Fortune Favors (QQ) Chapter 22

"Heya." I smile as I walk forwards taking a seat at the end of the table. "You lot mind if I join in?" 

"Ehhh?" The Oni woman grins. "Who the heck are you foxy?" 

I pull a gourd from my pipe and Lazily toss it underhanded across the table. 

"I'm a merchant." I admit as the blonde snags the bottle out of the air. "I came down from Youkai mountain... looking to see if anyone here would take a job from me." 

"But this is a festival, right? Why talk about boring work when there's a party going on?" 

She pops the cork on the gourd, taking a sniff. 

Her lips turn upwards. "I like the way you think, foxy!" 

She pours the wine into her dish and drinks it. 

She wipes her mouth with a sigh of relief. "Damn. This is some pretty good stuff. Where'd you buy it." 

"I made it... and it's what I plan to offer to anyone that helps me out... plus supposedly the fruit I made it from improves the strength of whoever drinks it."  

The woman flexes an arm. "Huh. Didn't notice anything." 

"That's because you're so strong... if I let it age for a few thousand years maybe you'd notice something." I wave off. 

Mental note... figure out some method to make things age faster... some sort of... Hyperbolic Time Chamber maybe? 

There's another option I have to rapidly age things but it's... dangerous... 

"Still! Plum wine!" The Oni grins. "Heh! It's been a long time since I've had that! Let's party!" 

[Split] 

Ow... 

My head hurts. 

Healing magic appears in my hand, briefly crackling around my body. 

Ah... there we go, much better. 

My clothes are slightly ruffled... 

But I'm in my pipe. 

No pelvis breaking oni sex for me. That's good. 

I seemed to just crawl into an illusionary pipe and pass out last night. 

Oni certainly know how to party. 

I slip out of the pipe, landing with a crouch. 

I can see the blonde Oni woman still sat where she was last night. I even recall her smashing a few challengers through the floor- ah. Yep. There's the craters. 

"Oh? You're up shockingly early... even before some of the other Oni brats... heh. I'll never let them live down how a random fox youkai can hold his liquor better than them!" The woman laughs. 

"Have you been drinking all night?" I ask as I take a seat across from her. 

"Bah! I'll never stop!" The woman grins, there's a small blush on her cheeks from the sheer amount of alcohol she has in her by this point. "Anyways, you wanted to hire some of my boys?" 

"Well, first I should probably introduce myself. My name is Argo Naut. Fox Merchant." 

"I'm Yuugi Hoshiguma." The woman grins, pointing a thumb at her chest. "Strongest Oni in hell! So! What'd ya need?"  

"Yeah... there's a magical artifact I want. Scarily powerful. The thing is that the tomb is filled with a bunch of undead. The strongest of which being connected to said magical artifact and is using it to create a sort of invulnerable barrier." 

"Hmmm?" The woman hums. "How long would this take?" 

"Uh..." I mutter. "Depends, really. It's big. Like... larger than this table big. So I'll need someone to help me move it into a pipe and then move it to wherever I want to put it... which is frankly away from the ruin." 

"Oh... also possibly some high and mighty ghostly mages that complain about 'the fate of the world' and stuff." I add in with a shrug. 

"And how much were you offering?" 

"A barrel... about this wide and this tall." I gesture vaguely at the size of the barrel, her eyebrows shooting up.  

"Damn. I'm down. Tell you what, Foxy. I'll personally do your job. That wine REALLY hit the spot. I can spare a good... thirty minutes for a barrel that size." The Oni grins. 

"R-Really?!" I blink, a grin crossing my lips. 

"Mhmmmm. Let me know if you make any interesting alcohols." The Oni smiles.  

"Well... my ability kind of draws out the power of the ingredients... while mundane human booze will eventually just become poison or vinegar, mine continues to grow in flavor, just gets stronger and makes the effects of the ingredients stronger." 

"..." 

"You're kind of making me not want to let you leave here, foxy." She notes. 

"But how will I find interesting ingredients if I'm not allowed out?!" I ask causing the woman to hum. 

"Fair." She eventually shrugs. "So. How do you want to do this?" 

"I'll uh... oh! Wait. I can open a portal to any place that I own... so... you look like you're pretty high up in the Oni... can I own the area right next to you for say... the next twenty four hours? I run off, go to the place I need, and then I open a portal right back here you can step through, punch an undead, and boom. Everything's solved in like twenty minutes, you get your barrel of wine and I get the artifact away from any humans that might use it to blow up the world!" 

"Hm... alright. You own that spot right there." 

A door opens beside me causing me to blink twice as I peer through. 

On the other side... is myself again. 

"Oh sweet.  it works... I'll be back soon!" 

The door slams shut as I turn and open another door, this one to a cold and icy expanse. 

First... I need to figure out where I am... then find the item I seek. 

[Split] 

The tall oni woman slowly saunters forwards, the lids of large sarcophagi flying off with puffs of dust. 

Finding Sarthal was easier said than done. I knew the general area, and the dig site helped, but they haven't even uncovered the front door yet. 

I had to drill my way in with my faux conception. Creating an illusionary pipe to stay in and the tiniest drill bit to cut through stone and dirt. 

It took some time, but I eventually broke through. 

A zombified man with a large metal battle axe steps forwards. 

With a wave of her hand, its head is cleaved off. 

'is that- oooooh!' 

I slink after her in my illusionary pipe, reaching out and snagging the dwarven metal weapon. 

Something for Lizbeth to smelt down!  

Yui said this would be a metal that started appearing around floor thirty. We're still a good seven floors out so having all this metal should be REALLY helpful. 

Most of these guys have steel weapons- albeit old ones which I've also taken- but there's the odd dwarven or orcish weapon every now and then. 

The Orcish has been even more of a boon as that's a floor forty metal. 

Yuugi lets out a yawn, a gourd of Sake in one hand that she drinks from every now and then. 

We eventually come to a room with a table in the middle of it... but not much else. 

The world itself seems to ripple. the surroundings becoming discolored and pale.  

Oh... shit... these guys. 

"Hold mage." A pompous voice echoes out as a ghostly figure forms in front of us. "And listen well." 

"Wait- who- who are you?! Do you have any idea what you have done?! You aren't supposed to-" 

His ghostly head explodes as Yuugi punches him. 

"Was that one of the humans that you said would misuse this artifact thing?" 

"Well... yes? Maybe?" 

"Meh. He was an arrogant piece of shit. Deserved that punch, he did." The woman shrugs. "So... where now? This is a dead end." 

"One of these crypts should be two-sided with a door to the other side." I inform. 

"Huh." The Oni hums. 

She punches forwards, one of the coffins folding inwards. "Ah! This one was it! Lucky lucky!" 

We continue on through the tomb, the woman folding her arms behind her head. 

"So... we're not in Gensokyo anymore..." The woman notes. 

"Y...eah..." I confirm slowly. 

The big breasted woman lets out a simple hum. "That's neat. Doesn't feel like the outside world... the air's too thick with magic." 

"It's not." I continue. 

She's smarter than she looks... I guess that comes from being several hundred years old. 

"..." 

"Cool." The oni shrugs. "It feels pretty good to stretch my legs and swat some flies. Been a while since I killed shit. Kinda wish I had something to challenge me, though. Let's hope that guy at the end packs a punch, yeah? That'd be fun!" 

We continued through the dungeon making astounding time. Sure, I'll be back to pick through the place later, snagging any special loot I can find like magic rings... or even just cups made of any form of unusual metal or material. 

Eventually- and after the Oni punched her way through not one but TWO gates that would have opened after we did a puzzle- we pass through another metal double door. 

I am almost knocked over as the woman's demeanor instantly changes, her eyes sharpening, fists clenching. A swirling vortex of blue is illuminating the room at the bottom of the stairs. We can just barely see into it. 

It isn't her that affected me... it's the magic. 

Holy shit the magic. 

It's thick. Like walking through syrup... no... like that one liquid that hardens under any physical strain... uh... Oobleck! 

The Oni slowly walks downwards, a churning violent energy filling the room with a noise akin to rushing water. 

I shake my head, trying to rid myself of my stupor. But it's like trying to not notice a literal dinosaur in the room with you. But I do manage to leave one last little tidbit of information. 

"Oh! And for the record, this guy's wearing a magical amulet that I want as well. Try not to hit it dead-on." 

"Yeah yeah! I got it!" She calls up, cracking her knuckles. 

She gazes down at a ghastly figure sat in a throne, head propped up with a fist. Two empty eye sockets abruptly glow with ethereal blue light. 

I watch the youkai slowly walk down the stairs, her wooden shoes almost inaudibly clacking on the stone as she rotates her arm, a grin on her lips, her eyes flick from the giant blue crystalline sphere and the undead as he rises from his seat. 

Realization strikes me. 

"Oh... shit." I whisper a sudden realization striking me. 

My aura coils inwards. A bubble forming around me as I cast the most overcharged spell I have ever attempted. 

Muffle. 

I let out a sigh of relief... not that I can hear it, the sounds being eaten by the sphere. 

First off, reining in my domain of influence has sort of reinforced me against the influence of the sphere. I'm able to breathe freely again in the silence. 

I can hear my blood rushing in my ears as Yuugi gestures for the undead to attack her, a smirk on her lips. 

The undead opens its mouth... then a wave of force rockets outwards, sweeping the Oni off her feet and throwing her into the wall hard enough to physically sink her into the stone, the wall cracking and crumbling as my muffle barrier ripples. Even I in the silence can a dull rumble that sounds akin to thunder. 

"Oh thank god." I let out a sigh of relief. 

If I had heard that... IN HERE. An enclosed space. My head might have exploded. 

I watch Yuugi shake her head and pick herself up from the wall, a grin on her lips. The force of that attack has caused her loosely worn kimono to fall around her shoulders, leaving her basically topless. 

Damn. 

That- 

Tsukasa Tsukasa Tsukasa. 

She might not have a chest like that... but she's mine. 

Though... 

Perhaps I should go visit her after this... 

eh. I need to drop off the weapons. 

I watch the Oni woman stalk forwards, fists clenched uncaring of her upper nudity, red eyes gleaming with excitement. 

The undead draws a small handaxe causing my eyebrows to rise 'ooooh?' 

That's... stalhrim?! 

The undead raises its other hand, a cascade of icicles spraying out in a cone. 

They break on the oni's skin as she seemingly lets out a laugh, she brings a hand back, punching the undead in the face. 

it is carried across the room, slamming into the far wall. The crater it made being much larger than the one it created with Yuugi. 

It slowly rises to its feet, the oni rotating her wrist. 

The two clash, a gale of icy wind surrounding the undead as the two trade blows. What's surprising is that the axe is actually cutting the woman. Splattering blood along the floors and walls from small gashes, barely an inch deep that heal almost the instant the axehead is removed. 

Wait... 

I... 

I know what Lisbeth can become so she isn't hunted for sport the second she enters Gensokyo... 

I wordlessly drop low, scooping some of Yuugi's blood up into a vial, a small door opens inside the pipe as I shove my arm through and gently sit the stored blood down. 

DAMN my door ability is fucking useful. Like, with my numerous pipes, whenever they get heavy enough to begin to strain my illusionary pipe, I just send them back home with a mini-door. 

The slugfest grows more violent. Yuugi being far faster than the undead, but not quite being able to hurt it. 

Of course, she could still be holding back. I'm not sure. 

The undead seems to shout something as it matches her speed, slashing wildly. 

Did it just use 'TIID'?" 

The blonde woman grabs its wrists then slams a kick into its chest. She seems to grin as he isn't instantly ripped limb from limb. 

She slams him down on the floor, foot crushing his chest as she begins to pull harder and harder. The arm dislocates and with a silent- to me- shout she tears the arm off entirely, throwing it behind her lazily. 

I swoop forwards, swiping the axe from its grip with a bright grin. 

'OOOH! It even has an ice enchantment on it!' 

Stalhrim weapons have a GREATLY increased affinity for ice enchantments. 

I look back over to the topless Oni as she picks up the draugr and takes his head in between her hands, she begins to squeeze it, apparently ripping off its other arm while I was looking away. 

The undead opens its mouth- FWOOSH 

I am forced to dart to the side as a tremendous plume of fire rockets from the undead's mouth, engulfing Yuugi's upper torso. 

Luckily her clothes aren't damaged by that. 

I wonder if she'd crush my head between her thighs- Oh look! A staff! 

I snag that as well. 

The horned blonde finally crushes the undead's head, ripping it from its body with an inaudible shout. 

The swirling barrier of energy around the Eye of Magnus seems to fade. 

I pop the muffle barrier around me. 

"Hah!" The woman huffs, shoulders shaking slightly. "That was a fun little scuffle! Not bad. Not bad at all!" 

She reaches down, looking over a small amulet piece. "Oi. Is this that thing you wanted off him?" 

"Yeah." I nod once. 

She tosses it underhand to me, causing me to zoom forwards and quickly grab it. 

A smirk appears on my lips as I gaze down at the broken amulet and place it within one of my storage pipes. 

"So... this big orb... how are you going to move it exactly? You want me to just pick it up ooooor..." 

"Oh! I have a way. One second! I'll just need you to catch something that'll probably be really heavy." 

I float forwards, tapping an empty bamboo tube to the top of the orb. 

It seemingly turns to smoke, being sucked inside as the weight increases dramatically. The pipe slips from my hand, falling downwards into the waiting hand of the tall woman. 

She hefts the pipe with one hand. "Huh. This'd be really convenient for some dumbbells." 

She flashes me a grin. "Hey, foxy. What's a girl got to do for a set of weights?" 

"I could get you some... p-pretty easily" I admit. "It's my ability as a Kuda Gitsune to be able to put things into pipes. C-Can you please put your kimono back on?" 

"Hm?" The woman hums, glancing down to her bare chest. 

She shoots me an impish grin, eyes glinting. "See somethin you like?" 

"I'm married. Kuda Gitsune come in pairs." I weakly protest. 

"I'm not hearing a nooo~ why don't you bring your foxy wife along and we could have some REAL fun!" The woman continues, shaking her breasts slightly. 

"I'll... think about it." I mutter quietly, hoping she decides to just move on. 

Thankfully she does, slipping her clothing back over her shoulders. 

"So... we done here?" The woman asks, looking around slowly. "I killed the big bad undead, you got your magic orb here... so now what?" 

"We're pretty much done." I shrug.  

I snap my fingers, creating a door beside us.  

"Sweet. Booze time." 

We step through the doorway, the Oni blinking twice, glancing above my head. "Huh?" 

She slowly looks up. 

Yuugi Hoshiguma {NPC} Level: Error 

"Huh..." The woman mutters. "Anyways, what do I do with this?" 

"One second let me just-" 

The massive orb falls out of the pipe as I slap the top of it. It floats in the air above the dirt, slowly twisting. 

"Now... what are you?" I whisper. 

The Eye of Magnus: 
Some say that the stars in the sky are holes into the Aetherius that were punched when spirits left the mortal realm. Aetherius is the origin of all magic and arcane arts, thus, the holes allow energy to seep into Mundus. It was only a matter of time until someone asked 'what if?', 'what if we could harness the energy from one of these tears directly?' And thus, that's exactly how the Eye of Magnus came to be. A powerful Archmage plucked a star from the sky, sealing it in the tempered and enchanted blue glass, Shalhrim, and ebony orb, creating arguably the most powerful magical foci that the realms have ever seen. 

It's... a magical Dyson Sphere? 

"So. Where's my booze?" 

"Oh! Right. Here." I wave, causing a large keg to sprout from a nearby pipe. "Let me take you home!" 

We step back through the door behind us, then I create another one back to the Touhou 'Old Hell'. 

The woman lets out a low hum, keg of wine on her shoulder, then walks through. 

I seal it behind her, quickly hopping up into another illusionary pipe. 

"Noooow... to sweep this place!" 

I've got some Nordic treasure and a word wall to take a peek at. 

[Split] 

"Hooh!" A long exhausted breath leaves my lips as I step back through a doorway into Sword Art Online. 

That was tiring! 

I pause, gazing at the small black haired girl stood before the large orb that is the Eye of Magnus. 

she stares up at the magical focus, her back to me. 

"Yui?" I begin quietly, slowly walking over. 

"Argo..." The girl slowly mutters as she turns to look at me. Her eyes are a blazing red, showing that the cardinal system has assumed direct control. "I am beginning to... understand... this is... magic?" 

"Yes..." I nod once as I come to a stop beside her. 

"Potent..." The AI whispers. "I can do so much with this..." 

"I'm going to stop you right there, Cardinal. This is mine. I went through the effort of claiming it. Of defeating the great enemies guarding it-" technically. "and through right of conquest... I earned it. I won't let you just take it for free." 

"However. notice how I said... for free..." A small glint appears in my eye. "You have things I want, and you clearly want this to... create magic skills I'm guessing?" 

"Yes..." The Ai whispers hollowly. 

"Is there any way I can convince you to log everyone out in exchange?" I ask slowly. 

"No... prime directive... continue the game until floor one hundred is defeated..." The Ai shakes her head.  

"You said that Kaiyaba was also in this game? Or rather, Yui did?" 

"Yes." She nods. 

"I assume he keeps his admin commands?" 

"Yes. Player Heathcliff is unable to fall below thirty percent hit-points." The Ai confirms. 

"Any way for you to... take those credentials away from him? Aren't you as a system meant to promote balance? How is some loser with a power fantasy and god mode in any way balanced?!" 

"I am unable to... manipulate his moderation capabilities." 

"Even with this?" I point to the eye of Magnus. 

Cardinal falls silent, staring at the orb. 

After a long moment she eventually finds her voice again. "I am unsure. Is this what you desire? A fair outcome to the game of life and death?"  

"Fair for Heathcliff. I'd like it if anything else I add in to tilt the favor of the game in OUR favor remains... I don't want Kayaba to be able to delete someone for making the game too easy... like he did through splitting Shiro and her brother... but there's other things I want, of course. A farm at the highest possible floor, a race change potion, Silica to be a perfected demon so she doesn't eat people anymore... oh! Also high-tier ores. Ores would be nice." 

"I cannot make such drastic changes to the players. I am... sorry." Yui shakes her head. 

A spinning wheel appears in her eyes. Like a youtube buffering symbol. 

"You need to keep in mind that this is a LITERAL Dyson sphere. In the world it came from, the stars are actually rips in reality leading to the magic dimension. This glass and ebony sphere harnesses that energy and draws out even MORE than what would naturally seep out. It is quite literally endless magical power. You could likely power a city the size of JAPAN with it. 

"..." Yui is silent. 

"The NPC Argo won the property 'Crimson Meadows farm' on the Ninty fifth floor through a high-stakes poker game... perhaps it was foolish for them to go up against a luck youkai. Among the other prizes were a free favor from a master alchemist, which he used to have a single race change potion crafted with materials he has purchased and found over the past couple of months and a potion to remove the Demonic Blood's critical weaknesses to sunlight and the need to consume human flesh." 

"In addition." The girl continues. "He won an ebony mine on the seventy first floor, a blacksmith on the forty-eighth, and an assorted amount of coinage equaling to half a million core." 

Her eyes flash twice and suddenly... I can teleport to three additional locations. 

Congratulations! You have made a total profit of 600,000 dollars! You have earned a 'Skill Token' (General) (Proficient) x1 

Congratulations! You have made a total profit of 700,000 dollars! You have earned 2 random items of random quality. 

Congratulations! You have made a total profit of 800,000 dollars! You have earned 2 random items of random quality. 

Congratulations! You have made a total profit of 900,000 dollars! You have earned a 'Skill Token' (General) (Apprentice) x2 

Congratulations! You have made a total profit of 1,000,000 dollars! his is a truly wondrous achievement, thus you have granted a new power! Whenever a non-living Item you 'own' is broken or damaged, you may punish the one who broke it to an extent that your magical power allows. In addition, you may spend your magical energy in an attempt to 'repair' the targeted item, slowly restoring it to the state it was in when you first received it.   

In addition, you have gained two additional 'world slots'. 

Sooo uh... 

The proficient skill token gives me about four thousand to eight thousand hours of experience in any given topic, and the Apprentice tokens give me about one hundred and fifty to three hundred hours each... as long as I meet the prerequisites, at least. For larger skills that I don't meet the prerequisites for, it'll spend some time giving me the prerequisites for the thing I wanted. 

As for the random items, I'll look through those later. I can feel a few items appear in the little tube at my hip. 

The power is... interesting? I guess? It's not really explained that well. What does 'punishment' composed of? How do I repair things? 

Yui raises her hand... and suddenly the Eye of Magnus disappears. 

"Assimilating Magika." The girl intones before shuddering. 

She rapidly blinks off the glow, looking over to me, her eyes returned to black. "Argo..." 

"Yui." I reply with a single nod. 

I slowly lift a seed. "Can you grow this in my new farm please~" 

"A... fruit of growth? Argo that will completely destroy the balance of the game... Cardinal won't allow it." 

"It would... if I planned to give every single one to the players." I begin. "Mainly I want these so I can make wine out of them which I will then pawn off to the Oni." 

"Of course." I continue, looking at my nails. "That's not to say that there won't be... rewards... for doing some of my more pressing missions." 

"There were originally twenty servers... and the treant summoned when someone beat the first floor boss. Thus... it is technically possible for a single player to have had access to twenty fruits of growth provided all of the fruits were auctioned or saved... I will not exceed this limit for any one player. On that you have my word... and you can make them soul-bound so they don't trade them." 

"I see... Very well... you will receive roughly one fruit every four days." 

That's three days less than her original estimation. Sweet! 

"BADASS!" I grin. 

Now I don't really need to deal with the scary youkai woman! 

Honestly? Pretty good deal for the Eye of Magnus. I mean, what the fuck could I have done with it? If I brought it into touhou It'd cause some sort of incident as I seriously doubt everyone who even had an iota of magical talent COULDN'T feel that thing. Yukari might have even popped in and taken it! 

Then what would I have gotten in exchange? 

Terror? A heart attack? Some sort of anxiety disorder?! 

At the very least after that point Yukari would probably keep an eye on me... and THAT sounds like a fucking headache. 

"Now... I'm going to go give Lisbeth this potion. Then track down Silica" I smirk down at the perfected race-change potion and the other vial of liquid.