Today while I was finishing a painting, I let myself catch up on Lucy Bellwood's delectable 20-minute audio ramblings that she shares with her patrons, and was both startled and tickled to discover that she mentions me several times throughout this particular ramble.
At one point she was commenting on how I've been "holed up" in my lovely home (true!) living on saved income (actually, most of my livelihood has been due to your generosity via Patreon), trying new things, writing and drawing and painting and "playing as an artist," and just when she was about to explain how that must seem to other people, she paused. Out loud, I filled in her answer: "frivolous."
I don't know if I'll ever shake the feeling that my job is a joke. Like I need to apologize for enjoying my work, as if enjoying it makes it matter less. Maybe my gut reaction to "Danielle's job" will always start with an apology.
This last year has been especially crushing, with nothing tactile or complete to show for what I've been piecing together and preparing for all this time, worrying that I'm taking advantage of your trust in me. Truthfully, every time I've sat down to work on the script or the character designs or background preparations, I've had a hard time starting, because I feel like what I'm doing is the equivalent of a kid making castles in a sandbox. It doesn't feel like real work, and I'm not supposed to spend my work hours doing things that aren't real work.
On the bright side, feeling so guilty about liking what I'm writing means that it's indulgent, and I want so much for my stories to be an indulgence. I'm on the right path, I just need to quiet the voice that tells me I'm having too much fun for it to count.
Thanks, Lucy, for quieting that voice for me today. And most of all, thank all of you for letting me live the dream. <3
P.S. I'll have to show you the painting later, because it's a surprise gift for one of you. ;)
P.P.S. I'm switching this to a public post because, heck, you all know I made it for you, but it seems like this is something more people need to hear. <3
Danielle Corsetto
2019-12-22 03:03:21 +0000 UTCNJGR
2019-12-21 21:24:21 +0000 UTCDanielle Corsetto
2019-12-21 15:23:29 +0000 UTCLucy Bellwood
2019-12-21 05:33:16 +0000 UTCKatie McMahon
2019-12-19 23:26:33 +0000 UTCDanielle Corsetto
2019-12-19 22:43:07 +0000 UTCLucy Bellwood
2019-12-19 22:05:22 +0000 UTCVee
2019-12-19 20:06:25 +0000 UTCSarah Manx
2019-12-19 14:22:57 +0000 UTCDanielle Corsetto
2019-12-19 14:22:29 +0000 UTCSarah Manx
2019-12-19 14:20:17 +0000 UTCSheri Spangenberg
2019-12-19 13:49:49 +0000 UTC