Fortune Favors (QQ Chapter 27)

"Hmm?" I crouch down near the cabinet, the door slowly creaking open, a faint frown on my face as I gaze towards the little box I use to det

"Hmm?" I crouch down near the cabinet, the door slowly creaking open, a faint frown on my face as I gaze towards the little box I use to determine my new worlds. 

Slot 5: Jurassic Park 

Huh. 

Well. 

In and out five minute adventure? 

"Meh." I shrug. "Sure. Why not?" 

I've spent the past couple of days getting absolutely shit-faced drunk off my aged wines. 

I assume my strength has improved a lot but I haven't really tried anything yet. 

A door appears next to me, then I promptly step through it into a lush jungle. 

I blink twice, a thin but completely transparent film of illusionary energy surrounding my body as I rein my aura in slightly. 

Youkai as I might be, I don't really want to test my body's immune system against the likes of Malaria or Zika. 

In addition, the illusion allows me to hide some aspects of myself. My tail vanishes, my ears also disappearing. My kimono changes to a simple tucked grey shirt and beige pants that are visibly dirty and a little grimy. 

I look around, my ears straining to listen to the natural sounds of the jungle. Birds screeching, leaves rustling, the occasional reverberating roar of a large beast echoing out. 

Looking around I can see faint lights in the distance. 

I step through the trees, the ground is slightly muddy, but it's nothing a little flight can't handle as I stay almost completely weightless on its surface. After a few seconds I come across some sort of large building. 

I continue forwards with purpose... as if I belong, pushing open the wooden double doors and making my way inside. 

Immediately before me are to massive skeletons. One of some sort of long-necked dinosaur and the other? One that's quite a bit more recognizable. 

Tyrannosaurus. 

My eyes scan the fossils, eyes widening slightly. 

It's entirely fossil. 

Every single bit. 

Typically with something like this it'd be nothing more than a plaster copy made to look like bone, but no... the entire thing is made of bone... meaning this is the most complete tyrannosaurus fossil ever seen. 

I'm gonna steal this. 

I'm gonna steal SO much. 

OH? Ohohoho? Is that a gift shop I see? 

MINE. 

My ear quirks slightly under illusion. 

"Hello?" A voice calls out behind me. It reverberates off the walls, stepping into the room is a man with a dirty blue shirt, carrying a boy in his arms, walking along side him is a girl. 

"Hey." I call back. "I'm here." 

I step around the two skeletons, looking over the three humans. 

Alright Argo. Stay focused. Don't let these people die. One fucking job. 

"Are you alright?" I ask slowly, peering over them all, they're dirty, muddy, exhausted looking. 

I quickly make my way over. "You look like you've been through hell." 

"We have." The man grumbles. "Where's Hammond? Is Elle here? What about Muldoon?" 

"I'm the only person in the building it seems." I offer a simple shrug. 

I look to the massive flapping plastic sheet covering a large section of the wall. "You'd think they'd finish this place before putting dinosaur bones everywhere." 

"We need to stick together. The dinosaurs are absolutely everywhere." 

"ooooh yeah, I saw a couple of those. At a certain point you have to wonder if these are actually dinosaurs or just monsters in generally dinosaur shape. I saw a Dilophosaurus earlier. It spat venom and had a frill like a frilled lizard. It also was microscopic in comparison to what it should be, barely coming up to my hip. A real one would have easily been taller than me." A long sigh leaves my lips as I shrug. "Oh well, this is just what happens when humans mess with genetics I guess." 

"Anyways, that looks bad." I observe. "That boy's practically charcoal. Come come, I'll take a look. I know a little bit about medicine. Not a lot, but the basics of first aide." 

We make our way into a large dining area. The man sits the boy down on one of the tables. 

He does look really rough. 

I glance over. "My name's Argo by the way." 

"Grant... Alan Grant." The man mutters. 

"So what happened to him?"  

"Electric fence." The man growls. 

"Damn." I hiss, snapping my fingers slightly as I turn to the boy. "alright. Follow my fingers with your eyes please." 

"When dealing with intense shocks... it's dangerous." I admit slowly. "The human body functions through electrical signals. The brain sends out electrical signals throughout the entire body. Moving fingers. Taking steps. Even moving eyes." 

I actually do know quite a bit about electrical shocks from my study in lightning magic. Kind of wild that my knowledge is actually kind of helpful here. "Particularly bad shocks can cause seizures, numbness, confusion, irregular heartbeat- and on that note..." 

I gently take the kid's wrist, pressing my thumb gently against his vein. 

"..." 

"Hey, Grant, you know the average heartrate for a boy his age?" I ask slowly, mentally counting upwards. 

"You don't? I thought you were trained in first aide?" 

"Basics. Like stuffing gauze in bullet wounds instead of simply just putting it over the hole like a band aid. Or CPR. I do know that younger children typically have higher heart rates." 

"I'm not going to bother counting beats, then, I'm just going to say that it's still beating so that's good if a little slow. Probably because he's barely conscious. He should definitely get some serious medical attention." 

"I'll be right back. I'm going to go see if I can find the others." The man frowns. "You keep an eye on them." 

"Sure." I nod once. " I can do that." 

I sniff once. "Oh, kids, you're probably hungry." 

I gesture over to the tables in the distance covered in food. "I'm not exactly in a position to offer this to you, buuuut this place is probably getting shut down. Help yourselves." 

As the two get up, my range expands outwards, Alan leaves through the front, I begin casting a simple healing spell the boy that became a living lightning rod. The burns on his palms are pretty bad. Likely to get infected. Might as well see if I can help somewhat. 

He's in my domain and I'm actively suppressing the aura of the spell. 

He perks up slightly as he gets himself several slices of pie. 

"Hey, girl, I uh... don't know your name. Could you get me that steak knife?" I ask. 

Her eyes stray to the side as she points to the silverware. 

I nod once. 

The two grab some food, the girl offering me a sharp knife.  

"Thanks kid." I smile briefly. 

"Lex." She replies. 

"Thank you, Lex." I correct as I take a seat on one of the chairs, knife in hand, gazing around cautiously. 

They begin to eat their fill. They must have been starving. 

My eyes crack open as I feel something enter my domain. 

"Kids. Get up." I demand, rising to my feet. 

They look over quietly, eyes widening slightly as I gesture towards a door in the back and begin carefully walking backwards. 

Their eyes widen as a shadow looms outside the thin wall in front of us. One that looks almost exactly like the raptor depicted on it. 

My hands shake slightly, the hairs on the back of my neck raise. Fear grips me as my breaths come out in sharp pants. 

Abruptly the door is flung open, a large reptile standing there. It looks up with a loud shriek. 

'hooooh boy. This could be ba-' 

"..." 

I pause, raising to my full height. 

What the actual hell am I getting scared for? 

I'm a monster. An honest to god japanese fox spirit. I've killed a toon force tyrannosaurus who leapt like one hundred feet into the air. 

Admittedly with magic, but that doesn't really matter. 

A slow breath leaves my lips, my eyes narrowing slightly as a second head pokes in the door.  

"Kids. Get in the kitchen. Now." I order. 

The two dinosaurs lunge forwards with shrieks as I ready myself for battle. 

They are... 

Kind of slow. 

I step forwards, knife in hand, my realistic illusions pooling around the edge, causing it to shift and move rapidly. Kind of like a chainsaw. 

I avoid the slow slashing claws and the snapping jaws of raptor one, the second appears to be rushing past me.  

Swish Swish 

Thud Thud 

A head is severed from one of the lizards as its body collapses in a heap. The other is nearly cut in half from ribs to spine. 

"..." 

Huh... 

I can hear the kitchen door slam shut behind me. 

I look down at the raptors the one I nearly bisected struggled for barely a few seconds before falling completely still. 

Huh. 

Uhhhhhhh... Alcoholism for the win? 

I look at the overturned tables and a crushed chair or two, then take a seat on another table. 

Huh... 

Should I fake my death? 

Mmmmmaybe. 

Yeah okay. 

I disappear completely as I rein my aura in, a low breath leaving my lips. 

I begin making my way through the building, looking around. 

Doctor Grant and a blonde woman quickly rush through the building, seemingly going right for where I just was. 

I follow after them, footsteps muffled. 

"LEX! TIM! ARGO!" Grant shouts out. 

They let out gasps as they spy the downed murder lizards 

"MR GRANT!" They hear a shout from the kitchen. 

[Split] 

I observe as they quickly dash through the building. Watching as they reboot the systems, call for help, and quickly make their way to the main room yet again. 

They didn't look for me long. The severed arm I placed in their path assured them that I was dead. 

I killed the third and final raptor with a quick slash, cast a supercharged 'Fear' on the T-Rex to send it scurrying away from the visitor center. 

I watch the group get up into the helicopter and quickly fly away. 

I cross my arms, a faint smile on my lips, then turn and go off to collect my prizes. 

I twirl a cane in my grasp. At the end is a piece of amber with a little mosquito trapped inside. 

Nobody noticed when this little cane disappeared, too busy fleeing from dinosaurs and all... plus the illusionary duplicate that held up until they were a good fifty feet in the air. 

I turn, slipping my hands into my pockets, letting out a chipper hum as I make my way back towards the visitor center. After that? 

More drinking. But I should probably pace myself. I swear I coughed blood the last time I managed to finish a full bottle. 

It would help if I... 

Had... 

Some sort of... poison... resistance... 

Huh... 

I think I remember seeing something from one of those stores back in Neptunia that covered that... 

[Split] 

Huh... where the hell am I now? 

I am in a cave of some sort. There's big blue- non-glowing- crystals everywhere. It's quite dark. The only illumination would be the railing that seemingly frames a large pit, greenish lights following along it. 

"hmmm..." 

"Uuuuaaaahahahhahah!" Someone is doing what I can only describe as 'over the top generic evil laugh' in the distance. "I came for my guardian... but I didn't expect to find you here, Neptune." 

I slowly walk over towards where I can hear the monologuing woman. My face flat. 

"W-Who's there? What's with that old melodramatic laugh?!" I hear a very... familiar... voice reply. 

Oh god it's her. 

"W-Who are you calling old?! Mocking people as usual... you haven't changed a bit." 

I step atop a large ridge, gazing down to a group of four. 

Two of which look familiar. 

Neptune and Compa. 

At their side is a brown haired girl with a green bow, wearing a blue overcoat. Across from them is an older woman- pale as snow- with white hair and wearing a witch's hat. 

She screams 'slutty villain' as she's wearing a choker made of thorns, has most of her chest exposed, has black eye-liner, and has even more thorns around her sleeves. 

"Is this a friend of yours?" Compa seems to ask Neptune, looking a little concerned. 

"Of course not!" Neptune scoffs. "I don't know any old woman wearing this much goth makeup." 

"That's good to hear." The girl with extremely light pink hair comments with a sigh of relief. "I was about to doubt your choice of people." 

"Yeah." The other girl comments, the one with brown hair I hadn't met before. "If you were friends with her, I would've put in my resignation!" 

"How dare you! Saying what you want in front of me!" The woman growls. "I'll make you all disappear!" 

"look what you've done now, Nep." Brown haired girl sighs. "You've made the lady mad." 

"Wait, it's MY fault?!" Neptuna seems to pout. "That doesn't seem right!" 

The goth old woman seems to lift a large spear. "I don't care whose fault it is... All I know is that you are going to DIE, Neptune! And-" 

I leap from the cliff-face, drawing a weapon with a small grin. 

I descend like a meteor, grabbing my weapon in two hands. 

The woman looks up, seemingly noticing the whistling air. 

Neptune gasps. 

She can barely raise her spear in time as-  

CLAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNGGGGG 

The ground cracks. The woman's feet sinking slightly into the stone. 

Her arms bend, but she weathers the attack. 

Ah. 

Shit. 

This was a bad idea. 

She rebuffs my attack, sending me shooting backwards. 

"Who the heck are you supposed to be-" 

I slip into a pipe that curves rapidly and quadruples. 

Three rushes for the woman, her eyes widen as the curving mario-esque pipes the size of a straw streak towards her. 

The one I am actually in stops beside Neptune and her friends. 

A door springs to life as the spear wielding woman slashes away at my distraction. Illusionary duplicates of myself. 

I then promptly shove the trio of girls through the door, step through, and slam it behind me. 

"..." 

I take a deep breath then exhale. "Hooooh alright. You three owe me... you owe me soooo much for that." 

"What the heck? Who are you supposed to be?!" The brown haired girl gasps. 

"MERCHANT!" Neptune cheers. 

"Excali-guy!" Compa agrees. 

"Hi. I'm Argo, interdimensional merchant. Pleasure to meet you." I introduce myself to the new member of Neptune's party. "and it seems like I just saved you from one of those annoying 'you can't possible beat this enemy' bosses that you're supposed to lose." 

"Wh- no! We could take her!" The new girl, IF, protests. 

"Please look above your head, miss IF." I frown. 

"How do you know my..." Her voice slowly dies out gazing at something floating above her. 

IF {NPC} Level: 31 

Her eyes stray to the side. 

Compa {NPC} Level: 30 

Neptune {NPC} Level: HDD 

"I'M NOT AN NPC!" Neptune cries. "I'M NOOOOOOOOT!" 

Pop 

"WHAT DID YOU DO NOW?!" A tiny girl exclaims as she appears with a simple pop. 

Oh. Red eyes. 

Cardinal. Not Yui. 

"WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!" She gestures wildly to Neptune. "Did you know that ALL of Aincrad SHOOK when this girl showed up?! That's not natural! You can't-" 

She pauses, eyes flickering slightly. 

"What... are you?" She asks staring at the purple haired girl- who is still crying- she reaches out slowly. "You don't... make... any sense-" 

Crackle 

Her arm glitches and fizzles before she can touch Neptune, eyes widening at the girl who is STILL crying about not being an NPC. 

Yui begins glowing. 

She is surrounded by glowing lights and streams of code that seem to flow around her. 

With a flash- and the earth beneath my feet shaking violently. 

Yui is standing there but she's... different. 

Her eyes are blue, unlike the Cardinal's red or her normal black, in addition she's clad in blue armor that's... kind of uncomfortably skimpy for someone like her. Like, everything is covered completely, but... it's... 

It's like a one-piece bikini without any sides and a massive v-neck that crosses the girl's chest. 

Gasp 

Compa brings her hands to her lips. "Nep Nep! She did your thing!" 

"Huh?" Yui whispers gazing down at herself. "What... happened?" 

Code seems to flicker across her eyes. "I am... what?" 

She shakes her head slightly. "I am the goddess... Blue Heart..." 

I recoil as if struck, before stalking over. "No no no. Pick another name. That one's been tainted. Go for Azure Heart." 

"H-Huh? Why? What's... what's wrong with Blue Heart?" 

"Ah. To explain it I would need to tell you about the Folly of Chris-Chan. Just trust me and go for Azure Heart." I place my hand on her shoulder. "Trust me on this. Please." 

"I... am the goddess... A-Azure Heart?" 

I nod once and turn back to the three girls I had just kidnapped. "Anyways, as I was saying before we were interrupted. If you could look above MY head." 

Argo Naut {NPC} Level 109 

"As you can see, I'm three times your level and even wielding a sword that even further increases my strength I couldn't even get that woman to fall to a kneel with my most powerful strike. If it hit her, sure, it might have hurt her slightly. Buuuuuuuuut." 

"Haaah. Right right." The brown haired girl sighs, crossing her arms impatiently. "Where the heck are we?" 

"Another world. You're currently in the virtual reality video game- death game- known as Sword Art Online." 

"D-Death Game?" IF whispers. "What the hell do you mean by that?" 

"Oh. Nobody knew at the time before the game shipped, but they all had microwaves in them. The creator of this game prevented everyone from logging out, then made it so if they die in the game they die for real..." 

"WHAT THE HELL?!" IF shouts, seemingly genuinely outraged by the idea. I guess that's to be expected being a walking living breathing... video game company? I think? I know Neptune and the other goddesses are based on game consoles. 

Which... is probably why Yui evolved being the only real 'face' of the Nerve Gear. 

I let out a small sigh. "So many people... thousand... have died so far." 

"A-Another world though?" IF mutters under her breath. "You- You're REALLY a multidimensional merchant?!" 

"Yep. Now. I believe I'll take you all home. But to do that..." I mutter. 

"Hey, Compa. You live in Planeptune, right?" I ask slowly. 

"Y-Yessey?" The nurse mutters. 

"Cool. I can only teleport to locations I own, otherwise it's completely random. That's why I was in that random cave. I kind of need to get to Planeptune sooooo... if for the next ten seconds I could own your room, that'd be really nice." 

"Um... okay?" She blinks. 

I simply snap my fingers, conjuring another door. It creaks open, revealing a very girlish room with a ton of stuffed animals. 

"-BUT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE PROTAGONISSSST!" Neptune continues to cry. 

I grab her by the shoulders and slowly walk her through the door, followed by the girl's two companions. 

The door creaks shut behind me. 

"Oh. Is that scene done?" Neptune abruptly stops crying. 

"..." 

"..." 

"Nep what the hell?" IF questions. "I thought you were distraught or something?!" 

"Pshhh Iffy, the crying was to ensure the viewers always knew I was in the scene of course!" Neptune proudly cheers. "Also, because I felt like I needed a good cry... ah... I feel better now." 

She crosses her arms and pouts. "I was also hoping that someone would soothe me. Hold me close, maybe kiss me on the forehead, but oh well. I guess the modded in really hot R18 scene just wasn't meant to be." 

"I'm married." I deadpan. 

"Psshhh harem fanfics are hilariously common." 

"You know that's more Blanc's thing than yours." I reply instantly. 

"Hey! She hasn't even been introduced yet!" The purple haired girl protests. 

"And thus, she's far less annoying than you." I nod sagely. 

"You just wait and see! I'll work my way into your tsundere Fox heart!" 

"I haven't revealed that form to you yet. Besides, even if my life was a harem fanfic, get in line. You'd be like..." I pause quickly counting on my fingers, mind flicking back to the women in my life. "Sixth place." 

"GASP!" The girl... gasps... "I DID come in halfway through the story!" 

"Now. I'm going to the store. I'm going to buy a magic item. And then I'm going to drink so much that hopefully I can forget this conversation ever happened you complete Cognito Hazard." 

I let out a weary sigh, eyes flicking around the room. "So. Anyways, Compa. I recently went to a dinosaur theme park where the dinosaurs broke out and killed almost everyone. Want to buy some more stuffed animals?" 

"You said some not very nice things to Nep Nep!" The nurse points. "I won't buy anything unless you apologize." 

I sharply inhale then exhale. "Neptune, I'm sorry I said mean things to you, but your fourth wall breaks are kind of grating to a normal person." 

"Hmm. It's coolio. Nep forgives and forgets! Now let's make-out and make up!" The purple haired girl smiles impishly. 

"No." I deadpan before turning back to Compa. "Okay, you want to buy dinosaur plushies now?" 

"YESS-EH!" The nurse seems pumped up. 

I reach into a doorway that forms beside me, more a cabinet door than something I could walk through. 

"Alright, so I've got a T-Rex. A Spinosaurus. Brontosaurus. Triceratops. Velociraptor. And a saber tooth tiger." 

"I want them ALL!" Compa declares. "How much?" 

"Ten credits each. So sixty for them all." 

She reaches into her bag, bringing out a coin purse, at which point she gives me a one hundred credit coin. "Do you have any change?" 

My hand closes around the coin, shakes briefly before I open it, allowing the fifty credit coin and five ten credit coins to fall into my other hand.  

"I've also got t-shirts. Lunch boxes. Plastic drink bottles. Stamp kit?"  

"OOOOH! I want some more cosmetics Mr. Merchant! Give me a tee if you plee...se...!" 

"Thirty Credits." I deadpan. 

"Hmm hmm-hmmm~" the girl hums as she reaches into her hoodie pockets and hands me three small coins. "Do you have any other clothing?" 

"Uh... shorts?" 

"Ooooooh~" the girl hums. "Can I get some of those too?" 

"Twenty credits." 

I am given my money and she is given her shorts. 

She promptly takes off her hoodie, letting out a low slow hum as she stands in just her panties. Light blue and white striped just like her stockings. 

"NEP! WHAT THE HELL!" IF shouts. "T-There's a boy here!" 

"Ohhh you're so up-tight, Iffy, these magical private obscuring lights will censor me from the players." The girl waves off. "Besides. This game needs a little more fan service!" 

"Yeah I don't see any of those... anywhere..." I quietly point out. 

"Well, duuuh. You're not a player!" She replies. 

"..." 

"BESIDES!" She flashes me a bright grin, cupping her- quite small- breasts and giving them a small jostle up and down. "Nep's trying to capture that heart like pokermon~" 

A low pained groan leaves my lips as I rub my face. 

She puts on her new clothes, not appearing to be in any real hurry or anything like that. 

"Awwww yeah. Jurassic Nep! Ready for some raw, primal lewd times!" 

"Yeah. This is all I can handle. I'm out." I decide as I walk over to the window, crack it open slightly, then slip into a tiny straw-sized pipe that forms through the gap. 

[Split] 

I look over a small patch as I walk through one of my portals. It's quite small, looking like something you wouldn't see out of place on a Boy Scout's sash. A purple potion with a skull on it, little purple bubbles floating out the top. 

Fifteen thousand dollars... for this? 

Supposedly it renders me immune to poison, but I'm not quite so sure. 

"..." 

I blink twice as I realize just where I'd walked. 

Hang on... this isn't sword art online. 

"Hey Fox-boy! Head's or tails!"  

"..." 

I slowly turn. 

Sitting there with a bright grin is a small boy with heterochromia. One blue eye and one red and yellow eye. He wears a burgundy hoodie, he has a mischievous grin, like a little trickster. 

Who the heck is this femboy- 

"..." 

My eyes slowly slide upwards. 

Tet {GOD} Level: BIG 

"What is even my life anymore?" I quietly bemoan.