Without a Care - The Night Before

After “Opportunity Knocks” it looks like Jimmy is going to be a full time charge at Little Joy Daycare. But while that seemed easy, the night before was anything but, and Alexis had to deal with something she was never trained for…

The Night Before

As the light shone through the window of the upper floor of Little Joy Daycare, Alexis Cresswell tightened up her shirt and apron. She’d been on night duty for the last three days, her hair and whiskers showing a few of the signs of late nights dealing with her charges. She smiled as she freshened herself up in the mirror, carefully combing through her matted fur and straightening out her whiskers, her youthful features and energy breaking through the natural tiredness and stress on her face. She looked back at the alarm clock, six-fifteen am blinking back and forth. She grabbed her phone and sat down on the bed, tapping away at her social media profiles and getting in a couple of selfies for good measure. She couldn’t do this at any other time, once she was on the floor it was all about the kids, but right now she could enjoy some time to herself.

Her gaze was drawn to a couple of posts from the locals talking about the start of the school year. She knew a few parents with kids who were heading off to college who had once had younger siblings at the daycare. Most were now at least at middle school, but they’d been happy to meet up with her even a decade later. She’d couldn’t believe it had been that long at times, being fresh out of her vocational childcare course and straight into working for Jennifer had been testing at times but now, she couldn’t imagine life without it. A mother of one of her older charges had posted a lovely picture of herself with her college bound son. She knew the son couldn’t wait to be out of the house, but for her, it was a big moment.

“Lovely picture Millie! Hope he doesn’t get into too much trouble!” she posted, adding a laughing emoticon for good measure as she left through the door of her temporary accommodation on the upper floor. It kept out the occasional whines from those who stayed overnight, but most were quiet. Especially the charge she was going to see now. The next term hadn’t started yet, the last two weeks were time for everyone to recuperate a little and rearrange the daycare, manage its inventory and let everyone get their bearings before the next year of adorable little tykes came through the door. But there was still one here that needed some attention.

As she reached the end of the corridor and looked at the brightly coloured door, the baby block name tag she’d added made her smile. She wasn’t much of a graphic designer, but it had really made the kid happy to know it was now his own room. Sure, he wouldn’t be able to stay here after today, but he’d seem to wake up so much less cranky once she’d done it. Little things make a big difference, and all the little things she’d done for him seemed to have really made him feel at home. She smiled and opened the door, wondering whether he’d be sound asleep or wide awake.

As the corridor light illuminated the centre of the room, she noticed the dim nightlight in his crib turn off automatically. The little stars it projected onto the ceiling vanished, not that the sleeping wolf in the crib would’ve noticed. He was curled up, facing towards the wall and away from Alexis, his thumb clearly lodged in his maw with the rest of his body covered in a childish duvet. A slight whiff of ammonia hit Alexis’ nose as she walked towards the crib, a little sigh coming from her muzzle as she reached her arm over to give him a nudge.

“Come on Jimmy, time to wake up”

The wolf groaned a little, continuing to suckle on his thumb as his eyes slowly opened, his body turning to face the caretaker. A little smile came to his face as his eyes started to shut again.

“Ah ah, come on kiddo, I know you’re a heavy sleeper but you’ve got a big day today. Your mommy is coming to take you home!”

Jimmy’s eyes shot open, a long grin emerging on his muzzle as he pulled his legs up and grabbed his feet before pulling himself up. Alexis smiled back, memories of the night before coming back to her as she ruffled his head fur.

*************************************************************************************************************

Jennifer had left Alexis with the unenviable task of breaking to the poor kid that his time at the daycare was coming to an end. He’d seemed to guess something was up as she’d changed him for bedtime last night, hugging her as she’d finished. It must have been obvious it bothered her. Jimmy had been a strange case to take care of but the boy was a hoot, and great with the others. Sure, changing him was sometimes a real challenge but she’d grown to love the routine of his day.

When he’d asked her, in his adorable lisp and pacifier in his maw, whether she was ok she’d lifted him to the crib and sat down next to him. He was about the same height as her there, she felt like she was talking to the sixteen year old, the one who must still be in there somewhere despite all this. She’d told him that the next day was going to be a big deal, that his mother was going to take him back home. He’d initially seemed excited, after all he’d seen mothers take their kids home and bring them back every day for a month. It wasn’t like he’d never come back…

When she’d told him exactly that his expression immediately fell. She could’ve sworn something deep inside him physically dropped, a weight from his mind straight down into his chest. For the first time in weeks she’d seen the anxious teenager who she’d changed into a night diaper on the first day, just in case. His eyes initially looked down, his padding clearly the focus of his attention. Alexis hadn’t known what to say, but Jimmy hadn’t given her long to focus on what she’d need to do.

“I’m… I’m not a baby”

Alexis had known that wasn’t really directed at her. That had been the voice of a teenager who had just realised something was very, very wrong with wearing a night-time Pawpers that crinkled with every movement. That this wasn’t why he was supposed to be here.

“No Jimmy, you’re not a baby. But it’s ok, I really enjoyed…”

“No, no it’s not ok” he’d taken the pacifier out of his mouth, laying it to one side of him “I’m.. I’m sorry Alexis”

The tigress had stopped. Something had felt distinctly wrong, this was far too big a switch in mentality.

“Jimmy, you don’t have to be sorry, I just…”

“I’ve been in there” his voice had been full of clarity, a focus she’d not seen from the wolf the entire time she’d known him “Every day when I woke up, I felt it all. The squish of.. This” his paw pressed against the front of his diaper “the feeling of being trapped. Of being scared. I hated it, I hated it so much. And then you’d come in.”

Alexis had felt something inside her melt when he’d looked at her then. His eyes were glazed over, tears clearly forming inside them “And when that happened… I just…  I just…” his muzzle had started to contort, sobs right on the border “I… I wanted you to take me away. And… and in a way… you did…” he sniffled, rubbing his nose. Alexis had sat there, listening to every word, trying to stay calm as the boy opened his heart to her

“I… don’t think this is me anymore…” he’d shaken his head a little “I don’t know what’ll happen if I go home. If I wake up and… and…”

Her instincts had kicked in then. She’d never hugged a charge so hard in her life. Every muscle of her body focussed on keeping him close to her, his head over her shoulder as finally, the tears came. Slowly at first, the repressed emotions of a teenager not allowing a complete breakdown immediately. But eventually the bawling she’d heard every time he’d woken up in the middle of the night came bellowing out. Her mind in that moment connected all the dots it had needed to, that all the while this had been an escape, a pressure relieved on the mind of a boy so desperate for safety that he’d allowed his mind to do so, every single morning.

“Jimmy, it’s ok. It’s gonna be ok” she’d grabbed his pacifier in that moment, pressing into his muzzle to try to get the noise level down a little. He’d responded well enough, suckling and calming as any toddler would, but Alexis’ mind had been racing. She had never trained for this, there was no manual. So she’d flown blind.

“Do… do you want to be a baby?”

The wolf had sniffed, wiped his eyes, looked at her for a few seconds…

And then nodded.

*************************************************************************************************************

“Jennifer, are you there?”

“Alexis” the voice of the fox came through the phone “Is everything alright? You don’t normally call at… Alexis are you crying?”

She’d regretted calling Jennifer immediately after that. But she was in over her head, this wasn’t something she’d prepared for and she’d had no other support.

“Jennifer… it’s Jimmy he… he doesn’t want to go home”

Silence followed for a few seconds “Alexis, what happened? Plenty of kids don’t want to go home when they’ve…”

“No I… look it’s weird I just…” she remembered her brain searching for the right words, painfully scraping at whatever she could find “Jimmy. The Jimmy we hired. He doesn’t want to go home”

Again, silence had followed, only broken by her sniffing.

“Alexis, what did you say to him?”

She’d almost felt like breaking down again. Jennifer wasn’t unempathetic, she’d learned over the years that, while blunt, she listened. But in that moment she’d needed more than that.

“I… I told him he.. he was my… my baby boy”

She’d heard the sound of movement from the other end of the phone immediately. Whatever Jennifer had been doing she was now no longer focussed on at all.

“I’m coming in.”

“Please… it…”

“No, it isn’t ok Alexis” she had felt her heart sink at that. Jennifer had never said those words to her before. They’d stung like a thousand nettles in her bloodstream. The wait for her to arrive had been one of the longest she’d ever experienced. For fifteen minutes she’d felt like she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.

But when Jennifer had arrived, she’d seen the expression on her face. No frustration, no anger.

And when Jennifer had run up to her and hugged her, for a moment she’d thought she must have fallen asleep upstairs again. It had felt so unreal, so wrong. But she’d hugged back, softly and carefully, sniffling again.

“Alexis, can you take me up to see Jimmy please”

She couldn’t remember the next few minutes. Until they’d arrived back in Jimmy’s room, the wolf still seated on his crib, pacifier slowly bobbing in his mouth as he hugged his tiger plush, she’d been composing herself.

“Jimmy, Miss Dart is here to see you”

He nodded, hugging his plush tighter as his eyes tried to avoid the foxes gaze. She’d sat down next to him, looking down at him as he shuffled to give her room.

“Jimmy. Alexis told me about your chat tonight”

He nodded, still not looking up at her.

“You know you have to go home tomorrow. That you can’t stay here”

He nodded again, his pacifier bobbing a little faster.

It was then that Alexis had seen a side of Jennifer she’d never really seen before. She’d taken Jimmy’s hand and given it a squeeze, smiling lightly as his eyes opened wide and looked at her, straight in the eyes. It was like the room had once been a storm, and now they were in the eye of it.

The pacifier had dropped out of Jimmy's maw again, bouncing on the crib mattress as he tried to talk.

“Shhh” the vixen's smile had seemed to disarm the boy entirely, his mouth closing “Jimmy, are you a baby?”

The wolf shook his head slowly “N.. no. I…”

“But Jimmy” Miss Dart continued “What are you wearing?”

Alexis had watched as the wolf had stared down at his attire, as if taking it in for the first time.

“A… sleeper…”

“And?”

“A… a diaper”

Miss Dart had ruffled his head fur a little “Jimmy, only babies wear sleepers and diapers”

The tigress had never seen Jennifer like this. She’d always been aloof, detached, her interactions with the daycares charges restricted to egregious rule breaking events that had required a firm intervention. But at that moment, she was like a light in a darkened room, and Jimmy was fixated on her like a moth to the flame.

“I.. I’m not…”

“Jimmy, do you remember the last few weeks. Do you remember your first day? I certainly do” she took off her glasses laying them next to the pillow at the end of the crib “You woke up wet, Alexis was a lovely caretaker and cleaned you up. Then, you came downstairs and you soaked your jeans in front of the toddlers in the playroom, didn’t you?”

Jimmy nodded. Alexis had wanted to say something to reassure the boy, but something had told her not to interfere.

“And then, we agreed to treat you like any other charge here, didn’t we? After all, other babies who wet themselves get put back in diapers.”

Again, the wolf had nodded, turning his entire body up onto the crib, pulling his legs up into a crossed legged position. Alexis had seen Jimmy do this before when she’d told him bedtime stories.

“And then, the next day, you came downstairs to start your new day and you had a big accident in your new diapers didn’t you?”

The wolf nodded enthusiastically.

“And when you had that accident, did you feel better?”

Alexis had watched as the wolf started to move his legs behind him on the crib, moving to a kneeling position, his tail swishing back and forth.

“See, I think I know why. Deep down, some kids just never really grow up. Not your fault, not anyones really. Just a few missed directions here and there on the old roadmap.”

At this point Alexis had felt the need to get closer. She’d steadily walked to the side of the crib, listening to Jennifer as intently as Jimmy.

“And sometimes, all it takes is a little reminder of where they missed the first turning.” she pushed the pacifier back into his maw, the wolf suckling slowly as a smile started to form on his muzzle. Alexis arrived in time to watch his tail hike up.

“So Jimmy, when your mother comes tomorrow, is she going to go back home with a confused teenager who can’t even keep his pants dry?” she stared in close, kissing him on the nose “Or is she going back with an adorable little tyke who just wants to make her happy?”

Alexis had felt almost compelled to start rubbing the boys back. His smile went from small to wide as his eyes closed and his muzzle clenched a little, grunts matching the slow and steady expansion of the rear of his sleeper, taught against the padding underneath it.

Miss Dart smiled “I thought so”

*************************************************************************************************************

Alexis sighed a little as she finished the job of changing Jimmy out of his night-time padding, soaked as always. Going through two of them in one night wasn’t something she’d anticipated, but then Jennifer's intervention had required the extra work. After she’d spoken with him she’d changed Jimmy herself, taking minutes over the process as if carefully taking apart and putting together a puzzle. All the while he’d smiled at Alexis, tears coming down her face, as he sucked his pacifier. She couldn’t deny he’d had a strong impact on her now, and maybe this was what the teenager had really always needed. The firm reassurance of her mentor had redirected him down a clearer path.

She took the oatmeal she’d brought up from downstairs last night out of the small cooler next to the changing table and sat Jimmy down in his high chair, wrapping a cute ducky bib round his neck while cooing to him softly. He wasn’t quite awake yet, his smile coming back as she made airplane noises in front of his maw.

“Alexis… Thank you”

The tigress dropped the spoon. It clattered against the tray, sending oatmeal down Jimmy's front. He giggled and clapped, shouting “PLANE CRASH!”

Alexis shook her head to clear it. She felt like something there had come and gone, a whisper or a trace. The giggling form of the wolf in front of her, his attire now splattered with his breakfast, made her feel a warmth inside she couldn’t have found the words to describe.

“Come on kiddo, let’s survey the damage. Your mommy isn’t going to be very happy if you come down a mess is she?!”

“Mommy! Can I see her soon Alexis?! I wanna tell her I’ve been a really good boy!”

“When you finish your oatmeal JImmy, come on, there's still a few more flights to come in.”


Her mind drifted back to the final moments of yesterday. She still remembered Jennifer's final words to her that night as she helped her tidy up Jimmys room and get her own back in order.

“Tomorrow, I’ll talk to his mother, you’re not the only one who’s taken a liking to him you know. We’ll see if she’s interested in keeping him here, after all it’s not like a school will take him.”

As she’d waved goodbye, the final words she’d spoken had made her the happiest she’d ever felt.

“He’s our baby boy Alexis. They’re all our babies.“