Podcast 95 show notes
Added 2022-02-13 18:02:00 +0000 UTCHi gang. A feeble set of show notes this week, to go with the feeble podcast. Sorry about all this. Business as usual next week, we hope. In pictures we've got two shots of Richard's Range Rover and then the excellent fake YouTube graphic for Jonny's mythical horse care channel, courtesy of Talk Wrench. In the absence of anything else, here in full is that marvellous guide to German swear fines courtesy of the estimable Andy Pinchock. Thanks Andy!
You can get fined for insulting a police officer (any functionary really) that is proportionate to the rudeness of the insult. “Literal” translations in []:
"Bekloppter" (Crazy [crazy person]) 250 €
"Dumme Kuh" (stupid cow) 300 €
"Leck mich doch!" (Blow me! [Go ahead and lick me!]) 300 €
"Du blödes Schwein" (stupid pig) 475 €
"Hast du blödes Weib nichts Besseres zu tun?!" (Haven’t you got something better to do you stupid woman?!) 500 €
"Was willst du, du Vogel?!" (What’s your problem you peacock? [What do you want you bird]?) 500 €
"Asozialer" (Person with antisocial behavior [Antisocialite]) 550 €
"Dir hat wohl die Sonne das Gehirn verbrannt!" (The sun must have burned your brains!) 600 €
Einen Polizisten duzen (using the informal „Du“ with a police officer whom you do not know) 600 €
"Du Holzkopf!" (You blockhead! [wood head]) 750 €
"Bei dir piept's wohl!" (You have a screw loose! [There is something peeping in your brain]) 750 €
Scheibenwischer-Geste (Hand sign to indicate the person may not be of average or above average intelligence aka the windshield wiper gesture) 1000 €
Stinkefinger zeigen (Giving the officer the middle finger) 4000 €
"Du Wichser" (Wanker) 1000 €
"Idiot" 1500 €
"Am liebsten würde ich jetzt Arschloch zu dir sagen!" (I would prefer calling you an a$$hole right now) 1600 €
"Schlampe" (Slut) 1900 €
"Fieses Miststück" (Evil bitch=[mean piece of manure]) 2500 €
"Alte Sau" (Old sow{female pig}) 2500 €
Further German insults and their pronunciation are of course available on video platforms.
My personal favorite though is “Fick Dich ins Knie!” (fÜck off! [Go have intercourse with your own knee]) which sounds very similar to a non-German speaker to “Ich habe Dich doch lieb” (I love you [I have you in my “loving place”]).
Comments
I agree!
Daniel Achterhuis
2022-02-20 16:38:51 +0000 UTCGreat solo cast rich. As for new videos, personally my favourite smith & sniff videos are those where your eating crisps and Jonny a box of sushi, low budget videos are the funniest would like to see another of them 👍🏼
joe brudenell
2022-02-18 18:43:18 +0000 UTCI really enjoyed this episode despite the lack of Jonny. Maybe because I once ran an old Range Rover, although less successfully than you! This was about 20 years ago and I wanted to get RR ownership out of my system. So I bought, with much more heart than head, the quintessential original shape Vogue SE in Ardennes Green with the beige interior. It was about 12 years old and had a good 6 figure mileage, but it looked the business from 10 feet plus. Also, there was a bit of sense involved as it was LPG converted and had the air springs replaced with coils. I'm also pretty sure the original owner had been Bernard Matthews, so there's a claim to fame. So far so good I hear you think, but the good news ends there. To be fair, the electrics all worked pretty well, and it did have a reasonable amount of them - electric memory seats on a 1991 car, for example. But the suspension, chassis, gearbox, brakes.... you know, those trivial items kinda necessary. It bled me dry. However, I did get a good trade-in for it, and learned the crucial life lesson that only thing more expensive than a new Range Rover, is an old Range Rover.
Simon O
2022-02-16 22:27:37 +0000 UTCThis was lovely! Your very sweet love letter to your Rover made me want to buy one for car camping around the US. And the triumphant postscript at the end was fantastic!
Jennifer Albert
2022-02-16 13:01:26 +0000 UTCStrong solo effort I thought ! Having used JLR products for the past 6 years or so, including a proper full Middle Class Cliche Spec Defender 90 at the moment (got me a ladder on the side, neeever going to use it ..!), I confirm the worst part of ownership experience is people asking “you broken down yet”? I haven’t once, which means of course when it happens it’s going to be spectacular. Still, at least I’ve got a ladder…
Keith Mizen
2022-02-15 22:53:41 +0000 UTCGreat to hear about your Range. I picked up a late E53 X5 last summer as a run around but it's grown on me.
Daniel P
2022-02-15 19:38:33 +0000 UTCAnyone been able to get a hold of the Secret Ford's books that Richard keeps pimping every week? I think you have to be in a secret society to find it and deliver to Australia.
PAUL CLARK
2022-02-15 10:50:26 +0000 UTCKudos doing it on your tod!
Duncan Hearn
2022-02-15 00:39:23 +0000 UTCThe L322 still look bloody good don’t they!
Adam Sillett
2022-02-14 16:30:57 +0000 UTCI quite enjoyed this episode. You talking about the range rover as a load lugger reminded me of a time I was working as a chauffeur. I drove, the now late, David Gest and what seemed like all his worldly possessions from a Hotel in York down to a hotel in London. There was so much stuff in the car that he sat up front with me and a few belongings on his knee. That was a V8 (4.4 I think) and ran on LPG as there was an LPG tank back at base. I loved driving that thing but spent most of my time working for them in an Arnage or Daimler V4 1/2
Peter Flint-Murray
2022-02-14 14:34:35 +0000 UTCNice one Richard, well done Sir! Fortune favours the brave on the Rangie too. My first two cars were Fiats (Uno and Punto) and even when one finally stranded me after a cam belt let go I still liked it as the engine had no damage and just needed a new belt...
andrew philbey
2022-02-14 11:39:40 +0000 UTCInteresting little episode. Shame about the video stuff but it understandable if they un economic.
Robin White
2022-02-14 11:10:30 +0000 UTCGood list to pick from instead of using the informal „Du“
Vlad Tataranu
2022-02-13 22:27:03 +0000 UTCLikewise for my previous Renault and current BMW. Both have been great (the Renault gave 8 years of reliable motoring), and people trying to jinx them because they're meant to be unreliable is mildly stressful
Evan Markby
2022-02-13 21:44:53 +0000 UTCGreat job on the podcast considering the circumstances. I also hate being asked if my car is working alright because I'm convinced it will go wrong minutes later. It happened within a month on my previous car, and my movie projector - I know it's a silly coincidence, but I don't like being put on the spot by being asked. I hope somebody will publish a menu of possible insults for when you encounter the police, so that you can pick and choose the ones you can afford. Do you spend it all in one go with one massive insult, or go for a combination cheaper ones.
Tom Lanigan
2022-02-13 21:37:35 +0000 UTCBravo Richard, nicely done, we all have to let go of the apron strings and go it alone at some point! 🤣🤣🤣
Noel Huggett
2022-02-13 19:12:44 +0000 UTCDoes anyone know what the fine in France is if you tell a police officer that you ‘Fart in their general direction, their mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”??
Matthew Bartlett
2022-02-13 18:11:40 +0000 UTC
