Thinkin about stuff

This could be mostly just ramblin.

I don't know if what I'm doing right now is working well. Feels like I'm making mediocre drawing after another. It's not good for you guys, and it's definitely not good for me as well. I honestly feel completely lost right now. Don't know what to do pretty much lul

I think I should change my current format or something. Draw something more loose and relaxing, more for my mental health more than just obsessing about making a reward. I know I said on my about page that This Patreon is mainly just a place for support and I don't want to be obsessed with making a reward. But it definitely makes me feel like I owe you guys for not making enough drawings and for the genre of drawings that you guys like.

I became so stressed about drawing stuff right now and now it's a regular routine for me to get afraid of drawing something new. Grabbing a pen and start drawing something now is a fearful experience for me now. Probably sound overdramatic and stuff but I've been feeling like this for quite a while. More than half a decade in fact.

This current format might work right now but it feels like I'm gonna have another mental breakdown after another breakdown after another if I keep doing this. It's not good for my health, it's not good for me to improve as an artist, and probably it's not good for you guys to watch me whining constantly about stuff that you guys don't even care about.

So maybe starting next month, I'll probably draw something that I want to draw or whatever. Maybe focusing on more practice-like, loose drawings to more serious creepy-ass drawings. But still, I'm not so sure. Because it's not just about changing my routine, it's about changing my mindset. So it's going to take some time to actually improve and everything.

I'm not so sure. Sorry to keep saying something like these vague words but this type of stuff happened constantly and it always didn't go well. But I really want to improve and be happy about it when I draw stuff.

I'm so sorry for you guys to read this weird rambling. This year was quite possibly the worst year for my art journey and I really want to get out of this stressful situation as fast as possible. And I hope this attempt will help me to do so.

Thank you guys, and see you soon.