Kurumi's secret playground (page 58&59) END
Added 2024-10-06 18:25:37 +0000 UTCThis was a long one... I'd love to know your thoughts on the comic overall ;) If you liked it, what parts of it did you like? Would you want to see something similar in the future? Are comics better than single illustrations? If you didn't like it, why? Too long? Too short? Too much yapping? Too little underwater yuri? What would you like to see from me in the future?
Comments
I thought it was from "Erica won't save you" (and from paradise pool I think) also looking back she looks like the same girl from "Erika's Request" post
PI Man
2024-10-23 01:26:49 +0000 UTCFair enough ^^
delta
2024-10-11 14:39:36 +0000 UTCLets say you found a hammer, would you be able to swing it with enough power with the added resistance from being underwater to break it? I don't know, I haven't tried, but am I gonna spend 2 pages exploring that, or just say she checked the window? Probably the latter ^^
Marima
2024-10-10 15:45:54 +0000 UTCCould you not try to break the window while it was being submerged by grabbing something to hit it with?
delta
2024-10-09 13:29:52 +0000 UTCSure, but I did lay it up so it would be impossible anyway, unless you tried breaking the window before it was submerged. How would you try to get out?
Marima
2024-10-08 17:58:09 +0000 UTCYeah but it has also been pointed out that Saki is a bit of an airhead, so it would make sense that she would not figure out to get out right? ;)
delta
2024-10-08 16:19:16 +0000 UTCParadise pool is done, its just a single illustration Might come back to Shinju in the future, but I didn't really enjoy the black and white format I started it in
Marima
2024-10-07 16:21:49 +0000 UTCParts of this is intented as a mystery ;) Saki tried getting out through the window
Marima
2024-10-07 16:20:16 +0000 UTCYeah I know but she still is a mystery as we don't know much about her. And maybe I just wanted Kurumi to fully enjoy seeing Maki and Saki drowning. Of which I'm surprised that they never tried to break the window. As that seemed like the easiest way out
delta
2024-10-07 15:23:33 +0000 UTCThat dark-haired woman has superpowers😱😆 I like this comic, but I always feel that there is a bit of a lack of underwater yuri elements(Greedy) I hope to see girls in clothes in underwater peril in the future.
MLmuw
2024-10-07 11:14:15 +0000 UTCIf you plan to insert part of the cbackstory organically in future works, it's even better (according to narratology rules). Oh, I didn't realize they were the ones of Paradise Pool. Do you have any plan of coming back to it? (or to continue Shinju, made around that time too, that had quite the adorable characters, but did seem part 4 ever went out of WIP status)
Sheogorath
2024-10-07 11:14:09 +0000 UTCKeep recording no matter what okay~
Shantorian
2024-10-07 11:11:52 +0000 UTCOhhh No I was genuinely curious, since I completely forgot I posted that wip work on here... xD I just assumed you guys got her from paradise pool (I dont mind her being called Erica ^^) And yes, that is her
Marima
2024-10-07 10:43:29 +0000 UTCOh no I spelt her name wrong... >< I assumed it was one of your OCs from an unfinished work that looks so similar
Shantorian
2024-10-07 09:58:05 +0000 UTCThanks! I feel like I made it clear that they checked every option of getting out. And so they surrender to the closed room and decide to make the best out of it. Maybe in another loop, they panic and try to get out until the end... ^^ I dont think this girl appeared out of nowhere, she was always there, just without a proper introduction like the others. Some people in the comments called it way before she appeared. :D Her dunking Kurumi in a bucket of water is purely for the "shock" factor...and for fun (and to show what kinda girl she is).
Marima
2024-10-07 09:55:12 +0000 UTCGood catch! But sorry, I'm intentionally leaving part of this as a mystery for now If you're actually interested in my "oc's" backstories, you'll figure it out eventually :D (Check out the description on "Paradise pool" for some scraps on black hair and Kurumi)
Marima
2024-10-07 09:37:43 +0000 UTCI loved it, but it got a bit harder to follow as it went along. As it started off well with that underwater yuri. Then they got trapped and while that was fine. I was surprised at how the girls instead of breaking out of the place they instead started to make love. But the biggest thing was how this new mysterious girl suddenly appeared out of nowhere without any explaination to drown Kurumi in a bucket of water. Which honest felt a bit weird to me.
delta
2024-10-07 09:37:08 +0000 UTCWow, just wow. It would be nice to have a bit of backstory for kurumi and black hair time girl. Not necessarily in comic format Did the girl join in the try 2 as herself or did she possess one of the girls? I noticed that in both the first and last page there are 4 pairs of shoes in the entrance
Sheogorath
2024-10-07 08:10:03 +0000 UTCAgain though just to be clear I still really loved this series! I wasn't disappointed at all.
user111
2024-10-07 06:14:34 +0000 UTCThis was amazing! As far as feedback, I think I would mostly be echoing what the other comments are saying: if I were purely saying what I wanted to see more of, it would be more "money shots" of the peril/panic/inhaling water/drowning. I also would have liked to see a couple more shots of Kurumi being drowned in the bucket, or maybe a different plot where Kurumi ends up drowning in the pool so we can appreciate her body and her panic more. I do fully understand that you said in another comment though that you weren't trying to focus in too much on the drowning, and that Summer Bliss was more for that. As far as what I would like to see in the future, while I do REALLY love the yuri, I would always love to see more pure perils and drownings without sex. A trope I also really love is futile air sharing - i.e. two girls delaying the inevitable by swapping increasingly stale air (and then especially eventually swapping water once they've both started to drown!)
user111
2024-10-07 06:13:58 +0000 UTCOh my, you're too kind :O I think if I went the pure panicky peril route with no yuri, someone here would be very disappointed... ^^
Marima
2024-10-06 21:20:12 +0000 UTCReally loved the whole thing! Wish we got to see a bit more panicky gurgles and peril with them trying to get out only to drown (vs the Yuri but I do like that too), but this comic had everything really. I tend to love longform stories for peril like this, something about it just hits way harder. I think the length is just right! Didn't drag too long and had a ton of great build up.
Nerine (fltwad)
2024-10-06 21:13:50 +0000 UTCI'll talk about that in a post in a few days ^^
Marima
2024-10-06 21:12:50 +0000 UTCFully understand! Still absolutly loved this comic and can't wait to see what you will cook up next ^^
JackIron
2024-10-06 21:09:06 +0000 UTCif you’re still figuring it out that’s crazy because your art already looks amazing your art style is probably my favorite!
Jateku
2024-10-06 21:08:46 +0000 UTCwhat do you have planned next?
Jateku
2024-10-06 21:08:01 +0000 UTCAlso, illustrating drowning well is still the hardest thing in the world... I'm still trying to figure it out
Marima
2024-10-06 21:07:55 +0000 UTCThanks! Yeah, was not the focus ^^ Something like Summer Bliss bad end was more aimed towards that
Marima
2024-10-06 21:06:13 +0000 UTCokay, maybe on top of that draw like little lines going into their open mouth to make an even more defined visual of them inhaling the water? just food for thought, that’s all, love your art!!
Jateku
2024-10-06 21:05:08 +0000 UTCGotcha, thanks! Maki starts drowning in 55, indicated by her gurgling, gulping, coughing, bubbles and overall panicked expression
Marima
2024-10-06 21:03:49 +0000 UTCah i see
Jateku
2024-10-06 21:03:45 +0000 UTCsame i had the same thoughts about that last part
Jateku
2024-10-06 21:03:25 +0000 UTCIt's not a open ending, and it's completely finished ^^ They all drown/pass out and then Black haired girl does something and it starts again from the beginning
Marima
2024-10-06 21:02:00 +0000 UTCReally awesome comic! I love the peril you set up, and the time you used to set up the distress of the situvations! Also, the rewind of time at the end to have it happen all over again was a really nice way of ending it! Having them trapped in some kind of timeloop. If I were to say one critique, it might be that I feel like the drowning itself was abit too quick this time and maybe show more of them breathing in water. But I fully understand if that was not what you wanted to focuse on in this comic, which would be fully understandible ^^
JackIron
2024-10-06 20:42:40 +0000 UTCand yeah i like the comic format, i think id like more underwater stuff, and more yuri, and maybe more indications on when they actually start drowning(maybe drawing small lines going in their mouths to indicate they’re inhaling water, bubbles exploding from their mouths, stuff like that)
Jateku
2024-10-06 20:26:20 +0000 UTCwait is this an open ending or are you just gonna make this again but with the black haired girl?
Jateku
2024-10-06 20:24:54 +0000 UTCI'm curious, where do you guys get the name Erica from?XD
Marima
2024-10-06 19:18:18 +0000 UTComg now i wanna see other potential endings with erica...
Shantorian
2024-10-06 19:12:21 +0000 UTCSilly Kurumi!
chaossector
2024-10-06 19:05:58 +0000 UTCThanks! Time is hard to catch in a comic, so lets just imagine Kurumi and the bucket were going at it for longer... :D And also, screaming right before getting dunked in water isn't a good idea
Marima
2024-10-06 18:51:13 +0000 UTCIf there’s one thing that I would comment on, perhaps Kurumi passed out a bit too quickly? Since they’ve been doing their regular breath holding competitions it was a bit strange that she didn’t last as long as Maki did 😂 but maybe she’s always been a couch potato lol. Her ending was poetic ~
chaossector
2024-10-06 18:38:53 +0000 UTCit's rewind time. that was a blast holy shit!
The Water Collective
2024-10-06 18:36:58 +0000 UTCWonderfully written, what an intriguing ending 👏 we love your comics, they are so iconic! 💦💦💦
chaossector
2024-10-06 18:36:37 +0000 UTC
