of the autocue. The wolf was still recovering a little, however.

“Err… Yes… Err…”

“You alright there Tommy?” Penny’s voice was not that of a concerned co-worker. That was a motherly tone.

“Yes, Penny I’m fine thank you” Tommy gathered himself up and tapped his desk a little with his hands to regain his composure “Ahem. The last headline for today comes from our business desk. Stocks in Reassurance, Hazelbrooks premier pension provider, collapsed today after it was reported that multiple members of its own board had pulled their pension plans. The members in question had not been seen for some time and it is now strongly suspected that they may have regressed and been trying to hide it from public view.”

Penny came in as the next paragraph began, allowing Tommy a brief period of respite “Initially the stocks only fell slightly but it’s become clear that faith in the plans has collapsed if it’s own board is unwilling to invest in it. The company may well go into administration by the end of the week, requiring a debt restructure”

Tommy yawned, his eyes going wide as he tried to cover his mouth before the camera focused on him. Damn business news, even as an adult he’d found it dull, but it might as well be a lullaby to his slightly addled toddler brain.

“Uhhh... “ He paused.

“Goodness Tommy, is it your nap time already?” Penny smiled down at him. He couldn’t tell whether it was meant in jest or seriously.

“NO!” he shouted back, far louder than he’d meant to “I mean… no Penny, at this age I’m perfectly capable of staying awake throughout the day, don’t you worry”

He heard a voice in his ear through the earpiece the newsroom used for breaking news updates “Tommy, we can set up a nap room for you if you need it”

Great, even the backroom was taking advantage of this.

“Ahem! Before we switch to our sports news, a quick word from our corporate sponsors over at Teddies Diapers!”

He sighed, trying not to let his frustration show as the ad started going across the screen. He’d seen this ad over and over for weeks now and virtually knew it off by heart. A background of a typical farmyard faded into view, with a motherly figure dressed in a pair of denim working shortalls and a stetson hat.

“Long day on the job? Got to keep those little ones nice and safe? Well Teddies are here to help!”

The mascot for the company, a yellow bear with black eyes and cute little ears, jumped onto the screen, putting his hands to his hips and smiling to the camera. The view switched to show a giggling lion cub in nothing but a diaper and cowboy hat smiling as the bear headed towards him and gave him a big hug.

The screen then flipped to show a large package, the logo of the company emblazoned on the front and smaller writing underneath. The mascot took pride of place in the centre behind the logo and surrounded by a rainbow coloured circle. Perfect for attracting kids to it in shopping aisles, Tommy thought.

“Teddies new Lil-Ranchers have an extra absorbent core and specially designed tapes to ensure a snug and secure fit all day long!”

The advert flipped to show the diaper laid flat and a beaker of blue liquid hovering over it. Tommy could only guffaw, these adverts always seemed to do this with some kind of mysterious blue mixture that, for some reason, was perfect for showing how absorbent something could be. Every diaper advert had done it at some point.

The screen then split to show the Teddies Diaper on one side and another plain white diaper on the other. The liquid was poured into both, showing how the Teddies diaper appeared to keep it securely inside the padding while it sloshed around on the surface of the “Other Brand of Diaper” that the advert compared it to.

“As you can see, Teddies ensure that your little one won’t have to worry about leaks or wetness! For a drier, happier kiddo pick up Teddies at your local store today!”

A little jingle played, one that Tommy hummed along to almost by instinct. He could almost feel Penny smiling at him to one side, as if radiating her maternal energy.

“Teddies Lil-Ranchers are also suitable for regressees, tax free! The company can provide discrete and regular deliveries to your door, just ask for more information by emailing us below!”

“Do you use that service Tommy? Thinking about using it for my kids...” Penny’s voice interrupted Tommy’s focus on the screen and he immediately shot her a thunderous look.

“I don’t wear diapers Penny, how many times do I…”

“Pull-ups are diapers, Tommy” she said, matter of factly “Besides, they’re still Teddies branded aren’t they? They probably deliver them too.”

“They’re NOT diapers Penny, I’m not a…”

“Going live again in 5...4…”

Tommy cleared his throat and looked back at the camera, Penny doing the same.

“3...2...1”

“Thank you for that message, we’re now going to turn to our sport correspondent Jim Watson for an update on the latest sports news. Jim, over to you”

Tommy looked over to the desk to his left. Jim had been a year older than him before he’d been regressed, the fox was an experienced correspondent and one of his closest friends.

“Thank you Thomas, tonight's big sports news is the ongoing scandal within the LLBA concerning the contract for Robbie “Bubbles” Harvey.

The screen switched to show a small elephant, maybe aged seven or eight, practice hitting baseballs across a court. “Bubbles” had been on course for a record number of home runs before he’d been found by a hotel waitress with his jersey wrapped around his waist trying to get some help with the phones. They’d all been just a little too high up on the wall in his five star room.

“A statement from Robbies legal team stated that it was ridiculous that a regressed player was stuck unable to play during the end of a season. A spokesman for the Hazelbrook Baseball League responded that regression clauses compensated Robbie and other players and that the rules cannot be bent even for the best players. We interviewed Bubbles about this yesterday, where he had this to say”

The elephant appeared dressed in a white jersey, the Teddies sponsorship of the Little League Baseball Association blazed across the front as he spoke about his experience. Kids and regressees up to age twelve played in the Little League, though regressees tended to avoid it. Too many doting mothers and overbearing fathers. Plus calling your partner over for a change mid-game was an experience none of them wanted.

“In other sporting news” Jim continued “The Hazelbrook Cheetahs won the HSA Soccer championship for the fourth year in a row. The team has dominated the sport for the last few years, while manager Doug Drew has helped turn the team into a power house. His touchline tantrums are often considered poor sportsmanship, but the foal has gone on the record many times that his staff are more than capable of ensuring he is given his pacifier when necessary.”

Tommy sighed. Regressees like Doug leaned into the psychological changes because it helped them do their job. Diaper expenses be damned when you’re the manager of the top sports team in the city I suppose.

“And with that, I’ll hand you over to Cody Parker for the latest on the weather, thank you”.

With a quick splash screen the camera switched over to the small form of Cody, a bunny with long dangling floppy ears that bounced around in front of his green screen with a huge smile. Cody had been with the team for a couple of years and had basically grown up with it too. Hired as an adult and regressing within a month, he’d made the case he was still able to do his job by working with the camera team every day for a week.

“Thank you Jim, as you can see today Hazelbrook Northside will be covered by clouds that are coming in from the south, drawn up by the jet stream. Low pressure from the eastern coast has dawn in a weather pattern that is bringing in some heavy rainfall but only the southern suburbs in C-Side will see any of that today. If you plan on going out after work today, make sure to bring some extra protection. I know I’ll be wearing my plastic pants myself!”

Tommy chuckled. Some regresees found it hard to adapt, but the support Cody had been given in the office had made him pretty happy to just roll with it. He got the most fan mail too, possibly because mothers love a bouncy child talking about their favourite thing.

“Sorry, I’m just getting some breaking information through” Cody, held his head up and put his finger in his ear, a learned motion that made sure the audience was aware he was listening.

“We’re getting information that the Hazelbrook Weather Office is reporting likely flood warnings, but as yet, I don’t have a confirmed loc… Oh wait, it’s in my...”

He stopped for a second. His face went from a bright smile to a big blush, his mouth opening a little and staying stock still.

“Heh… heh… sorry folks. Wife in the back office playing a little joke. Don’t worry about the flood warnings. That’s it for the weather today!” he waved and allowed the screen to move off of him before running back towards the office. Tommy and Penny couldn’t help but chuckle under their breath as the camera moved back to them, both smiling and giving each other a knowing look.

“Well, that’s all for tonight folks. We’ll be back at six pm for all the latest updates in Hazelbrook, wherever you live. I’ve been Thomas Dangelis”

“And I’ve been Penny Carver”

“Have a great afternoon”

As the splash screen for the news went out across the whole of the city, the two reporters made a little small talk before lifting themselves off their chairs and heading back to the kitchen. Lunchtime called, and for Tommy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich felt like a just reward for another good performance.