Update, and a Eulogy

Hey.

So, I know you’re probably disappointed this isn’t the newest chapter, and are now wondering when that will be. I apologize for getting your hopes up, and my followup announcement will probably be even more disappointing, but before that, there’s something I’d like to say.

My best friend died. And just typing that makes me cry. I won’t be using real names, but for this post, I’ll call her Sam. I met Sam online during the summer, through a JoJo Discord server of all things, and we started talking. She was ridiculously funny, loved talking about random crap about whatever anime she happened to watch, and was just the kindest person I’ve ever met.

There was something about her that just clicked with me. More so than any other person I’ve ever met, I felt like she just understood me. And somehow, she felt the same way. We talked about our problems, listened to each other when we had bad days and needed to rant, and were just…there for the other.

We decided to meet up in person, and by some miracle, she actually lived twenty minutes away from me. And from then on, we started hanging out constantly, offline and online. Sometimes we talked about her dreams of being a musician and all the work she put into making a song and asked me to give it a listen and I do my best to give feedback; sometimes about my writing and she was kind enough to read it even though she wasn’t that big of a reader, fanfic or otherwise, and always gave me feedback.

She was my best friend. My first, true best friend, really, because I can’t really compare any other relationship I’ve had with the one I had with her. She helped make my days, no matter how crappy, feel a bit better, made me happier than I’ve been in so long and made writing easier than it ever was before, and I did my absolute best to make her feel the same, because I wanted to show her the same level of care and love she showed me. I know it might sound strange, given just how deep I’m making a relationship that isn’t even a year old felt like, but I’m not joking when I say she was someone I wouldn’t hesitate to call a sister.

And she died in a car accident.

A fucking car accident where she wasn’t even in a fucknig car!

There are so many emotions in me right now. So many things I want to say, scream, fucking sob out. But, this isn’t the place for that. And I still have to make my announcement.

The reason I told you all of this is because of Sam’s death, I have never felt such a loss of purpose in my entire life, never felt more alone than I do right now. So writing’s something I have to put on hold. For how long, I don’t know. Living from one day to the next seems like a damn problem for me, and the only thing keeping me going is my family and the fact that they're the only ones I have left now.

So, sorry. Really. I hope with all my heart I get back to writing some day. Bye, guys.

Bye Sam.