The Himbo Machine - Chapter Five

Hey guys - it's been a week full of writing, and I'm pleased to slide in under the wire with the latest chapter of The Himbo Machine.  I'm really happy with this chapter – Grant is coming alive and pushing me beyond the original plot outline.

I hope you'll enjoy the hell out of it.  Comments are always appreciated.

This book exists because you're here.  Thank you.  I'm gonna try to get the next chapter out sooner in March!

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Eddie was doing the driving. Lucky for me – I woke up feeling awful, and it had gone downhill since then.

I had my forehead pressed against the cool glass of the window, trying to lose myself in the scenery. Eddie and I were headed to Brooklyn, looking for Professor Robinson’s old lab. Looking for some clue that might lead us to him.

I could feel the anxiety chewing at my brain. I never felt like this before I took the pills – maybe I just never noticed. One of those constants that you just cope with, like the kid who doesn’t realize he needs glasses.

But once someone gives you glasses... man, it’s hard to go back.

The himbo pills had taken me to a place of confident relaxation, y’know? They set me up to be mellow, a guy who didn’t give a shit about anything but enjoying life. On the pills I was uninhibited, easygoing, and slutty as hell. Without the pills I was a nervous wreck.

“We gotta stop for gas,” Eddie said, glancing at the gauge. “Lemme know if you see a station.”

“Can’t you do it?” I moaned.

I was pissed at Eddie. If he’d just agreed to work with Sam I wouldn’t be in this mess. I’d be back at the house, waking up in my pretty pink room, thinking hard about what underwear I’d pick for the day.

“Hey,” Eddie said. “I’m looking. But if you see one, speak up.”

He was using his peacemaker tone. The same one he used when I didn’t do the dishes.

“This is your fucking fault,” I snapped. “I shouldn’t have to do this.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Eddie agreed. “But if you’re gonna be mad, get mad at Larkin, alright? I’m here to help you out. He’s the one who’s treating you like a bargaining chip.”

“Fuck you.”

“Calm down,” Eddie said. “I get it, you’re stressed.”

“A good himbo avoids stress,” I mumbled automatically.

I could feel Eddie glancing at me the whole drive. He was worried for me, I got that. That didn’t make it easier. I wasn’t okay.

I hoped we’d be okay in the end.

Eventually Eddie pulled his truck into a parking lot. It was a cold day in Brooklyn, but at least it was sunny out. I put on my sunglasses and scowled while Eddie paid the parking attendant.

“This is it,” Eddie said, pointing up at a brick building. It was old, a reject from last century, somehow still standing. “Looks like it’s abandoned,” he frowned, tugging at the locked doors.

“There’s a sign,” I pointed out. A big ‘FOR LEASE’ sign with a phone number on it.

Eddie pulled out his phone and punched in the number.

“Hello,” he said. “Yes, I’m calling about leasing some factory space. My uh... my business partner and I are clothing manufacturers, and we’re looking to move some of our production back to North America.”

He chatted on the phone for a few minutes. The landlord was in the neighbourhood and eager to get the space rented. We only had to wait about twenty minutes for him to show up. While we waited, Eddie and I put together a plan.

The landlord jogged around the corner with a bounce in his step. I immediately knew... we were in the right place.

“Hey boys,” the landlord said, pumping our hands enthusiastically. “I’m Ricky Vandale, this is my space. C’mon inside, you’re gonna love it,” he said with a bubbly vibe.

Ricky was just a hair shorter than me, and about forty pounds of muscle heavier. He’d squeezed into a pair of jeans and a pastel tanktop. His skin had a youthful glow and every piece of hair was perfectly positioned. And that jawline... everything about Ricky screamed himbo.

He definitely went through the machine.

We followed him into the space. Eddie gave him some line of bullshit about our fictional clothing company while I searched around the place. Robinson might have left in a rush, but he’d done a thorough job at cleanup.

“What do you think?” Eddie asked as I circled back to him and Ricky.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Seems decent, but I’ve got some questions about the neighbourhood.”

“Who was the last tenant?” Eddie asked innocently.

“Oh, he was like... this scientist guy,” Ricky chuckled. “But you’d be like... suuuuch a better fit here.”

“Still, I’d like to ask him a few questions,” Eddie said, trying to be casual. “Just to see what it’s like using the space. I don’t suppose you’ve got any contact information for him?”

“I mean like... I’ve got a forwarding address,” Ricky admitted. “But I can’t give that out! Dr. Robinson takes his privacy like... very seriously.”

“You’re sure?” I asked with my best puppy dog eyes. Ricky almost looked like he was gonna break.

“I’m sorry boys,” he said with a pained look on his face. “I can’t!”

“Okay,” Eddie said. “We’ve got a couple more locations we want to check out, and then we’ll have to do some thinking. We’ll be in touch, okay?”

“Don’t think too hard!” Ricky giggled.

--------------------

Eddie and I walked down the street and found a cafe where we could talk.

“Are you sure you didn’t see any clues?” Eddie asked.

“Dude, you’re being super condescending,” I sighed. “Yeah, I’m sure. The place was cleaned out. This isn’t the Hardy Boys – there’s no hidden code with his GPS coordinates.”

“Okay... sorry,” Eddie said, taking a sip of his coffee. “So we’ve got to get that forwarding address. It’s pretty clear Robinson mindfucked that landlord guy, so I don’t think he’s gonna give it up easily.”

“Look around the cafe,” I said. “I count... at least three himbos here. That gives me an idea.”

“Wait... really?”

“Yeah. Check out the muscled up jock in the corner,” I said, pointing at a beefy guy who was basically exploding out of his tank.

“Okay, so that’s the obvious one,” Eddie agreed.

“And the nerdy hipster?” I suggested. He was seated at a table against the wall, dressed in a tight t-shirt and vest. His honey blond hair was styled into a spiky combover. Combined with his glasses, it gave him an intellectual look. Kinda.

“Seriously?” Eddie asked.

“He’s holding his book upside down,” I pointed out. “It’s just a prop while he checks out guys.”

“Hmm... okay,” Eddie said. “So who’s number three?”

“The business guy at the window,” I said. “Tight suit, tighter pants. He’s been smirking at every attractive guy going past. Plus he had some serious trouble reading the menu.”

“Huh,” Eddie said. “I uh... I’m surprised you noticed all that.”

“Yeah, well... I’m familiar with the type,” I joked. “Besides man, when I’m not on the pills, I’m a pretty smart guy. But we’ll fix that.”

“Yeah.”

“How long did Sam say Robinson was experimenting?” I asked. Sam had laid out the whole story last night at his place, but it was pretty fuzzy in my memory.

“A year or so,” Eddie said. “Probably hundreds of guys.”

“And they all live right here,” I pointed out.

“How’s that help us?” he asked.

“Look Eddie, you gotta think like a himbo. They’re social creatures, natural extroverts, and they wanna be surrounded by guys like them. If we can figure out where the himbos hang out, then we can approach the landlord there. Pump him for information where his guard is down.”

“Okay Mr. Brilliant,” Eddie chuckled. “How do we figure that out?”

“Just a sec,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “I’ll be back in a few.”

I shrugged off my jacket, grabbed my coffee, and tried to look casual as I walked over to the hipster.

“Hey,” I said, sliding into the seat across from him. “How you doin’?”

“Hey,” he said, giving me an interested smirk. I could tell he was undressing me with his eyes. There wasn’t much to take off.

“I’m Grant,” I said, trying to sound as happy as I could. “New in town, y’know? I was wondering what’s there to do around here... at night?”

“I’m Jay,” the hipster said, biting his bottom lip. “I could always show you around.”

“Mmmm, I’d love that,” I said flirtatiously. “But you see that guy over there? That’s my boyfriend.”

Eddie caught my cue and waved with a big smile.

“Too bad,” Jay pouted. “You two are gonna be popular around here for sure. This is kinda... I mean like... unofficially... we call it the Himbo District.”

I chuckled and bumped my knee against his under the table.

“I love that,” I said. “That’s exactly my scene. What’s it like here?”

“Well... mostly clubs,” Jay said. “Good ones. The Back Alley, The Cum and GoGo, The Fireman’s Pole...” he laughed. “What else... Pastels, though that’s not my scene. Oh, and The Glory Hole’s a classic.”

“Sounds fun,” I grinned. “All around here?”

“Yeah, one block over,” Jay pointed. “And they’re always packed.”

“Do you know a guy named Robinson?” I asked. “He’s a smart professor type.”

“No way, you know Doc Robinson?” Jay asked excitedly. “We all thought... like nobody’s seen him in a while.”

“I haven’t seen him either,” I said, giving my best disappointed look. “I was hoping you’d know where he went.”

“Sorry babe, all we know is he left in a hurry.”

“Okay... how about a guy named Ricky Vandale. You know where he hangs out?”

Jay furrowed his eyebrows. He was thinking as hard as he could. If Robinson’s himbos were anything like my experience, he wasn’t thinking very hard.

“Sorry,” he said eventually. “Maybe I fucked him, but I never asked his name,” he laughed.

“No worries,” I said. “Hey Jay, I gotta go, but maybe I’ll run into you tonight.”

“For sure.”

After Jay I moved over to the gym rat. I’d repeat the conversation for you, but except for his name being Blake, it went almost word for word. The same thing happened with Saul, the older guy in the power suit.

“So what’d you find out?” Eddie asked eagerly.

“There are five clubs, next block over,” I said. “Everyone remembers Robinson, but nobody remembers any specifics. He skipped town, but details aren’t the strong suit here. And none of these guys know Ricky. If there are hundreds of himbos in the neighbourhood, I guess that’s no surprise.”

“Did you get anything else?”

“Well... Saul gave me his phone number, just in case we want a threesome,” I chuckled.

Eddie shot me a surprised look.

“You uh... do you want a threesome?” he asked.

“Of course not,” I rolled my eyes. “I’m straight Eddie. Remember?”

“Yeah.”

--------------------

We found a cheap hotel near the bars. Only one bed, but Eddie and I have always been close, even before we started fucking.

The bellboy – Vijay – was obviously a himbo. He was this cute little Indian guy with a huge ass. His hair was bleached blond – it was striking against his dark skin.

“Hey guys,” he cheered in a nasal voice. “Can I take your bags?”

The elevator was old and slow. Eddie took the opportunity to strike up a conversation.

“So Vijay... you from New York?” Eddie asked.

“Hell no,” Vijay giggled. He had a habit of flicking his hips from side to side when he laughed, and I was finding it equal parts endearing and insufferable. “I’m from California. Came out here to study law at Columbia.”

“That’s gotta be hard,” Eddie said. “Holding down a job and law school at the same time?”

“Well.. I dropped out about six months ago,” Vijay admitted. “But don’t tell my parents. They’ll kiiiiiiiiillllll me. I just... I met this guy and got like... really into the party scene.”

“Let me guess,” I said. “Older guy. Professor vibe?”

“Yeah, Doc Robinson,” Vijay said happily. “You know Jeremy?”

“Nah,” Eddie said. “We’ve just heard a lot about him.”

“Oh, too bad! You should meet him. He like... totally changed my life.”

“Oh yeah?” Eddie asked. “Were you together for a while?”

Vijay looked embarrassed. He glanced at the elevator Three and a half floors to go.

“Well... it was just one night,” he admitted. “Still... total life changer. The club scene here is like... so amazing. And all the guys are so sweet! You know, I never got fucked before Doc Robinson, and now I’m an expert!”

“I bet,” I said with a smirk. I knew the feeling.

“Hey, do you know a guy named Ricky Vandale?” Eddie asked. “He’s a buddy of ours, we’re hoping to track him down.”

“Oh yeah, I know Ricky!” Vijay laughed. “We hooked up a couple times... he’s got an amazing cock.”

“Yeah, totally,” Eddie said as if he knew. “Where does he hang out? I wanna see if we can surprise him.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Vijay grinned. “He’s at ‘Cum and GoGo’ every night. You know where that is?”

“Just down the street, right?” Eddie said.

“Yup.”

I slipped Vijay an extra tip and a slap on the ass. He deserved it.

--------------------

Eddie and I were dressing up to hit the club. He was sticking to jeans and a white t-shirt. Nice and unnoticeable. See, Eddie’s good looking, but we both knew I was the bait tonight.

“You know, I always wanted to take you out dancing,” Eddie joked. “But this isn’t how I pictured it.”

“Dude, if we can get the himbo pill formula, you can take me dancing every night,” I sighed. “But for now, let’s focus on finding Robinson.”

“Yeah, totally,” he said. “I’m just messing around.”

“I know... it’s just hard,” I said. “I remember how good your cock feels inside me, y’know? Nice and thick, and you hit all the right parts. Honestly dude, it’s hard to look at you without remembering how it feels.”

“Really?” Eddie said hopefully.

“Yeah... but at this exact moment, I’m back to being a straight guy,” I frowned. “So let’s focus on the job. I wish I wanted you like that Eddie, I really do... but I won’t, not til we finish this.”

“Yeah, I guess I know,” Eddie said. “Sorry babe... bro... shit.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “I get it. This isn’t easy for either of us. Thanks for being here. I’m sorry I was such an asshole this morning.”

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Not really. But... feeling like I can cope,” I said. “Now... which of these is hotter – the pink striped tank and the black jeans, or should I just go with the red short-shorts.”

Eddie bit his lip.

“I’d go with the shorts,” he said. “You can get guys without looking slutty, but we want to make sure Ricky’s into you and... I think the shorts are gonna guarantee it.”

“Yeah...” I said, slipping them on over my jock. “Besides, a good himbo hates to be overdressed.”

Eddie gave me a little look. He keeps doing that and I don’t understand why.

I felt super self-conscious leaving the hotel. High-tops and a pair of shorts isn’t the most comfortable outfit to wander outside with, at least in a normal city. But in the ‘Himbo District’... I was barely visible. Now that the sun was going down, the shirts were coming off. I saw one guy in just a neon yellow speedo. Another guy was wearing a hankie, strategically tied. Eddie was the only guy with sleeves.

We headed straight for the ‘Cum and GoGo’, a second-story club that blasted music so loud you could barely think. Twenty-four hours ago it would have been heaven. Now it was a headache.

But Ricky was gonna be there. And I needed that forwarding address.

We got there plenty early, to make sure Ricky didn’t hook up before we saw him. I’d like to say I was the centre of attention, but realistically I was only in the top twenty. At least half the building had been processed through the Himbo Machine, and the other half was doing their best imitation.

“Dude, it’s cool,” Eddie said, trying to psych me up. “You’re super hot. You’re the hottest guy here.”

“Relax,” I said. “Let’s just find Ricky and get that address.”

“Yeah, you got it,” Eddie agreed. “Just remember... you gotta pull this off. Ricky is your pathway back to that himbo bliss, right? Now get in character...”

“Right,” I said. I tried to remember how it felt. The lack of thought. The easy confidence. I could act the part, I was sure of it.

Soon enough I was blending with the crowd. Dancing with groups of drunk sluts like I was still one myself. I shook my ass, I flexed my muscle, I tried to give my best air headed grin. I almost felt like I was fitting in.

After an hour or two, Eddie tapped on my shoulder. I pulled myself away from the group of guys I’d been grinding against and leaned in close so I could hear him.

“Hey,” he shouted into my ear. “Ricky’s here. Near the bar.”

I scanned the room and found him. He was wearing a tightly fitted pair of black jeans and a pink tanktop.

“Good thing I went with the shorts,” I shouted sarcastically at Eddie. “This coulda been awkward!”

“What?!” he yelled back at me.

I waved him off. It didn’t matter. I had my target, and I was going to figure out that address. The address led to Robinson. Robinson led to the machine. The machine led to my pills.

“HEY!” I said, plastering on a big dumb smile. “I’M GRANT!”

Ricky looked down at cock, then my abs and then up at my face. I guess I passed inspection because he flashed me a big grin in return.

“I’M RICKY,” he shouted back. There was no trace of recognition on his face.

I grabbed him by the hand and moved us towards the dance floor. Thank god I’d warmed up... dancing isn’t easy, not unless you’ve got the instincts for it. I ground my body against Ricky, enjoying how easily he lusted after me.

“CAN I BUY YOU A SHOT??” I shouted after a while.

Ricky nodded and we moved toward the bar. I ordered with hand gestures, then clinked our glasses together and downed the fruity liquid.

I signalled for two more.

“SO WHAT DO YOU DO FOR WORK?” I shouted in his ear.

“HUH??”

“WORK! WHERE DO YOU WORK?”

“THAT’S BORING!!!” Ricky shouted, downing a second shot. “I LIVE CLOSE... WANNA FUCK?!?”

I signalled for two more shots. I wanted him to stay interested.

“BE RIGHT BACK!” I shouted.

I signalled Eddie and we headed for the bathroom. The music was a little quieter inside and I could almost hear him. The two of us went into a stall.

“He wants to fuck!” I said, halfway between a whisper and a shout. “He’s not gonna talk about work!”

Eddie bit his lip. Plan A wasn’t going well, time to find another one.

“Okay!” he replied. “Here’s the plan – you go with him, I’ll follow. Make the sure door stays unlocked. Distract him and I’ll search the place!”

“Will that work?!” I asked. “I don’t wanna fuck him!”

“Then don’t!” Eddie shouted back. “I’ll text you when I get the address!”

We pushed our way back through the crowd, headed for Ricky. He was waiting at the bar, both shots sitting untouched. He handed me one and tapped our glasses together.

“LET’S GET OUT OF HERE!” I yelled into his ear. “YOUR PLACE?!”

“FUCK YEAH!” Ricky grinned. He tossed the bartender a wad of cash and signalled me to go outside. Soon enough we were in the open air.

“WHERE DO YOU LIVE?” I shouted, too loud for the street level.

Ricky let out a deep laugh. I joined in, laughing at my own mistake.

“This way,” he said happily, tugging me by the hand.

Down the block. Up some stairs. Into an apartment. I made sure Ricky kept his eyes on me – Eddie was following close behind.

“Want a drink?” he asked, locking the deadbolt.

“Yeah,” I said with my idiot grin. “Let’s get fuckin’ wasted!” I did a little dance and moved my hips from side to side. Weird... Tyler and I did that routine sometimes... I kinda missed that guy.

Ricky turned his back and started mixing cocktails. I waited for him to make some noise and used it as cover for unlocking the deadbolt.

“Mmm... perfect,” I said, grabbing a glass. I tugged the neckline of his tank, pulling him toward the bedroom. Eddie would be here any minute. I wanted Ricky nice and distracted.

“Whoa baby.... we got all night!” Ricky laughed.

“I’m drunk!” I laughed, pulling him inside. That part was true at least. I wasn’t gay, and I wasn’t a himbo, but I was definitely drunk. I leaned against the door just right and it closed behind us.

“Alright babe,” Ricky laughed. “Show me what you got.”

I heard Eddie swinging the apartment door open. Just the tiniest little squeak. I pushed Ricky against the wall and kissed him, hoping it would cover the noise.

“Mmmmph,” he moaned under me. I could feel him groping at my ass. This was so fucked up... kissing a guy without the pills. I was glad Sam had me kiss Tyler that first night, at least I had some practice crossing the line.

I backed off and took a sip of my cocktail. Most bars serve doubles – Ricky had poured at least a quad. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and put it on the bedside table. Hopefully I’d be able to see it when Eddie texted.

“It’s Grant, right?” Ricky said, giving my body another long look. “Damn Grant, you really got it good, huh?”

“A good himbo works out everyday,” I said confidently. Yeah, Ricky would like that. I knew it was true.

“You’ve got that right,” Ricky grinned. “Ever since Doctor R caught me... dude, I never even owned a gym membership before.”

“Yeah?” Keep him talking. Give Eddie time to search.

“For real, I was lazy as shit. My Dad owns a bunch of property, so I just sorta coasted, y’know? But then he ran me through the machine and... like you said babe, everyday.”

He rubbed my traps in admiration.

“Hey... you’re tight,” he said. “Lemme give you a massage. Work out that stress, okay?”

“A good himbo avoids stress...” I moaned as he started working on my neck. God that felt good... I hadn’t felt this tense since Sam hooked me up with a steady supply of himbo pills. Ricky was doing wonders for my headache.

“It’s okay baby, I got you,” he said, kneading my knotted muscle. “Hey, I’m vers. You got a preference?”

Oh shit.

“A good himbo likes to have fun,” I grinned automatically, grabbing his hand and bringing it down to squeeze my ass. I couldn’t believe it. How had that become a reflex?

How many times had Sam fucked me? Tyler? Eddie?

My ass was craving it.

I heard a soft buzz and glanced down. A text from Eddie.

“GOT IT!” the text said. And then another buzz. “MEET YOU AT THE HOTEL!!”

That was it. I could go now. Make up some excuse – it didn’t even matter if he believed me. I had everything I needed from Ricky.

He squeezed my ass again.

“A good himbo likes to have fun...” I repeated with a giggle, reaching my hands down and catching my waistband with my thumbs. I dragged the shorts slowly over my ass, enjoying the sensation and letting my cock flop free.

This was wrong. I was straight. A good himbo likes to have fun.

I moaned as Ricky cupped my balls in his hand.

“Yeah, you like that baby?” he asked. “You’re such a fuckin’ slut. You know, the doc told me he ran a buncha different programs, trying to make the perfect himbo. I guess you’re one of the whores, aren’t you?”

“Mmmmm...” I moaned.

“Say it,” he whispered in my ear. “Say you’re nothin’ but a cockwhore.”

“I’m a cockwhore...” I moaned. “I’m a fuckin’ slut!”

“That’s right baby.”

“A good himbo likes to have fun...” I moaned.

He flipped me over and stripped off his clothes. I heard the fabric thud to the floor. This wasn’t right. I wasn’t gay. A good himbo likes to have fun.

I could feel his cock pressed against my hole.

“Ohhhh...” I moaned as he pushed it inside me. Oh god... I’d never done this before. Not without the pills. Kiss a dude... suck a dick... but getting fucked? No... don’t fuck me...

A good himbo likes to have fun.

I bucked my hips back, swallowing his cock even faster. Was that me? Was I still a good himbo, even without the pills? No... my thoughts were racing fast. I could concentrate, I could focus, I could feel the anxiety surging through me.

I wasn’t a himbo. I was nowhere near a himbo.

A good himbo likes to have fun.

Lightning cut through me as he pounded my ass. It felt so good to be full again. Not just full... I was whole. Complete. I needed a cock up my ass.

“Take it!” he yelled. I could hear the crowds outside, wandering from bar to bar. I wondered if they could hear us fuck. I grunted louder, imagining them down below, jealous at how much cock I was taking.

I was a whore. I was straight. I was a slut. I was a victim.

This was an act. This was a joy.

This was my destiny.

“FUCK ME HARDER!!!” I screamed.

“That’s right,” he yelled, slapping my ass while he rode me. “We’re just dumb sluts baby! Give into it! Ride that wave!”

I could feel him slowing down. Changing rhythm. He was grabbing for my pecs, squeezing them until it felt like they were gonna burst. I’d worked hard in the gym... years and years of weights. Years and years of recovery. All so some chicks would notice me.

I was so fuckin’ wrong! All those years, I coulda been gettin’ fucked. I coulda had a thick cock up my slutty hole.

“GIVE IT TO ME!” I yelled, thrusting my hips back, fucking myself on his pole.

“Slow down!” he cried out. “I’m gonna... I’m gonna...”

I didn’t slow down. I wanted it. I wanted him.

“I’m.... uuuuhhhh!” he yelled. I felt his cum inside me, pulsing and flooding my ass. Proving what a fuckin’ slut I’ve become.

His hand grabbed my cock. I was so hard already... three pumps later I was done. Spewing my load all over his bed. The two of us, collapsing sweaty on his bed.

“Oh my god...” he moaned. “I never... god bro, I wish I got your program.”

I let him fall asleep. I’d blown my load and my fog was starting to clear again. Oh my god... what had I done?

No, I couldn’t have done that. I’m straight – I swear I am. I never had a gay thought in my life, not til I took the pills. And yeah... I wanted them again, but not cause of the cock. I wanted to feel that empty bliss. I wanted to be a himbo.

I just wanted to be a himbo.

I found my shorts and slipped my phone back in the pocket. There was a little cum leaking from my hole. I smelled like sweat and sex and dancing. Oh god... Eddie was gonna realize what I’d done. He’d know the second I walked into our room.

But where else could I go? Eddie had the address. I needed those pills.

I took the long way back to the hotel, eight loops around the block. Finally I felt like the evening breeze had lifted the scent of sex away from my skin. I knew my hair was matted down, plastered to my forehead. But that was just sweat from the dancing, wasn’t it?

Every time I circled the block, the same groups of guys would catcall me. Hey baby, lookin’ for some fun? Come hang with us.

What happened? I wasn’t gay. I knew that.

Maybe it was the conditioning, the TV monitors at Sam’s place. Playing those same couple dozen phrases over and over, until they ricocheted through my subconscious.

Or what if I was gay, just a little bit? Even without the pills. I’d heard of guys like that, where they gave a blowjob for a bet or a joke or whatever, and it turned out they loved it. But weren’t those guys always gay? Just hiding in the closet til they found that convenient excuse?

Maybe it was the himbo pills. I heard stories of guys who took LSD and flashed back to it decades later. Could this have been a flashback? A brief moment where the drugs took hold again? It was only a day or two since my last pill... maybe it was still in my system?

I rode the slow elevator up to our room. Eddie was waiting.

“Hey bro,” he said, tossing his phone to the side. “What took so long?”

“Nothin’,” I lied. “He’s a talker – wouldn’t shut up. Took longer to get away than I expected.”

“Is everything okay?” Eddie said, giving me a concerned look.

“Yeah. Did you get the address?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, picking up his phone again. “It’s in Dayton Ohio. Google says there’s a gym there. Maybe it’s a front or a relay or something. We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

“Okay,” I nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

“In the meantime...” Eddie said, pulling a joint from his jacket pocket. “There’s a balcony. Wanna smoke before bed?”

Yeah, I could use a toke. I was wired and exhausted, all at the same time.

“For sure,” I said. “Just let me grab a shower first, okay? I wanna wash this night off me.”

Eddie gave me a look. He was worried about me, I could tell. He probably thought he crossed the line, making me the bait.

I stepped into the bathroom and cranked on the shower. Hot water sprayed out at a broken angle. I didn’t care, I just wanted to feel clean again.

I stepped into the shower and let the water wash over me.

Eddie was right. I’d crossed a line.

But which one?