Asterios & Sirancha

TONITE: The Toughest Big Bird Bet Yet!

Added 2023-11-20 23:17:51 +0000 UTC

I'm back in a state that allows sports betting! Finally, I can lose my life savings from the toilet. Here's where we're at:

After three consecutive wins, YOU are up $372.61! Divided by roughly 450 patrons, that's...less than a dollar each, but it's still cash money!

BUT: the Eagles were heavy favorites in every game we won. For God's sake, they beat a team called "The Washington Commanders", who I assume regularly lose to the Harlem Globetrotters.

Tonight, they're up against the Kansas City Chiefs. A.k.a. that team with the guy dating Taylor Swift. Here's the odds from CBS Sports:

The money line tells the story: the Chiefs are so heavily favored that a $1 bet nets just 55 cents. A buck on the Eagles, however, pays $1.20.

What's this mean?

IT MEANS WE GO ALL-IN ON THE BIRDS AND MORE THAN DOUBLE OUR MONEY, BABY!!!!!!!!

Oh sure, the "experts" would tell you that the Chiefs have beaten the Eagles in their last four games. One of which was last year's Super Bowl, which I believe is an important game.

But here's what those experts are forgetting: birds are cool. If you think about it, an eagle would peck a chief's eye right out of his head, then forget they even did it. They're birds. They have no remorse, no regret, their whole life is flying and soaring and WINNING!!!

You ever call a guy "chief"? That means you hate the guy. You say shit like, "Great job, chief" or "You got it, chief" to an asshole you're being forced to deal with at work. You say "chief" because you can't say "fucker".

And I say these fuckers are going down TONIGHT!!

LET'S WIN SOME MONEY, PEOPLE!!! ALL-IN BABY!!! WE'RE GAMBLING GODS WHO ARE GOING TO LIVE FOREVER!!!! MY LEG HURTS!!! THAT'S UNRELATED BUT OH GOD MY LEG HURTS SO MUCH!!! SEE YOU AT THE PAY WINDOW, FELLOW GO-BIRDS!