Chapter 26: Nice Shoes Can Save the Day

“ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT!” Reymond raved. “RELEASE THEM! RELEASE THEM THIS INSTANT!”

“No, see, they’re happy with this, right guys?”

The Billies nodded, causing bits of flesh to fall off their grievous wounds.

“NO!” yelled Reymond. “You monster, I’ll slaughter you, I’ll…”

He kept spouting threats, moving his arms ineffectually as Axehand held him back. Furious, Reymond turned to Axehand and roared, “Let me go, you sharp bone twat!”

“Take a deep breath.” A hand landed on Reymond’s shoulder. Derek. “You’re in shock.”

“I can be in whatever—” Failing to grab Axehand’s collarbones and shake him, the army officer suddenly closed his eyes, then took a deep, trembling breath. Jerry and Derek exchanged a glance.

“If he keeps on losing his head,” offered Boney, “we can have Headless here teach him to—”

“Enough.” Reymond opened his eyes; the rage hadn’t abated, but at least reason had returned. “Let me go of me, hellspawn.”

Axehand glanced at Jerry, who nodded. He carefully let Reymond go.

“Are you better?” asked Jerry.

“Release my men,” he ordered sternly. “I have already failed them in life. I will not fail them in death too.”

“Hmm.” Jerry let out a breath. “If that is what you wish, Reymond—”

“Captain,” Reymond interrupted. “Captain Reymond.”

“—Captain Reymond, then that is what I’ll do. But can you listen to me first?”

“Release them and I’ll listen.” The Captain crossed his arms.

Jerry deliberated for half a second. “Fine,” he said, waving a hand, and the Billies fell lifelessly to the ground. “If you agree, I can just reanimate them.”

The soldier’s eyes widened in puzzlement. He had clearly not expected things to go this smoothly.

“You see, Captain,” began Jerry, “I am a necromancer. I can commune with a body’s soul. These men, the Billies—”

“I don’t know why you call them that, but they have—had—names. They’re Rudolf, Dasher, Prancer—”

“So the Billies,” Jerry discarded the silly notion, while the Captain just kept mumbling names under his breath.

“...Comet, Vixen, Blitzen…”

“As I was saying,” continued Jerry, “these men died to the bandits. When I reached out to them just now, their souls shuddered at the prospect of revenge, of accomplishing their mission, of living anew. You see, Captain, when I reanimate someone, all I do is reconnect the soul to its shell—the body.”

Reymond narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Jerry continued.

“So in essence, I’m giving them a second life, one that should be just as good, or even better, than the previous one. As long as they aren’t repulsed by the idea of becoming undead—which most people aren’t—then why not give them that?”

Reymond crossed his arms in front of his chest, tapping a foot on the ground as he thought.

“Are you telling me necromancers can revive people?” he asked.

“In a way. The links I create between body and soul are incredibly rougher than what they had while alive, which is why they are, well, undead. I suspect an inconceivably powerful necromancer should be capable of fully reviving a person, but I’m way, way too far off from that level.”

The narrowing of eyes intensified.

“And you’re telling me,” Reymond asked with suspicion, motioning towards the curiously watching undead, “that my men want to be like… that?”

“Yes.” Jerry nodded. “But please be polite towards my undead friends.”

“Hmph!”

The Captain snorted once, then fell silent. His chin moved from side to side as he thought, making his mustache wiggle.

“Can you prove it?” he finally asked.

Jerry shook his head. “Not easily. After death, only the deeper, most instinctive parts of themselves remain—everything else is lost forever. I, at least, cannot do that, unless we are incredibly lucky and get someone like Boney.”

The skeleton waved. “Tom Boney, to be exact. I used to be Tom. Now, I’m Boney.”

“And you’re happy to be serving this monst—Ahem, monstrous gentleman?”

“Happier than I have ever been, Captain.” Boney’s eyes shone. “My life was a colorless desert before I met Master. Now, though my flesh is gone, and most of my emotions, and several bodily functions too, I am pleased to spend my unlife serving him.”

Jerry coughed awkwardly.

“That goes for all of us,” continued Boney, waving towards the other undead, who all nodded excitedly. “Master could have subjugated our souls and forced us to obey him—which is how it began, admittedly—but we no longer have any desire to oppose him. We choose to follow him wholeheartedly and devote our unlives to him simply because he is who he is. To him, we are not puppets, but friends. And to us, he is more than a Master; he is our father and closest friend.”

Reymond blinked a few times, then his gaze hardened. He had decided.

“As if I’d believe that,” he growled. “I’ve served on the Wall, heathen—I know your kind. Necromancers are treacherous. You just made the skeleton say those things.”

“Look at their feet, Captain.” Derek pointed down. “Would an evil necromancer make them shoes?”

Reymond’s eyes turned downwards, then widened to their very physical limits. He shuddered.

“My God…” he mumbled. “You—They—Even the animals have shoes!”

His gaze turned to Jerry, ghostly and struggling to comprehend. “You…”

“I am a good necromancer, Captain.” Jerry smiled. “Boney exaggerated a bit, but your men will be safe with me. They will be happier than ever before. In fact, if you do not allow them to join us, then their souls should curse you for all eternity.”

“It is true.” Derek nodded. “I was also skeptical at first, but all those things are true. Jerry has saved our village multiple times, and is friendly and approachable. Hell, he and his undead once entered a snowman-building competition! I think he even lost.”

“It was a tie,” Boney replied calmly, shooting Derek a cold glare before turning to Reymond. “I don’t know about other necromancers, Captain, but Master truly is a wonderful person. You should put your prejudice aside.”

The rest of the undead also voiced their agreement with a series of oinks, yelps, grunts, and other unintelligible yet clearly joyful noises.

Faced with all these sources of confirmation, Reymond could only shake his head in desperation.

“He made them shoes…” he muttered, then immediately broke into a fit of roaring, booming, body-shaking laughter.

“Oh boy,” said Boney. “We lost him. Oh well, to the back-up cart it is.”

“It’s gone, it’s all gone!” Reymond cried out, scaring some nearby birds. “Fine, fine! Go ahead! Do it! If you people are crazy then I, Reymond, will also go crazy! What do I have to lose?!”

“That’s the spirit, Captain!” Jerry laughed. “Well, a bit less crazy would be nice, but this works too.”

With a wave of his hand, the eight Billies once again stood up, experimentally moving their limbs around. One removed a sword embedded in his chest, looked at it in puzzlement, then tossed it away. All of them turned to Jerry.

“I don’t suppose any of you can talk?” asked the necromancer. “No? Yeah, you barely could before dying anyway. Okay, everyone—” he turned to his undead—“allow me to make the official introductions. Our new friends are Billies one through eight. Billies, these are your new friends. Get along well, okay?”

Jerry smiled, as did all of his undead, and the two sides quickly exchanged handshakes, nods, and on one occasion, heads. Reymond simply watched on, his inner turmoil clear enough for Jerry to notice.

“Billies,” said Jerry, drawing attention back to himself. “Your Captain, Reymond, was the one who gave me permission to raise you. What do you have to say to that?”

Reymond tensed up. The eight zombies looked at him, then turned to face their Captain. As one, they all brought their right fists to their hearts and bowed. A smile was on their faces, and as grotesque as a zombie’s smile was, Captain Reymond had no mind for that.

His lips were trembling and his eyes got wet as the middle-aged man straightened up. In a shaking voice, he said, “Thank you, boys. You can be at ease now.”

“The Billies will be yours to command as you see fit, Captain,” said Jerry, smiling. “I will not intervene.”

“They will be mi—”

His voice cracked, salty tears escaping his eyes. He hurriedly blinked a few times, trying to shake away the tears, but new ones appeared in their place. Gathering his resolve, he finally managed to finish his phrase. “Thank you, Jerry necromancer… If your words are true, then this is the greatest gift you could have given me…”

He hiccuped, then turned to the Billies. Even as his mustache was getting wet, he cried out in joy, “Come on, boys! Our adventures… are not over yet!”

The zombies roared in happiness, as did Reymond, no longer minding the tears that flowed on his old, hard cheeks. They all embraced each other in a big, tight hug.

Derek snuck to Jerry’s side. “Did you make them do that?” he whispered.

“In part.” The necromancer smiled. “But the joy they feel comes from their souls. Reymond might blame himself but in truth… the Billies never did.”

“Yeah…” Derek’s voice faded as he chuckled. “Heh, look at how happy they are. I never thought necromancy could achieve something like this.”

“It’s a wide world, Derek.” Jerry’s gaze softened as he took in all the joy. “It’s a wide world…”

And from that moment forth, their company had nine extra members.