Steven Universe Season 1 Review Notes

The full review is scheduled for release on October 27! (Yep, same day as Volume 6) But I'm gonna try to get it out for you guys early by October 23, so... HERE'S TO EXHAUSTION.

Episode 1, “Gem Glow”:

• Still love the intro.
• Steven is me when a show I love gets cancelled.
• YAY A PUDGY MAIN CHARACTER.
• “Do you wanna take the freezer with you?”
• I still wanna see the fusion the temple was designed after. Even if it’s only a flashback.
• YES, THE CRYSTAL GEMS. Loving the music cues for each of them.
• Garnet is such a fuckin’ badass.
• Pearl casually snapping the centipeedle’s neck my lord.
• AWE THEY GOT HIM FOOD YES.
• “I went back and paid for them.” Bless you, Pearl.
• “It was everyone’s idea.” “Not really.”
• YES THE COOKIE CAT SONG. HE LEFT HIS FAMILY BEHIND.
• I like that each Gem explains their own perspectives on fighting, and how different they all are. Pearl is super calculated, Amethyst just improves, and Garnet is… Garnet.
• HIS SHIELD. SYMBOLISM FOR HIM BEING A PACIFIST. Til it goes shooting around the room, of course.
• Okay, this is annoying me. The Gems aren’t even putting up a fight. Pearl and Amethyst didn’t even got a hit in.
• I do like that since Steven couldn’t use his Gem, which makes sense since he’s just starting, he found another practical way to help the Gems.
• Vomiting at the end of an episode. Me.

Episode 2, “Laser Light Cannon”:

• Pearl kinda defending Greg. I like it.
• YAY, GREG. I love Greg.
• “If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs.”
• Seriously, the animation is so different here from later in the series. CONSISTENCY? WHAT’S THAT?
  • I do love the art style, though, and especially the red tint they put over everything for the Red Eye.
• I don’t know why, but so far it’s very difficult for me to sit down and enjoy the show. Don’t know whether that’s the show’s fault or my fault for having the attention span of a disabled goldfish.

Episode 3, “Cheeseburger Backpack”:

• Oh hi, mailman. See, I’m cool with focusing on the human characters more towards the beginning of the series.
• Awe, he put stars on his signature. Cute.
• I love how the humans don’t even think the Gems are weird.
• I got disturbed when that egg cracked as the fridge was shut.
• Wait, they want to save the Sea Spire? Why? Wait, was this for the Homeworld Gems or the Rebellion? Oh wait I don’t think they thought that far through.
  • And even if it was a place for the Rebellion, I don’t remember it being mentioned in more recent episodes.
  • Why didn’t Lapis use this place when she took the ocean?
    • Oh that’s why. It broke. R.I.P. in pieces.
• Oh that shot of Pearl was… why?
• I want a hamburger backpack.
• Steven is me packing for a trip. Oh I’ll be gone two days. Better bring seventy pairs of clothes.
  • STEVEN THE FIRST AID KIT.
• YES, STEVEN, DEFY GRAVITY. And magic.
• OH MY GOD NO ONE IS A CONSISTENT HEIGHT OR SIZE.

Episode 4, “Together Breakfast”:

• I do hate that all the episodes must be from Steven’s perspective? What other show locks itself in like this? I’d love episodes from the Gems’ perspectives, or even some of the people of Beach City.
• THIS ENTIRE OPENING SCENE IS LITERALLY THE ENTIRE FUCKING SHOW.
• Okay the balanced breakfast pause was pretty funny, I’ll give it that.
• “I have to burn this [phone] too.”
• Ugh, again the Steven perspective kills me. I really wish we could see all the Gems’ rooms.
  • WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING THESE THINGS oh yeah cuz the show bores me.
• THE DOOR WAS MEANT TO CLOSE AND IT DIDN’T. THERE WAS A SOUND EFFECT AND IT’S SHUT IN THE NEXT SHOT. MY GOD THIS SHOW.
• THAT SHOT OF STEVEN (-6:50) HOLY FUCK WTF IS THIS.
• “Now it has all the power of a breakfast.” Is this telling me to eat breakfast? Cuz I almost never do.

Episode 5, “Frybo”:

• “You’re a mess, Steven.”
• Steven is me trying to listen to other people.
• Wow Pearl is blind.
• “THAT’S UNUSUAL.”
• At least Steven was smart enough to go looking through the city for Pearl instead of goofing off.
• The Frybo costume looks horrifying.
• I like having episodes about the people of Beach City, but I wish they reflected the major themes of the show, and it didn’t come at the cost of ignoring the Gems for most of the story.
• STEVEN NO YOU IDIOT. DON’T PUT THE FUCKING EVIL GEM IN THE COSTU- oh he put it on himself. Okay nevermind he’s not that dumb.
  • NO, STEVEN. I JUST PRAISED YOU FOR NOT BEING DUMB.
• This child has a bird phobia. Can’t blame him. They’re rats with wings.
• Frybo is me trying to dance.
• Wow this got real with a job sucking away the fun of your life. Holy shit.
• I just noticed the pattern on Steven’s boots. My lord.
• OKAY THIS JUST BECAME A HORROR MOVIE.
• Where the hell are Amethyst and Garnet? And Pearl for that matter?
• “I don’t even like fries!” You can die, Lars.
• “He’ll mash your potatoes.” Excuse me?
• “Many, many deaths.”
• They just snuck blood in as ketchup. Holy shit.
• Aaaaaaand this got weird with naked Steven. Oh this show.
• They gave Frybo a Viking funeral. Holy shit.
• STEVEN’S SMILE GOOD LORD THAT’S HORRIFYING.

Episode 6, “Cat Fingers”:

• OH I REMEMBER THIS EPISODE. HOLY SHIT TWO HORROR SHOWS IN A ROW.
• Interesting they can all shapeshift, but Amethyst is the only one who does. Maybe it’s just a quartz thing?
  • Oh okay they can all do it.
• Okay the cat finger is bothering me. That looks horrifying, and I doubt it feels very good having a finger and eyes at the end of your finger.
• God I love Sadie.
• NO NOT RONALDO. EW. GET HIM AWAY FROM ME.
• I WANNA SEE THE LIVING ISLAND FIGHT. But Steven only perspective means nope.
• “Amethyst, I blame you for this.” “That’s fair.”
• YEP. IT’S A HORROR MOVIE.
• Wow. They found a way to stop it with just Steven and Greg. Impressive.
• YES, GARNET. HAVE FAITH IN STEVEN.
• That pun my god.
  • STOP WITH THESE PUNS.

Episode 7, “Bubble Buddies”:

• OH MY GOD THE CONNIE EPISODE. I LOVE CONNIE. YES.
• Awe Steven has a crush.
• STEVEN IS ME.
• OH MY GOD THE GEMS SHIP IT.
• Ooh I loved the little flower blooming into a shield. I wish that happened more.
• What a fucking way to meet someone.
• Sadie and Lars are best parents. Or big siblings. Whatever.
• OH MY GOD ONION WHAT THE FUCK?
  • Okay but I love Onion.
• The animation might be a mess, but I love the art style. The underwater environments look beautiful.
• Connie crying hurts me in the soul and I love her.
• OH MY GOD HE KEPT THE LITTLE GLOW UP LIGHT FOR HER.
• “Don’t mess with his funky flow.”

Episode 8, “Serious Steven”:

• Poor Steven being attacked by butterflies.
• I’m still curious what that weird opening shot had to do with this but uh… I’ll be patient, I guess.
• Oh look White Diamond mural. And Rose Quartz.
• I’m getting Ocarina of Time vibes, especially from the music.
• Can we just all agree Garnet is a fucking badass?
• There’s a musical cue with every trap. That ukelele will definitely come in handy for something.
• What the hell is with these weird cuts in time? I mean I know Pearl referenced teacups but… wut?
• “I misunderstood the point of this ride.”
• Steven has carnival PTSD. Okay, uh… why did we need the time cuts for that. Interesting that it seemed to knock him out though.
• Nice thinking, Steven.
  • “Steven already figured that out!”

Episode 9, “Tiger Millionaire”:

• “I’m gonna go wash.” He says as he walks to the fridge.
• Wait, did no one go to help Steven? Wow y’all suck.
  • NO ONE WALKED BACK INSIDE AND NOTICED STEVEN?
• CRUSH HIM, AMETHYST. CRUSH RONALDO.
• Oh damn that dirty move. Jeez.
• Steven becoming a dick. Wow.
• The shows hints at Amethyst feeling inadequate, but doesn’t seem to actually be focusing on it or exploring it.
• Garnet, crush Amethyst like a bug.
• Yay, Pearl and Garnet playing along for Amethyst’s sake.
• Captain Square I can’t.

Episode 10, “Steven’s Lion”:

• LION.
• Lion pawing at the door oh my god.
• “Catch me, I’ll die!”
• “STEVEN’S PREGNANT?”
  • “I don’t think so.”
• Can we please destroy Ronaldo’s blog like he wrecked his laptop?
• Okay the desert glass thing is super cool.
• “We kept Amethyst.” That’s uh… wow. No words.

Episode 11, “Arcade Mania”:

• We’re focusing more on the Gems than I expected. Admittedly, I wish we were getting more backstory on Homeworld and the Gems.
• OH GOD THE WARPING MODELS.
• “Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.”
• “Which one of these buttons is my turn signal?” PEARL IS ME AS A DRIVER.
  • FUCK PEOPLE WHO DON’T USE THEIR TURN SIGNALS, ESPECIALLY ON THE EXPRESSWAY.
• Punches machine. “I did it.”
• Meat Beat Mania. I’m not even gonna make a joke.
• “YOU’RE HORRIBLE.” “STOP SAYING THAT.”
• TAKE THE TICKETS, YOU FOOLS.
• Oh this is the first time we’ve seen Garnet’s third eye I think.

Episode 12, “Giant Woman”:

• OOH YAY THE OPAL EPISODE.
• Checkers: Chess for Morons. (Myself included)
• UN GOAT. I LOVE IT.
  • Bless you, Steven Jr.
• “Bad mountain goat!”
• The songs are so cute.
• Pearl is my anxiety incarnate.
• “My son.”
• I love that Fusion always results from dancing.
• What an entrance for Opal. Damn.
• “WAIT I CAN DO THAT TOO?”

Episode 13, “So Many Birthdays”:

• God I love seeing all the different designs for the Gems.
• “We can still get hurt and die.”
• Awe, Lion putting on a birthday hat kills me.
• “Steven, are you telling lies?”
• “Which way to the baby war?”
• YEP BODY HORROR TIME. AGAIN.
  • Steven is me having an existential crisis though.
• “Would you help me into my birthday suit.” Sadie had the proper response.
• LION TO THE RESCUE.
• Fog makes for excellent atmosphere.
• I love Garnet in the cape and crown.
• Oh this is so fucked up I love it.
• Pearl… oh my god my heart. Looking at her covered in pie, just… that is a mood.
• “I thought violence would be the answer.”
• Steven literally just changed model in the same shot. This is horrifying.

Episode 14, “Lars and the Cool Kids”:

• Weird they keep saying Rose’s full name.
• Someone actually named their kid Sour Cream. My lord.
• “I have no idea where any of my clothes come from.” Every cartoon character ever.
• Oh Lars. You’ll never understand that to be cool, you must be authentic. Extra points if you’re laid back and a little boot aloof.
• Why do mayors kiss babies? It’s just so… creepy.
• “Lack of daddy kisses.” Not even gonna joke.
• YEP. ANOTHER HORROR EPISODE.
• YES, STEVEN. CALL HIM OUT.
• “STICK POWER.” Flashbacks to Bentley having to learn how to drive a stick shift.
  • I mean, I drive automatic. I’d rather die than try driving manual.
• Okay those flowers are gorgeous.
• “I lost something precious.” “Your innocence.” Um… 

Episode 15, “Onion Trade”:

• Welp Onion is still weird as ever.
• ONION’S DAD. I can’t remember his name. I think maybe… Yellow Tail?
• “You know… guys?” Not gonna make a gay joke not gonna make a gay joke.
• Okay Onion is fucking terrifying SOMEONE PLEASE STOP THE FIRE.
• OH MY GOD THE GEMS HAVE TO STOP ONION GOOD LORD.
• “Why didn’t you just replicate Ranger Guy?” “DANG IT.”
• “Try and act like a rich duck.” I’M DEAD.
• “Now I have new memories. Horrible, horrible memories.”

Episode 16, “Steven the Sword Fighter”:

• Ooh I think this is the episode Pearl reforms.
• You’d think Pearl would use the Holo-Pearls in combat.
• Oh yeah people got pissy about this being ripped from Utena. I’d have more of an issue if it was 3D where you literally copy the motions. This is intended to be a reference, since this show is filled with anime references.
• WELP THIS WAS HORRIFYING. Odd that Holo-Pearl can actually kill Pearl in training mode. Also… why is the Holo-Pearl still existent when Pearl gone poof?
• “Whoops. I’ve been impaled.”
  • THIS SHOW IS SO FUCKING TERRIFYING.
• I’m getting flashbacks to the egg from SpongeBob.
• Wow Amethyst really likes that cloud.
• Why did no one take Holo-Pearl’s sword away? That’s just asking for a murder.
• SERIOUSLY WHY IS THE HOLO-PEARL STILL HERE?
  • THE BED SHEET MAKES IT EVEN MORE HORRIFYING.
• Wow. Steven actually beat Holo-Pearl on his own.
• I love the little differences in the Gems’ designs whenever they reform.
• “I got hit by a airplane.”

Episode 17, “Lion 2: The Movie”:

• Oh god. Dogcopter. What even the hell?
• YAY CONNIE IS BACK.
• The one who’s most human is a dog. I’d believe it.
• “I hope it stays faithful to the book.” Point 1: it never does. Point 2: THIS WAS A BOOK? AND IT SOLD? This sounds like something that belongs in the self published slush on Amazon, and that’s coming from an indie author.
• I mean you could just have Amethyst take you guys as she shapeshifts. Or take the lion that refuses to do anything you say. Okay.
• Yes, Connie. Use your tennis practice to foreshadow your sword fighting techniques.
• Awe. Steven cares about Connie’s things. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
• THE SWORD. YES. THE SWORD.
• God bless Lion with 3D glasses.
  • Good god the reference to Lionsgate. I’m done.

Episode 18, “Beach Party”:

• I know he said sitting, but it sounds like “You’re just shitting up there.”
• I love the grandma.
• Love the beach outfits. I just really love outfit variants.
• Good lord the volleyball turned the beach into glass.
  • BLESS THE GRANDMA’S EXPLANATION. The more you know.
• Oh sure Pearl uses the Holo-Pearls for a game but not for combat.
• YES. TEAMWORK.

Episode 19, “Rose’s Room”:

• What determines whether a mission is too dangerous for Steven? They sometimes let him go, but other times don’t.
• THE DOOR HINTS AT RUBY AND SAPPHIRE.
• The tiny whale is cute but it also frightens me.
• Oh god the father’s design is terrifying.
• Oooh the door even opens like flower petals.
• THIS WORLD ISN’T REAL. OH GOD. THIS IS HORRIFYING. WTF IS THIS SHOW?
  • This just became The Evil Within.
• FRYBO OH GOD NO.
• CONNIE HAS NO EYES OH MY GOD.
• Creepy Greg seems to be the normal person in the room. Maybe made to comfort Steven and be his therapist?
  • THE LESSONS MAKE NO SENSE. OH GOD NEVERMIND. HE’S SPOUTING BULLSHIT LESSONS.
• Aaaaand it’s officially the Matrix.
• “What do you want, Steven?” I want a weird space whale with the voice of my dead mother asking me what I want? Oh that’s weird.

Episode 20, “Coach Steven”:

• Oh yay. Problematic Sugilite episode. God help.
• “It’s hurting television.” So this tower is the internet?
• Amethyst and Steven are me being excited over something.
• And the two coded black girls fusing makes a super violent black woman. Thanks, show. Sigh.
  • Poor Nicki Minaj. Wow I never thought I’d say that.
• I loved this song til Lily Orchard’s video essay on Steven Universe. God did the writers really not think this through at all?
• I’ve read up that Sugilite was probably based on the Hindu Goddess Kali, who was a many-armed Goddess of War. I’d believe that, but it’s just unfortunate the story the writers could be misinterpreted as… well… not even gonna comment.

Episode 21, “Joking Victim”:

• God I love Sadie.
• Poor Sadie. She just needs a hug.
• “I know how to burn people!” GET THE BURN BOOK.
• OH MY GOD DOGS AS JUDGES.
• Welp this escalated very quickly.
• “AND OTHER BOYS.” Oh this show.
• I wish Lars actually tried to be better. Cuz I feel in theory these two make a cute couple, but Lars is just such a fucking jerk.

Episode 22, “Steven and the Stevens”:

• OOH COOL DESIGNS. God I’m a sucker for good designs. GOD THESE DESIGNS ARE SO FUCKING COOL. I just wish there was a history to all these places.
• Wow Garnet can super stretch her arm. Cool.
• OH NO TIME TRAVEL. OH GOD. NOOOO.
• The fact Steven is so nonchalant about all this.
• Did we just have a boy-band-falling-apart story with time travel? Only in this show.
• Of course Pearl is playing a violin. My god.
• Can this be the alt. theme song?
• “By watching myself die.” Jeezuz.

Episode 23, “Monster Buddies”:

• Oh god, Centipeedle’s Gem.
  • It seriously looks like a Pokeball though.
  • AWE IT’S TINY FORM IS ADORABLE.
• God Steven is such a Magical Girl.
  • Also love that he rocks pink.
• “The G Squad.” FORESHADOWING.
• Oh god Pearl is fucking terrifying. Even her morphing body is adding to the horror.
  • 
• CENTI SAVED HIM. MY FUCKING HEART.
• THE MUSIC BOX INTRO. MY HEART.
• HE SENT THE CHIPS. THE CHIIIIIPS.

Episode 24, “An Indirect Kiss”:

• Is Steven still sad over Centipeedle? Also where are we? Is this the top of the hill over the house? I don’t remember there being a building here. Or am I just not understanding geography?
• Aaaand Amethyst got fucked up.
• YAY HEALING POWERS.
  • “Healing lacrimal essence.” Welp that sounds gross.
• THE FALLING FLOWERS. OH IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL.
• “You’ll never have any real magic powers, and we don’t want anything more to do with you.” “She didn’t say that.” “No, but that’s what it felt like.” ME.
• INTRO TO HIS HEALING POWERS WITH CONNIE’S RESTORED SIGHT. YES.
• Okay but Connie’s flowing hair is on-point.

Episode 25, “Mirror Gem”:

• Mid-season finale here we go! GIMME LAPIS.
• Steven doesn’t go to school? Um… isn’t that illegal? Then again he is being raised by actual aliens with magical destinies, so I guess he’s an exception. Wait, does this mean this kid has no basic understanding of fourth grade math?
  • When Connie said “Full of desks,” I heard “Death,” and honestly that’s not too far off.
• Oh okay good Pearl is here to be professor. Thank the lord.
• She just speared a teddy bear. That is… horrifying. God this show is fucked up.
• I feel this would’ve been a better reveal for Garnet’s third eye.
• LAPIS. MY GIRL.
• Lapis has best powers.
• Still love the titles for these two episodes.

Episode 26, “Ocean Gem”:

• YAY ADVENTURE.
• Garnet rolling like a badass. I love her.
• Awe. Connie sleeping as Steven rides Lion is precious.
• Ooh. Talk about an epic battle arena. Though I kinda wish this happened where the sea spire was.
• “Guys I just had the best idea for an album cover.” ME.
• Seriously Lapis is the most powerful Gem. I love her powers.
• PEARL USE YOUR GODDAMN HOLO-PEARLS.
• This music though.
• Okay but space is fucking gorgeous.
• LAPIS’ ANGEL WINGS. MY DAUGHTER.
• The little omen of what’s to come from Homeworld. Oh boy. Been waiting for some kind of indication of a plot.
  • For the record, I am fully caught up and know all about the Diamonds, Homeworld, etc. This is just the first time I’ve sat through all the episodes in one sitting.
• I feel this is all fine for the first season, especially when binged (Or aired regularly), but god the hiatuses really messed this up. This show should never have been aired as Steven Bombs. And even so, they should’ve just stuck to plot-centric episodes for them.

Episode 27, “House Guest”:

• Oh wow. Continuity from last episode. Bless.
• Hints at Pearl disliking Greg. Joy.
• Yeah, sorry, Steven. The healing powers only work on Gems.
• Awe. Steven and Greg are adorable.
• PEARL CHANGING FORM AGAIN. AHHH.
• Greg, I love you, but uh… Steven needs to finish this mission. Priorities.
• GASP. STEVEN DID HEAL HIS LEG. GASP. EMOTIONAL TURMOIL.
• GREG AND PEARL HUG. YAY. I’ll take what I can get.

Episode 28, “Space Race”:

• The Gems’ fear of Homeworld now that Lapis has left the planet making them go to check the galaxy warp pads. I like.
• Tag yourself. I’m the crying apple.
• Pearl going nuts and nearly killing Steven. Yay tonal whiplash.
• PEARL AND STEVEN MY HEART I LOVE THEM.

Episode 29, “Secret Team”

• I can’t get over how much I love the way water looks in this art style.
• Is that the poof room? I know it’s probably called the bubble room since, ya know, bubbled corrupted Gems, but whatever.
• I’m guessing the limbs all will freak Garnet out because they were originally part of a super messed up forced Fusion.
• YOOOO GARNET. FUCK WITH THEIR HEADS.
  • “So you two can’t get along unless you think I’m going to kill you.”
• I’d still like to know why Pearl had the Gem shards. Without that reason, it just makes Amethyst and especially Pearl look… fucking awful.

Episode 30, “Island Adventure”:

• Awe, Steven’s first warp.
  • GODDAMMIT AMETHYST.
• OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO SADIE’S UPPER LIP.
  • 
• See, I like the ship in theory, but while I like that Lars is being made more humane, they kissed out of desperation and… oh it kills me.
• Sadie hid the pad? Okay fuck Sadie. Now I’m Team Lars. Wow I never thought I’d say that.
• Well that was… an episode.

Episode 31, “Keep Beach City Weird”:

• Oh joy. A Ronaldo episode. Fucking shoot me.
• OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE LIKE RONALDO.
• Oh great it’s a fucking cult situation. Someone please drown Ronaldo.
• “I’m really not at the center of anything.” I KNOW, SHOCKING, ISN’T IT? GOD THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE DRIVE ME MAD.
• NO. WHY ARE YOU FEEDING RONALDO’S OBSESSIONS? POP HIS FUCKING BUBBLE AND FORCE HIM TO FUCKING FIX HIMSELF. FUCK THIS SHIT I REFUSE TO FEEL BAD FOR THIS FUCK.

Episode 32, “Fusion Cuisine”:

• CONNIE, YOU’VE RETURNED.
• Connie is me fangirling.
• “The children are playing with swords. They’re bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don’t call again.” I love you, Garnet.
  • “Sorry. I panicked.”
• CHEERS TO NON-NUCLEAR FAMILIES.
• ALEXANDRITE HAS ARRIVED, BITCHES.
  • Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?
• I feel so bad for Connie. I feel bad for kids with really strict, overprotective parents in general.
• Damn Alexandrite don’t fuck around.
• I live for the Gems being best moms.
• “No dinner for one thousand years.” Okay that might kill him.
  • “You will lose your TV privileges. For one thousand years.”

Episode 33, “Garnet’s Universe”:

• Still kinda annoyed the intro hasn’t changed to fit Pearl’s new form but whatever.
• I love Garnet and Steven so much.
• NEW ART STYLE. YAY. It’s so cute.
  • I died at her fixing her hair.
• Oh ew, who let Ronaldo in?
  • Oh thank god he was the actual villain. At least now we get to punch him.

Episode 34, “Watermelon Steven”:

• I was so confused as to what the fuck was happening til uh… watermelon land?
• OH MY GOD RONALDO ABOUT TO FUCKING KILL A WATERMELON PERSON. HE IS THE DARK WEB.
• “It’s alive!” “Not for long!” OKAY WHY ARE WE MEANT TO FEEL BAD FOR THIS FUCKING SOCIOPATH? HE’S INSANE.
• Wow. The Gems beaten by fucking watermelons.
• Poor baby watermelon.
• Okay but like what the fuck just happened?

Episode 35, “Lion 3: Straight to Video”:

• I fucking adore Lion.
• OH MY GOD A GAMECUBE. Welp now I win.
• Lion hugs give me life.
• Did we need to make Pearl creepy for no fucking reason? Like couldn’t she just check on Steven to see if he was okay or something? Sigh.
• Okay but the idea of a pocket universe in Lion’s Mane is so cool. Also BISMUTH.
• I think this is the first time we’ve ever seen Rose. Still love her design. Oh I wish I could love this without a certain twist fucking ruining it.

Episode 36, “Warp Tour”:

• “STEVEN, YOUR FOSSA.”
• YO WAS THAT PERIDOT. PERIDOT MY GIRL.
• We really should’ve seen Peridot’s polarity ahead of time with the way she manipulates the finger extensions.
• Yay Homeworld foreshadowing.

Episode 37, “Alone Together”:

• Please tell me the Fusion practice is because of the threat of Homeworld arriving.
• Steven seems to dance best with Amethyst. FORESHADOWING.
• “Not for me.” WE ALL KNOW WHY, GARNET.
• YAY PURPLE BEACH. Oh it looks so pretty.
• Oh Steven and Connie are so precious.
• And cue Stevonnie, who’s meant to be nonbinary even though they lean very hard feminine and the gender thing never seems to be brought up. Sigh.
• GARNET SUPER EXCITED WE KNOW WHY.
• Still very confused how two children make an… adolescent Fusion?
• Oh thank god Kevin knew this was fucked up and left. I mean, at least for now.

Episode 38, “The Test”:

• Ah, family game night. How you ruin all things.
• Awe, they rigged it for his confidence. Oh it hurts. Though his lack of confidence definitely made him lose his healing powers.

Episode 39, “Future Vision”:

• Is that Cloud from Final Fantasy VII? God so many references. AND SONIC?
• “Your middle name is Cutie Pie.” MY HEART.
• I just remember JK Rowling’s quote along the lines of “You’ve lived so cautiously, you might as well not have lived at all.”
• GARNET I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
• Garnet stopping lightning like a fucking badass.

Episode 40, “On the Run”:

• Oh I remember this episode. God I’m ready for tears. And tonal whiplash.
• Took us a while to bring these little robo things home. Was this meant to be episode 37?
• Oh the kindergarten is fucking terrifying. This is some Silent Hill shit.
• Amethyst’s self hatred coming outta… well, nowhere. Did we hint at this at all before this episode? Or was the little “We kept Amethyst” joke meant to do that, in which case, nasty jab.
• TONAL WHIPLASH MY OLD FRIEND.
• “I never asked to be made.” My heart is breaking.
• Pearl, you suck at emotions, but you mean well and I love you.
• THAT HUG. EVERYTHING HURTS.

Episode 41, “Horror Club”:

• Oh my god I love Lars’ little skull things for his ears. Also loving Sadie’s coat.
  • LARS’ SKULLS GLOW IN THE DARK MY GOD YES.
• Oh are they still all awkward from the island stuff? Which is fair given uh… yeah that was a hot mess.
• EW NO NOT RONALDO. NO. NO NO NO.
• Is this the invisible Gem from the island? FORESHADOWING OF LARS AND SADIE’S PROBLEMS CONTINUING TO HAUNT THEM.
• Wow. I actually felt bad for Ronaldo. I still hate him now though.
  • Actually, this is the one episode I didn’t totally wanna tear out Ronaldo’s throat. Can he be like this everyone episode?
  • Interesting that he and Lars used to be friends though.
• IT WAS A GEM. Just a different one.

Episode 42, “Winter Forecast”:

• Awe Steven and Connie being all cute.
• OH MY GOD I LOVE CONNIE’S COAT.
• I just realized Crispin Freeman voices Connie’s father. Bless.
• Wait, what? Steven had a vision? Was it stress, or magic? Or both?
• OH MY GOD WHAT IS WITH ALL THE DEATHS.
  • Future Vision again. Of. Course.
• AWE, CONNIE’S PARENTS WERE NICE.
• Connie has the best outfits. Loving her nightgown.
• AWE THEY GOT TO WATCH THE SNOW TOGETHER AFTER ALL.

Episode 43, “Maximum Capacity”:

• Oh I remember this episode. Oh boy. But I mean at least they recognize time, unlike… certain other shows.
• I was gonna ask why Steven didn’t get Pearl. Oh well.
• “I’ve seen your junk before.” Not even gonna comment.
• CUE METAPHOR FOR OBSESSION WITH THE PAST.
• Yeah this episode is literally the microcosm of boring filler story turned into nightmare fuel of problematic angst we don’t bother resolving.
• Okay uh… wow. Where the fuck did this conflict come from? I thought Pearl was the one with problems with Greg.

Episode 44, “Marble Madness”:

• CUE PERIDOT’S ROBOT OF DEATH.
• Connie is into the crazy adventures. Bless her.
• GOOP HUG.
• “There’s an order? I just started with the one with the coolest cover!” And that is why you number your books.
• “I don’t know anytime all the time!” Me.
• Steven having the bright idea to follow the marble to see what their purpose is.
• God the kindergarten is creepy. These fucking sound effects sound like the cries of the damned. I’m getting Shadow Temple / Bottom of the Well flashbacks from Ocarina of Time.
• “Doesn’t she know it’ll destroy all life on Earth?” Why would you ask that? Of course Homeworld knows that. Your entire rebellion was founded on the fat that Homeworld wanted to destroy life on Earth to expand their empire.
• Steven, you fucking idiot.
• OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK WITH STEVEN’S… EVERYTHING?
  • 

Episode 45, “Rose’s Scabbard”:

• Oh this episode always hurts me inside. Joy.
• I’d find Pearl’s infatuation with Rose cute if it weren’t for a… certain plot twist.
• “Oh of course! That’s why he’s pink!” “It’s a little obvious.”
• “I was the one she told everything!” Because you were here… oh forget it, we’ll cover it when we get there.
• SYMBOLISM OF MAKING ROSE’S PORTRAIT FALL.
• Pearl needs a hug. And therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.

Episode 46, “Open Book”:

• Connie is me complaining about shows.
  • OH MY GOD SHE IS ME. AAAHHHH.
• Oh yay, Rose’s room. This is gonna be fucked up.
• YEP IT GOT FUCKED UP.
• IT FORCES STEVEN TO BE HONEST. Welp this is a fucked up way of being honest about your feelings.
• SEE? YOU’RE ALLOWED TO LIKE WHATEVER YOU LIKE, EVEN IF SOMEONE TEARS IT APART. FUCKING PREACH THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS.

Episode 47, “Shirt Club”:

• Oh yay. A Mayor Dewey episode. Kill me.
• I love Sour Cream.
• EW RONALDO.
• “Are the shirts destroying the wearer’s will to continue on in this mortal coil thereby shutting down Beach City?” I fucking love Pearl.
• Garnet’s advice is on-point.

Episode 48, “Story for Steven”:

• Marty. Oh I remember that dick.
  • “He’s dead to me.” I love you, Greg.
• Welp, this song is cute, but a liiiiiittle egotistical.
• Oh the struggles of starting your creative endeavors.
• Oh Rose and Greg are so cute. If only the twist didn’t kill it for me. LIKE IT DID EVERYTHING ELSE.
• VIDALIA. Yo I love her hair and jacket.
• The fact Greg is chill with a talking owl for the most part… bless.
• Amethyst I adore you.
• I LOVE PEARL’S OLD DESIGN. AND BABY AMETHYST. Well not baby but whatever.
  • God I love seeing variant designs.
• Oh Marty is so gross. I hate people like him.
  • “Women are people.” BLESS YOU, GREG.
• Awe, Greg is adorable.

Episode 49, “The Message”:

• “Water witch.” Was that a reference to Lapis?
• Steven’s little roaring thing my god.
• Peridot coming to Earth for Steven. Oh dear lord.
• Welp we’re all gonna die.

Episode 50, “Political Power”:

• And so we begin the finale.
• Pearl joking about human development. Bless.
• EW, MAYOR DEWEY. GROSS. WHYYYY?
• OH MY GOD THE BACKGROUND ACTUALLY CHANGED BETWEEN SHOTS HOLY SHIT.
  • 
  • 
• Ugh why are we rewarding the mayor for being a dick and lying to the people? Like yeah it parallels Steven being upset about the Gems lying to him but I’m still bitter.
• THE LIGHT CAME BACK ON. SYMBOLISM.

Episode 51, “Jail Break Part 1”

• Welp this intro was terrifying. And you can actually see the ship coming.
• We are all going to fucking die.
• “No such thing as a good war.”
• Wow, everyone cares about Steven. Literally everyone from Beach City. I actually kinda like that we developed everyone, at least for this season. Though I feel after this priorities should’ve switched to the Gem storyline.
• OPAL.
• Jasper has arrived.
• MENTIONING OF A DIAMOND.
• Welp this is stressful.
• GARNET NO.

Episode 52, “Jail Break Part 2”

• Starting with Sapphire’s song. I love it.
• Oh I loved this finale. I don’t think most people really got into the show til this point because… you know, something finally happened.
• They didn’t plan on containing an organic creature. HA, BITCHES.
• Ruby is so adorable. I love her.
• Lapis: a victim of abuse who later becomes an abuser herself. Someone hug her. And give her a lot of therapy.
• THE LESBIANS HAVE REUNITED. BLESS GARNET’S RETURN.
  • Still love the variant designs.
  • “Steven, we already love you.” MY HEART.
• “Stronger Than You,” a.k.a. BEST SONG. YES.
  • I need to listen to the Peridot rap after this.
• Loving the cyan flames.
• UNHAND MY DAUGHTER, JASPER.
• And so the abused becomes the abuser. Also Malachite is fucking terrifying.
• OH MY GOD, “Love Like You.” YESSSSS.