I should have been an insurance salesman

Started working on the final Choir painting last night. Just one more pass on each one should do the trick.

Happy March 21st Everybody

It's my cousin Carissa's Birthday.

I feel like painting is the only thing I'm in control of in my life right now. Its funny.

I feel like as my paintings get better and better, my bank account gets more and more empty. Just about everything I do outside of making art is about figuring out how to make money making art so that I can keep making art.

And just about none of it works.

Don't read this as complaining. Like I said, I think it's funny at this point.

Apparently Roger Ebert's dying words were, "It's all an elaborate hoax."

I took these continuing education classes at an art and design college when I was starting out and trying to get better at painting and drawing.

I was almost always the youngest person in the class. The other people were usually retired people.

They had always wanted to make art, they'd tell me, and now that they finally had the time, it's all they wanted to do.

I would try and imagine myself on a path like that. Could I just do some whatever job. Get the security and make art later?

When I was in Kindergarten I told my mom that Kindergarten was a waste of my time. I've always carried that sentiment around with me.

A job is basically wasting your time for money.*

Money buys security though. So wasting your time for security isn't that crazy.

Unfortunately our minds have an insane capacity to imagine that we have an unlimited amount of time in our lives.

The result is to put all your eggs in the "do what you really want to do later" basket. Despite the fact that "later" is possibly the only thing that money can't secure.

But, when I went to my high school reunion a few years ago and saw how secure all my old classmates were, I thought "I should've become an insurance salesman."

I genuinely started fantasizing about being an insurance salesman the way I imagined these retirees from my art classes were fantasizing about being artists.

I'd be at my easel going "Good afternoon Martha! This is Parker from Big Insurance have you ever thought about dying before? you'll need insurance for that you know...."

At this point I go between, "I could never have a normal job." and "I should've become an insurance salesman," almost on a day to day basis. But at the end of the day I know exactly what I'm going to do:

Paint.

It all reminds me of this Oscar Wilde quote they use in Art and Fear:

"When bankers get together for dinner they talk about art. When artist's get together for dinner they talk about money."

Have Fun

Goodnight Sweeties

*Note: Please don't think I'm trying to belittle people's work. This is just how I tended to think about it when I was young. My thinking has evolved and become more nuanced.