A True Alpha Chapter 42

Chapter 42

TW: not understanding no. Nothing happens, but a character has to yell to get the other person off of them. Also still TW Alcoholism

“I can't eat this! It's smiling at me!” Clarke whined, the plate sitting in her lap as she rested in bed. 

Lexa couldn't help but laugh, despite feeling more than a little furious that Clarke would complain about her cooking. 

“Now it's frowning!” Clarke sounded more like a child by the moment, clearly still tremendously inebriated. 

“You need to eat love.” 

“But it's smiling again!” Clarke cheered.

“Yes, it is sweetie.” Lexa sighed, sitting down next to Clarke on the bed. Snatching a slice of bacon from the plate Lexa spoke up again. “And now it's just starting at you! Ohhh! Creepy!”

“Ahh!” Clarke screamed, flipping the plate and breaking a yoke onto her blanket. 

Lexa rolled her eyes, disappointed that she hadn't seen anything like this coming from feeding an incredibly drunk woman breakfast in bed. “Well, it certainly isn't smiling anymore.” Lexa griped, cleaning the blanket as best she could, scooping the food back onto the plate. 

“I blame you! You told me it was staring at me!” Clarke pouted. 

“Yup, my fault, I should have known better.” Lexa's frustrated tone went over her alpha's head. 

“You look sexy when you're angry.”

“What!?” Lexa yelped, it had been over two months since she had heard Clarke's wonderful voice seductively teasing her.

“I said, you look sexy when you are angry!” Clarke slapped Lexa's ass. 

“Clarke!” Lexa immediately sat back down from having been fighting to clean the blanket with some napkins on all fours. 

“You are drunk!”

“And you are one sexy piece!” Clarke growled loudly, grabbing Lexa and pinning her down forcefully. “I could just devour you!” Clarke growled, her inebriated state enabling her mind to switch goals again and again at the drop of a hat. 

“Clarke stop!” 

“Like you don't want me.” 

“I want you to stop!”

“Come on baby, I know you want it, you want me to lap you up, make you cum all over yourself! I can smell how bad you need it!” Clarke growled along Lexa's neck, completely oblivious to the litany of subtle and not so subtle movements Lexa made as the alpha prayed she wouldn't have to say that she didn't want Clarke again. 

None of Lexa's wishes came to fruition however, the alpha atop her simply continued sniffing and licking along her, entirely ignoring whether or not Lexa wanted this. Clarke's grip even tightened, pinning Lexa harder when Lexa tried to wriggle out and fight for her freedom. “Clarke.” 

“I'm gonna make you feel so good.”

“Clarke!”

“I like it when you fight just a little bit.” Clarke purred. 

“I'm not fighting just a little bit Clarke! I'm fighting a lot! Because I don't want this! Clarke! I said no! Now stop!” Lexa yelled loud enough to crack through to Clarke. 

“You don't want to?” 

“No Clarke! I fucking don't!”

“But I'm you're my alpha. I know you were dying for me to take you during your rut last week.” 

“Well that was then and this is now!” Lexa huffed. “Back then I didn't know you were drunk! And I would have hoped then that you would have cared more about consent!” 

“I do care about consent!” Clarke protested.

“Well I just said no a bunch of times, and it was only after I screamed that you heard me. God Raven was right, you are a shit fucking drunk.”

“I…” Clarke filled with shame, hating herself as she knew Lexa was right. She sat there, filling with her self loathing for minutes before she spoke again. “I'm sorry.” 

“I'm sure you are Clarke. But that doesn't make what you just did ok in the slightest.” 

“I…” 

“You need to stop!”

“I won't do it again!” 

“You know that isn't the thing I meant you needed to stop.” 

“I can't. I won't.” Clarke huffed.

“Whatever Clarke. Can we talk about anything else.” Lexa huffed, feeling violated, and disgusted with terrible thoughts which seeped into her mind. She began to feel at least in part responsible. If she hadn't shied away this wouldn't have happened. Clarke hadn't been drinking before Lexa left their room, had she? Does that make it Lexa's fault too? For leaving her mate alone to deal with this just because she couldn't handle those dismissive and hollow hurting looks. Lexa tried to force the thoughts and doubts from her mind, but almost immediately wished they were back as the predominant thoughts once Clarke spoke up once more.

“Why didn't you come to me for your rut?” 

“I…” The memory alone was painful, Lexa despised that horrid heartache. 

Clarke tried to grab at Lexa once more, but only got swatted away violently, Lexa had no more patience for Clarke being forceful.

Lexa stole Clarke's hand in a swift motion following her rebuffing of the advance. 

“What is it?” Clarke was too drunk to understand the ideation of her alpha not wanting her, and horny enough not to care if she did.

“Why… why didn't you respond? Why didn't you come to me for my rut? Leaving me alone to endure my knot popping. Flesh tearing without you to soothe it!” Lexa did a poor job of hiding her hurt. 

“Lexa.” 

“Did you not smell my body begging to have you as my flesh seared without my mate!? Even though I was only a room away? Or did you not care!” 

“Of course I care Lexa!” Clarke snapped. 

“Then why!” 

“Because you had your rut… but… I didn't have mine.”

“Course you didn't! Your body has been through so much!”

“It isn't just that Lexa! I! I didn't want you seeing me! Seeing me drunken! Like this!” Clarke began to cry. “Weak, giving in to… giving in to this.” 

“So you admit this is an issue?” Lexa placed the plate on her nightstand, opening her arms for her alpha. 

“Just knowing something is a mistake doesn't make it that much easier to stop.” 

“Oh, sweetheart I know it isn't.” Lexa forfeited on allowing Clarke to migrate into her arms on her own time and instead pulled the alpha close, cuddling her with all the love in her heart. 

Clarke opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Lexa. 

“You know Costia struggled with-” 

“She never drank in the book.” 

“Yeah, that is a work of fiction, remember?” 

“I… uugh yeah.” Clarke huffed. 

“And alcohol isn't the only thing she struggled with.” 

“I didn't say I was going to stop.” 

“No, you didn't. But you are.”

“No, I'm not.” Clarke protested. 

“Yes, you are.” 

“You can't force me to stop.” 

“And that is why I won't. You will stop on your own.”

“Lexa, stop.” Clarke slowly found a comfortable place in the alpha's arms.

“You are going to stop on your own because you are strong, and your alpha needs you.”

“You can't just will me sober.” Clarke yawned. 

“Because I need the real you. Not the you that you are now, trying to force yourself on me, not hearing me when I rebuff you.”

Clarke winced, loathing herself, still so drunk that her memory of the event was already fuzzy, and she could barely remember or understand how she had done such a thing. 

Lexa gently caressed Clarke, coaxing her to relax. “You are going to stop on your own because I need my alpha Clarke.” 

“I'm right here. If you needed me you could have come over and knocked on my door. Hell, it is your room more than it is mine!”

“Clarke we both know you haven't been in this room since the night you got back. You have been anywhere else until you apparently crawled inside a bottle.” 

“I didn't!” Clarke hid her face again Lexa, a drunken shame becoming her. 

“Yes, Clarke. You did. And I'm not losing another mate. Clarke… I can't lose you.” 

“I… I know Lexa.” 

“I won't force you to stop.” Lexa whispered, hoping the words would soothe Clarke. 

“Yeah yeah.”

“But, Raven will.” 

“Fuck… Raven. I hurt her Lexa.” 

“I know. You scared her.” 

Clarke winced, curling tighter. “Octavia so gonna-”

“Oh, you are fucking dead and then some.” Lexa chuckled. 

“Can I at least have that bacon as my last meal?” 

“Course love. But you know I won't let her touch you right?” Lexa grabbed a strip of bacon and brought it to Clarke's lips for her. 

“I would understand if you didn't protect me. After how much I've ignored you and what I just did.” 

“Well the ignoring  game does take two, and you did hear me eventually and stop before anything happened.” Lexa acknowledged.

“Still.” Clarke whimpered full of self-loathing.

“I know sweetheart. I know.” 

“I…” Clarke trailed off, her eyelids falling, a strip of bacon still hanging out of her mouth. 

“I'm not letting you go again hun. I'm sorry I ever allowed you to slip so far away.” Lexa whispered to the sleeping Clarke. She then adjusted her alpha so that no matter what she wouldn't choke on her own vomit. Once she knows Clarke was in a safe position, Lexa didn't even try to sleep, she knew there was no hope of rest, certainly not with what she had seen in Clarke still lingering on her mind. Instead of making any hopeless attempts, Lexa instead chose to get comfortable, and soothe Clarke as she shook, shifted, and shuttered in sleep, clearly enduring a litany of nightmares. 

It was a hellish endeavor, sitting silently and watching on as Clarke slumbered against her, knowing from previous experience that there trying wasn't much she could do to help her mate. This decision would have to come from her, Clarke would have to choose to save herself, and all Lexa could do was stand by and watch.

End of Chapter 42