Chat 153 (Just another joke)

After she made her point she pulled back the wounds littering all of the thugs in the Dojo. Although, she did not take all of it away. She was trying to teach them a lesson to not mess with her after all. Seeing Kuraudo limping away while his lackeys fearfully looked at Ayase as they ran must have been pleasant for Ayase.

But she did not seem like she was in a good mood.

At first, I thought it was about her Father as the man was still in the hospital but that was their next stop. She took away the mental wound that was keeping her Father in his coma. When she took it away and the man finally recovered she did look happy but that mess of emotions was still boiling behind her eyes.

For someone who cared so deeply about her Father, she left that room pretty quickly. Honestly, it almost looked like she was fleeing from something. Seeing that I followed along as she looked like she needed someone but there was this distance between us as she walked back to her Dojo.

When we reached there she just sat on the Dojo steps and looked off into the distance.

Her expression was off and silence seemed to surround her. It was a scene that would have others watching just for the mood brewing off of her.

There was something clearly bothering her but the air around the girl also told people she wanted no one to enter her space. It was a mood I was more than familiar with as I would want nothing more than to be by myself to lick my wounds.

When the world felt like it was against me and I could not gather the strength to make a change I would be exactly like this. Even Lily was not able to break the mood that surrounded me during those times. Not, because she was not precious to me but because of it. I was not willing to show off the wounds littering me both metaphorically and physically.

Too afraid that if I did she would run. 

So my next actions were basically expected. I walked forward into her small bubble and sat by her side just enjoying the air despite the mood radiating off of her.

Just because I never wanted people to see me licking my wounds did not mean I did not need someone when I was. Pain is a lonely experience, the thoughts and feelings filling your heart are only clear to you. Even the closest thing to you might not understand what is going through your mind even if they seem so goddamn sure about it.

Sometimes you don’t want that pain to be understood either. So I won’t try. I’ll just wait quietly as she settles what is storming in her mind. Offering only my presence as an outheld hand.

Finally, she seemed to break the mood building around her as she turned towards me and gave me a melancholic smile.

“I’m such a joke Sensei.” She spoke out those words with her smile dripping off of her face. She seemed to be almost laughing at her own state of being but there was this heavy weight behind her eyes.

I looked at her silently for a moment. I could say so much but none of it would really have weight with her. She did respect me, but I have only known her for such a short period of time. The wounds that she had been wearing all this time could not be understood so easily. At least not in her mind.

Any positive enforcement here would just be an empty platitude to her.

“Sometimes life really has a funny way of messing with us,” I spoke out quietly with a helpless smile and memories of my own mind weighing on me. Ayase looked over at me for a moment longer before she looked off into the distance. The heavy mood not dissipating but at least weighing less on the two of us for a moment.

“All the blood, all the sweat, all the hopeless hours spent trying harder and harder to chase after my father’s sword, all of it was pointless. Even if I managed to reach my Father’s level I would not be his match. Kuraudo was too much of a physical monster for even my Father to overcome. Yet, I chased it even knowing it was doomed for failure. Because it was all I had.” Ayase spoke out sullenly the fading rays of the sun dyeing her in its light.

Again I could say that she was wrong. That her efforts while not leading her towards what she wanted in the end but it did forge something in her. The will to pursue something with all your heart no matter how much you have to sacrifice.

That was not something just anyone could have. Being fine with the current status quo is just Human nature after all, that content mood is the sweetest poison and the majority of Humanity drank of it every day of their lives.

Still, while true it was not want she wanted to hear. So I stayed silent as she said her piece.

“He used to make me fear even the memory of this place. All the happy moments spent by my Father’s side, watching as he taught his students with pride over his ability. All of that was dyed in his colors, the whole world felt like it was dyed in him and what he did. I could not see anything else but for what!? A fucking weakling, a man who seemed to haunt my very being was just a speck of dust in the eyes of the truly strong.” She spoke out almost hysterical her pupils trembling as she looked off into the distance.

I knew all of this. I knew all the steps that made her who she was today. The wounds that seemed to bleed endlessly from her were more than clear but hearing her as she bared her heart still made me understand. That while I knew this, I did not really feel it not like her, even if I could relate to it in some ways.

“I could have solved this so long ago if I tried to be a Blazer.” She spoke out bitterly as she looked away from the distance back to me with her bitter feelings spilling off of her in waves.

“You could have,” I admitted with a bitter smile of my own. Instead of feeling those words like a slap to the face Ayase smiled helplessly as she laughed at the joke of her life.

“I really am a joke.” She said bitterly again laughing at the words seeming to define who she was.

“Even with your help Sensei, I was not strong enough.” She spoke out bitterly as looked back at her Dojo with a frown. “When you offered to make me strong I thought I could have come here and proved something, but all I did was prove Kuraudo right. The Strong prey on the Weak and my Father was weak.” She spat out bitterly with a gloomy mood following her.

She hated that she said those words but she believed them, at least in this moment. I frowned myself as she was right in a way. I did not prove her Father’s strength like Ikki would have. That even a normal man could overcome the impossible if they pushed hard enough.

I just gave her the strength to take back what was hers and that was probably the most bitter medicine in the world for the girl before me. While Ikki took all of her vengeance from her he offered her a beautiful dream that she had been chasing all these years.

I hated that. That the girl who I have taken a liking to was nothing more than a damsel in distress to this world. No matter how special she was she could not take her destiny into her own hands. That she just had to wait for a hero to make her dreams come true. But was she really better in the original timeline?

Ikki brought her a beautiful dream but it was just that a dream. A lovely lie that anyone would want to believe but not one based on reality. In this world, a normal man had no chance against a Blazer.

Her father’s technique was wonderful and in a fair world he really would be the strongest but this world is not fair. Blazers were just born stronger and that was something Ikki himself enjoyed as well.

In the end, Ikki may have proven that Kuraudo was a joke but he certainly did not prove that her Father was strong no matter how it looked in the end.

I let out a sigh.

“I won’t say you are wrong. The strong do prey on the weak. I won’t even say you are wrong about your Father being weak. That is true as well.” I spoke out with the helpless smile that was on my face from the start of all of this.

Even knowing the truth she still gritted her teeth and balled her fists at her Father being called weak. She knew the truth and even believed it herself but she did not like hearing it. I locked my gaze at her eyes which were filled with anger and bitter feelings.

“Tell me Sensei, was there a chance for me to beat Kuraudo with just my sword and my physical abilities.” She asked with a sort of dazed look in her eyes.

“There was, even if you did not use your Blazer ability to fight it makes an excellent training tool. If you waited a little longer, you could have honed your physique into something truly special.” I spoke out after a moment.

It may not have truly proven her Father’s path but it would have at least tasted a lot less bitter in her mouth.

“In the end, it would not have really proven your father could be strong. It would have just proven that you really are special Ayase.” Again I admitted something that I should have held back but I was leading to something. 

She looked away, off again. Knowing that she could have won the way her Father would have wanted but knowing that it really did not matter if she did.

“Life is not fair and that is especially true of this world. Your strength is determined at birth and no matter how much you bleed and how much you struggle you cannot overcome that obstacle called bloodline. In a world that rewarded effort and skill your Father really would be Strong, that I can guarantee you. So it is not your Father who is wrong or you either oh student of mine. The truly wrong thing here is this World.” I spoke out firmly and the pain that was flashing through her eyes settled.

She laughed bitterly as her heart calmed. Her heart was still filled with sadness but at least now she was no longer blaming herself for being too weak. 

“So I’m not the only joke, Every person born in this world is just another punchline.” She spoke out as she hugged her knees to her chest.

I looked over at her and made a decision.

“This world is not fair but I know a world that your Father could thrive in,” I spoke out with an odd look on my face. She raised an eyebrow and let out another laugh. She thought I was messing around trying to cheer her up but I really could help her here.

The Chat Group could give her Father the ability to be really strong. Hell, I could make him a Blazer right now if I wanted, it would be painful but the man would want nothing more than to take that.

I was still not sure if I was going to invite Ayase or Stella but I could certainly give Ayase and her father a chance at being stronger.

She was my student, after all, the least I could do was spend some effort on her.