Bonus #2 - Customer Service Noir

So a couple weeks ago I launched my Patreon and immediately asked you guys for something (because I guess the money wasn't enough). I asked for your customer service nightmares, and said that I'd pick (at least) one for a new segment idea. Here is that segment: Customer Service Noir. Customer service stories retold with a hard-boiled detective spin (well, maybe soft-boiled, not much in the way of violence so far). It's an experiment that I'm hoping you'll enjoy, because I had fun making it.

I've included the original story below, from Patron "Gleaming Streets". I would suggest listening to my version and then reading theirs, but by all means you consume content however you want. I haven't decided if I'll also post this on YouTube, but you're getting it here first. This is also not this week's video, I've already got something else planned for that. 

ORIGINAL STORY

This happened when I was like 18 and still worked at Subway, so it's a little old, but this incident will always stay with me. So, I used to work at Subway, and we had this one lady who would come in like once a week and claim that we "messed up her order" and demand a free sandwich. Since it's fast food, we all know the age old saying ("The customers always right" in case you didn't know), but I didn't really start to pick up on this happening with her specifically until maybe the third time she did it. So anyways, in the middle of a Sunday lunch rush, this woman comes in and orders five footlongs. Fine, great, no biggie, but she was being needlessly complicated with her orders. Like, she would ask for one sandwich, then take it back mid-order and say that she wanted something else, and she did this for every sub. I recognized her at this point and whilst she was being difficult, she wasn't trying to get anything for free, so whatevs. We ring up her order, take her payment, and she's on her way. 

Three days later whilst I was closing the store with my buddy Pablo (not real name) we get a phone call. Pablo answers. Pablo was on the phone for like 10-15 minutes, and by the time the call ended I asked him what that was all about. Pablo tells me some lady says that she came in and we got all of her sandwiches wrong and she wanted free sandwiches to make up for it. Right when he told me that, I already knew who he was talking about, so I asked him what he told her. "Well, she wouldn't stop talking, and everytime I told her we couldn't do that, she'd just keep insisting so I told her I'd just pay for it out of my own pocket." This really pissed me off. Pablo's a bit of a pushover, but our store was also super strict and monitored the cameras hard and if we didn't give them a good enough reason for giving away free stuff, especially five sandwiches, it was automatic termination. I told Pablo to wait in the back when she came cause I was gunna deal with it. 

Anyways, she comes walking in, and looks me in the eyes and automatically knew she was fucked. Idk how to explain it, but you can definitely tell her whole demeanor changed once she realized that I knew what was going on, and it was even more obvious when she asked for my buddy and said that he was going to take care of the sandwiches because we messed them up. "Ma'am, I was the one who made you those sandwiches on Sunday and I know we didn't mess them up because you asked us to re-make them so many times that I remember specifically asking you if everything was good a few times before we wrapped them up and sold them to you." "Yeah, but Pablo said that he was going to comp them! This is ridiculous, you guys messed up my order so you owe me those free sandwiches!" "Pablo wasn't here on Sunday and he wasn't going to comp them, he was going to pay for them out of his own pocket, and I'm not going to let him do that. We didn't mess up your sandwiches, you come in here every single week claiming that we mess up your orders, and I've taken notice of it. I'd be more than happy to make your sandwiches, but they're not going to be free" "What do you mean they're not going to be free?! I've seen Subways at Valero do a better job than you guys have because you guys always mess up my sandwiches! Fuck this place, I'm going to call HQ and get you fired! My husband's a lawyer and we're going to sue you!" "Okay Ma'am, whatever you gotta do, but I'm not giving you a free sandwich." She got really mad and stormed off in her very expensive SUV. This is one of the first experiences with these kinds of people that I ever had, and I couldn't believe how entitled she was. 

The worst part is they actually had me on the chopping block the next day, and I got told I was going to get fired over the incident, so I just quit. Then they re-hired me 3 months later, and she came in once afterwards, saw me, then promptly never came back. 

Good riddance.